topic Re: What would you do about this Birthday Party problem? in Community Chat

What would you do about this Birthday Party problem?

mima — Tue, 24 May 2016 21:39:09 GMT

My mom doesn't want a birthday party. As I stated on another thread, she is turning 80 in a couple weeks. My stepdad wanted to have a party for her and she said no. So he thinks it is alright for someone else to have a "surprise" party for her and he won't be in trouble. He said we can have it and he would pay for it.

I hate surpise parties and I wouldn't want one either.

Would you go along with him and go ahead with it? I personally want to get mom's opinions to see if she really wants a party or not. Maybe she would want one if it isn't at their house? It would be a lot of work for her!

She doesn't feel good a lot and it would be bad if it was a bad day for her on the day of the "surprise" party.

I just don't think you should have a surprise party if the person doesn't want it.

I would rather just like to ask her and have it NOT be a surprise. He is all secretive about it like it is going to happen.

Help!

Re: What would you do about this Birthday Party problem?

bri20 — Tue, 24 May 2016 21:29:58 GMT

I would ask her and honor her wishes. Your step dad means well.

Re: What would you do about this Birthday Party problem?

deepwaterdotter — Tue, 24 May 2016 21:32:30 GMT

I wouldn't be a part of planning the party.

Re: What would you do about this Birthday Party problem?

Mz iMac — Tue, 24 May 2016 21:36:54 GMT

My mother is 91. She did not want a party at 50, 80, or 90. Us kids & our father honored my mother wishes.

The only thing she wanted us to do was to find her a young buck who could keep up w/her!!! My brother told me the other day, that when mom turns 95 he is going to hire a male escort & wants me to pick him out.

Re: What would you do about this Birthday Party problem?

SaRina — Tue, 24 May 2016 21:37:09 GMT

It's most important to respect her wishes.

Re: What would you do about this Birthday Party problem?

mima — Tue, 24 May 2016 21:37:48 GMT

@bri20 wrote:
I would ask her and honor her wishes. Your step dad means well.

That's what I want to do. I do know he means well. He wants it a surprise and won't be happy if I tell her.

Re: What would you do about this Birthday Party problem?

RainyDayGal — Tue, 24 May 2016 21:43:57 GMT

If her reason for maybe not wanting a party is because it would be a lot of work to have it at her house, maybe she would agree to someone else's house. And something SMALL! But I would definitely ask her first and find out if that would be OK, or if she truly wants nothing at all. It's all about Mom. :-)

Re: What would you do about this Birthday Party problem?

hovis — Tue, 24 May 2016 21:49:46 GMT

Why don't you have a few friends and family over. Keep it low keyed. I think she would be disappointed if no one acknowleged her 80th birthday. I know she says she doesn't want one but like I said keep it on the quiet side.

Re: What would you do about this Birthday Party problem?

GingerPeach — Tue, 24 May 2016 21:52:24 GMT

Like everyone has said, @mima, honor your mom's wishes.

She is like a lot of us who do not want parties, much less surprises. It would not be a happy event for her.

Maybe a lunch or dinner or something of that sort would be more appreciated. Of course check with her first.

Re: What would you do about this Birthday Party problem?

Mominohio — Tue, 24 May 2016 21:52:54 GMT

I wouldn't be a part of this at all, unless it is discussed with her first.

I think, because of her age, and because she doesn't feel well sometimes, that planning anything to 'surprise' her is difficult at best.

It is her big day, and should be about what she wants, not what others want to do.

I'd get the most important members of the family together with her, and try to find something to celebrate her milestone, that suits her and what she would like. Perhaps she wants everyone together, or just a select few. Whatever it is, it should be what she does or doesn't want that is given top priority. Trying to do a 'surprise' at this time is pretty much a recipe for disaster.

Re: What would you do about this Birthday Party problem?

Kachina624 — Tue, 24 May 2016 21:54:26 GMT

I would assume that no means NO.

Re: What would you do about this Birthday Party problem?

Marp — Tue, 24 May 2016 22:16:40 GMT

@mima, if you tell your mom that you would like to take her to dinner for this milestone birthday would she be agreeable? If so you/someone could then arrange for a FEW to join you for dessert. The dessert gathering would still essentially be a surprise but not in an intimidating or uncomfortable way.

Re: What would you do about this Birthday Party problem?

ECBG — Tue, 24 May 2016 22:23:24 GMT

Since Father's Day is coming up, I'd do a cookout and invite their closest friends. No more than eight or ten and have homemade ice cream for dessert.

Re: What would you do about this Birthday Party problem?

Sunarrow685 — Tue, 24 May 2016 22:30:42 GMT

I would honor her wishes and would hope she would like some family with her

to celebrate her special day.

l think that is great that they are both together to enjoy one another ❤️

Re: What would you do about this Birthday Party problem?

freakygirl — Tue, 24 May 2016 22:38:26 GMT

how about let one of your birthday gifts to her be respecting her wishes. stepdad means well but her personal happiness shouldn't trump his. if I was afforded respect and importance especially on my special day, that would mean my family loves and honors me.

Re: What would you do about this Birthday Party problem?

Perkup — Tue, 24 May 2016 23:15:11 GMT

Voice of experience here. I am 81, and although I love my family and friends I honestly don't feel like a party of any kind. I would appreciate something very quiet - a nice luncheon for two or three others, or maybe a quiet dinner with just a few special people. Nothing expensive, nothing noisy, nothing surprising. And the right to cancel at the last minute if It happens to be an off day when I just don't feel like it. Phone calls and cards are just as much appreciated as gifts. Listen to your Mom. She knows what's good for her these days.

Re: What would you do about this Birthday Party problem?

Noel7 — Tue, 24 May 2016 23:18:05 GMT

@mima wrote:
My mom doesn't want a birthday party. As I stated on another thread, she is turning 80 in a couple weeks. My stepdad wanted to have a party for her and she said no. So he thinks it is alright for someone else to have a "surprise" party for her and he won't be in trouble. He said we can have it and he would pay for it.

I hate surpise parties and I wouldn't want one either.

Would you go along with him and go ahead with it? I personally want to get mom's opinions to see if she really wants a party or not. Maybe she would want one if it isn't at their house? It would be a lot of work for her!

She doesn't feel good a lot and it would be bad if it was a bad day for her on the day of the "surprise" party.

I just don't think you should have a surprise party if the person doesn't want it.

I would rather just like to ask her and have it NOT be a surprise. He is all secretive about it like it is going to happen.

Help!

**********************

@mima

I agree with you, no party, and quite possibly a surprise party would be even worse.

I also agree that the thing to do is to ask her rather than end up making her miserable on her birthday.

How about suggesting an alternative celebration? A dinner at a nice restaurant for close friends and family. It could be small if that's what she would prefer.

Re: What would you do about this Birthday Party problem?

Noel7 — Tue, 24 May 2016 23:20:10 GMT

@GingerPeach wrote:
Like everyone has said, @mima, honor your mom's wishes.
She is like a lot of us who do not want parties, much less surprises. It would not be a happy event for her.

Maybe a lunch or dinner or something of that sort would be more appreciated. Of course check with her first.

**********************************

GMTA

Re: What would you do about this Birthday Party problem?

Jleah — Tue, 24 May 2016 23:28:09 GMT

If it were me, I'd take her and your stepfather out for a nice lunch or dinner. I'd also bring a small cake and get the waiter to bring it out at the end of the meal. My brother and I (with our spouses) do this for our mom on her birthday, and she really enjoys it. She doesn't like a big fuss, and she doesn't always feel well, so she is not one to want a party, either.

Re: What would you do about this Birthday Party problem?

hckynut — Tue, 24 May 2016 23:37:13 GMT

Who's birthday is it, your mom's or step dad's. Sounds like a simple solution to me. If he plans a secret surprise? Spill the beans to your mom, and tell him upfront your intentions.

Someone that knows I do not like parties, much less has one? They would be minus 1 person! ME

hnj