topic What to do about "supposed friend?" in Mom to Mom

What to do about "supposed friend?"

Bubby Mommy — Sun, 18 Sep 2022 22:56:26 GMT

I have a "friend" that I've known for years. I, myself, love to bake and in fact, I bake all the time. In the past I have made homemade apple pies, and I brought one over to my friend as a gift. She and her family loved it, and I'm glad they enjoyed it. However, now she expects me to bake pies for her all the time. The other day, she rang my bell with her 8 year old daughter and when I opened the door she handed me a huge bag of apples and a sack of flour and sugar and says: "It's that time of year again!!!!" Then her kid hands me a "gift" of some cutesy, but inexpensive earrings, I guess as a "thank you" for providing them with home baked apple pies. This really annoyed me. When I bake and I give gifts of my cooking to family and frineds, I do it because I WANT to. I don't like being TOLD to bake. Baking takes a lot of time and I think it is very presumptuous of this woman to expect me to be a personal baker for her. What to do? I can explain to her that while I am happy she enjoys my pies, I cannot be expected to make pies at her behest; I am not a bakery. She is obviously a taker. I have had enough. That will probably be the end of any so-called friendship; but that's really not the worst thing. By the way, that's not the only nonsense she has pulled. I have also baked Italian cookies at Christmastime, and after I brought a big basket of cookies to her family I got "critiqued." I was told they loved the cookies, but would prefer that if the next time I make them, to leave off the sprinkles(????). A lot of nerve, and I'm being kind with that description.

Re: What to do about "supposed friend?"

Tori3569 — Sun, 18 Sep 2022 23:03:04 GMT

That's terrible. I'm a baker too but just like you, I'd rather do it when I want to, not when I have to. You already know the answer to your question. A form, but polite No.

Re: What to do about "supposed friend?"

luvmybeetle — Sun, 18 Sep 2022 23:03:27 GMT

I would say to just stop giving them to her and let her know. BUT, you created the monster now you have to kill it. I realize you did it out of kindness but sometimes people don't get it. They figue if you did it once you should keep it up. I'm so sorry this has happened to you. If you were my friend I would buy you the ingredients anyway because you spent the money to bake so much. I would never expect anything after that. You are a very nice person.

Re: What to do about "supposed friend?"

Wsmom — Sun, 18 Sep 2022 23:06:43 GMT

If she is that good of a friend (and even if she's not) you should just laugh and say "girl, I am not your personal baker. I'll let you know when I have extra time to bake you a pie". As far as the cookies, easy peezy, just don't make them for her anymore.

Re: What to do about "supposed friend?"

ECBG — Sun, 18 Sep 2022 23:10:26 GMT

I would take her the recipe with a bag off apples and "gift her. IMO she is very rude. I would just stop. She seems to be taking advantage of you!

I baked large platters of homemade cookies and made a large chocolate pound cake for a good friend (since we were 14 years old) and her mother for years. When her bridesmaid moved back here, I have not heard from her in two years!

I am done. Period.

Re: What to do about "supposed friend?"

QVCkitty1 — Sun, 18 Sep 2022 23:10:54 GMT

Oh my, it's a lot of work to make an apple pie. I have to be in the mood before I decide to make one. She should try to make one 🥧

Re: What to do about "supposed friend?"

spumoni99 — Sun, 18 Sep 2022 23:11:01 GMT

She doesn't sound she will be a loss of a good friend if you cut off ties with her thats what I would do I dont have patience for someone like that.

Re: What to do about "supposed friend?"

manny2 — Sun, 18 Sep 2022 23:14:35 GMT

We teach people how to treat us. They can only get away with what we allow, so don't bake that pie. Call her and say if you want to come over and bake your pie (I am free give her the day and time.) I assume you don't know how to bake, and you wanted me to help you.

As for the cookies just keep baking the way you bake and stop giving them to her. If she asks why she didn't get cookies. Tell her you said you don't like sprinkles. I put sprinkles on my cookies.

Re: What to do about "supposed friend?"

Flopsy — Sun, 18 Sep 2022 23:20:25 GMT

Slightly off the topic but similar we had neighbors a few years ago and had a bad snow storm. They did not have a snow ploughing so we helped out. Did a good job while they stayed indoors. Soon after he came over and said "you missed a bit" and asked for the snow blower. Gave him it on loan, damaged it, learned lesson, never again.

Re: What to do about "supposed friend?"

Marp — Sun, 18 Sep 2022 23:35:40 GMT

@Bubby Mommysaid: I opened the door she handed me a huge bag of apples and a sack of flour and sugar and says: "It's that time of year again!!!!"

I would have very graciously accepted her gift of apples, flour and sugar and baked my heart out for my family.

Eventually, when asked about the apple pies, I would express my thanks for her thoughtful gifts, tell her how much the family enjoyed the pies and end the conversation telling her she really shouldn't have gone to all that trouble but you're glad she did.

Re: What to do about "supposed friend?"

Kachina624 — Sun, 18 Sep 2022 23:42:21 GMT

@Bubby Mommy Where's your backbone? This woman can take advantage of you only if you let her. Just say,"no", then tell her what you told us. You're not a bakery and you only bake when you're in the mood, for the people you choose to treat.

If you a accepted the baking supplies (bet you did) return them immediately with a recipe for apple pie.

If your "friendship" is ruined, it won't be much of a loss.

Re: What to do about "supposed friend?"

Love my grandkids — Sun, 18 Sep 2022 23:44:18 GMT

@Bubby Mommy I agree with Kanchina. Use your backbone.

Being me and having zero tolerance for fake friends, I would be putting all the stuff on her door step. I may or may NOT knock on the door and let her know!

She's a taker. Tell her you don't bake "on demand" and return her junk.

Re: What to do about "supposed friend?"

Glittergal — Sun, 18 Sep 2022 23:44:32 GMT

Here's another possibility. Your friend knows you bake at this time of year and to her it seems like it's something you love to do. She thought she was being kind by bringing you the ingredients you would need to thank you for all the times you gave her baked pies in the past. The critique about the sprinkles on the cookies was plain rude, however.

Re: What to do about "supposed friend?"

Icegoddess — Sun, 18 Sep 2022 23:44:56 GMT

@Flopsy wrote:
Slightly off the topic but similar we had neighbors a few years ago and had a bad snow storm. They did not have a snow ploughing so we helped out. Did a good job while they stayed indoors. Soon after he came over and said "you missed a bit" and asked for the snow blower. Gave him it on loan, damaged it, learned lesson, never again.

@Flopsy,I let my best friend's husband borrow the tiller my father had given to me after he had upgraded. I told her it leaked and needed oil added regularly. He apparently didn't believe me. Yeah, lesson learned.

Re: What to do about "supposed friend?"

Love my grandkids — Mon, 19 Sep 2022 00:11:09 GMT

@Glittergal If you read the other responses, you are the only one who thinks the apples and other stuff was a "thank you". NO way.

It was "here, make me some more pies as I consider you my personal pie shop."

Re: What to do about "supposed friend?"

GenXmuse — Mon, 19 Sep 2022 00:15:22 GMT

I'd have her over and teach her and her daughter how to make one and let her know your kitchen is closed. If she's not interested, she can buy one.

Re: What to do about "supposed friend?"

GenXmuse — Mon, 19 Sep 2022 00:17:02 GMT

@Love my grandkids wrote:
@Glittergal If you read the other responses, you are the only one who thinks the apples and other stuff was a "thank you". NO way.

It was "here, make me some more pies as I consider you my personal pie shop."

That doesn't mean she's wrong. I was thinking the same thing myself. Why assume the worst of people?

Re: What to do about "supposed friend?"

Sooner — Mon, 19 Sep 2022 00:23:57 GMT

@Bubby Mommy wrote:
I have a "friend" that I've known for years. I, myself, love to bake and in fact, I bake all the time. In the past I have made homemade apple pies, and I brought one over to my friend as a gift. She and her family loved it, and I'm glad they enjoyed it. However, now she expects me to bake pies for her all the time. The other day, she rang my bell with her 8 year old daughter and when I opened the door she handed me a huge bag of apples and a sack of flour and sugar and says: "It's that time of year again!!!!" Then her kid hands me a "gift" of some cutesy, but inexpensive earrings, I guess as a "thank you" for providing them with home baked apple pies. This really annoyed me. When I bake and I give gifts of my cooking to family and frineds, I do it because I WANT to. I don't like being TOLD to bake. Baking takes a lot of time and I think it is very presumptuous of this woman to expect me to be a personal baker for her. What to do? I can explain to her that while I am happy she enjoys my pies, I cannot be expected to make pies at her behest; I am not a bakery. She is obviously a taker. I have had enough. That will probably be the end of any so-called friendship; but that's really not the worst thing. By the way, that's not the only nonsense she has pulled. I have also baked Italian cookies at Christmastime, and after I brought a big basket of cookies to her family I got "critiqued." I was told they loved the cookies, but would prefer that if the next time I make them, to leave off the sprinkles(????). A lot of nerve, and I'm being kind with that description.

@Bubby Mommy Is this really a big deal? She was giving you some apples, you love to bake, I would think she thought you would be happy.

Couldn't you just laugh and said how sweet of you, but I won't be baking now I'm so busy. Or taken then back to her and said "I don't have time."

And I don't see asking to leave out the sprinkles as a big deal either. The same way I wouldn't see a big deal if she asked you to stop bringing them baked goods as they are not eating that sort of thing very much.

I don't see the issue here but a lot of people get furious if you don't accept baked goods, and worse if you accept and -- horrors -- they don't eat them. And even worse of they refuse the offer. This I get from reading posts here.

This comes up every fall and holiday season. It's a huge thing with many posters. Me? I simply don't see the problem with what other people eat and don't eat.

Is it already time to ring the bell and start round one of the annual food fight.

Re: What to do about "supposed friend?"

Desertdi — Mon, 19 Sep 2022 00:25:45 GMT

You could throw a dead fish in the gutter over her front door...

Re: What to do about "supposed friend?"

chrystaltree — Mon, 19 Sep 2022 00:28:23 GMT

Doesn't sound like she's much of a friend to me. I would have ended the baked freebies to her after the sprinkles comment. I'm not really the doormat type so I would have handled the situation head on. I wouldn't have accepted the apples, sugar, cheap earrings etc. I'd have said something "sorry honey, I'm not your personal baker ha ha. I can give you a recipe if you need one". She sounds weird. I think she has mistaken your generosity as an obligation to give her family baked goods. She upped the ante and wants them on demand. She thinks that's ok if she provides the ingredients. I think you are going to have to put your big girl panties on and return all those ingredients and tell her what you told us.