topic Re: Your Opinion? in Community Chat

Your Opinion?

Yardlie — Fri, 04 Nov 2016 16:57:20 GMT

Let's try this. I hope just sticking to the basics is ok with the webbie. DH and I had a small dinner party last night for an old friend of my sons who was visiting the area. It got off to a nice start, but then the guys got onto a controversial subject. (The topic is not relevant.) One of the guys threatened to walk out if the topic continued. Apparently it did, and he stormed out. The party was given in his honor. He and my son used to be very close friends. After the guest of honor departed in such an angry manner, everyone became very quiet.

My son thinks I should call his parents and tell them about his behavior, because they were the ones who told us he would be in town and that he would love to see us again. The son is now 25-26 years old. I don't know if I should report his reaction to his parents, as he old enough to be responsible for his own behavior. Anyway, the whole thing was rather embarrassing after the guest of honor departed.

Would you do anything? It's hard to control the topic of a dinner conversation. I haven't heard from the guest of honor since he left....or is it my responsibility to write to him and apologize for the tenor of the conversation? Thanks.

Re: Your Opinion?

Lila Belle — Fri, 04 Nov 2016 17:07:19 GMT

The matter is between you all and not his parents. I'd call and follow up with a note if you are unable to speak with him.

Re: Your Opinion?

DiAnne — Fri, 04 Nov 2016 17:05:38 GMT

I would stay out of it completely. This is between your sons and the guest. If anything the guest owes you an apology for storming out but that is about it.

Re: Your Opinion?

Cakers3 — Fri, 04 Nov 2016 17:06:25 GMT

@Yardlie Nix to calling the parents and nix to calling the guest.

Unless the topic was insulting to the guest in terms of his race, religion, identity etc. then his rudeness deserves no more attention.

Insulting the guest would have been one thing; but from what I'm reading he didn't like another opinion and picked up his toys and went home.

If his parents do call you then what happened can be said but otherwise this isn't a 10-year old child who needs a lesson in manners. That ship has sailed.

Re: Your Opinion?

Vivian — Fri, 04 Nov 2016 17:06:56 GMT

I would say nothing. What could possibly be accomplished by communicating such an unpleasant and uncomfortable experience? Unfortunately, nerves are on edge right now in our country and, sadly, intolerance rules. I have a dear friend whose beliefs could not be more different than mine but we have learned to discuss our differences without attacks and hissy fits. I wish we could teach others how to find common ground. Also, sometimes people displace their woes onto other topics so that a violent response has more to do with one's personal life than with the outside world. Let it go. You've just experienced yet another example of intolerance.

Re: Your Opinion?

Noel7 — Fri, 04 Nov 2016 17:09:47 GMT

Really? Telling on a grown man? And to his parents? That might be something you do with a child but not a grown man. My advice is to stay out of it.

Re: Your Opinion?

cherry — Fri, 04 Nov 2016 17:09:24 GMT

I would let it go. If anyone should apologize, it's the person who refused to let things drop, when they knew the lay of the land

THe guy is a grown man and his parents can't help what he does

Re: Your Opinion?

HappyDaze — Fri, 04 Nov 2016 17:11:09 GMT

Call a twenty something year old's parents to what, tattle on him? Seems silly. He is an adult and makes his own decisions and behaviours, just as you stated in your OP.

If the dinner was in his honor, I think it would have been respectful if people would have stopped the line of discussion they were on that he requested to stop.

Re: Your Opinion?

HappyDaze — Fri, 04 Nov 2016 17:12:05 GMT

@Noel7 wrote:
Really? Telling on a grown man? And to his parents? That might be something you do with a child but not a grown man. My advice is to stay out of it.

LOL we must have been posting at the same time. My thoughts EXACTLY @Noel7!

Re: Your Opinion?

Tinkrbl44 — Fri, 04 Nov 2016 17:14:09 GMT

Sorry, but I believe that it's the job of the Host or Hostess to keep the conversation flowing in a way that keeps things pleasant. You could have directly asked one of the guys "Let's put this discussion on hold for now" .... or just stated to everyone "Let's change the subject ..." or "Guest of Honor, which airline did you take coming here?" .... or some other question meant to distract and redirect the conversation.

People should be on their best behavior at dinner parties, but that doesn't always happen. Unfortunately, you need to be ready for this.

This is part of what a Hostess is meant to do. JMO, of course.

Re: Your Opinion?

Peaches McPhee — Fri, 04 Nov 2016 17:14:40 GMT

Leave his parents out of it. As others have said, he is a grown-up now.

BUT, and I might be in the minority here, I think you owe him an apology. As the hosts, it is your responsiblity to guide the table talk, and when things got heated you should have politely cut it off. He also owes you an apology for reacting so poorly.

Re: Your Opinion?

Noel7 — Fri, 04 Nov 2016 17:14:56 GMT

@HappyDaze

NEURONS !

Re: Your Opinion?

CrazyDaisy — Fri, 04 Nov 2016 17:15:29 GMT

He said he would leave if the conversation continued. The host allowed to topic to continue, he left. Why are you suprised.

Re: Your Opinion?

Puppy Lips — Fri, 04 Nov 2016 17:15:31 GMT

If this were just a difference of opinion, I think your guest owes you an apology for walking out. Everyone involved in the conversation should have just agreed to disagree, and let it go at that. Some people get so passionate about their beliefs that they just can not let it go, and will ruin relationships over it. I would just let it alone at this point.

Re: Your Opinion?

colliegirls — Fri, 04 Nov 2016 17:17:37 GMT

At a party in my home, I would have changed the subject or put an end to a controversial conversation before it turned bad. No guest should feel uncomfortable. People have strong opinions on some subjects and do not need or want to discuss them. He must have felt very upset if he left. It is over now, nothing anyone can do.

Re: Your Opinion?

SaRina — Fri, 04 Nov 2016 17:25:59 GMT

IMO, the host does have an obligation to keep an appropriate atmosphere at dinner and considering just how contentious the subject was, you needed to make sure the conversation didn't proceed. Nevertheless, the guest was completely out of line (and immature).

Do not report to the guest's parents. That's ridiculous. I don't know if I would do anything further because I do feel the guest owes an apology for disrupting the party given in his honor.

I don't know if you should feel embarrassed about anything as, again, it was the guest who was out of line. Maybe embarrassed for not stepping in sooner and taking control? A simple apology to the other people at that time for the disruption would have been sufficient. I'm sure the other guests were understanding about emotions running high in this case.

Re: Your Opinion?

HappyDaze — Fri, 04 Nov 2016 17:28:51 GMT

@Noel7 wrote:
@HappyDaze
NEURONS !

@Noel7

Re: Your Opinion?

Noel7 — Fri, 04 Nov 2016 17:32:52 GMT

@HappyDaze wrote:
@Noel7 wrote:
@HappyDaze
NEURONS !
@Noel7

****************************************

We were on the same page there, too! BTW, I put up a photo of neurons that looks a lot like the cup, LOL.

Re: Your Opinion?

Yardlie — Fri, 04 Nov 2016 17:35:16 GMT

@Peaches McPhee wrote:
Leave his parents out of it. As others have said, he is a grown-up now.

BUT, and I might be in the minority here, I think you owe him an apology. As the hosts, it is your responsiblity to guide the table talk, and when things got heated you should have politely cut it off. He also owes you an apology for reacting so poorly.

This is kind of what I think. However, we never even got to the table. The guys were in the family room talking. My husband was playing bartender, and I was in the kitchen. Next thing I knew, the guest of honor was running out the back door without so much as a "good bye." I was thinking of dropping him a note apologizing for what I understood to happen and asking him to drop by the next time he is in the city. I have a feeling that won't happen, but at least I can extend an olive branch.

Re: Your Opinion?

HappyDaze — Fri, 04 Nov 2016 17:36:03 GMT

@Noel7 wrote:
@HappyDaze wrote:
@Noel7 wrote:
@HappyDaze
NEURONS !
@Noel7
****************************************

We were on the same page there, too! BTW, I put up a photo of neurons that looks a lot like the cup, LOL.

LOL yep! I know we have disagreed at times but I am beginning to think GMTA with us, if I do say so myself, lol!