topic Re: Thank you notes in Mom to Mom

Thank you notes

nelliegirl — Fri, 10 May 2019 12:46:13 GMT

Long story short....my son got his girlfriend pregnant before we even knew she existed. They got married and I threw a baby shower for her. Lots of my family and friends came to support me and my son, only meeting her for the first and only time at the shower, and bought nice gifts. It is now 2 months later, the baby is born, and there have been no thank you notes sent out. I have told my son numerous times to get on it and get them sent. I even gave her thank you notes and all the shower guests addressed their own cards to simplify matters for her. He has talked to her about it at least twice, if not 3 times. Should I say something to her myself? And how can I put it nicely without making her feel like I am criticizing her?

Re: Thank you notes

jackthebear — Fri, 10 May 2019 12:48:30 GMT

good luck

Re: Thank you notes

shaggygirl — Fri, 10 May 2019 13:12:40 GMT

I don't know how you can do it without criticizing her because you will in fact be criticizing her and she does in fact need to be criticized for being so lame about it. I'd be ticked and probably say to her "I'm getting embarrassed about the fact that you haven't sent out one lousy thank you note to any of my family or friends for the baby gifts". The End.

Sooo, after reading the other replies I came back to edit my response and here it is.

When you see them together say "I'm getting embarrassed about the fact that NEITHER ONE OF YOU have taken the time to write and send out..............blah blah blah

Re: Thank you notes

haddon9 — Fri, 10 May 2019 12:55:21 GMT

I've gotten thank you notes from my nephew and his wife a few times and to be honest I really don't know who wrote them...Perhaps your son could write them? The gifts are just as much for the dad as they are for the mother of the baby.

Re: Thank you notes

Winkk — Fri, 10 May 2019 12:56:12 GMT

That's a hard decision. You did everything you could. I think it's very inconsiderate of her to put you in this position. I guess thank you notes are a thing of the past, but I would like to think I'm wrong.

Re: Thank you notes

50Mickey — Fri, 10 May 2019 13:03:07 GMT

Is there a reason why your son can't send the notes especialy to your family and friends? Often is just a matter of sitting down and starting. Maybe you could sit with him and help him get started writing a few at a time. A new baby takes up a lot of time and maybe the mother hasn't been encouraged by her parents to do this. No one really likes to wrtie thank you notes but it is important to thank everyone who gave a gift or flowers or a meal after the baby was born.

Re: Thank you notes

SXMGirl — Fri, 10 May 2019 13:03:32 GMT

@nelliegirl Your son needs to step up and write them, not just because the presents were given to both of them, and not because it is the right thing to do, but also because he was taught to do so. It is apparent that his wife was not. While you might want to just step back and let it go, if you cannot, then sit down with both of them and explain the niceties of life. You can even get them started on what to say, because sometimes that it really the problem.

Re: Thank you notes

chrystaltree — Fri, 10 May 2019 13:05:56 GMT

Your son didn't GET her pregnant! They were both there and assuming he didn't club her and attack her....they both had an equal part in what I assume was an unplanned pregnancy. Why are you placing all the blame on HER. It's his baby too, he should be capable of sending the thank you notes out if she can't or won't. However, I would have handled differently. I would have volunteered to do the thank you notes myself as a little gift to the new parents.

Re: Thank you notes

nelliegirl — Fri, 10 May 2019 13:06:18 GMT

In response to suggesting my son write them. I agree. However, the only excuse I can give for him is that he works 6 long days a week (10 hour days) as an attorney and has night court 1 night a week and she is a stay at home mom.

Re: Thank you notes

itsmagic — Fri, 10 May 2019 13:09:06 GMT

@haddon9 wrote:
I've gotten thank you notes from my nephew and his wife a few times and to be honest I really don't know who wrote them...Perhaps your son could write them? The gifts are just as much for the dad as they are for the mother of the baby.

I agree with @haddon9 that maybe your son could write them or you could even offer to help him (he could write the note and sign it, you could address the envelopes). I know it’s hard but if that doesn’t work, you’ll have to let it go. They are adults and there is no way to force them.

Re: Thank you notes

Trix — Fri, 10 May 2019 13:12:02 GMT

Similar situation happened to me almost two years ago now. To make a long story short a close friend (who is a fitness instructor) had a baby. I organized a monetary gift from oneof his groups I was a member of. Several months went by with no thank you note and it was a substantial amount we gave the couple (for the second time I might add, as we had been just as generous when they got married). Anyway, it took some nudging to get the thank you note. Nothing overbearingly pushy, but just a joking mention that the group is starting to think I went on a shopping spree with the money instead of passing it on to you. Well, soon after that we got a thank you note and photo of baby. Maybe the younger generation just doesn't think about writing anything anymore, and they have to be told that a Facebook post doesn't cut it. A written expression on paper is still an appropriate thing to do.

Re: Thank you notes

nelliegirl — Fri, 10 May 2019 13:18:41 GMT

I like the suggestions of helping to write them myself. Thank you ladies, for your perspectives.

Re: Thank you notes

GCR18 — Fri, 10 May 2019 13:25:11 GMT

I think I would drop it. They have the cards and a couple reminders. If for some reason it gets back to her, it may cause issues.

Re: Thank you notes

K9buddy — Fri, 10 May 2019 13:30:47 GMT

I don’t know how many people were at the baby shower, but if there’s a wedding, I assume there will be many more people there and many more thank you notes that won’t be written.

Re: Thank you notes

sidsmom — Fri, 10 May 2019 13:31:52 GMT

Choose Your Battles

With a young, fresh (forced?) marriage & baby on the scene,

thank you notes might be low on the list of priorities.

If the gift giver is like me, we know our gift is appreciated

without a written thank you. I echo several before me..drop it.

Re: Thank you notes

Pook — Fri, 10 May 2019 13:32:22 GMT

It is becoming more common not to send thank you notes for showers since they are thanked at the time when the gifts were opened. I find it no big deal. However, OP stated "I even gave her thank you notes and all the shower guests addressed their own cards to simplify matters for her." so envelopes are already done. How many are we talking here (I can't imagine there were that many people in attendance) so there is no reason why either of them could not take 15 or 20 minutes for a few days and get them done. Just a personal mention in the card of the gift given needed.

Re: Thank you notes

nelliegirl — Fri, 10 May 2019 13:36:35 GMT

They went to the courthouse one Saturday and got married, just the 2 of them.

Re: Thank you notes

50Mickey — Fri, 10 May 2019 13:37:56 GMT

Stay at home mom with a new infant is not a walk in the park. How many notes need to be written? Thank you notes don't have to be long just a couple of sentences and mention the gift. Done! If it were my son and I knew neither one were going to write the notes, I'd write send them to my friends and family. Then I'd tell them not to expect more showers or birthday gifts from my friends and family.

Re: Thank you notes

bdoby — Fri, 10 May 2019 13:47:59 GMT

Why don't you just leave it alone or send thank you notes to all your friends and family.

You are setting yourself up if you are persistent about thank you notes. Yes she should but if she does not it is not the end of the world.

Your grandchild is the innocent victim in what could happen if you start a problem.

Love your grandchild like you have never loved before, that is the most important

part of this relationship, not about sending thank you notes.

Re: Thank you notes

mom2four0418 — Fri, 10 May 2019 13:49:10 GMT

@nelliegirl wrote:
Long story short....my son got his girlfriend pregnant before we even knew she existed. They got married and I threw a baby shower for her. Lots of my family and friends came to support me and my son, only meeting her for the first and only time at the shower, and bought nice gifts. It is now 2 months later, the baby is born, and there have been no thank you notes sent out. I have told my son numerous times to get on it and get them sent. I even gave her thank you notes and all the shower guests addressed their own cards to simplify matters for her. He has talked to her about it at least twice, if not 3 times. Should I say something to her myself? And how can I put it nicely without making her feel like I am criticizing her?

But you are criticizing her. Isn't your son capable of writing thank you notes? Maybe they can sit down and write them together. That is, after all how they conceived their child.