topic Re: My friend bought a VERY expensive purse and I didn't know how to react in Fashion

My friend bought a VERY expensive purse and I didn't know how to react

maddiecat — Mon, 05 Jan 2015 23:24:15 GMT

My friend works for an organization where she is given lots of year-end gifts by wealthy members. Most are in the form of gift cards/coins to our city's best mall. My friend said she saved most of her gifts for more than a year so she could splurge on a black Louis Vuitton epi Neverfull bag. She already has this bag in the brown monogram style, along with several other LV bags. And yes, all of them are real.

My friend showed me the bag yesterday at church. While it's a very nice bag, I'm not sure that spending $2,000+ was in her best interests. She is 54, wants to keep up with the Joneses, carries debt and lives with her parents. My friend said she's been wanting a nice black bag "forever" and now she has one.

Now, here's where it gets weird. When she said she had been wanting a nice black bag, I pointed to the black leather Kate Spade bag I was carrying and asked, "What about this one?" You see, my friend bought the same bag last summer. She snapped, "I don't like it!" I think she realized how harsh she sounded and went on to say that the style doesn't suit her and that it's heavy, etc. But it made me feel crummy. Like my bag wasn't good enough. I LOVE my purse and am glad it didn't cost an arm and a leg!

I'm not jealous at all of her new bag, or the fact that she only wants to carry very high-end bags. I just feel weird about what happened yesterday. Thoughts?

Re: My friend bought a VERY expensive purse and I didn't know how to react

faeriemoon — Mon, 05 Jan 2015 23:27:54 GMT

I think I would have just told her that her bag was very nice. She obviously doesn't have her priorities in order and your pointing that out to her could have threatened the relationship.

Re: My friend bought a VERY expensive purse and I didn't know how to react

qvcfreak — Mon, 05 Jan 2015 23:30:38 GMT

It was really a gift, she saved all her gift cards/coins. So it really doesn't matter that she lives with her Mom and has debt. These were gifts and while what she bought was expensive, it really didn't cost her anything. And she wasn't very nice to the comment about your bag but just let it go. Some people need to have the best to make themselves feel better. Don't give it a second thought and enjoy your bag. I'm sure it's beautiful, wear it in good health.

Re: My friend bought a VERY expensive purse and I didn't know how to react

jaxs mom — Mon, 05 Jan 2015 23:34:16 GMT

" Congratulations, it's beautiful" is the only response needed in these situations.

Re: My friend bought a VERY expensive purse and I didn't know how to react

RainyDayGal — Mon, 05 Jan 2015 23:34:32 GMT

She wasn't saying she didn't like YOUR bag, she was saying she didn't like it for her. For whatever reason, it doesn't suit her. All you can do is say you like her new bag, or don't say anything. I just wouldn't worry about it at all.

As far as priorities? Oh well, someday she may want to move out of her parents home and she'll find she might not have enough funds saved up. Her problem. Though at 54 she probably isn't in a hurry to leave.

Re: My friend bought a VERY expensive purse and I didn't know how to react

Kimi Eliz — Mon, 05 Jan 2015 23:34:55 GMT

Perhaps you made her feel crummy when you didn't share her excitement and shifted focus to your own bag. It sounds like an awkward situation that hopefully won't affect your friendship.

Re: My friend bought a VERY expensive purse and I didn't know how to react

June Lands — Mon, 05 Jan 2015 23:35:16 GMT

It is her money, her life. If it does not affect you personally, let it go. It sounds like you two have little in common. Perhaps it would be best for you both to just end the friendship.

Re: My friend bought a VERY expensive purse and I didn't know how to react

Kathlen — Mon, 05 Jan 2015 23:35:21 GMT

Her money, her choice.

Why do you even care what someone thinks of your bag? Does one have to like what you like to be your friend?

Re: My friend bought a VERY expensive purse and I didn't know how to react

VaBelle35 — Mon, 05 Jan 2015 23:36:00 GMT

It's not for us to judge or question.

She's not asking you for groceries or to pay her bills or to bail her out of debt.

At 54 she is never going to change.

We accept people for who they are, warts and all.

Re: My friend bought a VERY expensive purse and I didn't know how to react

CatsyCline — Mon, 05 Jan 2015 23:37:06 GMT

i would have just admired her new bag and left it at that. if your friend already had the Kate Spade bag, perhaps she realized after purchasing and carrying it, the style didn't suit her. i can understand wanting an LV, especially if she had gift cards/coins available to purchase the bag.

Re: My friend bought a VERY expensive purse and I didn't know how to react

Chrystaltree2 — Mon, 05 Jan 2015 23:38:19 GMT

You are overly sensitive about something. It comes through quite clearly in how you describe her life. You don't really sound like a true "friend" at all. You love your Kate Spade but that doesn't mean she has to love it too. And she does already have one. It wasn't the bag she wanted...obviously....but that wasn't an insult to either you, the bag or Kate Spade. She was showing off her new bag and you should have said something nice about the LV bag. Obviously she has a thing for 4 figure bags, so suggesting a Kate Spade that she already owns, didn't sit well with her.

Re: My friend bought a VERY expensive purse and I didn't know how to react

goodstuff — Mon, 05 Jan 2015 23:39:38 GMT

I would never spend that kind of money on a handbag either -- but it's none of my concern what someone else spends. I may (and probably do) consider it a poor financial choice......but it's your friend's choice, and she can spend her money as she wishes. I think I'd just have commented that her Louis Vuitton bag was nice and that you're glad she likes it and let it go at that. Your friend may not have been particularly deft in her comment about your K.S. bag, but I don't see any reason to take her comments deeply to heart. If your bag isn't what she'd choose, that's fine, isn't it? You like it, and you are glad you didn't have to spend and arm and a leg.......and that's what matters!

Re: My friend bought a VERY expensive purse and I didn't know how to react

FLgardener — Mon, 05 Jan 2015 23:46:36 GMT

It's interesting that the posters here seem to be scolding the OP, for no good reason.

maddiecat--Your friend has some poor priority choices, although she may be living with her parents to help take care of them. If you truly are feeling awkward around her and find nothing to admire about her, why not just put some distance in the friendship?

Re: My friend bought a VERY expensive purse and I didn't know how to react

Peaches McPhee — Mon, 05 Jan 2015 23:50:47 GMT

Hi Maddie

You don't need to "react" at all. Just be nice. As the others have said, it is not your choice, so be happy that she is happy. Lots of people covet these bags, and I'd bet not everyone who does can afford it either. Sounds like she can afford it.

Lastly, have some confidence in your own choices. Why judge your bag against her bag? It's just a bag!

Re: My friend bought a VERY expensive purse and I didn't know how to react

dfyre — Mon, 05 Jan 2015 23:52:03 GMT

I should start out by saying that I'm not a handbag person by any stretch - prefer a smallish cross-body bag (need to keep my hands free) preferably with an organizer. Usually buy one in metallic leather that goes with everything as I don't change bags often and I don't really care who made it. However, I do understand that people are really into bags and labels which is great for them. OP's friend wasn't actually going "out of pocket" for her bag as she had saved up gifts to get it. It made her very happy. That's all that matters and a simple "it's just lovely - congratulations" would have been fine. Her comment about the Kate Spade bag never would have happened if she hadn't been confronted about it, so I'd just let that slide. Maybe it really didn't work for her.

Re: My friend bought a VERY expensive purse and I didn't know how to react

brii — Mon, 05 Jan 2015 23:58:15 GMT

It's really none of your business how she bought it or what her circumstances are

Re: My friend bought a VERY expensive purse and I didn't know how to react

Q4u — Mon, 05 Jan 2015 23:59:28 GMT

I would have gushed over her new handbag and wished her the best of health carrying it. There's nothing wrong with being gracious when a friend has purchased something incredible (at least to them!)... and IMHO "watching" how the friend lives and what they buy as to whether it's "in their best interest" is really no ones business but theirs. Besides, as I understand it, she "saved up" her gifts in order to pool them into one big purchase. I'm pretty sure I would have done the same thing.

A Kate Spade is no slouch in the purse world, but pointing it out to her when she was clearly into her new one just brought her up short. In other words, she's tired of the KS and has moved on. I wouldn't have taken it personally one way or the other.

The point of this post is that there are times when being gracious and giving our friends the attention and approval they want (and need) is more important than the practical thoughts that might be going through our minds. It's okay to indulge them.... and keep our practical thoughts to ourselves....

Re: My friend bought a VERY expensive purse and I didn't know how to react

maddiecat — Tue, 06 Jan 2015 00:05:24 GMT

Ladies,

I did admire my friend's bag and I did tell her that I was happy she got what she wanted. I even asked questions, such as "When did you order it?" (from the store) and "When did you pick it up?" I truly showed interest in her bag. I was just surprised that she wanted to spend her gift cards/coins in one fell swoop.

I realize after posting that I don't sound like a good friend. My friend and I have known each other 20+ years. We have been closer in years past, but I have to admit that in the last couple of years there's been a slow drift apart and I am sad about that.

Re: My friend bought a VERY expensive purse and I didn't know how to react

Sister Golden Hair — Tue, 06 Jan 2015 00:09:40 GMT

I have a friend that always wants the best of the best but not a LV handbag. She goes from one brand to another and now it is "Coach". I also have a "Coach" handbag that she had never seen. When I carried it, she ask me what was the brand. I told her and she said that she had never seen a "Coach" like mine.

Long story short, I bought the handbag from Macys and knew it was the real thing.

In this type of situation, it is better to keep your thoughts to yourself.

Re: My friend bought a VERY expensive purse and I didn't know how to react

Nancy Drew — Tue, 06 Jan 2015 00:14:26 GMT

This whole story sounds like middle school. It isn't any ones business on what people want to spend their money on.