topic Re: What would you do: rude comment on my clothing in Fashion

What would you do: rude comment on my clothing

carlycat — Fri, 13 Sep 2019 03:18:08 GMT

I am 62 and retired from 1) teaching and 2) HR in a public utility. I work as a paraprofessional in a high school in order to get health insurance, frankly, as my retirement did not include it. I have worked in this school for 4 years . It’s an easy job and I enjoy working with the kids without the stress of teaching.

Today when I came in I overheard the receptionist saying “oh, she’s always so dressed up,” and then she flipped her hair, like “snotty.” Yes, she was talking about me. There is no dress code at this large school, and many of the teachers wear shorts and school T-shirts every day, men and women alike. I continue to dress professionally, not like I did in HR, but I wear a nice top and pants and often a cardigan every day.

I’m hurt, because I thought we were friends. Secondly, I really don’t want to wear shorts and T-shirts to school no matter what my job is. I wanted to say something to her but haven’t yet.

What do do you think?

Re: What would you do: rude comment on my clothing

Love my grandkids — Fri, 13 Sep 2019 03:22:05 GMT

@carlycat That was a catty remark. Sounds like that fact that you dress less casually bothers her. It's HER probelm. Consider the source. BTW, she does not sound like my definition of a friend.

You may want to re-think your "friendship" with this snot.

Just do as you have been and don't let on that you heard what she said!

Re: What would you do: rude comment on my clothing

CAcableGirl2 — Fri, 13 Sep 2019 03:24:12 GMT

@carlycat sounds to me like she's jealous.

Continue to wear what makes you comfortable, and let her admire your good taste.

Re: What would you do: rude comment on my clothing

patbz — Fri, 13 Sep 2019 03:26:01 GMT

@carlycat : Sounds like your school personnel aren't doing a good job of looking professional. When my Son was in middle school and high school the teachers frequently looked almost slovenly and in mho weren't modelling how one should look in the workplace. I'm not talking three piece suits but decent jeans and an appropriate top.

Re: What would you do: rude comment on my clothing

blackhole99 — Fri, 13 Sep 2019 23:41:46 GMT

@carlycat wrote:
I am 62 and retired from 1) teaching and 2) HR in a public utility. I work as a paraprofessional in a high school in order to get health insurance, frankly, as my retirement did not include it. I have worked in this school for 4 years . It’s an easy job and I enjoy working with the kids without the stress of teaching.

Today when I came in I overheard the receptionist saying “oh, she’s always so dressed up,” and then she flipped her hair, like “snotty.” Yes, she was talking about me. There is no dress code at this large school, and many of the teachers wear shorts and school T-shirts every day, men and women alike. I continue to dress professionally, not like I did in HR, but I wear a nice top and pants and often a cardigan every day.

I’m hurt, because I thought we were friends. Secondly, I really don’t want to wear shorts and T-shirts to school no matter what my job is. I wanted to say something to her but haven’t yet.

What do do you think?

I wouldn't give it a second thought, evidently she doesn't think of you as a friend and you don't need friends who talk behind your back anyway. If she's commenting on something so trivial as a clothing choice, what else is she saying about you. I used to work with a bunch of vipers who were smart enough to manipulate me, until someone who wasn't a "friend", called it to my attention. I watched my back and kept to myself after that until I was able to retire early. Good luck

Re: What would you do: rude comment on my clothing

dex — Fri, 13 Sep 2019 03:28:43 GMT

You choose to dress differently than they do and they are taking notice.I don’t think the comment that you are always so dressed up is a negative comment but a fact.I bet you look so nice that more than one person has noticed.

Re: What would you do: rude comment on my clothing

RoughDraft — Fri, 13 Sep 2019 03:33:50 GMT

I sense that you're too nice to do what I'd dream of doing, which would be to thank her for the "complement," flip my hair back at her and ask her if she'd like some help in dressing properly for the job. I've never had teachers that can wear shorts and tees on the job unless they worked in the gym! Sounds like an interesting school.

In reality, I'd just let it pass and let her wonder why I give her wide berth in the future.

Re: What would you do: rude comment on my clothing

Nancy Drew — Fri, 13 Sep 2019 03:34:40 GMT

Odd that she finds dressing nice a fault. Just ignore her as she is the one with a problem. Don’t lower your standards to please her.

Re: What would you do: rude comment on my clothing

jellyBEAN — Fri, 13 Sep 2019 03:36:56 GMT

Yeah, my first thought was she's just jealous. Women (despite what you may hear on TV about women empowering each other) are very often catty. Maybe you look better in your clothes than she does, maybe they are a better quality or more stylish. I am around your age but I do not work any longer. I have a beautiful wardrobe that I can really no longer wear anywhere because these days everyone is SO casual.

She's not much of a friend. I'm not sure how I would respond. I would be so taken aback by the comment I wouldn't know what to say and probably would have pretended I didn't hear it. But it would have hurt my feelings as well. Consider the source.

Interested to read what others have to say about this.

Re: What would you do: rude comment on my clothing

ellaphant — Fri, 13 Sep 2019 03:37:53 GMT

I'm sure that hurt your feelings but pay her no mind. I'm sure you look great! Ignore her.

Re: What would you do: rude comment on my clothing

sunshine45 — Fri, 13 Sep 2019 03:45:33 GMT

i guess you had to be there to hear her intonation and see her expression.

not sure i would consider that a rude comment necessarily.......

Re: What would you do: rude comment on my clothing

alicedee — Fri, 13 Sep 2019 03:46:00 GMT

@carlycat I’m very sorry that happened to you....very hurtful. It especially stings when someone you think is a friend is caught talking about you behind your back.

Though I would be tempted, I probably wouldn’t say anything to her....but would proceed with caution around her in the future, instead of offering my friendship.

Keep being your attractive, stylish self and I hope the “sting” goes away quickly. 🌷

Re: What would you do: rude comment on my clothing

DiAnne — Fri, 13 Sep 2019 03:52:44 GMT

I would take it as a compliment and continue being nicely dressed for work.

Re: What would you do: rude comment on my clothing

willdob3 — Fri, 13 Sep 2019 04:03:21 GMT

@carlycat

Honestly, I’d let it go. A lot of people just talk to hear themselves speak, so to speak, and there is not much quality being verbalized. Don’t let a thoughtless comment you were not even meant to hear ruin a friendship and make things uncomfortable at work.

I used to work for a company that did not have a dress code. Just because there is no dress code doesn’t mean you should wear your most casual clothes all the time. Or your date night clothes for that matter! Goodness, the things I saw! LOL It is assumed that employees will know enough to dress appropriately for their positions. Not everyone actually does that.

We have a dress code at my current place of employment but a lot of co-workers where things I’d never dream of wearing to work. That is probably fine for their positions. But my position has me dealing with the public and with company employees in other locations so I dress for the position. Even my casual Friday outfits are a bit dressier/more professional than what most of my co-workers wear on Friday.

You dress appropriately. You should not defend that. There is no need. And, with no dress code, there isn’t really a right or wrong way to dress so nothing you might say is going to make a difference. Saying nothing is best.

Re: What would you do: rude comment on my clothing

Linmo — Fri, 13 Sep 2019 04:01:24 GMT

@carlycat Do nothing. Dress the way that feels right for you and don't give a hoot about what anyone else says about it.

Re: What would you do: rude comment on my clothing

Sooner — Fri, 13 Sep 2019 04:03:57 GMT

@carlycat I think that you stand out from the group, and you now know that it is noticed. You basically have 3 choices: Continue to dress as you do, understand that others notice and comment on it and let it go. Is it REALLY that big a deal that they remark about it?

Secondly, you can lower your own dress code a little and lighten up maybe with slacks and a nice shirt, a knit shirt, sweater, etc. Would it kill you to compromise a little to be on better terms with them?

It's up to you. But as I see it that's about all you CAN do. One or the other. The third choice is you can be upset about it, resent it, feel differently toward them, etc., but that doesn't accomplish much does it?

Re: What would you do: rude comment on my clothing

AuntMame — Fri, 13 Sep 2019 04:14:40 GMT

Sometimes I think people who work in schools are snottier than the kids. That's been my impression. Years ago my mom had a friend who worked as a school secretary and administrative assistant. She was tall and pretty and always took pains to dress impeccably well. Heels, in-fashion dress or suit, great makeup. According to my mom, who worked with her for a while, she was a source of disparagement and derision for years by the frumps in the office. Simply because she dressed well and always looked great. She would overhear the other women gossiping about her friend and was shocked by what she heard.

I would hold your head high and ignore the haters as others advise. It's simple envy and jealousy by petty people.

Re: What would you do: rude comment on my clothing

ALRATIBA — Fri, 13 Sep 2019 04:15:42 GMT

Wouldn’t bother me at all. In fact I’d probably “really “ dress up on Monday.

Re: What would you do: rude comment on my clothing

Drythe — Fri, 13 Sep 2019 04:15:48 GMT

When a person shows you who they are, and what they are capable of, believe them. ~ Maya Angelou

I would keep this in mind, not share anything personal, or that could be used to your detriment, and keep dressing as it pleased me.

Sorry this came your way.

Re: What would you do: rude comment on my clothing

Maggie Nolia — Fri, 13 Sep 2019 04:16:26 GMT

@carlycat wrote:
I am 62 and retired from 1) teaching and 2) HR in a public utility. I work as a paraprofessional in a high school in order to get health insurance, frankly, as my retirement did not include it. I have worked in this school for 4 years . It’s an easy job and I enjoy working with the kids without the stress of teaching.

Today when I came in I overheard the receptionist saying “oh, she’s always so dressed up,” and then she flipped her hair, like “snotty.” Yes, she was talking about me. There is no dress code at this large school, and many of the teachers wear shorts and school T-shirts every day, men and women alike. I continue to dress professionally, not like I did in HR, but I wear a nice top and pants and often a cardigan every day.

I’m hurt, because I thought we were friends. Secondly, I really don’t want to wear shorts and T-shirts to school no matter what my job is. I wanted to say something to her but haven’t yet.

What do do you think?

I would consider it a compliment.