topic Re: Roadside Memorials -- Your Thoughts in Community Chat

Roadside Memorials -- Your Thoughts

sunala — Mon, 28 Nov 2016 22:55:51 GMT

Today we had to attend a funeral and drove quite a distance. I must have passed at least a half dozen roadside memorials, decorated with teddy bears, balloons, religious icons, messages, etc. One even had a huge blown up photo of the young lady that lost her life. Some of them were so old; everything was faded and honestly, it looked like a pile of garbage.

What do you think about these memorials? Should they be allowed to be on highways, parkways and expressways? Should there be a time limit for them before they are removed?

They make me feel so sad. I guess that they make the family feel better, but what about the rest of us?

What are your thoughts?

Re: Roadside Memorials -- Your Thoughts

jaxs mom — Mon, 28 Nov 2016 22:57:25 GMT

It's a tradition in some cultures, I don't have a problem with it continuing.

Re: Roadside Memorials -- Your Thoughts

cherry — Mon, 28 Nov 2016 23:01:14 GMT

I don't like them. The stuff gets dirty and bedraggled looking. I don't see the purpose to begin with. Do something in the persons memory, that will help someone else

It doesn't bring anyone back. The cemetary is the place for this. It seems once this stuff starts a lot of people think it's the thing to do. Even the cemetary won't allow this stuff. If everyone did it , it would look like a junkyard

Re: Roadside Memorials -- Your Thoughts

spix — Mon, 28 Nov 2016 23:02:07 GMT

I have also seen many of these, & to be honest not sure how I feel, I understand that those that put memento's get solace from doing so & I sympathize (sp?) but do think that after a certain time when they become threadbare, it's time to remove & keep the memories in your heart.

Re: Roadside Memorials -- Your Thoughts

deepwaterdotter — Mon, 28 Nov 2016 23:04:30 GMT

After a normal Wisconsin winter, all the "memorials" in my area are just a sad pile of messiness in the spring.

Re: Roadside Memorials -- Your Thoughts

glb613 — Mon, 28 Nov 2016 23:08:10 GMT

I'm not a fan of public display of anything including grief and where someone died. I used to drive with my job and they are distracting. And as others have pointed out, they turn into a mess with time.

Re: Roadside Memorials -- Your Thoughts

151949 — Mon, 28 Nov 2016 23:15:20 GMT

OMG don't even get me started!!!My parents died in a car crash. Someone put one of these stupid memorials by the side of the road - it was actually obstrcting a spot in a business parking lot. After a short while it got all moldy - naturally - and smelled. The business owner called the township to have it removed and the police called me saying I had to remove it. DH & I had to go clean up the disgusting stinky and full of critters mess. Wouldn't you know - within a few days it was back. The police called us again and I refused. I told them I didn't put either memorial there and they could find who did and have them remove it.I was done with it and didn't want to hear about it again. Well, the police persisted and my DH- the softie- went and cleaned it up again.And once again it came back. The police started to watch for who it was and they caught her - a mentally challenged lady my Mom had worked with and her Mom were doing it. This part really cracks me up - the Township fined them several hundred dollars for the cost of the removal of the memorials !! WTH - it didn't cost the township squat!

Needless to say - people need to consider the consequences of their actions. What idiot would not know a bunch of teddy bears would get moldy?Or that mice & other critters would get in them.

Re: Roadside Memorials -- Your Thoughts

K9buddy — Mon, 28 Nov 2016 23:16:19 GMT

I see them as memorializing the tragedy, not the victim.

Re: Roadside Memorials -- Your Thoughts

Marp — Mon, 28 Nov 2016 23:19:58 GMT

I have many feelings about roadside memorials but one that always sticks with me for a long time after I've passed one is to pay attention not only to my driving but also to what drivers around me are doing.

I, like most people, sometimes fail to realize that there are many sources of distraction, including things that are part and parcel of driving like looking for an address or driveway/shopping center entrance, a particular store and even a parking space.

Re: Roadside Memorials -- Your Thoughts

cherry — Mon, 28 Nov 2016 23:21:54 GMT

A friend of a friend , had a bad situation that happened over someones death. The car landed in her front yard, and someone died. The mother of the dead person put flowers in her yard

It upset her terribly. They did it more than once. My friend told her to pitch them out if they upset her, so she did

Re: Roadside Memorials -- Your Thoughts

Preds — Mon, 28 Nov 2016 23:23:56 GMT

I don't care for them but I understand the need for the family to do them. My family does things like this. I don't, but if that's what gives them some form of peace ...

People need markers ... I haven't felt that need. My markers are in my heart. I do feel pain, or something when I pass by an area of sadness, but I don't need a marker to remind me of it.

Re: Roadside Memorials -- Your Thoughts

tansy — Mon, 28 Nov 2016 23:24:44 GMT

I understand the desire for people to want the memorial, but there should be a time limit:/

Re: Roadside Memorials -- Your Thoughts

Peaches McPhee — Mon, 28 Nov 2016 23:29:47 GMT

I think it is OK as long as it is kept up. So many are abandoned after the wave of mourners, and it looks like trash in no time. That is when the city should remove it.

There is one near me that has been there for YEARS if not decades. Someone tends it. It always looks clean.

Re: Roadside Memorials -- Your Thoughts

RedTop — Mon, 28 Nov 2016 23:34:00 GMT

I see quite a few roadside memorials along I-77 and US 19 here in West Virginia. I don't have a problem with the memorials, which are mostly crosses. Sometimes a solar ornament is there or a small wreath is hung on the cross. The ones I see on a regular basis are updated often, and never look like a pile of garbage.

I don't like to see the memorial in bad shape, but often wonder if it is because the family who put it there lives out of the area. My husband and I witnessed an accident that killed 2 out of state students on their way to Myrtle Beach. Their memorial is a simple wooden cross, but never has flowers or balloons. I think of those kids whenever we drive past that spot and remember they were from NY.

Re: Roadside Memorials -- Your Thoughts

azgal — Mon, 28 Nov 2016 23:34:21 GMT

I don't like them. I don't understand why someone would want to memorialize where someone died. I would rather remember where they lived. Also they can be distracting.

I agree with Cherry. That's what cemeteries are for.

Re: Roadside Memorials -- Your Thoughts

pitdakota — Mon, 28 Nov 2016 23:37:46 GMT

I don't necessarily like them, but if that helps a family grieve and they feel that is what they need to do, then that is what they need to do.

There is no one right way to grieve, so if it helps the ones left then that is fine with me.

I also agree with @Marp in that when I pass them, it reminds me to be aware & not take anything for granted.

Re: Roadside Memorials -- Your Thoughts

MyGirlsMom — Mon, 28 Nov 2016 23:37:47 GMT

It saddens me greatly when i see them..to think someones light faded..

I have mixed feelings about this because we (society) have a few public memorials of peoples deaths..where they were killed tragically, what's the difference?

Re: Roadside Memorials -- Your Thoughts

SahmIam — Mon, 28 Nov 2016 23:40:56 GMT

I think a simple cross or marker is really all that is needed. That said, I'm not really sure why people do this.....

if we marked every place a person died, can you imagine how many markers there would be and where?

Another perspective:

There is one strip of road in my county that was well known for accidents due to the traffic patter, landscape, etc. An entire family was killed one night and so 6 crosses appeared. The next month, 4 people were killed so 4 more crosses were placed. At first there were flowers, balloons, etc but eventually just the crosses stood. The community had fought for years for a light but the Powers That Be kept saying it wasn't needed. Houses kept being built in the area and more accidents occurred. About a year ago, I read that a light was going up (finally). You know why? Because someone took a picture of the strip of land and there were TWENTY-FIVE CROSSES in the picture. That's how many people were killed in that area over a period of 5 years. The families fought to keep the crosses up in order to show everyone that this was a DANGEROUS road and to prove that City Hall didn't care.

It worked.

Today there is one cross there acting as a memorial for all those killed. In the end, (someone really did a fantastic job of research) the community was able to show that many more were killed than people realized. The number of accidents overall was more than a hundred.

My cousin was killed by a drunk driver 1/2 mile from his apartment; my aunt and uncle never thought to put a cross there but neither one could drive by the area after that. A cross would have been too much for them. I don't know what I would do if it happened to someone I love; I hope it's a situation I never have to face.

Re: Roadside Memorials -- Your Thoughts

beach-mom — Mon, 28 Nov 2016 23:45:46 GMT

I too have mixed feelings. I don't like to see a pile of notes, teddy bears, pictures, etc. However, I have no problem with a simple cross marking the spot, if it gives the family comfort to put that up.

@151949 - I'm so sorry for what you went through. How sad the township fined that lady. Your mother must have meant a lot to her.

Re: Roadside Memorials -- Your Thoughts

Annabellethecat66 — Mon, 28 Nov 2016 23:47:16 GMT

Terrible! Just terrible. I wish you could see some of the one's where I live. I live off of some rather dangerous roads. That said, I've been told most of these accidents are of people who were walking along these roads OR riding their bikes (death wish).

These things (at least where I live) take on a life of themselves....(i.e. they grow and grow and (well you get it)). It's crazy! There are stuffed animals sitting there, flags (several) all kinds of artificial flowers, pictures in plastic. I'm not kidding! It's crazy. And these people (I'm actually thinking of 3 I go by every time I go out) eventually change some of the things, but it doesn't look like they change some of the things, (hence they are growing). Can you imagine how gross those stuffed animals get?

There are 2 of them that actually "bleed" over into someone's yard. I don't know what's the story there. The people probably feel like it wouldn't be right to move them, I don't know. One of them is sitting out partly in the road. Those are the biggest three. They are everywhere where I live! It's crazy. YES! I hate them. My husband died and his ashes are in Arlington Cemetery in Ft Myer, Va. I don't go there very often, my daughter does. He actually died in my arms.

I always wonder who these people that do that are. It's ridiculous.