topic Re: Question About Graduation Party Situation in Mom to Mom

Question About Graduation Party Situation

beach-mom — Wed, 19 Mar 2025 01:37:06 GMT

DD asked my advice, and I thought I'd ask yours.

She has a single friend in her 30's. Her older sister was killed in a car accident and this lady was awarded full custody of her niece and 2 nephews, who were young at the time, when she was barely in her 20's. So she has raised them, and is still raising her nephews. .

Her niece is graduating from high school, and DD's friend has invited all of HER friends to a huge party she is giving. DD has met her friend's niece, but doesn't really know her.

She doesn't want to go without a gift. I agreed. One of MY friends said she doesn't have to take a gift if she doesn't really know the girl, because she is basically going to a party given by her friend.

I think it's really nice she invited DD and her other friends, and I think DD could take a card with a small cash gift inside.

What do you all think?

Re: Question About Graduation Party Situation

sunshine45 — Wed, 19 Mar 2025 01:45:25 GMT

i think a small gift of cash OR a gift card is totally appropriate for someone you dont know very well. its a time for celebration. i would not go without a gift.

Re: Question About Graduation Party Situation

drizzellla — Wed, 19 Mar 2025 01:49:00 GMT

@beach-mom I completely agree with you.

It is a party to celebrate the niece graduating. So I think a card and money gift would be welcome by the niece. And your daughter's friend will appreciate that the niece received it.

Your daughter's friend will be paying for the party and all the work involved in having the event. So your daughter's friend will be happy to see everyone enjoying the get together.

Re: Question About Graduation Party Situation

AZfem — Wed, 19 Mar 2025 01:51:02 GMT

Cash, gift card or ask her friend what niece likes or might want. When you don't know someone well, I always believe in asking those closest for suggestions.

Re: Question About Graduation Party Situation

roeroe1005 — Wed, 19 Mar 2025 01:54:27 GMT

I'm not a mom, but I am an aunt and great aunt.

My opinion - doesn't matter if your DD knows this young lady really well or would pass her on the street without a glance. Considering the circumstances, I believe your DD should give her a card and a gift. Cash is always good.

Your DD's friend must be one special person to raise these children under such sad circumstances. Much luck & success to this young lady.

Re: Question About Graduation Party Situation

lynnie61 — Wed, 19 Mar 2025 01:57:55 GMT

I would not go without taking a gift. Her friend is throwing the niece a party, I thiink she is proud of her. If nothing else, give it to make her friend feel good too.

Re: Question About Graduation Party Situation

Q-Checker — Wed, 19 Mar 2025 02:08:55 GMT

Of course, bring a gift. Unless it is a financial burden, the cash gift should be of a respectable size. I do not understand the emphasis on "small" unless it is a financial burden. I think it is wonderful that this young woman raised the graduate and I would want to celebrate that joy with them, if possible, in some significant way.

Re: Question About Graduation Party Situation

VanSleepy — Wed, 19 Mar 2025 02:18:18 GMT

I agree that it doesn't matter how well your daughter knows the girl. She has accepted an invitation to a party honoring her. Yes, bring a gift.

Re: Question About Graduation Party Situation

panda1234 — Wed, 19 Mar 2025 02:19:59 GMT

@beach-mom I think a $50 Amazon gift card would be very nice and appreciated

Re: Question About Graduation Party Situation

OneHappyHiker — Wed, 19 Mar 2025 02:47:40 GMT

@beach-mom I love that your daughter asked your opinion and you asked here; many thoughtful people will give you their best advice! I also love that a young lady barely in her 20's took on the daunting responsibility of raising her sister's children! I tell you, we often think about those things when making out our wills, but rarely hear of anything like that happening. I give such credit to your daughter's friend for not only raising these nephews and niece, but also that she has kept up with HER friends and is treating HER friends to a fun celebration as well! So she gets to enjoy blending her niece's friends and her friends! It will be super fun!

Now to your question... I would definitely advise bringing cash or a gift card. I would make it the amount of something you both know will be greatly appreciated and more importantly, needed/used. I would also bring something for your daughter's friend who is giving the party. She knows her and would know what to bring as a hostess gift. It's a gift of appreciation as we usually do for the hostess.

I always like to think it's not about if I should or shouldn't bring a gift to any event, to me it's about the smile of the recipient and them knowing I appreciate their effort in putting on whatever event it is. Tell your daughter to have a great time! Her friend helped that young lady make it through high school after such a devastating situation

Re: Question About Graduation Party Situation

haddon9 — Wed, 19 Mar 2025 02:47:04 GMT

I would absolutely bring a gift! The party is in the neice's honor. I never heard of not bringing a gift just because you don't know the honoree.

As a matter of fact, I never go to any party even a casual cook out empty handed.

Just bring a card with either cash or a gift card. Amazon cards are always handy.

Good for this young woman raising her sister's three children. I'm sure it has been difficult.

Re: Question About Graduation Party Situation

FancyPhillyshopper — Wed, 19 Mar 2025 04:02:20 GMT

I have been to quite a few high school graduation parties (mainly family), and I would never attend without a gift. Your friend is incorrect--gifts are expected whether you know the honoree or not--you can even send a gift if you do not go to the party (I have family across the country). The only time I do not bring a gift if it is specifically stated on an invitation, and then we still might bring flowers or wine.

Usually I give BOTH cash/check/gift card and something useful--such as a fancy backpack, or suitcase, etc. since in all cases students are heading off to higher education.

I will say that huge high school graduation parties are NOT really designed for adults--lots of young people milling about (one party had a water-filled balloon battle!!), food disappears quickly, etc., so go with the idea that you are supporting your friend and the love she has for her niece, not that it is a "party" in the formal adult sense.

I really do admire the sister for raising the children, which took a lot of dedication, money, and time.

Generosity to the family in this case would be very kind.

Re: Question About Graduation Party Situation

Carmie — Wed, 19 Mar 2025 04:23:48 GMT

It would be rude to go and not take a gift.

I have no idea where some people grew up, but they have no manners to think otherwise.

Re: Question About Graduation Party Situation

beach-mom — Wed, 19 Mar 2025 04:48:16 GMT

Thank you everyone for your advice! I will tell DD.

@OneHappyHiker - great advice about taking a small gift to her friend too!

I have met her and she's a really sweet woman. I never knew her situation until recently. Gone are the days when our home was filled with teenage girls giggling, watching movies, and eating. I knew most of them well! I miss those days!

She does have an SO, and I know he helps with the children, but it's been all her and according to DD she's done an amazing job.

Re: Question About Graduation Party Situation

CalminHeart — Wed, 19 Mar 2025 11:33:01 GMT

@beach-mom wrote:
DD asked my advice, and I thought I'd ask yours.

She has a single friend in her 30's. Her older sister was killed in a car accident and this lady was awarded full custody of her niece and 2 nephews, who were young at the time, when she was barely in her 20's. So she has raised them, and is still raising her nephews. .

Her niece is graduating from high school, and DD's friend has invited all of HER friends to a huge party she is giving. DD has met her friend's niece, but doesn't really know her.

She doesn't want to go without a gift. I agreed. One of MY friends said she doesn't have to take a gift if she doesn't really know the girl, because she is basically going to a party given by her friend.

I think it's really nice she invited DD and her other friends, and I think DD could take a card with a small cash gift inside.

What do you all think?

I agree. Be compassionate. Be kind. A card and some money is better than appropriate. Why it's even a question is beyond me.

Graduation is a huge deal for young people, especially given all the niece has been through.

Re: Question About Graduation Party Situation

hkrgrl — Wed, 19 Mar 2025 11:56:45 GMT

You are invited to a party/celebration etc to honor a person for a specific reason.

absolutely you bring a gift! no question, full stop.

i always give $$ b/c usually they need to buy a new computer. DD can ask if the niece needs one and DD can give an Apple gift card if she is buying a macbook.

much success going forward to this young girl!

Re: Question About Graduation Party Situation

Still Raining — Wed, 19 Mar 2025 13:24:39 GMT

I agree that a card and small gift is called for. It would add to the fun for the graduate.

Re: Question About Graduation Party Situation

Travone — Wed, 19 Mar 2025 14:00:47 GMT

@beach-mom

Take the word neice out of the sentence and replace it with daughter. If the friend was holding a graduation party for her daughter, friends would definitely bring a gift. Due to terrible circumstances, this woman is raising these children as they were her own. They should be looked at as her children and be treated accordingly. A gift is a must.

Your DD was right to ask your advice. Tell her to enjoy the party.

Re: Question About Graduation Party Situation

Forbidden Fruit — Wed, 19 Mar 2025 14:25:42 GMT

@beach-mom

What an accomplishment for your daughter's friend and the graduate. Yes, I'd bring a gift. Whatever is in your daughter's means. Many blessings to the family.

My Mom died before I graduated high school. One of the most meaningful gifts I got was a locket with my Mom's picture in it. I still have it and I graduated a long time ago. It still means the world to me. Sometimes a gift means more to the recipient than you think. In my case, the woman who gave it to me was murdered so I'm glad I have the locket for several reasons.

Re: Question About Graduation Party Situation

ThinkingOutLoud — Wed, 19 Mar 2025 15:42:29 GMT