topic Re: Buying a house with a significant other? in Community Chat

Buying a house with a significant other?

carlycat — Fri, 09 Sep 2016 04:58:08 GMT

Ladies, appreciate your thoughts on this situation . I am 60 and engaged to a nice man who is 63. I own my deceased mother's house with my brother, and my fiancée needs a house to use as his office. He does not currently own another home. We cere considering having him buy the other half of my mother's house from my brother, so that my fiancée and I would own it together.

However, he told me, that even if we got married, even if we owned it together for 10 years, he would leave his "half" of the house to his four adult children from his previous three marriages. He said he would let me use it as long as I wanted, but that he would not leave his "half" to me.

I feel this is wrong and unreasonable, especially if we were married. He says I am unreasonable and anyone would agree with him. He had a very expensive third divorce and says he's not losing that kind of money again. Your thoughts, please.

Re: Buying a house with a significant other?

RoughDraft — Fri, 09 Sep 2016 05:09:32 GMT

Run!

Re: Buying a house with a significant other?

bowlicious — Fri, 09 Sep 2016 05:19:28 GMT

I think I would rethink this man as a husband. Keep him as a bf if you want but not have him buy half of your house.

Re: Buying a house with a significant other?

Anonymous — Fri, 09 Sep 2016 05:27:01 GMT

This post has been removed by QVC because it is inappropriate

Re: Buying a house with a significant other?

Tinkrbl44 — Fri, 09 Sep 2016 05:50:04 GMT

@carlycat wrote:
Ladies, appreciate your thoughts on this situation . I am 60 and engaged to a nice man who is 63. I own my deceased mother's house with my brother, and my fiancée needs a house to use as his office. He does not currently own another home. We cere considering having him buy the other half of my mother's house from my brother, so that my fiancée and I would own it together.
However, he told me, that even if we got married, even if we owned it together for 10 years, he would leave his "half" of the house to his four adult children from his previous three marriages. He said he would let me use it as long as I wanted, but that he would not leave his "half" to me.
I feel this is wrong and unreasonable, especially if we were married. He says I am unreasonable and anyone would agree with him. He had a very expensive third divorce and says he's not losing that kind of money again. Your thoughts, please.

@carlycat

Why is it "wrong and unreasonable" for him to want to leave his real estate interest to his children?

I can tell you from first hand experience, the surviving spouse doesn't always do as the couple previously agreed upon. My father died, leaving their home to my stepmother. Upon her death, the proceeds of the sale of their home was to be split 4 ways ... with my sisters and I and her son. Immediately after my father's passing, she transferred 100% ownership to her son, and we didn't learn of this until after her passing! An estate planner friend of mine said this is happening all the time, and a lot of adult children are getting screwed.

This might be a good relationship, but I think you need to re-think owning a home together. Don't ask for trouble. He wants to leave his kids something .... your home isn't it. JMO

Re: Buying a house with a significant other?

AKgirl2 — Fri, 09 Sep 2016 05:28:58 GMT

@bowlicious wrote:
I think I would rethink this man as a husband. Keep him as a bf if you want but not have him buy half of your house.

I wouldn't even consider keeping him as a boyfriend...this guy has an agenda, his!!!

Re: Buying a house with a significant other?

hennypenny — Fri, 09 Sep 2016 05:29:43 GMT

Never mix business with pleasure. Let him buy his own house with his own money.

Keep your mother's house in your family as sole and seperate property.

Anything that is not in writing, is folly.

Be very very careful.

Don't let "love" get in your way and cloud your judgement.

Re: Buying a house with a significant other?

Kitlynn — Fri, 09 Sep 2016 05:33:47 GMT

This should definitely be a red flag to you. If he is telling you how it is going to be and doesn't care what your opinion is then you should really reaccess things. Not being rude or trying to sound harsh but at sixty you should know that you don't change someone and if he has that kind of attitude about this just imagine what his attitude about other things will be. He is already holding things that a previous wife did to him against you. I hope you think about yourself and really think things over before you make a decision about anything permenant or financially with someone like him. Also if he is sixty three and you are going to be his fourth wife that should be a red flag also. Now I am in no way saying that someone who has been divorced wouldn't be a good match but if he has been divorced three times then you really have to know that three women couldn't have been wrong.

Re: Buying a house with a significant other?

AKgirl2 — Fri, 09 Sep 2016 05:34:38 GMT

@Kitlynn wrote:
This should definitely be a red flag to you. If he is telling you how it is going to be and doesn't care what your opinion is then you should really reaccess things. Not being rude or trying to sound harsh but at sixty you should know that you don't change someone and if he has that kind of attitude about this just imagine what his attitude about other things will be. He is already holding things that a previous wife did to him against you. I hope you think about yourself and really think things over before you make a decision about anything permenant or financially with someone like him.

👍👏

Re: Buying a house with a significant other?

AKgirl2 — Fri, 09 Sep 2016 05:37:13 GMT

@hennypenny wrote:
Never mix business with pleasure. Let him buy his own house with his own money.
Keep your mother's house in your family as sole and seperate property.
Anything that is not in writing, is folly.
Be very very careful.
Don't let "love" get in your way and cloud your judgement.

👍👏

Re: Buying a house with a significant other?

sissel — Fri, 09 Sep 2016 05:46:06 GMT

He has been married 3 times so there you go, don't think he would jump in for a 4th time. How about renting half your house to him but get a lawyer that specializes in real estate and do a 9 month lease that way if things don't work out he can leave or you will not renew his lease.and he will go. You may not get along living with eachother plus it help you & your brother with house expenses. Where is he living now? Also see how your brother feels, he owns half the house with you, he has a say. I would be very careful doing this. Don't be too quick to do this just seems things aren't right.

Re: Buying a house with a significant other?

Tinkrbl44 — Fri, 09 Sep 2016 05:47:28 GMT

@hennypenny wrote:
Never mix business with pleasure. Let him buy his own house with his own money.
Keep your mother's house in your family as sole and seperate property.
Anything that is not in writing, is folly.
Be very very careful.
Don't let "love" get in your way and cloud your judgement.

@hennypenny

There's nothing wrong with him wanting to leave something to his 4 kids ..... that doesn't make him a bad guy!

People accumulate wealth and property over time, and older people re-marrying should just keep things separate. This is just plain common sense.

Re: Buying a house with a significant other?

Bellabutterfly — Fri, 09 Sep 2016 06:11:26 GMT

Run...And run fast....!

I had a family member, who was Engaged and decited to purchase a home together before they got married.

We all tried to talk him out of it...He did not listen.

Then they decided to furnish the entire home too. He paid for ALL the Furnishings, all the expenses, heating bill, light bill, phone bill, all grocery bills.

My family member, returned home after being away on a 2 - week overseas business trip. He walked into the home and throught he was robbed.

She cleaned him out! All the furniture in the entire house was gone. He found a note saying the engagement was off. However, she did not leave the "Expensive Engagement Ring".

We tried to talk him out of buying it together. What was the hurry? Well, he got screwed!

He had to hire an attorney and get the home changed into his name...Had to refinance and Interest rates were now at a higher rate.

And even though he paid for everything...He had to pay her out...Even though he purchased everything and paid for everything. Furniture, all the electric, heating, phone and all grocery bills.

It was a "Very Expensive Lesson" to learn. She hit him right in the "Bank Account".

He did get the one of a kind "Custom Made Engagement Ring" back...Thank God!

So, Carlycat...Do NOT DO IT...

Run...Forest....Run...

Life is like a box of chocolates...

You never know what you are going to get...?

Re: Buying a house with a significant other?

hopi — Fri, 09 Sep 2016 06:23:39 GMT

You need to protect your self and your assests. Three divorces says alot. Unreasonable will not protect you in court. Some men like to be married. Make sure thats not your goal. He is telling you his intentions and you need to hear him loud and clear. The ladies above are offering you sound advice.

Re: Buying a house with a significant other?

JaneMarple — Fri, 09 Sep 2016 07:00:51 GMT

@carlycat You already know the answer to your question. It sounds like you're second guessing yourself, DON'T! If your instincts are yelling at you then listen to them. The other posters gave you excellent advice, keep your half of your family home to yourself.

Re: Buying a house with a significant other?

BlingQueen022 — Fri, 09 Sep 2016 07:01:41 GMT

Do not marry him, you will be divorce number 4.

Re: Buying a house with a significant other?

Big Sister — Fri, 09 Sep 2016 07:21:12 GMT

I know you already have doubts or you would not have posted.

My "motto" has always been, WHEN IN DOUBT, DON'T.

If he ends the engagement when you say "no" then you will know what his agenda is.

I tend to be suspicious, and I hope to be proven wrong in this case.

Re: Buying a house with a significant other?

mzlg — Fri, 09 Sep 2016 08:03:37 GMT

Carlycat wrote:
Ladies, appreciate your thoughts on this situation . I am 60 and engaged to a nice man who is 63. I own my deceased mother's house with my brother, and my fiancée needs a house to use as his office. He does not currently own another home. We cere considering having him buy the other half of my mother's house from my brother, so that my fiancée and I would own it together.
However, he told me, that even if we got married, even if we owned it together for 10 years, he would leave his "half" of the house to his four adult children from his previous three marriages. He said he would let me use it as long as I wanted, but that he would not leave his "half" to me.
I feel this is wrong and unreasonable, especially if we were married. He says I am unreasonable and anyone would agree with him. He had a very expensive third divorce and says he's not losing that kind of money again. Your thoughts, please.

In baseball terms, I believe that 3 failed marriages would equal 3 strikes - He's OUT!

As others have stated: RUN, fast and far from him.

With what he has told you, you have been forewarned - he is NOT looking out for your best interests and future well being as his wife. He is looking out for himself and resentfully so.

In my honest opinion he is NOT best friend, boy friend or husband "material".

I hope you seek the counsel of several reputable individuals - an attorney, your Pastor/Clergy and there are free marriage counseling alternative - to help you prevent/solve relationship problems (check on-line for a location near you).

So many have offered you very sound advice, I hope you take this information to heart & mind.

Re: Buying a house with a significant other?

qualitygal — Fri, 09 Sep 2016 08:53:50 GMT

Seek an attorney for the best advice. It'll be the best investment at this stage of your life you get. It'll save heartache maybe, for you all down the road. Really.

Re: Buying a house with a significant other?

Ms X — Fri, 09 Sep 2016 09:55:29 GMT

If you marry him, how would you be treated in his will?

I don't know what to advise you except to say don't rush any decisions and think carefully about this. If you need this house for your own security, don't agree to anything that would endanger that. There would probably be many complications to owning your house along with four of his children years from now. How would decisions about repairs be made? What about payment of property taxes? What if some of them decided to move in with you? Would any directions he put in his will prevent any problems along these lines? Perhaps I'm misunderstanding how this would work.

What kind of business use would he be making of the house? Would he have clients/customers coming to the house?

I agree with the poster above who said to go with your gut feeling about this.