topic Re: Stumped! What Would You Do...Wedding? in Community Chat

Stumped! What Would You Do...Wedding?

Yardlie — Wed, 29 Jun 2016 14:41:48 GMT

This is almost too weird to believe. Would appreciate your opinions. My daughter's friend (who is now 25) is remarrying the same man she married three years ago. She had a huge wedding then, and we gave a lovely gift since we knew her most of her life.

She and her husband hardly even lived together after their first wedding. They were together about four months, and she was constantly coming home to visit mama...without her husband. Sometimes they would both come home. She would stay with her parents, and he would stay with his parents. Anyway, they were divorced by the time they should have been married 9-10 months.

Now, we received another invitation to her wedding...to the same man! My daughter said that her friend feels that her biological clock is ticking away, and she hasn't met anyone else who she wants to marry. They are having a private ceremony with the justice of the peace. A couple weeks later, they will have a big reception for everyone to attend. Her parents said they refuse to pay for the second reception. He is a nice man, but she just seems desperate.

My daughter said they have registered for gifts at several large department stores. My husband thinks we should not give another gift. I think we should give something modest, but not as large as we gave the first time...if for no other reason than she is my daughter's dear friend. My daughter thinks her friend is making another mistake but thinks we should still give a gift.

What would you do? Thanks!

Re: Stumped! What Would You Do...Wedding?

libbyannE — Wed, 29 Jun 2016 14:44:44 GMT

Send her a nice card with a warm personal nite. You are not obligated to buy a second gift.

Re: Stumped! What Would You Do...Wedding?

lolakimono — Wed, 29 Jun 2016 14:45:36 GMT

@Yardlie

Will you be attending?

Re: Stumped! What Would You Do...Wedding?

Preds — Wed, 29 Jun 2016 14:45:36 GMT

Go with your heart. I would send a nice card with a small gift card and wish the well if you feel you must do something.

Re: Stumped! What Would You Do...Wedding?

stevieb — Wed, 29 Jun 2016 14:47:07 GMT

What would I do? Nothing, absolutely nothing. She got her gift the first time around and it's presumptuous of her to register again. She sounds like a flake, dear friend or not. If your daughter thinks she should get another gift, let her provide it on behalf of your family.

Re: Stumped! What Would You Do...Wedding?

PINKdogWOOD — Wed, 29 Jun 2016 14:48:06 GMT

Been there, done that @Yardlie. Sorry, but I'd not be making the 2nd one. Maybe a card but that would be it. Wish them good luck, sounds like they'll be needing it.

Re: Stumped! What Would You Do...Wedding?

JustJazzmom — Wed, 29 Jun 2016 14:47:57 GMT

This is why you need an etiquette book! J/K

I agree, send a card offering congratulations.

Re: Stumped! What Would You Do...Wedding?

beckyb1012 — Wed, 29 Jun 2016 14:48:22 GMT

Well hopefully she is happier and wiser now. Sounds like she got caught up in the whole big bang planning of the first wedding. A friend of my cousins did that. Once they came home from the honeymoon (almost immediately) and the party was over and real life began she went back home to Mama. Big wedding lots of planning and my cousin felt cheated since she had put so much time an effort into the wedding.

Anyway I would give something to the couple since you would if she were marrying someone else. I hope it works this time.

Re: Stumped! What Would You Do...Wedding?

Isobel Archer — Wed, 29 Jun 2016 14:49:16 GMT

You are not obligated to give another gift. If you really WANT to, of course do it.

Frankly, it seems she should not really expect the same people to gift her again - but then she probably does.

Re: Stumped! What Would You Do...Wedding?

Pandalady — Wed, 29 Jun 2016 14:51:08 GMT

Perhaps send a nice card wishing them well and donate the amount you would have spent on a second gift to a charity of your choice in her name.

Re: Stumped! What Would You Do...Wedding?

Plaid Pants2 — Wed, 29 Jun 2016 14:50:54 GMT

Just a card from me, is all that they would get.

Re: Stumped! What Would You Do...Wedding?

MarthaStewardess — Wed, 29 Jun 2016 14:51:39 GMT

Lol, registering for gifts again? What happened with the gifts they got the first go round? How rude and cheeky of her to ask for more. I wouldn't send anything.

Re: Stumped! What Would You Do...Wedding?

millieshops — Wed, 29 Jun 2016 14:53:05 GMT

Hope springs eternal and it's not my call to say whether this second marriage will work or not, so if I am going to the reception and by my presence saying I hope it works, I'm also going to send/bring a gift and as much as I hate gift cards, this time that's what I'm using. No attempt, by the way, to match the cost of my dinner or any other "rule" that is someone else's idea of wedding ettiquete.

Re: Stumped! What Would You Do...Wedding?

Mustang Shar — Wed, 29 Jun 2016 14:53:34 GMT

I cannot believe they REGISTERED for gifts. Think it's outrageous, LOL.

Send a card

Re: Stumped! What Would You Do...Wedding?

Ms X — Wed, 29 Jun 2016 14:58:40 GMT

I think these post-wedding receptions are nothing but gift grabs. They don't want to have the crowd they invite at the wedding, but they're thrilled to have a party in the backyard (a "garden party") or somewhere else cheap soon afterwards.

Especially since you already gave them a gift, they should make it clear that they don't expect gifts, only the presence of those they didn't see fit to invite to the wedding. If this was the etiquette of such post-wedding parties, there would be a lot fewer of them. I'd feel better about being invited and even giving a gift if they made it clear that they didn't expect one. This kind of party just makes me feel used.

Re: Stumped! What Would You Do...Wedding?

Krimpette — Wed, 29 Jun 2016 15:00:33 GMT

I'm not even sure I'd want to attend their reception!!!!! I don't much care for tacky, greedy people anyway. So t'were it me, I'd send a card and send my regrets when invited to the reception. What did they do with all those gifts they got from their first wedding????

Re: Stumped! What Would You Do...Wedding?

lolakimono — Wed, 29 Jun 2016 15:00:59 GMT

@Yardlie

You could save your wedding gift money and put it towards the baby shower gift you'll be invited to in about a year.

Re: Stumped! What Would You Do...Wedding?

bri20 — Wed, 29 Jun 2016 15:02:25 GMT

What kind of gifts did they register for again?

I would send a card and maybe a small token gift, if that.

Re: Stumped! What Would You Do...Wedding?

2blonde — Wed, 29 Jun 2016 15:09:11 GMT

Ya know, this girl has a lot of nerve! OK, so if she thinks re-marrying this guy warrants a party.........fine. Have a party for your friends and family, but make it clear, NO GIFTS! For Pete's sake, talk about putting people in an uncomfortable position.......even registering for more gifts. Sheesh.

Re: Stumped! What Would You Do...Wedding?

jaxs mom — Wed, 29 Jun 2016 15:04:03 GMT

Of course you're not obligated to give another gift, but if you want to you can.