topic Re: HELP MY DAUGHTER WANTS TO MOVE TO FLORIDA in Community Chat

HELP MY DAUGHTER WANTS TO MOVE TO FLORIDA

Lindsays Grandma — Thu, 03 Nov 2016 04:19:42 GMT

I was born and raised in Queens and Long Island in New York. I moved to Los Angeles, CA in 1965 with my second husband, our 2 month old baby girl and my two children from a former marriage. We lived in CA for 40 years and my youngest daughter, granddaughter, and I have been living in AZ for the past ten years.

Suddenly out of the blue my youngest who was raised in CA and is a California Girl wants us to move to Winter Park, Florida. My parents moved to Florida from New York when Dad retired and my sister and brother-in-law also moved there from New York when he retired. I visited several times in the winter only.

My sister never spent a summer in Florida, they had a house on the lake in Maine and to this day she still goes there every summer.

Two doctors, a very dear friend of mine who grew up in Florida and my sister have told her all the reasons why she should not make the move. I in no way have a desire to go there and have talked until I am blue in the face but nothing from anyone is getting through to her.

I know there are some of you living in Florida and maybe you like it there and I mean no disrespect but can someone please try to explain what she is facing. The second time I visited my sister in Davie she, her husband and some neighbors along with me sat outside listening to music and talking and in the middle of the night my legs were itching so badly I couldn't stand it. Both of my legs were covered in bites, I was wearing slacks and never felt a thing bite me and I suffered for days. Went to a pharmacy and was told to take Benadryl. Thank goodness for long pants because I had to get on a plane to go back to CA and my legs looked horrible. How about the humidity? Even that doesn't get through to her. We live in AZ, hot and dry. A/C on 24/7 from April through November, same as FL. Talk about electric bills!!! She won't have to look for a job, there is one available but we would have to stay in a hotel until we can find a place to live. I just can't buy into it, not for me. Can't go back to CA, housing is way too expensive.

Sorry, I didn't mean to make this so long but once I got started I couldn't stop. Any advice will be appreciated. Some way, some how I have to stop her from doing this. At my age and chronic pain the last place my body wants to be is in Florida. No friend to stay with, my three dearest and closest friends passed away from breast cancer. My sister, a widow lives a busy life, lots of money living in Boca Grande and her advice is not to make the move, she offers nothing else. Can anyone come up with something I can say to my daughter to discourage her? Anyone? Please? Excuse me if there are any words misspelled, I did spellcheck but it isn't the best.

Re: HELP MY DAUGHTER WANTS TO MOVE TO FLORIDA

granny me — Thu, 03 Nov 2016 04:23:57 GMT

It's my opinion you should let your daughter go with your blessings. It's her life, and she needs to experience and live out her dreams. I am sure you will miss her, but pushing her to stay may push her away in ways you don't want.

Re: HELP MY DAUGHTER WANTS TO MOVE TO FLORIDA

Snowpuppy — Thu, 03 Nov 2016 04:25:38 GMT

You want to keep your grown daughter from living her own life by telling her she'll suffer bug bites is she goes?

But you left NY and went to CA because you found a new man, so that was okay?

You were living your dream. Why not let your daughter live hers?

Re: HELP MY DAUGHTER WANTS TO MOVE TO FLORIDA

Sooner — Thu, 03 Nov 2016 04:30:11 GMT

Yes. Your daughter deserves her own life.

Re: HELP MY DAUGHTER WANTS TO MOVE TO FLORIDA

Kachina624 — Thu, 03 Nov 2016 04:39:03 GMT

Do you have to go with her? If this was my daughter, I'd tell her " bon voyage" and stay right where I was. Why does she want to go?

I lived in one of those humid, warm climates in Houston for over 30 years and wild horses couldn't get me back. Florida is even worse. All kinds of bugs, huge roaches with wings that fly at you (palmetto bugs), lizards in the house and all kinds of snakes (now boa constrictors) and even roaming alligators. Air conditioning on while you're cooking Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners. Everything get moldy and mildewed, hurricane evacuations, frizzy hair and constantly feeling damp. Summers hot, hot, hotter.

Re: HELP MY DAUGHTER WANTS TO MOVE TO FLORIDA

YorkieonmyPillow — Thu, 03 Nov 2016 04:40:17 GMT

@Lindsays Grandma You mentioned this the other day & said that, if she does, you will go to an Assisted Living - did you change your mind on that?

Where is your daughter planning to stay when she gets there?

Re: HELP MY DAUGHTER WANTS TO MOVE TO FLORIDA

Lindsays Grandma — Thu, 03 Nov 2016 04:43:33 GMT

I forgot to mention we live together. We share expenses and I am here for Lindsay and have been since she was born. My daughter is divorced and can't afford to make it on her own. Therefore, when she makes a decision to move it affects my life.

Re: HELP MY DAUGHTER WANTS TO MOVE TO FLORIDA

granny me — Thu, 03 Nov 2016 04:51:25 GMT

@Lindsays Grandma wrote:
I forgot to mention we live together. We share expenses and I am here for Lindsay and have been since she was born. My daughter is divorced and can't afford to make it on her own. Therefore, when she makes a decision to move it affects my life.

I didn't realize the move included you to go with her. Well, that does add hair to the donkey. This will not be an easy decision for either of you and I wish you well.

Re: HELP MY DAUGHTER WANTS TO MOVE TO FLORIDA

Mz iMac — Thu, 03 Nov 2016 04:51:30 GMT

@Lindsays Grandma

"My daughter is divorced and can't afford to make it on her own."

In your original posting you stated....

"She won't have to look for a job, there is one available"

Are you now saying you cannot afford to stay where you are now if your daughter moves since ya'll are sharing expenses?

Re: HELP MY DAUGHTER WANTS TO MOVE TO FLORIDA

Lindsays Grandma — Thu, 03 Nov 2016 04:52:04 GMT

Yorkieonmypillow...Unfortunately the cost is prohibitive. I remember when my parents were in an assisted living place and that was many years ago the cost back then was over two thousand a month. That was in Florida.

Re: HELP MY DAUGHTER WANTS TO MOVE TO FLORIDA

NYC Susan — Thu, 03 Nov 2016 04:52:14 GMT

@granny me wrote:
It's my opinion you should let your daughter go with your blessings. It's her life, and she needs to experience and live out her dreams. I am sure you will miss her, but pushing her to stay may push her away in ways you don't want.

Exactly. It's her life. One of my sons moved far away, and I miss him very much. But he is happy and thriving and living a wonderful life. I would never even consider living where he lives, but he loves it there. I never wanted anyone to tell me where I should live, and I wouldn't do it to anyone else either.

This is tough, I know, but she deserves to be respected enough to make her own decisions.

Re: HELP MY DAUGHTER WANTS TO MOVE TO FLORIDA

granny me — Thu, 03 Nov 2016 04:52:17 GMT

@Kachina624 wrote:
Do you have to go with her? If this was my daughter, I'd tell her " bon voyage" and stay right where I was. Why does she want to go?

I lived in one of those humid, warm climates in Houston for over 30 years and wild horses couldn't get me back. Florida is even worse. All kinds of bugs, huge roaches with wings that fly at you (palmetto bugs), lizards in the house and all kinds of snakes (now boa constrictors) and even roaming alligators. Air conditioning on while you're cooking Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners. Everything get moldy and mildewed, hurricane evacuations, frizzy hair and constantly feeling damp. Summers hot, hot, hotter.

I want to move to Florida and you're raining on my parade.

Re: HELP MY DAUGHTER WANTS TO MOVE TO FLORIDA

YorkieonmyPillow — Thu, 03 Nov 2016 04:59:54 GMT

@Lindsays Grandma if you are living together to share expenses & she cannot make it on her own, just how does she plan to move to Florida?

Does she just expect you to go, too, without your agreement?

Re: HELP MY DAUGHTER WANTS TO MOVE TO FLORIDA

Reba055 — Thu, 03 Nov 2016 05:15:44 GMT

@Kachina624 wrote:
Do you have to go with her? If this was my daughter, I'd tell her " bon voyage" and stay right where I was. Why does she want to go?

I lived in one of those humid, warm climates in Houston for over 30 years and wild horses couldn't get me back. Florida is even worse. All kinds of bugs, huge roaches with wings that fly at you (palmetto bugs), lizards in the house and all kinds of snakes (now boa constrictors) and even roaming alligators. Air conditioning on while you're cooking Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners. Everything get moldy and mildewed, hurricane evacuations, frizzy hair and constantly feeling damp. Summers hot, hot, hotter.

@Kachina624 With all due respect, I haven't seen a palmetto bug in years and years, or any bugs. Well, an occasional earwig when it rains a lot. You use an exterminator service. No bugs. See anything, call for retreat. No bugs. No lizards in my house either. Yes, there is an occasional snake. Most are harmless and don't bother you if you don't bother them.Having a black snake around keeps the poisonous snakes away. And I hate snakes. Yikes. You do run the AC, but nothing in my house has ever been moldy or mildewed. The gator thing is overblown. There's a lot of people living in FL. How many gators do you see?

It might not be for everyone but it's not like it was in the 50's and 60's, lol. Live in a newer home and run your air when it's hot. And yes, it's hot in the summer, period. Most people adjust to the heat and humidity in a few years.

And you don't sit outside in the summer without being in a screened enclosure or burning citronella (tiki torches) which works quite well. Most municipalities spray and keep mosquitoes down. Especially now. It's not that awful 😊

Re: HELP MY DAUGHTER WANTS TO MOVE TO FLORIDA

granny me — Thu, 03 Nov 2016 05:21:33 GMT

@Reba055 wrote:
@Kachina624 wrote:
Do you have to go with her? If this was my daughter, I'd tell her " bon voyage" and stay right where I was. Why does she want to go?

I lived in one of those humid, warm climates in Houston for over 30 years and wild horses couldn't get me back. Florida is even worse. All kinds of bugs, huge roaches with wings that fly at you (palmetto bugs), lizards in the house and all kinds of snakes (now boa constrictors) and even roaming alligators. Air conditioning on while you're cooking Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners. Everything get moldy and mildewed, hurricane evacuations, frizzy hair and constantly feeling damp. Summers hot, hot, hotter.
@Kachina624 With all due respect, I haven't seen a palmetto bug in years and years, or any bugs. Well, an occasional earwig when it rains a lot. You use an exterminator service. No bugs. See anything, call for retreat. No bugs. No lizards in my house either. Yes, there is an occasional snake. Most are harmless and don't bother you if you don't bother them.Having a black snake around keeps the poisonous snakes away. And I hate snakes. Yikes. You do run the AC, but nothing in my house has ever been moldy or mildewed. The gator thing is overblown. There's a lot of people living in FL. How many gators do you see?

It might not be for everyone but it's not like it was in the 50's and 60's, lol. Live in a newer home and run your air when it's hot. And yes, it's hot in the summer, period. Most people adjust to the heat and humidity in a few years.

And you don't sit outside in the summer without being in a screened enclosure or burning citronella (tiki torches) which works quite well. Most municipalities spray and keep mosquitoes down. Especially now. It's not that awful 😊

You restore my dream in moving to Florida.

Re: HELP MY DAUGHTER WANTS TO MOVE TO FLORIDA

KathyPet — Thu, 03 Nov 2016 05:25:25 GMT

YOu are telling us why you don't want to go to FL. But are not telling us why your daughter is so insistent on going. WHat is so great that she wants to move there? HAs she ever been there?

Re: HELP MY DAUGHTER WANTS TO MOVE TO FLORIDA

truffle — Thu, 03 Nov 2016 05:34:36 GMT

Your situation sounds unbearable @Lindsays Grandma fraught with anxiety and fear for your future. If you daughter has stated she will always be there for you then she should be good on her word. It is clear that you need her and cannot survive without her. I don't blame you for not wanting to relocate as moving is always stressful nevermind that it's a location you find unacceptable. You have to make it clear that you are not moving and that she, as your caregiver, will destroy not just your life but hers too as there is a co-dependency.

Re: HELP MY DAUGHTER WANTS TO MOVE TO FLORIDA

Plaid Pants2 — Thu, 03 Nov 2016 05:51:11 GMT

O/p,

Is your opposition to her moving to Florida really about the bugs, or is it about something more?

You, yourself said that your daughter has a job waiting for her.

Is your opposition really about how your "baby" is now an adult woman, embarking on living her own life, and that means that you won't see her as often as you are use to seeing her, which is every day?

It sounds as if you depend on her, like a security blanket, and you have lost your own identity while being wrapped up in being her mother.

I think that you are scared of having to live your life for yourself, without your daughter in it.

The more that you oppose her moving, the more she will dig her heals in, and you run the risk of alienating her, and losing her forever.

Ask yourself, is it really worth that risk?

Also, the job of parents is to raise kids that are confident, and that want to spread their wings and leave the nest.

Afterall, you did. You moved from New York to California, to pursue your dreams.

Why would you want to stand in the way of letting your daughter pursue hers?

I don't say this to be unkind, but I think that you are being a bit selfish in trying to stop your daughter from moving, because, honestly, I think that this is more about you, than her moving.

You have said your piece, she knows how you feel.

Now the rest is up to her.

It's not your place to try to stop her from pursuing her dreams, simply because it makes you uncomfortable.

Re: HELP MY DAUGHTER WANTS TO MOVE TO FLORIDA

NYC Susan — Thu, 03 Nov 2016 05:56:57 GMT

@truffle wrote:
Your situation sounds unbearable @Lindsays Grandma fraught with anxiety and fear for your future. If you daughter has stated she will always be there for you then she should be good on her word. It is clear that you need her and cannot survive without her. I don't blame you for not wanting to relocate as moving is always stressful nevermind that it's a location you find unacceptable. You have to make it clear that you are not moving and that she, as your caregiver, will destroy not just your life but hers too as there is a co-dependency.

This is way too heavy-handed for me. I can't imagine saying that to anyone under any circumstances.

Re: HELP MY DAUGHTER WANTS TO MOVE TO FLORIDA

Lindsays Grandma — Thu, 03 Nov 2016 06:00:20 GMT

No she has never been to FL . I went along with her decision to leave CA to live in AZ. We share expenses because she doesn't earn enough to pay for all the bills. The electric bills are out of sight due to running the A/C 24/7 for 8 to 9 months. It was a mistake to leave CA and I would consider moving because I don't care for AZ but FL is not on my list. I was the one who took care of Lindsay for thirteen years, taking her to day care and picking her up. When she started charter school I am the one who got up with her to get her ready and take her to the bus and pick her up at the end of the day. Helped her with her homework, etc. My daughter certainly could not have paid someone to do all of this. To those of you who think I am trying to stop my daughter from living her dream is ridiculous. She is my daughter and Lindsay is my granddaughter and I have been here for them and will be until I am no longer here. She wants to get out of AZ and picked FL. I always hoped she would meet someone but it didn't happen and I don't know what she will do once I am gone, I'm no getting younger. She has a tendency to make choices and decisions without doing her homework. If she insists I have no choice. At this point I am sorry I started this thread and if I knew how I would delete it. She divorced her husband before Lindsay was a year old due to a drug problem he had and I retired shortly after and have we have been together ever since.