topic Re: Describe This Please.... in Community Chat

Describe This Please....

itiswhatitis — Sat, 05 Nov 2016 19:43:03 GMT

I need different points of view about someone I've come to know. I have come to the conclusion that she is a narcissist. I could be wrong but I'm wondering what you would call someone who is:

Must be the center of attention (all the time)

Needs people to "need her."

Over inflated sense of self importance

Whines all the time about how she is treated by others (misunderstood, people picking on her)

Sneaky and does underhanded things

Not very emphatic towards others. If so, only when it will put her in a good light.

Will cause trouble for some just because she can

I am a firm believer that if there are people you don't get along with well, that you stay out of their way and/or not associate with them. I'm not into drama so it would be no problem for me to drop this person as an associate in a heart beat. I pretty much have, but she hasn't gotten the message yet.

Thanks.

Re: Describe This Please....

Cakers3 — Sat, 05 Nov 2016 19:49:11 GMT

@itiswhatitis I'm not sure what you are looking for. You already determined that this person has all the negative qualities you listed. Whether one needs to refer to her as a narcissist is not relevant.

It's a toxic situation and since you are trying to remove yourself from her company then there really isn't much else to do-unless you want to show her that list.

I find that diagnosing another individual without credentials is only what you see and you may not necessarily be right regarding all those negative qualities.

Only you can keep your distance; eventually she will move on to somebody who can supply what she needs.

Re: Describe This Please....

cotton4me — Sat, 05 Nov 2016 19:53:02 GMT

It doesn't sound good. Lol. I realize no one is perfect but this might be a little too much negativity.

Re: Describe This Please....

itiswhatitis — Sat, 05 Nov 2016 19:55:24 GMT

@Cakers3 wrote:
@itiswhatitis I'm not sure what you are looking for. You already determined that this person has all the negative qualities you listed. Whether one needs to refer to her as a narcissist is not relevant.

It's a toxic situation and since you are trying to remove yourself from her company then there really isn't much else to do-unless you want to show her that list.

I find that diagnosing another individual without credentials is only what you see and you may not necessarily be right regarding all those negative qualities.

Only you can keep your distance; eventually she will move on to somebody who can supply what she needs.

I have some knowledge, though I don't consider myself credentialed. I am not. They are observations I've made concerning her behavior when in my presence. I don't need someone to agree that she is a narcissist (my opinion) @Cakers3.

As for her keeping her distance (she has not). That's part of the problem. It's like a game to her, almost (imo). I've tried the diplomatic approach, but maybe telling her straight out I don't like her and tell her why would be a good idea too.

Re: Describe This Please....

AKgirl2 — Sat, 05 Nov 2016 19:54:05 GMT

Sorround yourself with people who being out the best in you, and not the worst in you. This has gotten easier through the years😊

Re: Describe This Please....

cotton4me — Sat, 05 Nov 2016 20:01:02 GMT

As far as diagnosing people. I tend to look for reasons why someone might be the way there are. It’s just for me personally and I may be wrong, but I find it helpful in possibly understanding them. For instance, my old boss – saw a Larry King show about psychopathic bosses. A light come on, did research. He seemed to fit the profile. It helped me in learning how to deal with him. No harm, no foul.

Re: Describe This Please....

Pearlee — Sat, 05 Nov 2016 20:03:18 GMT

@itiswhatitis wrote:
I need different points of view about someone I've come to know. I have come to the conclusion that she is a narcissist. I could be wrong but I'm wondering what you would call someone who is:

Must be the center of attention (all the time)

Needs people to "need her."

Over inflated sense of self importance

Whines all the time about how she is treated by others (misunderstood, people picking on her)

Sneaky and does underhanded things

Not very emphatic towards others. If so, only when it will put her in a good light.

Will cause trouble for some just because she can

I am a firm believer that if there are people you don't get along with well, that you stay out of their way and/or not associate with them. I'm not into drama so it would be no problem for me to drop this person as an associate in a heart beat. I pretty much have, but she hasn't gotten the message yet.

Thanks.

@itiswhatitis Since you haven't posted anything positive in this list, and since you have pretty much gotten rid of her anyway, what difference does it make what we think? IMO you know the answer to what you are asking here already.

Re: Describe This Please....

game-on — Sat, 05 Nov 2016 20:03:38 GMT

itswhatitis.... i know it is not easy to disengage from a friendship.... being "up front" isnt always easy.... i wasnt taught to be that way.... however, i have since learned to do this as a survival skill.... and the older i have gotten, i have learned that my energy is less and less.... so i wish you the best .... and hope you can do it....our mental and physical health is important....

Re: Describe This Please....

itiswhatitis — Sat, 05 Nov 2016 20:07:27 GMT

@Pearlee wrote:
@itiswhatitis wrote:
I need different points of view about someone I've come to know. I have come to the conclusion that she is a narcissist. I could be wrong but I'm wondering what you would call someone who is:

Must be the center of attention (all the time)

Needs people to "need her."

Over inflated sense of self importance

Whines all the time about how she is treated by others (misunderstood, people picking on her)

Sneaky and does underhanded things

Not very emphatic towards others. If so, only when it will put her in a good light.

Will cause trouble for some just because she can

I am a firm believer that if there are people you don't get along with well, that you stay out of their way and/or not associate with them. I'm not into drama so it would be no problem for me to drop this person as an associate in a heart beat. I pretty much have, but she hasn't gotten the message yet.

Thanks.

@itiswhatitis Since you haven't posted anything positive in this list, and since you have pretty much gotten rid of her anyway, what difference does it make what we think? IMO you know the answer to what you are asking here already.

I haven't got rid of her yet. She's not getting my drift. Like I indicated, I have tried to sever ties with her in a diplomatic way. It's possible I may have to resort to ratchetness @Pearlee.

Re: Describe This Please....

GCR18 — Sat, 05 Nov 2016 20:09:06 GMT

The word I would use is ex-friend. Keep telling her no until she gets the message.

Re: Describe This Please....

Melania — Sat, 05 Nov 2016 20:15:59 GMT

Why do you require a label? Will it change anything?

You have pretty much made up your mind. What more do you want?

Re: Describe This Please....

reiki604 — Sat, 05 Nov 2016 20:21:32 GMT

What difference does it make if she is a narcissist or not? If you no longer want to deal with her, leave the diagnosis to professionals and move on with your life unless you are looking for an excuse to dump her. In that case, you can call her whatever you want to justify your distancing yourself from her.

Re: Describe This Please....

libbyannE — Sat, 05 Nov 2016 20:18:59 GMT

The world is often a mirror, so if something upsets you in someone else, it could be that it reminds you if something you do not like in yourself. When someone irritates me, which is not often, I always ask myself that question to see what I can learn in a positive way. Having said that, I do not understand your post because you have assessed this person already. Why hang out with someone whose behavior bothers you? Move on.

Re: Describe This Please....

sweetee2 — Sat, 05 Nov 2016 20:20:47 GMT

You are right. My old boss was this way. Being she was my boss, I was afraid of what she might do. Anyway I don't think you should tell her you don't like her. People like her you can't be trusted. So just move on with new friends.

Re: Describe This Please....

itiswhatitis — Sat, 05 Nov 2016 20:21:10 GMT

@Melania wrote:
Why do you require a label? Will it change anything?
You have pretty much made up your mind. What more do you want?

I'm not asking YOU for a label. I have given her one myself. I am asking for ways to disengage with her. I'm not a flat out in your face rude person. I have tried not to give the impression we are close but she doesn't get it.

@Melania. If you don't have any suggestions, that's ok. Thanks anyway.

Re: Describe This Please....

itiswhatitis — Sat, 05 Nov 2016 20:27:32 GMT

@libbyannE wrote:
The world is often a mirror, so if something upsets you in someone else, it could be that it reminds you if something you do not like in yourself. When someone irritates me, which is not often, I always ask myself that question to see what I can learn in a positive way. Having said that, I do not understand your post because you have assessed this person already. Why hang out with someone whose behavior bothers you? Move on.

This is interesting, but it is often true. Not one of the traits I mentioned could describe me. Not one. Honestly, I'm not a "me" person, I am a we person. I prefer comrade. I don't do underhanded things to people, as I would not be able to sleep at night (guilt). I'm nothing like this person, thus, the reason I dislike her so @libbyannE.

Re: Describe This Please....

Marp — Sat, 05 Nov 2016 20:29:46 GMT

what you would call someone who is ...

Sister-in-law.

Re: Describe This Please....

itiswhatitis — Sat, 05 Nov 2016 20:34:15 GMT

@reiki604 wrote:
What difference does it make if she is a narcissist or not? If you no longer want to deal with her, leave the diagnosis to professionals and move on with your life unless you are looking for an excuse to dump her. In that case, you can call her whatever you want to justify your distancing yourself from her.

@reiki604, did you know there was all kinds of advice available to help people who love narcissists? That was just a simple way for me to describe her. Suppose I left narccist out? What would you think of a person with the traits I mentioned? Notwithstanding, the "title" was simply used for me to describe her and not diagnose her.

Ever heard of how people describe the greedy? Greedy would be their title and with that title there are a certain set of traits they hold.

Re: Describe This Please....

DiAnne — Sat, 05 Nov 2016 20:34:46 GMT

My sister.....

Re: Describe This Please....

itiswhatitis — Sat, 05 Nov 2016 20:35:26 GMT

@Marp wrote:
what you would call someone who is ...

Sister-in-law.

Oh my! You really are in a bind. Hard to detach from that family dynamic w/o causing strife @Marp.