topic Re: What is the Hardest Lesson You Have Had to Learn in Life? in Community Chat

What is the Hardest Lesson You Have Had to Learn in Life?

Yardlie — Wed, 20 Jul 2016 18:36:26 GMT

OK...I know we have all learned lots of lessons, but what has been the most difficult lesson for you to get out of life?

Mine has been that it is OK to be average. I have always been a perfectionist...which can drive you crazy...as well as other people. I know that I became this way because of my mother's criticisms while I was growing up. So, I have always been an over-achiever, a perfectionist, etc. It has taken me years to learn that it is perfectly acceptable to be average...and, in fact, it is nice to be in the middle of the pack. I don't like being the center of attention anyway. I still struggle at times with being a perfectionist, but it is easier now that I am retired.

Care to share? What's been the hardest lesson for you to learn?

Re: What is the Hardest Lesson You Have Had to Learn in Life?

jlkz — Wed, 20 Jul 2016 18:52:07 GMT

As manager, an executive, an entrepreneur, an adjunct college professor, and a career counselor, I have constantly had reaffirmed the need to listen to your gut instincts.

Everytime I forgot or held off acting on that instinct, I paid a price: loss of time, energy, money, power.

When your instinct is telling you something, it's because you have subconsciously picked up clues ( verbal or non- verbal ) in your environment. Listen, live and prosper.

Re: What is the Hardest Lesson You Have Had to Learn in Life?

Yardlie — Wed, 20 Jul 2016 18:55:48 GMT

@jlkz ... Wow...you are one busy person! I know what you are saying though. I recently read an article that said people over the age of 35-40 should listen to their gut instincts because we have had enough experiences in life to let us know when something seems correct or fishy.

Thanks for sharing!

Re: What is the Hardest Lesson You Have Had to Learn in Life?

qualitygal — Wed, 20 Jul 2016 18:56:23 GMT

THIS TOO SHALL PASS.

Re: What is the Hardest Lesson You Have Had to Learn in Life?

Susan-QVC — Wed, 20 Jul 2016 18:57:08 GMT

This post has been removed by QVC argumentative

Re: What is the Hardest Lesson You Have Had to Learn in Life?

LIndaMJ — Wed, 20 Jul 2016 19:02:11 GMT

Take control of your time, or someone will do it for you.

Re: What is the Hardest Lesson You Have Had to Learn in Life?

nycgrl — Wed, 20 Jul 2016 19:02:14 GMT

That the only person I can count on is me!

Re: What is the Hardest Lesson You Have Had to Learn in Life?

chickenbutt — Wed, 20 Jul 2016 19:03:41 GMT

I think it was having a full (intellectual as well as emotional) realization that the horrible things being done to me throughout my childhood were NOT my fault.

That probably sounds rather silly. But you take stuff like that with you, even into adulthood, to a degree, and you have to put a lot of effort into not taking responsibility for the deeds of others.

It's not that you are carrying all that around with you (like a pity party), but your emotions carry the mis-information that, somehow, you must have done some, or not been good enough, that you deserved being treated horribly.

Hopefully, this made sense. I'm sure it does for some.

Re: What is the Hardest Lesson You Have Had to Learn in Life?

Mmsfoxxie — Wed, 20 Jul 2016 21:47:33 GMT

Maya Angelou had a quote: "When people show you who they are, believe them".

I've had to learn the hard way that it is so, so true.

Re: What is the Hardest Lesson You Have Had to Learn in Life?

chickenbutt — Wed, 20 Jul 2016 19:04:07 GMT

nycgrl wrote:
That the only person I can count on is me!

I REALLY like this one, too!!

Re: What is the Hardest Lesson You Have Had to Learn in Life?

jlkz — Wed, 20 Jul 2016 19:04:53 GMT

@Yardlie

No, I am not a very busy person: that is a list of all the career opportunities I have had over 50 years !!!!

Thanks for the chuckle today !

Seriously, I wish more women would listen to their gut instincts because it could save them a lot of pain and frustration.

Re: What is the Hardest Lesson You Have Had to Learn in Life?

Newgate — Wed, 20 Jul 2016 19:09:35 GMT

Not everyone is as sincere as they may seem! They could just have an agenda!!

Re: What is the Hardest Lesson You Have Had to Learn in Life?

TeezNu — Wed, 20 Jul 2016 19:10:19 GMT

Wow....SO much wisdom in this short (at this point) little thread!

Re: What is the Hardest Lesson You Have Had to Learn in Life?

sparklestar — Wed, 20 Jul 2016 19:16:04 GMT

Life is one big lesson, but you never learn that until it's too late.

Re: What is the Hardest Lesson You Have Had to Learn in Life?

SeaMaiden — Wed, 20 Jul 2016 19:21:19 GMT

I am still working on that lesson.....to forgive those who have hurt me....I tend to hold grudges forever.

Re: What is the Hardest Lesson You Have Had to Learn in Life?

Anita Hug — Wed, 20 Jul 2016 19:23:11 GMT

Mine is similar to yours, chickenbutt. I still fall into those patterns of thought at times. I think one other thing I had to learn is to accept that I'll never get to have a different childhood. I'm stuck with the one I got. I feel like there is always going to be something missing, and there isn't anything that can fix it.

So if I want to watch a Disney movie, or color in an adult coloring book, or blow soap bubbles, or insall a swing in the big tree in my yard - just for ME - I no longer care what people think.

I can't change the past, but there is no good reason why I shouldn't do do some of the things I missed out on. We're never too old to play.

Re: What is the Hardest Lesson You Have Had to Learn in Life?

KS_Mary — Wed, 20 Jul 2016 19:23:56 GMT

Not to buy everything on QVC lol!

Re: What is the Hardest Lesson You Have Had to Learn in Life?

chickenbutt — Wed, 20 Jul 2016 19:24:03 GMT

Anita Hug wrote:
Mine is similar to yours, chickenbutt. I still fall into those patterns of thought at times. I think one other thing I had to learn is to accept that I'll never get to have a different childhood. I'm stuck with the one I got. I feel like there is always going to be something missing, and there isn't anything that can fix it.

So if I want to watch a Disney movie, or color in an adult coloring book, or blow soap bubbles, or insall a swing in the big tree in my yard - just for ME - I no longer care what people think.

I can't change the past, but there is no good reason why I shouldn't do do some of the things I missed out on. We're never to old to play.

Oh dear, I can so relate. Even now, sometimes when just everything keeps going wrong and I'm at the point of agitation, I will hear this dialogue in my head - my (horrible)mother was right. I AM worthless and I DO deserve for bad things to happen to me.

Yikes! I have to shake that off before it gets out of hand.

Hugs!

Re: What is the Hardest Lesson You Have Had to Learn in Life?

libbyannE — Wed, 20 Jul 2016 19:24:38 GMT

I agree about going with one's gut, but, luckily, I was born with that ability and knowledge. I take no credit for it because it's just the way I am. However, despite that inner guidance, I must be slow because found it really hard to learn that one can go on with one's life and even find joy in SPITE of serious problems. Hard to explain, but when I was very young I would sort of feel I had to stop my life until everything was FIXED and back to normal. Fate or spirit conspired to put things in my path that helped me slowly learn that in life, things change, nit everything can be fixed, and that the notion if what's "normal" continually changes. Weathering my patents' divorce in my teens, the stunning sudden death of my hero stepdad in a car accident or being there for my mother's subsequent brain tumor surgery and her many other surgeries and health problems or facing my own chronic health issue, I learned to keep living and to experience joy amid the stuff that life throws at all of us. Yes, that's life, and my experience is normal, but it was something I knew I needed to consciously work at. Now, my dad and stepmother both have dementia, and I am involved in their lives daily, but I find that the lessons of the past decades are paying off and I can work to help them without needing to focus on how I am coping. There is a lot of joy along the way, still. And unexpected blessings. I never really got to know my stepsister because our parents married when we were both in college, and we have never even lived in the same state. But, in working together to help our folks at this difficult time, she and I have become true friends and sisters! We laugh, we cry, we share.... I have thanked God for yet another example that even in tough times, joy might be just around the corner. Who knew I would have a new sister at this age!

Re: What is the Hardest Lesson You Have Had to Learn in Life?

Julie928 — Wed, 20 Jul 2016 19:31:17 GMT

Mine would be to let other's live their lives as they wish (no matter how messed up their situation may be). I cannot control others (and have no desire to) but trust me when I say I could start another thread about the garbage people put up with and the amount of times I've asked myself "Why???" It makes me sad to see people close to me putting up with emotional abuse but I've learned to keep my mouth shut ~ when I try to understand the situation I get excuses about why so-and-so is the way they are. The resentment that should be on the abuser is then on me. So now it is live and let live, tough as it may be... :-)