topic Re: Fight Baiting, How Do You Handle? in Mom to Mom

Fight Baiting, How Do You Handle?

Gayle2 — Sun, 06 Apr 2014 16:26:30 GMT

We have all been there. You know the situation...a friend, co worker etc is having a bad day and instead of just admitting it, they pick/bait a fight. Anyway, this happened to me the other day and it got me to thinking about how do most people handle this? What are your thoughts.

Re: Fight Baiting, How Do You Handle?

TaylorBrown — Tue, 08 Apr 2014 20:34:23 GMT

If the person is having bad day, I leave them alone. Just like I want people to leav eem alone if I am having a bad day.

Re: Fight Baiting, How Do You Handle?

Peaches McPhee — Tue, 08 Apr 2014 20:40:33 GMT

I must live in la-la-land. No coworker has ever picked a fight with me, and I've been working in one form or another since 1977! If I were in this situation, I think I'd just excuse myself and get the heck out of there.

Re: Fight Baiting, How Do You Handle?

puglover2014 — Tue, 08 Apr 2014 20:43:05 GMT

I have a supervisor who does this constantly. I just steer clear and only talk to her if it is about work and if I have to right then. I try not to let myself rise to her bait and if I am just polite and let her get over her mood, she usually does

Re: Fight Baiting, How Do You Handle?

Gayle2 — Tue, 08 Apr 2014 22:12:34 GMT

Thanks for your input. I agree that letting the person ""get over it"" is best. I am still not working at not taking it personal but that is improving.

Re: Fight Baiting, How Do You Handle?

ivey — Wed, 09 Apr 2014 00:02:39 GMT

An old southern saying: "don't bite the bait." I try to add distance or just not answer, if possible. Time and space seem to help.

Re: Fight Baiting, How Do You Handle?

scotnovel — Wed, 09 Apr 2014 00:08:39 GMT

On 4/8/2014 Peaches McPhee said:
I must live in la-la-land. No coworker has ever picked a fight with me, and I've been working in one form or another since 1977! If I were in this situation, I think I'd just excuse myself and get the heck out of there.

I think I live in your la-la-land too. I started working in 1968 and no one ever picked a fight with me or any of my friends. I did see two surgeons get into a fight once but that is a whole different situation.

Re: Fight Baiting, How Do You Handle?

teainlondon — Wed, 09 Apr 2014 00:38:11 GMT

I read the title and thought it must be about dog fighting and M. Vick or something like that. I have never heard these terms used with people in a working environment.

Maybe it has to do with the job and the education. I can't imagine this behavior; I'm glad I haven't witnessed it with adults. Now, I taught school for 45 years and saw it with jr. high and high school kids who were immature or of different economic groups. That's part of the learning process for kids.

I am happy to say that I never saw fellow professional teachers "bait" another teacher for a fight! What a bad situation. I taught in several schools in several states and teachers were always professional and worked together to educate the students.

If I worked in a place that practiced this behavior, I'd have to find another job. I loved teaching and wish I could teach 45 more years!

tea

Re: Fight Baiting, How Do You Handle?

Allegheny — Wed, 09 Apr 2014 00:45:06 GMT

I never experienced this at work, but members of my family do it all the time. With family its kind of a no win situation. If you ignore them or try to avoid them they get angry. It's still a work in progress for me to find a way around it.

Re: Fight Baiting, How Do You Handle?

Meeras — Thu, 10 Apr 2014 06:39:59 GMT

leaving alone is good idea for bad day ..

Re: Fight Baiting, How Do You Handle?

wowee — Thu, 10 Apr 2014 21:08:46 GMT

Never been involved or seen a full head on fight at work (in all my 40 yrs of working) Have seen minor disagreements ut never anything close to what I would call an arguement let alone a fight.

Re: Fight Baiting, How Do You Handle?

nlwilliams — Thu, 10 Apr 2014 21:53:57 GMT

Sounds like grade school.

Re: Fight Baiting, How Do You Handle?

SahmIam — Fri, 11 Apr 2014 19:11:03 GMT

If they are looking for a fight (and you know this for sure), my response is simply this (every time):

After they've vented and become aggressive, I say "S ucks to be you right now, doesn't it."

And then I walk away.

Works every time : )

Re: Fight Baiting, How Do You Handle?

chrystaltree — Fri, 11 Apr 2014 19:26:05 GMT

I'm not most people, so I can't answer for others. I do know how I try to handle the situation. Actually, it happened just last week with a very, very good friend who has been going through job difficulties. Last summer, she left (for reasons she won't disclose) her employer of 15 years and over the past year has found 3 new jobs and had problems on all of them and evenutally left and now finds herself with no unemployment benefits and forced to do temp work. She's unbelievably stressed. She had to leave her lovely apartment and move into an "un" lovely one. She can barely pay her bills. Through all of this, I have been a loyal friend. I've been her sounding board. But last week, she called but not to vent about her situation. She kept pushing and baiting me and challenging everything I said. It was obvious that she just wanted a big "blow out" with me, she was itching for a big fight. And she did give me cause! But I took a breath and remembered what she's been going through and I just refused to take the bait. I tried to reason with her but when she got particularly nasty and offensive; I just said. "I have to go now, I have some things to do, I'll call you next week". And then I hung up. Usually when people behave in that manner, it's not about you, it's about them. So, I just back off and wait for them to get over whatever is bothering them. In my friend's case, we've been close for 15 years. I'll call her this weekend and behave as if nothing ever happened.

Re: Fight Baiting, How Do You Handle?

Shogirl — Fri, 11 Apr 2014 19:45:54 GMT

On 4/11/2014 chrystaltree said:
I'm not most people, so I can't answer for others. I do know how I try to handle the situation. Actually, it happened just last week with a very, very good friend who has been going through job difficulties. Last summer, she left (for reasons she won't disclose) her employer of 15 years and over the past year has found 3 new jobs and had problems on all of them and evenutally left and now finds herself with no unemployment benefits and forced to do temp work. She's unbelievably stressed. She had to leave her lovely apartment and move into an "un" lovely one. She can barely pay her bills. Through all of this, I have been a loyal friend. I've been her sounding board. But last week, she called but not to vent about her situation. She kept pushing and baiting me and challenging everything I said. It was obvious that she just wanted a big "blow out" with me, she was itching for a big fight. And she did give me cause! But I took a breath and remembered what she's been going through and I just refused to take the bait. I tried to reason with her but when she got particularly nasty and offensive; I just said. "I have to go now, I have some things to do, I'll call you next week". And then I hung up. Usually when people behave in that manner, it's not about you, it's about them. So, I just back off and wait for them to get over whatever is bothering them. In my friend's case, we've been close for 15 years. I'll call her this weekend and behave as if nothing ever happened.

Ditto!

Re: Fight Baiting, How Do You Handle?

FlowershopGirl — Fri, 11 Apr 2014 19:53:51 GMT

I took Joyce Meyers advice and for me, since I am a work-in-progress Christian, I bite my tongue, hold back my reply, and do what Chrystaltree and puglover recommended.

Re: Fight Baiting, How Do You Handle?

glitzandglam — Fri, 11 Apr 2014 20:00:51 GMT

I avoid developing personal relationships in the workplace, because I've learned that many people assume that if they're your workplace "friend," it's okay for them to take their day out on you.

I'm cordial and polite to all and friends with none.

I once worked with someone who took her day out on everyone. She was the top manager in a small company and there was no real recourse for employees, other than to grin and bear it or quit. I learned to stick to minimal email/interaction on those days and to avoid any topic that might be slightly controversial or problematic. If she sent me one of "those" emails, I tried not to take it personally (not always successfully). I stuck to the facts in response, or didn't respond at all if it could be avoided. Eventually, she was the reason I quit, though. No job is worth dealing with someone else's hostile personality.

Re: Fight Baiting, How Do You Handle?

glitzandglam — Fri, 11 Apr 2014 20:07:55 GMT

Actually, I once worked in a very conservative Fortune 100 company and had to physically insert myself between two employees (one male and one female!) who were shouting at each other and very nearly came to blows (the woman was threatening to punch the man).

I had to keep sending them back to their cubicles until our manager got out of a meeting and dealt with the situation. Both of them were in their 30s, with master's degrees and highly paid positions. So, those kinds of conflicts can happen anywhere, at any time. It doesn't have anything to do with educational levels, really. I think it has more to do with knowing or not knowing how to deal with stress and other people.

Re: Fight Baiting, How Do You Handle?

Gayle2 — Fri, 11 Apr 2014 20:25:26 GMT

Great responses! Thanks for your input~

Re: Fight Baiting, How Do You Handle?

ilovedaisies — Fri, 11 Apr 2014 20:37:38 GMT

My husband gets very prickly and negative. He doesn't do it to me, he does it about life in general or people on tv. He'll say things like, "Why would someone wear a stupid hat like that?" Or, "who told her she could sing?" etc. I listen to it for a while and then I turn off the tv and say, "What's the matter?" and then he spills it. We've been together so long that I can read him pretty well.