topic Re: divorce in Community Chat

divorce

kitten809in — Fri, 25 Mar 2016 14:24:00 GMT

I filed for divorce after 17 years of lving with a mn who is just cold. no compassion jut cold. He has been giving me the silent treatment the last few days but then that is normal for him. But this is the very funny part,after he signed the paper for court he asked me "who gets the dog". not how are we going to settle this or where are you going to llive just nothing but that question. Indiana is a community state so i get half according to my attorney and I am sure I have a very good one as he advised me to take my half of savings and transfet to another bank so I did. It is just sad that this man is like he is.

Re: divorce

Brittany-QVC — Fri, 25 Mar 2016 14:27:24 GMT

This post has been removed by QVC. Off topic.

Re: divorce

deepwaterdotter — Fri, 25 Mar 2016 14:28:27 GMT

You did what you feel is best for your future. A fresh start is better than a "cold fish". Best of luck.

Re: divorce

Lipstickdiva — Fri, 25 Mar 2016 14:33:05 GMT

God forbid this happened to me but my first priority for me would be my dog too. He could have all the other "stuff" but I would fight him tooth and nail to get my dog.

Re: divorce

Nightowlz — Fri, 25 Mar 2016 14:38:51 GMT

Welcome to the board. Sorry you are dealing with this situation. If it's going south better to jump ship then stay on board. Since you already transferred half your money. I would start using the other half to buy anything you made need after the divorce. If he's not paying attention I would take care of things you need to take care of including yourself. If you are not planning on staying in the home I would start by finding a place to live. I think the dog would be the least of my worries even though I love animals.

Re: divorce

2blonde — Fri, 25 Mar 2016 14:44:39 GMT

Well, the fact that he is only interested in dog custody further illustrates his disassociation with your relationship. I'd bet he's been wanting his freedom for a long time, but didn't care enough to do anything about it.

Praises to you for getting up your nerve to release yourself from this dead relationship before you've wasted any more of your life on someone who is indifferent toward you. Your life is just beginning!

Re: divorce

Tinkrbl44 — Fri, 25 Mar 2016 14:49:55 GMT

@kitten809in

SO sorry you are going through this, but, although it is unfortunate, you hope for a better future and now you're moving through it.

Years ago I used to facilitate divorce support groups and I can say this .... get help to stay strong and deal with the emotional rollercoaster. There's some great books out there on dealing with emotions, so read a few of them.

One more thing ...... keep remembering that NOTHING in single life is as bad as a bad marriage.

HTH

Re: divorce

Citrine1 — Fri, 25 Mar 2016 14:54:00 GMT

I'd want to know about the dog too. Only I wouldn't ask, "who gets the dog". I'd tell him, "I get the dog". You can have the other stuff. The dog comes with me.

Re: divorce

2blonde — Fri, 25 Mar 2016 14:54:40 GMT

@Tinkrbl44 wrote:
@kitten809in

SO sorry you are going through this, but, although it is unfortunate, you hope for a better future and now you're moving through it.

Years ago I used to facilitate divorce support groups and I can say this .... get help to stay strong and deal with the emotional rollercoaster. There's some great books out there on dealing with emotions, so read a few of them.

One more thing ...... keep remembering that NOTHING in single life is as bad as a bad marriage.

HTH

Hey, I've been single since I was 25, and I highly recommend it!

Re: divorce

Puzzle Piece — Fri, 25 Mar 2016 14:58:58 GMT

Geez, why'd ya wait 17 years?

Re: divorce

missy1 — Fri, 25 Mar 2016 15:13:11 GMT

Good for you. Been a year of freedom for me, and I am much happier. Was married a little longer than you. Good luck and make sure you get your share. Men are pigs. (not all)

Re: divorce

Witchy Woman — Fri, 25 Mar 2016 22:49:42 GMT

As someone who has gone through it for basically the same reason, I can tell you it is wonderful on the other side.

I stayed in for 10 years. It doesn't really matter how long you "stayed." You want to leave now, right?

As to the dog, friends of mine who divorced share custody of the pets. Each has the dogs for a certain period of time, but if one travels, the other takes the critters. It seems to work out well.

Of course, that only works if you live nearby. If one of you moves far away, then it's another issue.

Yes, it is sad when someone just doesn't care. But, what I learned is if they don't, they don't. I figured my husband wanted out too but didn't have the spine to do so. Figured things were easy for him and he'd never leave.

Be happy you are stronger than he is and turn your thoughts toward the future. As someone said, being single is much better than being in a bad marriage. I was never happier when I was alone!

Best to you.

Re: divorce

lolakimono — Fri, 25 Mar 2016 15:15:26 GMT

Re: divorce

MaggieMack — Fri, 25 Mar 2016 15:15:42 GMT

@kitten809in, I am so happy for you and your newfound freedom. You just threw off your cloak of invisibility! Wishing you peace and happiness, you will own them soon enough.

Since this is a first post under a nic, I was wondering if you are a poster we know, you certainly remind me of someone.

Re: divorce

aggravated — Fri, 25 Mar 2016 15:18:08 GMT

Wish for you much happiness and contentment.

Re: divorce

CinNC — Fri, 25 Mar 2016 15:20:05 GMT

Good for you. I stayed in for 17 years also. I wanted the dogs so I requested I get first choice of property. I don't think he cared. He just turned 60 this year and his new wife told his sister that the only regrets he has is that he didn't treat me better when we were married. Guess his new wife (24 years younger) is teaching him some new lessons. LOL

Best wishes to you! I hope you get the property/monies to which you are entitled!

Re: divorce

gidgetgh — Fri, 25 Mar 2016 15:20:29 GMT

You need to also do something with any credit cards that might be joint accounts. I would do that quickly.

Re: divorce

chrystaltree — Fri, 25 Mar 2016 15:24:15 GMT

Divorce is always hard and sad, even when it's right to end the marriage. You better ask your attorney about that dog. Don't automatically assume that you'll get to keep it. Assuming you want the dog. As for withdrawing your half of the assets, I always thought attorneys advise that you do that before you actually file for divorce. I don't know about your state but the parties don't decide what is community propery and who gets what.....the court decides. I truly think that it is in your best interest to work out an amicable property settlement with you husband. It sounds like that's what he's trying to do. I'd sit down and talk and draft a prelimary "who gets what" and then you should each take that to your attorneys to work out the final settlement.

Re: divorce

missy1 — Fri, 25 Mar 2016 15:29:07 GMT

@chrystaltree wrote:
Divorce is always hard and sad, even when it's right to end the marriage. You better ask your attorney about that dog. Don't automatically assume that you'll get to keep it. Assuming you want the dog. As for withdrawing your half of the assets, I always thought attorneys advise that you do that before you actually file for divorce. I don't know about your state but the parties don't decide what is community propery and who gets what.....the court decides. I truly think that it is in your best interest to work out an amicable property settlement with you husband. It sounds like that's what he's trying to do. I'd sit down and talk and draft a prelimary "who gets what" and then you should each take that to your attorneys to work out the final settlement.

Yes, the couple gets to decide who gets what (material items ). If one of the parties disagrees then it goes to the judge. They want the property and assets done fairly.

The hardest part for couples imo who have grade-school children with custody.

Re: divorce

Lacey1 — Fri, 25 Mar 2016 15:45:00 GMT

Divorce happens every day. There's always two sides to the story. You always lose something, but hopefully the gains will be worth it.