topic Re: Today Would Have Been..... in Community Chat

Today Would Have Been.....

pattypeep — Fri, 23 Dec 2016 13:51:53 GMT

.....my mother's birthday. We lost her 15 years ago. I've mentioned a few times here that I was raised in a dysfunctional home. Never a hug, never an I love you, but I still miss her. I can understand how small children who get mistreated still want to be with their parents. Just a natural instinct or something. With her birthday so close to Christmas, I always made sure I wrapped her birthday gift very UNChristmas. People used to laugh about how people with birthdays close to Christmas often got their gifts wrapped in Christmas paper. I gave her a hanging fuscia basket every Mother's Day which she looked forward to. She named them Pretty Patty. So, I know that she loved me in her own way and the best way that she could. Happy Birthday, Mom.

Re: Today Would Have Been.....

dmod nj — Fri, 23 Dec 2016 13:55:22 GMT

@pattypeep wrote:
.....my mother's birthday. We lost her 15 years ago. I've mentioned a few times here that I was raised in a dysfunctional home. Never a hug, never an I love you, but I still miss her. I can understand how small children who get mistreated still want to be with their parents. Just a natural instinct or something. With her birthday so close to Christmas, I always made sure I wrapped her birthday gift very UNChristmas. People used to laugh about how people with birthdays close to Christmas often got their gifts wrapped in Christmas paper. I gave her a hanging fuscia basket every Mother's Day which she looked forward to. She named them Pretty Patty. So, I know that she loved me in her own way and the best way that she could. Happy Birthday, Mom.

@pattypeep thank you for sharing your heart. Thank you for the highlighted words. I needed to hear them today.

Merry Christmas and all the best in 2017.

Re: Today Would Have Been.....

MyShadowLove — Fri, 23 Dec 2016 14:15:15 GMT

((((((@pattypeep))))))...What a wonderful daughter you are...filled with such unconditional love in your heart!

I hope that your life is surrounded by much love and comfort!

Re: Today Would Have Been.....

CareBears — Fri, 23 Dec 2016 14:20:26 GMT

@pattypeep I am so very sorry for your loss, though it is not my father's birthday today, I lost him this day back in 1990, so let's hug each over the miles, and lift each other up, and concentrate on thier beautiful smiles, though they may be gone from earth, they live forever in our hearts!

Re: Today Would Have Been.....

CareBears — Fri, 23 Dec 2016 14:21:55 GMT

@pattypeep I lost my Dad back in 1995, my Mom in 1990, sorry!

Re: Today Would Have Been.....

Poodlepet2 — Fri, 23 Dec 2016 14:30:18 GMT

I went through this issue extensively with my therapist's guidance-and what she said changed everything from hurt to acceptance and peace.

Your mother's actions created the person you are now. You pushed back-without realizing it-but it was in a positive way.

You went on to love-and show love in a way that was not done for you.

Yes-you could have been emotionally cold as she was-it's what you knew. It's how you were raised.....but that's not what happened.

It's emotional physics: for each action, there is an equal or opposite reaction.....and you went in that opposite direction.

My therapist helped me to understand that my mother raised me in the best way that she knew-positive or negative. Her actions helped shape me who I am now....I didn't think I loved her, but I do-and I miss her.

Hugs,

Poodlepet2

Re: Today Would Have Been.....

MyShadowLove — Fri, 23 Dec 2016 14:41:44 GMT

@Poodlepet2...Powerful post!

Re: Today Would Have Been.....

pattypeep — Fri, 23 Dec 2016 14:59:40 GMT

@Poodlepet2 Wow. I believe your therapist nailed it for me, too. I raised three kids and couldn't have been different than my parents had I tried. And I didn't have to try. It came naturally. They are in their 30's and 40's and still get kisses, hugs, and I love you's every time I see or talk to them. When they were growing up I was afraid I would chap their little cheeks from so many kisses. I am happy for you, @Poodlepet2, that you were helped by a wise therapist. God Bless and Happy Holidays.

Re: Today Would Have Been.....

Poodlepet2 — Fri, 23 Dec 2016 15:08:16 GMT

Two peas, I just really "inhaled" your byline: you see, you are there....you give love and you are loved. If that isn't success in life, then I don't know what is!

Hugs,

Poodlepet2

Re: Today Would Have Been.....

qualitygal — Fri, 23 Dec 2016 15:19:37 GMT

@pattypeep, if it helps at all, she probably didn't received the same from her folks. Our parents didn't hug and kiss and say I love you, but there was never any doubt. Children learn from what they live. In today's world I see more, I love you's and hugs (love hugs) should call them huggies! I'm happy to see that too. I'm sure in some respect you were loved, they just weren't demonstrative. A lot of parents weren't.

Re: Today Would Have Been.....

wvumountiefan — Fri, 23 Dec 2016 15:39:52 GMT

@pattypeep @Poodlepet2 Such kindness and thoughtfulness! My dad never said I love you either, but we knew. He showed us in other ways that I did not understand until I had my own son! Happy Holidays!

Re: Today Would Have Been.....

Pqfan — Fri, 23 Dec 2016 15:57:57 GMT

@pattypeep Hugs.

Re: Today Would Have Been.....

pattypeep — Fri, 23 Dec 2016 16:24:22 GMT

@qualitygal wrote:
@pattypeep, if it helps at all, she probably didn't received the same from her folks. Our parents didn't hug and kiss and say I love you, but there was never any doubt. Children learn from what they live. In today's world I see more, I love you's and hugs (love hugs) should call them huggies! I'm happy to see that too. I'm sure in some respect you were loved, they just weren't demonstrative. A lot of parents weren't.

@qualitygal I'm sure you are right. Three of my grandparents were gone before I was born and I barely knew my mother's dad because he lived on the East Coast and we were in the PNW. Interesting, though, my aunt (my mother's sister) was the total opposite. She loved and showed it. I remember my aunt writing to me and telling me to come and live with her because I was so sad at home.

Re: Today Would Have Been.....

Qshopper1991 — Fri, 23 Dec 2016 16:36:53 GMT

@pattypeep

Today marks 20 years of when my dad went home to be with the Lord. It's so hard to believe it's been 20 years since I've seen him. It doesn't seem like that long

Dad never hugged or kissed either. Never an "I love you" until he was on his death bed. But he was a good dad; he was an awesome provider and took good care of my mom and us kids.

After he passed, that's when mom would tell us she loved us (she always kissed us). They were raised in a generation that didn't hug, kiss or say "I love you". But we loved our parents regardless.

Happy Birthday to your Mom, Twopeas. She'll always be a part of you - no matter what ((((((((hugs)))))))))

Re: Today Would Have Been.....

pattypeep — Fri, 23 Dec 2016 17:08:01 GMT

@Qshopper1991 Thank you. Your comment brought something to mind about my dad. When he was diagnosed with terminal cancer, he came over to my house and apologized for something that he did to me when I was just a toddler. My mother had told the story when I grew up (although I don't know why she wanted to tell me). When I was very small, I gagged on my food at the dinner table. My dad back handed me and knocked me backwards out of the chair. I ended up in emergency. Mom said they had to lie about what happened because dad was in the service and there would have been repercussions. I told dad that I didn't remember (which was true) and if I did remember, that I would forgive him. He just needed to say that before he died.

Re: Today Would Have Been.....

freakygirl — Fri, 23 Dec 2016 17:10:30 GMT

twopeas, what a wonderful daughter with a good heart. happy holidays to you and happy birthday to your mom ❤

Re: Today Would Have Been.....

Qshopper1991 — Fri, 23 Dec 2016 17:13:34 GMT

@pattypeep

You got me all teared up, girl.

I think that was commendable of your dad. Can you imagine the fact that he carried that around with him all that time? That generation burdoned themselves with so much stuff. He was pretty courageous for wanting to confess something like that.

Glad you didn't remember it. I'm sure that made your dad feel better

Re: Today Would Have Been.....

AKgirl2 — Fri, 23 Dec 2016 21:51:55 GMT

@pattypeep ~ I'm happy that through your own peace and understanding with the personal issues you experienced with your mom, she was blessed to recieve the same from you. Christmas Eve is my fathers birthday, he would've been 101! He was not an

emotional man, rarely expressed his feelings (there were occasions). All in all, I knew he loved my brother and me, which he showed in many ways. Dad was a wonderful provider but I think my mother took care of him as well as my brother and me. Mom was always there with a warm hug, kiss on the cheek and an I love you! Happy 101st Birthday dad!🎄🌹🎄

Re: Today Would Have Been.....

pattypeep — Sat, 24 Dec 2016 02:15:38 GMT

@Qshopper1991 wrote:
@pattypeep

You got me all teared up, girl.

I think that was commendable of your dad. Can you imagine the fact that he carried that around with him all that time? That generation burdoned themselves with so much stuff. He was pretty courageous for wanting to confess something like that.

Glad you didn't remember it. I'm sure that made your dad feel better

@Qshopper1991, aww, didn't want you to tear up. Yes, I agree that he was courageous for his confession. He was a very tough navy man and we were raised with a stern hand, so it must have bothered him very much towards the end and he needed my forgiveness. I am also glad that I was too young to remember.