topic Re: Question on how to say no. in Community Chat

Question on how to say no.

temptations fan — Thu, 28 Jul 2016 11:21:18 GMT

Re: Question on how to say no.

Citrine1 — Wed, 27 Jul 2016 15:03:04 GMT

Ugh, people are so annoying. I don't care if you have nothing better to do or not -- sometimes you just don't feel like leaving home to do someone a favor. I don't think you're being unreasonable to not want to go let their dogs out. Like you said, if it was once in a blue moon then ok, but every week? I wouldn't want to do it. The problem now is that you've already gotten stuck in the situation so it's hard to get out of. I'm sorry I can't suggest an out for you.

And, by the way, I'm not being insensitive to the dogs' needs. I am a pet owner. But I take care of my dog myself. I'm not always asking others to let him out.

Re: Question on how to say no.

circles — Wed, 27 Jul 2016 15:05:33 GMT

First off you say the dogs don't need to go out...I think dogs who are cooped up for 10 hours a day....do need to go out....so if it doesn't consume your entire day...and they live close by...it certainly would be nice of you to let them out...

I don't understand people who work outside their homes insist on having dogs....I feel so bad the animals are home for hours and not able to go potty...eat..drink...just stuck there alone...its cruel..

(OP.....this paragraph is no reflection on you)

Re: Question on how to say no.

PenneyT — Wed, 27 Jul 2016 15:06:47 GMT

I would probably start to be 'busy' for a week or so, see what they do.

It's one thing to help out for an emergency, or even occasionally, but it sounds as if you are now an unpaid service provider, lol!, I know first hand how quickly a 'favor' can turn into an 'expected duty'!

It really would be best for them to find a dogsitter or something similar, because there WILL be times when you just can't do this for them.

Re: Question on how to say no.

Q4u — Wed, 27 Jul 2016 15:06:59 GMT

You are not terrible at all. What was initially a "please do me a favor" thing has now turned into a permanent lthing and that's not what you agreed to. Just because you work from home doesn't mean you are at everyone's disposal. And when you do take a break, it's presumptuous of them to think you're available every single day.

I'd kindly tell them that you sure don't mind letting them out occasionally for them, but every day is interfering with your work continuity and that one of their dogs is more work than the other. However, if they wish to pay you to do this every day for them that you'd be interested in entertaining offers and making this permanent.

Re: Question on how to say no.

Kachina624 — Wed, 27 Jul 2016 15:07:49 GMT

These people are gone up to 10 hours and you don't think the dogs need to go out? How would you like to go 10 hours without relieving yourself? I bet they have unlimited access to water too. As long as you let them take advantage of your services, they will continue to do it.

Anyway, I would just explain to the owners that these trips interrupt your work and suggest they hire a dog walker to let the dogs out and give them some exercise.

Truthfully, anyone away from home that long, has no business having dogs. Dogs need attention from and the companionship of their "people".

Re: Question on how to say no.

Laura14 — Wed, 27 Jul 2016 15:08:01 GMT

I've just been through this with my family and it's tough.

The answer is for you to decide when and how much you want to do it. Example, if you're good being a sport once a week then tell them they can pick one day each week to rely on you but you will not be available any more than that.

If you need to lie and tell them you are starting to get involved in other things the rest of the week and may not be home, then go for it. But if you want to offer that you are flexible enough to allow them to "book" you one day a week that should get the message across and let you have your life back. You could also just "miss" the call.

Your time is your time and no one including your family should plan it for you. And as for your boyfriend, try interrupting him several times during his quiet moments on a weekly basis and he'll find how disruptive it becomes real quick.

I had to finally after literally decades of being nice throw down the gauntlet with my family to get my life back. The peace I have had in the past two months is actually holding and I am almost giddy to live like a real adult now and control my time again.

The dogs are their responsibilty not yours and if they need to hire a sitter or look into doggy day care, let them have at it. I had a dog and I understand their predicament but some days you just have to come home and clean up a mess or I was lucky my dog was paper trained and I left it at that.

If you really want to say no, you can but you already know that. Good Luck!

Re: Question on how to say no.

game-on — Wed, 27 Jul 2016 15:09:48 GMT

I believe you are being taken for granted. I think it is time to tell this person that she needs to find someone else to let out her dogs. Give her no excuses etc. This is your time and your life. You can just be gracious and say something like you have enjoyed doing it, but are busy doing other things now. They are HER responsibility.... remember you are not saying NO.... you are just putting the ball back in her court where it started and belongs.

Re: Question on how to say no.

jaxs mom — Wed, 27 Jul 2016 15:11:05 GMT

Just say no. Having said that, I find it extremely hard to believe that these dogs don't need to go out for 10 hours.

ellRe: Question on how to say no.

Isobel Archer — Wed, 27 Jul 2016 15:14:21 GMT

I don't think you are a bad person at all. It seems they are taking advantage of you.

They want to have dogs - and they want you to help take care of them. This is not a matter of doing it while they are out of town - or in the hospital - but more and more as a regular thing.

Obviously, if it were easy to tell them how you feel, you would have done that. So apparently, they now have the expectation that you are on call and will not take it well if you want to stop.

On the other hand, if you continue, you will become more and more resentful and this could eventually result in a blowup.

So - I would take a deep breath - and simply tell them what your limits are - or even, if it's come to that - that you are no longer willing to do it at all.

If you are really done, do NOT negotiate - or argue. Simply tell them. Broken record. Nothing else works. If, for example, you try to tell them your work is being interrupted, they will likely minimize the importance of your work and/or insist that surely you can spare the few minutes it takes to run over there and let the dogs out. That will make you even angrier. So don't engage.

Re: Question on how to say no.

Lucky Charm — Wed, 27 Jul 2016 15:14:38 GMT

First of all, no need for you to get blamed because you don't think dogs should be unattended for 10+ hours.

That's the owners responsibility/problem.

Second, how ignorant that they let the dog run to the neighbors yard to urinate. They need a fence or a leash to keep it in it's own yard to do that.

You shouldn't feel obligated to do this. It's their problem.

They shouldn't own dogs being gone those long hours without someone to come in daily to let the dogs out.

They need to find someone right away to do this task.

They will either have to pay someone or reciprocate in another way.

Re: Question on how to say no.

Plaid Pants2 — Wed, 27 Jul 2016 15:17:33 GMT

@temptations fan wrote:
This post is totally unrelated to QVC or shopping but I am looking for an objective opinion and thought I would try posting it here. I live about a half mile from a relative, the relative is married and has two dogs. Both she and her husband work and sometime work long days, they may be gone up to 10 hours a day. They often, at least once a week, ask me if I can let the dogs out for them. I work from home and in general am able to let them out. The issue is that the dogs don't really need to go out but she "feels bad" for them becuase they are alone all day. I initially didn't mid helping out every now and then but now it is a weekly thing, last week I was there 3 days to let them out. The one dog is bad and will often run into the neighbors yard to urinate, and the other one is generally fine. How do I say no when they ask me to let them out all the time? The question is always "can you let them" out and yes I can do it but no I don't want to do it. My boyfriend acts like I am a terrible person because I can do it but I don't want to do it. Am I?? I don't think I am awful, I generally will help anyone when I can and most times I don't mind. In this case I wouldn't mind occasionally leaving the dogs out when they really are going to be gone for a long day but I feel like they are taking advantage and having me go over when it really isn't necessary.

Thoughts please??

The dogs don't really need to go out after having been inside for up to 10 hours in a day?!

Are you freakin' kidding me?

Okay, how about this.

How about we put you in a room, with no toilet, and keep you in there for 10 hours.

Let's see how badly you have to pee then.

Re: Question on how to say no.

2blonde — Wed, 27 Jul 2016 15:18:01 GMT

You need to take control of this situation. I like @Laura14 's suggestion to give them one day per week that you will be able to let them out. I feel sorry for the doggies, but you shouldn't have to be inconvenienced for your neighbors' negligence. Since your boyfriend thinks you're being insensitive, maybe he would be willing to come over and let them out a couple times each week???

Re: Question on how to say no.

sparklestar — Wed, 27 Jul 2016 15:18:05 GMT

Just say you no longer can. That's it. Otherwise, if you keep doing it, they will keep asking.

Re: Question on how to say no.

Plaid Pants2 — Wed, 27 Jul 2016 15:21:48 GMT

@Lucky Charm wrote:
First of all, no need for you to get blamed because you don't think dogs should be unattended for 10+ hours.

That's the owners responsibility/problem.

Second, how ignorant that they let the dog run to the neighbors yard to urinate. They need a fence or a leash to keep it in it's own yard to do that.

You shouldn't feel obligated to do this. It's their problem.

They shouldn't own dogs being gone those long hours without someone to come in daily to let the dogs out.

They need to find someone right away to do this task.

They will either have to pay someone or reciprocate in another way.

The dog owners don't let the dog go over to the neighbor's yard to relieve itself.

The o/p dose.

The o/p said,

" last week I was there 3 days to let them out. The one dog is bad and will often run into the neighbors yard to urinate".

Re: Question on how to say no.

CelticCrafter — Wed, 27 Jul 2016 15:29:25 GMT

If you don't want to flat out tell them no, can't you say you're involved in a big work project that's going to take up a lot of your time?

If you were there 3 times last week it seems as if you are being taken advantage of now and it's becoming expected of you to do it for them. Might be time for them to find a dog walker.

If your boyfriend thinks it's a terrible thing for you to say no, let him go do it and see how long it lasts!

Re: Question on how to say no.

Marp — Wed, 27 Jul 2016 15:25:56 GMT

If you don't want to have a discussion with them about this make a list of dog walking/pet sitting services in the area, leave it for them in a prominent, cannot be missed place the next time you go to let their dogs out and don't answer the phone when they call at a time it is likely to be them asking you to let the dogs out.

Re: Question on how to say no.

Lucky Charm — Wed, 27 Jul 2016 15:27:05 GMT

@Plaid Pants2 wrote:
@Lucky Charm wrote:
First of all, no need for you to get blamed because you don't think dogs should be unattended for 10+ hours.

That's the owners responsibility/problem.

Second, how ignorant that they let the dog run to the neighbors yard to urinate. They need a fence or a leash to keep it in it's own yard to do that.

You shouldn't feel obligated to do this. It's their problem.

They shouldn't own dogs being gone those long hours without someone to come in daily to let the dogs out.

They need to find someone right away to do this task.

They will either have to pay someone or reciprocate in another way.

The dog owners don't let the dog go over to the neighbor's yard to relieve itself.

The o/p dose.

The o/p said,

" last week I was there 3 days to let them out. The one dog is bad and will often run into the neighbors yard to urinate".

I have a feeling the dog does this with the owners also and doesn't do this just with O/P.

Either way, it needs to be addressed, too. Again, a fenced in yard or the dog put on a leash as it comes out the door.

Not cool to let your dog pee in someone else's yard. Not cool.

Seems to me, this couple are irresponsible dog owners.

You can't be gone all day, it's a dam shame for the dogs because of needing to 'go out'.

But that is not the o/p's problem.

Re: Question on how to say no.

Sooner — Wed, 27 Jul 2016 15:29:22 GMT

It isn't about the dogs, or about the people who own the dogs. It is about you. Are you going to let other people run your life or are you going to run it? You can be a doormat or not. Tell them you can't do this any more and let it go! It is not and never was your problem.

These people are people who will be glad to abuse you so don't expect them to be nice about it. But stand up for yourself! They sure don't care about you.

Re: Question on how to say no.

Shogirl — Wed, 27 Jul 2016 15:33:38 GMT

I would be busy the next few times they call you - like tell them you're working on a project and just can't get away or some such to do with your job.

If you don't want to confront them directly, I would just not answer the phone when they call.

After awhile, they should get the hint.

And, as someone else said, this is really a concern over your time, not a concern over the dogs themselves.