topic Re: SORRY BUT - Deliberate snark or ? in Community Chat

SORRY BUT - Deliberate snark or ?

Moonchilde — Mon, 22 Feb 2016 22:59:17 GMT

To me, every single time I see a sentence on these forums that begins with "Sorry, but" it is a given that the rest of the sentence and most of the commentary in that post will be negatively snarky and/or flat out rude, either to the OP or to some other poster, whether the are replying specifically to someone by quoting them or not.

I don't think people actually believe that putting the "sorry" in there indicates that they are "sorry", I think people use it as a "passing" way to be rude - hey I did use the word sorry, you can't possibly call that rude. How is saying "sorry" rude, etc.

Pretty sure the only times I have used "sorry but" is in a parody of someone else using it.

It's like starting out a post with okay, gonna be rude here, hahaha.

Re: SORRY BUT - Deliberate snark or ?

Elvita — Mon, 22 Feb 2016 23:02:19 GMT

Sorry but it is often used as a figure of speech and not meant to be taken literally. *eye roll*

Re: SORRY BUT - Deliberate snark or ?

Q4u — Mon, 22 Feb 2016 23:05:57 GMT

Aren't the dynamics interesting? I think that anyone who feels they have to one-up someone, be nasty in their replies or have a contemptuous attitude on an obscure little chat board in order to feel superior (and you can actually "feel" this!)..... deserves to be ignored. It's that simple and I give it the old college try ....

Re: SORRY BUT - Deliberate snark or ?

Moonchilde — Mon, 22 Feb 2016 23:07:53 GMT

@Elvita wrote:
Sorry but it is often used as a figure of speech and not meant to be taken literally. *eye roll*

Thanks for a great confirming example - way to go!

Re: SORRY BUT - Deliberate snark or ?

ECBG — Mon, 22 Feb 2016 23:08:33 GMT

I use a post that starts with "sorry" to mean "I don't mean to hurt your feelings or disrespect you in any way".

I would say "Sorry", but I was never fond of any kind of nut added to brownies or fudge.

Re: SORRY BUT - Deliberate snark or ?

Pearlee — Mon, 22 Feb 2016 23:11:15 GMT

@Q4u wrote:
Aren't the dynamics interesting? I think that anyone who feels they have to one-up someone, be nasty in their replies or have a contemptuous attitude on an obscure little chat board in order to feel superior (and you can actually "feel" this!)..... deserves to be ignored. It's that simple and I give it the old college try ....

You probably shouldn't have posted here either then.

Re: SORRY BUT - Deliberate snark or ?

VanSleepy — Mon, 22 Feb 2016 23:11:24 GMT

If I said it, it would just mean that I disagree but I don't want you to take it personally or think I'm trying to "start something". Unless the person's following words are totally snarky and rude, I wouldn't assume that's why she she began with "sorry".

Re: SORRY BUT - Deliberate snark or ?

Moonchilde — Mon, 22 Feb 2016 23:15:00 GMT

@ECBG wrote:
I use a post that starts with "sorry" to mean "I don't mean to hurt your feelings or disrespect you in any way".

I would say "Sorry", but I was never fond of any kind of nut added to brownies or fudge.

I understand the distinction;-)

But I'm speaking of "Sorry but (that's wrong, I feel the opposite, I don't think so, etc)" where the post is either in disagreement or is meant to diss a person or group of people. It does need to be viewed in context, and I get what you're saying.

Re: SORRY BUT - Deliberate snark or ?

Karnerblue — Mon, 22 Feb 2016 23:13:36 GMT

@Moonchilde they should finish it like "sorry but, I'm not really."

Re: SORRY BUT - Deliberate snark or ?

Moonchilde — Mon, 22 Feb 2016 23:14:37 GMT

@VanSleepy wrote:
If I said it, it would just mean that I disagree but I don't want you to take it personally or think I'm trying to "start something". Unless the person's following words are totally snarky and rude, I wouldn't assume that's why she she began with "sorry".

But by far most often, the rest of it IS snarky.

Re: SORRY BUT - Deliberate snark or ?

scotnovel — Mon, 22 Feb 2016 23:14:50 GMT

IMO it isn't meant to be rude or snarky. For me it doesn't matter how one starts their comment. There will always be someone who takes a comment wrong or who just thinks it is rude while, at the same time, others think it is a perfectly reasonable. Rude and snarky are not the same for everyone. I've seen comments on here where someone was upset because the waitress was rude for using the phrase "what can I get you guys?". Where I grew up, in Ohio, everyone used that phrase and it didn't matter whether the "guys" were girls or guys and there was nothing rude about it. If you start out thinking the comment is rude because the person starts with "sorry" you might actually miss the point of the comment.

Re: SORRY BUT - Deliberate snark or ?

Moonchilde — Mon, 22 Feb 2016 23:17:44 GMT

@Karnerblue wrote:
@Moonchilde they should finish it like "sorry but, I'm not really."

Definitely putting an "I", "I think" or "I feel" mitigates possible snarkiness - at least it would make me give the benefit of the doubt. "Sorrybut that's stupid/ridiculous" leaves no doubt.

Re: SORRY BUT - Deliberate snark or ?

chickenbutt — Mon, 22 Feb 2016 23:17:50 GMT

It's interesting to me.

I have to say that when I usually see it here it's something like 'Sorry, but you're an idiot', or 'sorry but I wouldn't be seen dead wearing that'.

In those kind of cases I try to cringe because - come on, you're not sorry. It's a kind of a passive-aggressive 'I'm superior to you' kind of thing.

But after I cringe I just move on and forget it because it's not about me and I just can't take stuff like that personally. I know that it's not really about me. It's a need that person may have to feel superior to me. Hey, if that makes you better - go on ahead and knock yourself out.

But, to the original point - yeah, it's not like a real 'sorry'. It's something else entirely.

Re: SORRY BUT - Deliberate snark or ?

3cupcakes — Mon, 22 Feb 2016 23:32:39 GMT

to me, it's like more passive aggressive behavior if the conversation heads downhill.

It's "I'm sorry if you don't like this, but tough cookies, I have something to say & I'm not really sorry at all if you don't like it."

but if it's meant in a more heartfelt way, it's "sorry, I have to disagree w/you here, but I'd like you to hear me out w/out either of us getting offended". this one, to me, then gets to start a conversation, not an attack.

**edited because I thought a little more about this one.

Re: SORRY BUT - Deliberate snark or ?

Moonchilde — Mon, 22 Feb 2016 23:21:49 GMT

@scotnovel wrote:
IMO it isn't meant to be rude or snarky. For me it doesn't matter how one starts their comment. There will always be someone who takes a comment wrong or who just thinks it is rude while, at the same time, others think it is a perfectly reasonable. Rude and snarky are not the same for everyone. I've seen comments on here where someone was upset because the waitress was rude for using the phrase "what can I get you guys?". Where I grew up, in Ohio, everyone used that phrase and it didn't matter whether the "guys" were girls or guys and there was nothing rude about it. If you start out thinking the comment is rude because the person starts with "sorry" you might actually miss the point of the comment.

Oh, I understand the point of the comment - to be snarky. Whatever else is said is secondary after that. Look at it this way - most likely if you took the "Sorry but" out, the comment would stand on its own, for better or worse. The "Sorry but" isn't necessary but is a choice.

Re: SORRY BUT - Deliberate snark or ?

Moonchilde — Mon, 22 Feb 2016 23:22:44 GMT

@3cupcakes wrote:
to me, it's like more passive aggressive behavior.

It's I'm sorry if you don't like this, but tough cookies, I have something to say & I'm not really sorry at all if you don't like it.

Exactly. Bingo!

Re: SORRY BUT - Deliberate snark or ?

Lucky Charm — Mon, 22 Feb 2016 23:23:57 GMT

@Pearlee wrote:
@Q4u wrote:
Aren't the dynamics interesting? I think that anyone who feels they have to one-up someone, be nasty in their replies or have a contemptuous attitude on an obscure little chat board in order to feel superior (and you can actually "feel" this!)..... deserves to be ignored. It's that simple and I give it the old college try ....
You probably shouldn't have posted here either then.

I agree.

Re: SORRY BUT - Deliberate snark or ?

Pearlee — Mon, 22 Feb 2016 23:24:30 GMT

Was any real good or kindness supposed to come from this thread? Doubtful.

Re: SORRY BUT - Deliberate snark or ?

Moonchilde — Mon, 22 Feb 2016 23:25:52 GMT

@chickenbutt wrote:
It's interesting to me.

I have to say that when I usually see it here it's something like 'Sorry, but you're an idiot', or 'sorry but I wouldn't be seen dead wearing that'.

In those kind of cases I try to cringe because - come on, you're not sorry. It's a kind of a passive-aggressive 'I'm superior to you' kind of thing.

But after I cringe I just move on and forget it because it's not about me and I just can't take stuff like that personally. I know that it's not really about me. It's a need that person may have to feel superior to me. Hey, if that makes you better - go on ahead and knock yourself out.

But, to the original point - yeah, it's not like a real 'sorry'. It's something else entirely.

Yes, this. Sorry but you (singular or plural) are wrong, stupid, have no taste, whatever. It deliberately makes whatever comes after an insult. You can get these points across without the dead giveaway phrase. Not polite in any case, but less polite when the unnecessary phrase is added.

Re: SORRY BUT - Deliberate snark or ?

Moonchilde — Mon, 22 Feb 2016 23:28:31 GMT

@Pearlee wrote:
@Q4u wrote:
Aren't the dynamics interesting? I think that anyone who feels they have to one-up someone, be nasty in their replies or have a contemptuous attitude on an obscure little chat board in order to feel superior (and you can actually "feel" this!)..... deserves to be ignored. It's that simple and I give it the old college try ....
You probably shouldn't have posted here either then.

OTOH, snark is also recognized in all its forms :-)