topic Re: Help for my mother with bowel incontinence in Mom to Mom

Help for my mother with bowel incontinence

tracytracy — Fri, 11 Dec 2015 13:52:13 GMT

My Mom is a proud and private woman so this subject is very difficult. Since she had a TIA a few years back she's had difficulty with bowel control--some days are worse than others. She's dealt with it using Poise pads, lots of immodium, and changing linens and clothes a lot. But she's getting frail and tires so easily, these tricks are getting harder and harder. I asked her if it was time for the full incontinence briefs and she was quite emphatic that it was not, but she fell in her bathroom yesterday cleaning stuff up. So I thought I should just buy her some of those briefs and hope that if they are there she might use them. I was reading about incontience briefs on Amazon, but they only mention bladder incontinence. Mom just needs enough to give her a little extra time to get to the bathroom and get seated. Any thoughts ladies?

Re: Help for my mother with bowel incontinence

turtle52 — Fri, 11 Dec 2015 14:03:07 GMT

There are websites that sell many more styles than Amazon has. They specialize in adult incontinence products. Some "diapers" are made specifically for bowel incontinence. They come in pull up styles as well as styles that have tape like a true diaper. The pull up styles are more like regular briefs I can't list the sites because I would get poofed. Just Google it and you'll find the sites. HTH!

Re: Help for my mother with bowel incontinence

PinkyPetunia — Fri, 11 Dec 2015 14:08:45 GMT

This is an issue for your mom's doctor. Either her family practice doctor or a gastrointestinal doc. In the meantime buy a box of Depends, maybe your mom will use them if they are around.

Re: Help for my mother with bowel incontinence

loveschocolate — Fri, 11 Dec 2015 14:11:20 GMT

@turtle52 wrote:
There are websites that sell many more styles than Amazon has. They specialize in adult incontinence products. Some "diapers" are made specifically for bowel incontinence. They come in pull up styles as well as styles that have tape like a true diaper. The pull up styles are more like regular briefs I can't list the sites because I would get poofed. Just Google it and you'll find the sites. HTH!

@turtle52 @tracytracy, I agree with what turtle52 said. My MIL suffers from chrohn's and uses these.

Re: Help for my mother with bowel incontinence

qualitygal — Fri, 11 Dec 2015 14:14:41 GMT

My thoughts: Go to your local stores and find the packages that do more of what your mother needs. Or go straight to Depends website and see the variety of help they might have for your mother. Nothing to be ashamed of....tons of people have to use these, or else there wouldn't be a company(s) that make these things. Search...

back to add: they go by weight of the person too I think. So you will need to check it out, get a package (like other poster said) and have it handy, she may be so glad you did!

Re: Help for my mother with bowel incontinence

RetRN — Fri, 11 Dec 2015 14:17:46 GMT

Perhaps her physician could get her into program that deals with incontinence. They would set up a bowel program for her that could definitely be helpful.

Re: Help for my mother with bowel incontinence

millieshops — Fri, 11 Dec 2015 14:26:36 GMT

I have 2 thoughts.

@tracytracyOne is to try a package of Depends briefs. A good friend of mine who has been on a walker for several years uses those to give herself extra time to reach the porcelain unmentionable.

My second thought is about mom's stubbornness. Be glad mom is still stubborn. To me it's a sign she has not given up - she wants to be an independent as she can be at this stage. I know it makes caring for her difficult sometimes, but I also know a huge percentage of us elderly go through this stage.

It's horribly inconvenient; my question would be whether it's dangerous because eventually that's what it seems to come down to - safety.

Re: Help for my mother with bowel incontinence

Another new name Sue — Fri, 11 Dec 2015 14:35:32 GMT

I agree with Millie. "Hurrying" is dangerous. Perhaps she would be willing to wear the proper briefs as a back-up plan.

Re: Help for my mother with bowel incontinence

Group 5 minus 1 — Fri, 11 Dec 2015 14:39:38 GMT

Sometimes medications cause these problems. She REALLY needs to talk to her doctor.

Re: Help for my mother with bowel incontinence

Shelbelle — Fri, 11 Dec 2015 14:41:36 GMT

My sis and I went thru this a few years ago with our 90+ mom. It is , needless to say, very difficult, and my mom lived alone. There are special adult diapers designed for this situation. I contacted IDiaper.com, and found them to be very helpful. They have CS reps and nurses you can speak to. A CS rep named Beverly was quite helpful and understanding to me. You can look up Fecal Incontinence on their site, they have a special section devoted to it, good luck, please let me know if you contact them and if they were of help to you. We found the trick is to know how to put these diapers on, my mom found it very difficult since she lived alone and had loss of dexteriry.

Re: Help for my mother with bowel incontinence

jlkz — Fri, 11 Dec 2015 15:11:29 GMT

When my dad went through this, we had the pads in each bathroom. What was more important to him was that they could be delivered to his door in plain wrapper--not advertising his issue. HTH

Re: Help for my mother with bowel incontinence

151949 — Fri, 11 Dec 2015 15:29:49 GMT

When our dog became partially paralysed from a blood clot to her spine the vet recommended a diet that would make her stools more solid and to take her daily for one long walk where she would go so then her bowel would be empty. Same principles apply to a person. When people become paralysed they use similar techniques. Some exercise after a cup of coffee each morning and then a sit on the commode until she goes. If she can't go a fleets enema would make that happen.AT THE SAME TIME EVERY DAY, she should be able to get her bowel trained to go at that time, and once her bowel is empty she should be good until that time the next day. if she can't wait 24 hours to go then maybe this routine twice a day , morning and evening. It is a Pain in the neck until you get it working properly but once you do , it saves a lot of heartache. Of course, she would have to know that at that time every day she is going to need to be in the BR and ready to go, not out galavanting somewhere.

Re: Help for my mother with bowel incontinence

HiLo — Fri, 11 Dec 2015 15:33:14 GMT

My goodness, those briefs are lifesavers. A few years ago I started having the same bathroom problems your Mom is now experiencing. As it became worse with time I decided something had to be done. ( It was not due to medication but something that commonly happens to people as they age) What a relef when I decided to look into the briefs on the marketplace......for me it was a no brainer; an opportunity to continue to be active.

Now I can go anywhere with no embarrassing consequences; I do hope your Mom will change her mindset on this subject and start to "live" a little more.

@qualitygal wrote:
My thoughts: Go to your local stores and find the packages that do more of what your mother needs. Or go straight to Depends website and see the variety of help they might have for your mother. Nothing to be ashamed of....tons of people have to use these, or else there wouldn't be a company(s) that make these things. Search...
back to add: they go by weight of the person too I think. So you will need to check it out, get a package (like other poster said) and have it handy, she may be so glad you did!

Re: Help for my mother with bowel incontinence

Nataliesgramma — Fri, 11 Dec 2015 19:44:24 GMT

@loveschocolate wrote:
@turtle52 wrote:
There are websites that sell many more styles than Amazon has. They specialize in adult incontinence products. Some "diapers" are made specifically for bowel incontinence. They come in pull up styles as well as styles that have tape like a true diaper. The pull up styles are more like regular briefs I can't list the sites because I would get poofed. Just Google it and you'll find the sites. HTH!
@turtle52 @tracytracy, I agree with what turtle52 said. My MIL suffers from chrohn's and uses these.

My daughter also suffers from Crohn's disease and I also I agree.

Re: Help for my mother with bowel incontinence

YorkieonmyPillow — Sat, 12 Dec 2015 21:26:01 GMT

Perhaps if she had a bedside commode available in her room, or wherever she hangs out most often, in case she can't make it to the bathroom?

I'd also look into the Depends.

Re: Help for my mother with bowel incontinence

chrystaltree — Sat, 12 Dec 2015 22:18:35 GMT

She needs to see a gastroenterologist, there are many reasons for incontinence and many treatment options. She shouldn't just live with it. And if there is no treatment for her, she'll be more accepting of using incontinence supplies if she has the discussion with a medical professional. In the interim, just buy her a supply of incontinence briefs and some wipes and leave them. She'll know what to do with them. You are her daughter, this is not a subject any of us want to have with our children. Put yourself in her place.

Re: Help for my mother with bowel incontinence

Mominohio — Mon, 14 Dec 2015 22:05:18 GMT

I agree with others who suggest involving her doctor, but in the mean time and even afterward, if she fights it , it will be difficult

First, go ahead and buy her a couple of styles that are designed for her problem, and maybe only take a couple of each to her. It may seem less overwhelming if she doesn't have to choose, and if she doesn't see a whole case of the darn things that she is so against, coming through the door.

Suggest that they are there for her, should she wish to try them, and suggest that there would be nothing wrong or no way for anyone to suspect anything, if she just tried them at home in privacy.

Some people can be reasoned with, and some can't. If you can try, maybe relate it to other stages of life, where we use things to take care of our bodily functions that we lack control of (pads in the bra for leaking breasts during breast feeding, sanitary napkins and tampons, diapers for the young until they learn control and habits), and that this is just another one of those things that many many people deal with.

You may have to be firm. If she is capable of understanding, relate how falling and hurting herself, rather than give in to something like this that will make things easier and safer is not only hurting her, but those that love her and don't want her to fall.

Best of luck with this.

Re: Help for my mother with bowel incontinence

hyacinth003 — Mon, 21 Dec 2015 03:41:40 GMT

@millieshops wrote:
I have 2 thoughts.

@tracytracyOne is to try a package of Depends briefs. A good friend of mine who has been on a walker for several years uses those to give herself extra time to reach the porcelain unmentionable.

My second thought is about mom's stubbornness. Be glad mom is still stubborn. To me it's a sign she has not given up - she wants to be an independent as she can be at this stage. I know it makes caring for her difficult sometimes, but I also know a huge percentage of us elderly go through this stage.

It's horribly inconvenient; my question would be whether it's dangerous because eventually that's what it seems to come down to - safety.

I agree with all the suggestions given. However, I don't agree that the stubbornness is a great thing. As an RN, I have seen a lot of grief given to families by unnecessarily STUBBORN loved ones. I have seen a lot of selfishness involved.

Sure, you don't want her to give up. But it's just foolish to cause safety and other issues from this stubborn attitude. She can remain independent and still use the proper protection. Slipping in waste, falling and breaking something will lose the independence in a nanosecond. I have certainly seen it happen. And it is NEVER FAIR to cause such anxiety in her daughter either.

Once she is in danger from a fall, the sensitivity goes out the window. She has fallen, it is now a safety issue. That needs to be made clear to her, or she WILL fall and break something. The next step could be not living independently if that happens.

If she wishes to remain independent, this has to be dealt with in a rational, ADULT, way.

Hyacinth

Re: Help for my mother with bowel incontinence

beckyb1012 — Tue, 22 Dec 2015 16:08:32 GMT

Go to depends website and request their free sample. I did this when my brother turned 50 as part of his birthday gifts and I just checked they still offer the sample. It did not take long for them to arrive in the mail. Only one pair but she can at least try them out before you invest too much $$.

Re: Help for my mother with bowel incontinence

momtochloe — Tue, 22 Dec 2015 16:18:37 GMT

@Mominohio wrote:
I agree with others who suggest involving her doctor, but in the mean time and even afterward, if she fights it , it will be difficult

First, go ahead and buy her a couple of styles that are designed for her problem, and maybe only take a couple of each to her. It may seem less overwhelming if she doesn't have to choose, and if she doesn't see a whole case of the darn things that she is so against, coming through the door.

Suggest that they are there for her, should she wish to try them, and suggest that there would be nothing wrong or no way for anyone to suspect anything, if she just tried them at home in privacy.

Some people can be reasoned with, and some can't. If you can try, maybe relate it to other stages of life, where we use things to take care of our bodily functions that we lack control of (pads in the bra for leaking breasts during breast feeding, sanitary napkins and tampons, diapers for the young until they learn control and habits), and that this is just another one of those things that many many people deal with.

You may have to be firm. If she is capable of understanding, relate how falling and hurting herself, rather than give in to something like this that will make things easier and safer is not only hurting her, but those that love her and don't want her to fall.

Best of luck with this.

To the original poster I hope you read and take this post to heart. I took care of my mom for a long time and she just would not speak of wearing these types of garments even though occasionally they were needed. It would wear me out taking care of her and her accidents but to be honest it never dawned on me that I had a choice but now I know I did.

It will be better for your mom in the long run if she agrees to wear these garments as they will minimize the clean up and ultimately I think she will be better off for it. I wish I had been more stern with my mom so please give this some thought.