topic Re: Stepmother: hurtful in Community Chat

Stepmother: hurtful

NativeJax — Sun, 17 Jul 2016 15:29:40 GMT

So I have a stepmother who keeps encouraging me to remove a light colored mole on my face. I have had the doctor tell me it doesn't and shouldn't be removed unless I want a scare. Anyway, it's not a large or dark mole...probably the size of a BB pellet. Now she has taken it upon herself to point it out on my face and mention to others..."don't you think she should get that removed? It looks like s wart on her face" last night I was watching my dad as he is ill and she wanted to go off with her children and grandchildren and as soon as they walked in she asked her daughter that and in front of me. Then Kate Winslet was on tv and she pointed out that Kate Winslet had two warts on her face (moles). I was like are you kidding me! She is a mega superstar and her mole on her cheek looks almost identical to mine. I quipped back that apparently it doesn't bother anyone in Hollywood. It's really very rude of her and I am about sick of it. Just venting as I have to do dinner with them tonight.....ugh

Re: Stepmother: hurtful

Ms X — Sun, 17 Jul 2016 15:31:49 GMT

Ignore it for your own mental health and for the sake of your father. Could it be that she is jealous of you?

Re: Stepmother: hurtful

JustJazzmom — Sun, 17 Jul 2016 15:38:50 GMT

Focus on what is really important (your Dad) and ignore the witch. Nod your head and say thank you for your concern.

ETA: I have one of those too!

Wore full makeup over to visit Dad at house and all stepmommy dearwitch said to me is:that glitter on your face?

Gawd forbid she ever pick up some makeup and improve her own face!

Re: Stepmother: hurtful

NativeJax — Sun, 17 Jul 2016 15:36:32 GMT

@MsX

Unfortunately I am ignoring it because my dad is very sick and don't want him upset if there is any turmoil. I am recently laid off almost 6 weeks and because I am not working yet I have been helping more so I haven't until recently experienced how mean spirited she truly can be. I just keep telling myself it must be because she is in some stage due to my fathers illness so I keep trying to ignore it.

Re: Stepmother: hurtful

Noel7 — Sun, 17 Jul 2016 15:37:21 GMT

Why not say something?

You can be polite about it, simply say something like, "You've let me know what you think about it numerous times. I'd appreciate it if you dropped the subject now, we don't agree and it's my decision."

She's a bully and imo will keep it up if nothing is said.

GOOD LUCK, whatever you decide

Re: Stepmother: hurtful

Suziepeach — Sun, 17 Jul 2016 15:38:46 GMT

@NativeJax, it's easier to ignore than said but you can do it.. Tell her it's your beauty mark or "I don't know what you're talking about."

Back in 93 we bought our home, my MIL told my husband, "Now don't you let her spend too much money on furniture." I said give me the phone... I told her, "It isn't any of your darn (used another word) business how much money I spend on furniture, it's MY money and you aren't paying for it." I thought my husband was going to fall off the couch but never said another word, just grinned. Sorry, it was a flashback, LOL.

Re: Stepmother: hurtful

Ms X — Sun, 17 Jul 2016 15:38:50 GMT

@NativeJax wrote:
@MsX

Unfortunately I am ignoring it because my dad is very sick and don't want him upset if there is any turmoil. I am recently laid off almost 6 weeks and because I am not working yet I have been helping more so I haven't until recently experienced how mean spirited she truly can be. I just keep telling myself it must be because she is in some stage due to my fathers illness so I keep trying to ignore it.

Just put up with it. I wouldn't say anything when she brings it up unless you have to nod or such to keep the peace. This certainly has more to do with HER than with YOU. It is her problem. Keep in mind that if she stops harping on this she will likely just start up about something else. Best of luck on the job front! You are doing the right thing for yourself and your father.

Re: Stepmother: hurtful

rickiraccoon — Sun, 17 Jul 2016 15:39:26 GMT

OMG, that's about as rude as it gets. Have you told her how much her comments bother you? I certainly would. Next time she brings it up remind her that her comments are a form of bullying and her issue with your mole is her problem, not yours. Just tell her to stop!

Re: Stepmother: hurtful

bri20 — Sun, 17 Jul 2016 15:39:36 GMT

You need to tell her to stop talking about it - plain and simple.

I'm sorry about your dad.

Re: Stepmother: hurtful

Noel7 — Sun, 17 Jul 2016 15:39:43 GMT

@NativeJax wrote:
@MsX

Unfortunately I am ignoring it because my dad is very sick and don't want him upset if there is any turmoil. I am recently laid off almost 6 weeks and because I am not working yet I have been helping more so I haven't until recently experienced how mean spirited she truly can be. I just keep telling myself it must be because she is in some stage due to my fathers illness so I keep trying to ignore it.

**********************************

@NativeJax

Just read this post from you. You can say something to let her know how you feel without being angry or argumentative. Simply ask her to stop and then walk away from it.

Re: Stepmother: hurtful

Ms X — Sun, 17 Jul 2016 15:41:36 GMT

@Noel7 wrote:
@NativeJax wrote:
@MsX

Unfortunately I am ignoring it because my dad is very sick and don't want him upset if there is any turmoil. I am recently laid off almost 6 weeks and because I am not working yet I have been helping more so I haven't until recently experienced how mean spirited she truly can be. I just keep telling myself it must be because she is in some stage due to my fathers illness so I keep trying to ignore it.
**********************************

@NativeJax

Just read this post from you. You can say something to let her know how you feel without being angry or argumentative. Simply ask her to stop and then walk away from it.

I suppose she could, but she risks it devolving into a big fight. I guess if she brings it up she could leave the room before things get messy if they're going in that direction. In my experience, people like this will just start needling a person about something else.

Re: Stepmother: hurtful

Cakers3 — Sun, 17 Jul 2016 15:42:51 GMT

I'd rub my hands on it and then rub my hands on her face. She'll be checking her own face in the mirror every 5 minutes.

Seriously - just thank her for the several times she has expressed concern and then really try not to respond. It will get old soon enough for her.

She looks more the fool than you probably realize.

Re: Stepmother: hurtful

susan kay — Sun, 17 Jul 2016 15:48:00 GMT

Some people are sooo tacky!!!! I"m guessing from what you've said that she will keep bringing this subject up. You might want to just say something casually to her..."I'm fine with the mole on my face, and besides the doctor also thinks that I should leave it alone"....to keep her quiet. Doesn't need to be argumentative, just a simple comment. If she brings it up again, just ignore her and act as if she has said nothing. No other response would be needed.

Not sure what the doctor meant by "a scare", but that's kind of beside the point.

Re: Stepmother: hurtful

Marp — Sun, 17 Jul 2016 15:44:15 GMT

@NativeJax, is this a new behavior for your step-mother? How long has she been married to your dad?

If it is a new behavior I would chalk it up to the stress from your dad being so ill so she is lashing out at anyone/everyone as a coping mechanism.

If this is a long term behavior and has become worse since your dad became so ill I would have to consider whether she is trying to cause a rift between you and your dad either by you at some point saying something to him or deciding to stay away in order to avoid her.

Good wishes that you are able to maintain control and continue to ignore her.

Would it do any good to preempt her and bring up the mole first, taking the wind out of her sails so to speak?

Re: Stepmother: hurtful

Q4u — Sun, 17 Jul 2016 15:45:26 GMT

I have had the doctor tell me it doesn't and shouldn't be removed unless I want a scare.

I have had numerous "barnicles" removed from my face and I've never had my doctor tell me not to unless I wanted a scare.... so I'm a bit baffled by that remark. My doctor tells me that she'll "watch" something but I've had pre-cancerous items taken off at least once a year and have to go again.... and my doctor will remove something benign while it's still small enough to not be big deal removing it.

Anyway, as far as your Step Mother is concerned, she doesn't seem to know when to stop..... ignore her and follow your doctor's advice.

Re: Stepmother: hurtful

jaxs mom — Sun, 17 Jul 2016 15:45:32 GMT

I'd tell her she needs to drop it already as it's not her decision to make.

Re: Stepmother: hurtful

Mominohio — Sun, 17 Jul 2016 15:49:46 GMT

@Smoky wrote:
@NativeJax, it's easier to ignore than said but you can do it.. Tell her it's your beauty mark or "I don't know what you're talking about."

Back in 93 we bought our home, my MIL told my husband, "Now don't you let her spend too much money on furniture." I said give me the phone... I told her, "It isn't any of your darn (used another word) business how much money I spend on furniture, it's MY money and you aren't paying for it." I thought my husband was going to fall off the couch but never said another word, just grinned. Sorry, it was a flashback, LOL.

I have seen repeatedly in family dynamics like these described, that if people like these offenders aren't put in their place early on in a relationship, they continue to badger others forever.

I certainly understand when someone is very ill, not making waves, because it isn't about anything but them right then.

If OP may be faced with not having to deal with this woman in the foreseeable future (if father may be passing soon), I can see leaving it alone, and moving on without her in my life when changes occur.

If it seems she is going to be in my life for a long period of time, I'd pull her aside and put her in her place.

Re: Stepmother: hurtful

Ms X — Sun, 17 Jul 2016 15:51:46 GMT

@Q4u wrote:
I have had the doctor tell me it doesn't and shouldn't be removed unless I want a scare.

I have had numerous "barnicles" removed from my face and I've never had my doctor tell me not to unless I wanted a scare.... so I'm a bit baffled by that remark. My doctor tells me that she'll "watch" something but I've had pre-cancerous items taken off at least once a year and have to go again.... and my doctor will remove something benign while it's still small enough to not be big deal removing it.

Anyway, as far as your Step Mother is concerned, she doesn't seem to know when to stop..... ignore her and follow your doctor's advice.

_____________
I think she meant scar.

Re: Stepmother: hurtful

Q4u — Sun, 17 Jul 2016 15:52:57 GMT

@Ms X wrote:
@Q4u wrote:
I have had the doctor tell me it doesn't and shouldn't be removed unless I want a scare.

I have had numerous "barnicles" removed from my face and I've never had my doctor tell me not to unless I wanted a scare.... so I'm a bit baffled by that remark. My doctor tells me that she'll "watch" something but I've had pre-cancerous items taken off at least once a year and have to go again.... and my doctor will remove something benign while it's still small enough to not be big deal removing it.

Anyway, as far as your Step Mother is concerned, she doesn't seem to know when to stop..... ignore her and follow your doctor's advice.

_____________
I think she meant scar.

LOL.... of course you're right.... yes there would be some scarring...

Re: Stepmother: hurtful

DoneTryin — Sun, 17 Jul 2016 15:53:45 GMT

@Q4u. @susankay. I believe the OP meant scar, not scare