topic Re: Very Difficult Situation in Community Chat

Very Difficult Situation

JBKO — Tue, 24 May 2016 05:09:29 GMT

Hi everyone. I just found out some awful news and would like to talk about it. I also figure that perhaps we can share information that will be useful for others. Many of you may feel that my questions aren't your cup of tea. That's ok. When it comes to this situation, please remember that it is a serious situation and perhaps think twice before you decide to respond. It is so saddening that all my problems (and I have many) have been put on the backburner so to speak.

I recently found out that a close family member has a pregnant 13 year old daughter. I don't know all the details but I cannot convey how much my heart breaks for both of them. The man in question is 19. This is all I know. I am in complete and utter shock and don't lnow how to quite process this. I don't even know what my question is. Maybe you can offer something that will somehow make this better. What I want to say is that I have never in my life wanted to take someone out of their despair more than I have now. Thank you for listening to me😊

Re: Very Difficult Situation

Sister Golden Hair — Tue, 24 May 2016 05:37:38 GMT

@JBKO The first thing is she going to try to keep the baby? Which would be a hard situation but can be handled with love.

My birth Mother was 16 and gave me up for adoption. I doubt back then she didn't have a choice.

If she decided to give it up, there are a lot of wonderful people in the world that would love to have a child.

No matter what they decide, it must be a positive attitude towards the girl.

Yes, she is very young but it happens even though we think our children should know about birth control.

This may not be what you wanted to hear but I hope her parents won't make her feel bad.

Re: Very Difficult Situation

tedEbear — Tue, 24 May 2016 05:45:35 GMT

Right now you can do absolutely nothing. The family needs to figure out what they want and need time to process. It is not the end of their world or your world. You can only be a source of support , when and if you are asked.

It is something that happens in a lot of families. I say ,let them know they are loved, especially the 13yr old and her child, if she keeps the baby. Always remember the 13yr old needs LOVE above all else.

I hope I am not coming across as mean or know-it-all, I am sympathetic, but for the young person.-------tedEbear

YOU NEED TO TAKE CARE OF YOU ABOVE EVERYTHING.

Re: Very Difficult Situation

esmerelda — Tue, 24 May 2016 05:49:05 GMT

I think the first thing is the girl's family should charge "the man" with statutory rape.

Next...it's not your problem. What, in your wildest dreams, do you think you could do to take someone...the girl? her mother?...out of her despair?

Re: Very Difficult Situation

Kachina624 — Tue, 24 May 2016 05:57:57 GMT

There really is not much you can do but offer non-judgmental support and your love. The girl and her parents will have to make the difficult decisions. If anyone ever needed this poem, you do now.

Re: Very Difficult Situation

JBKO — Tue, 24 May 2016 06:10:29 GMT

Thank you so much. I will be going to sleep and will continue our discussion tomorrow.

Re: Very Difficult Situation

Catty2 — Tue, 24 May 2016 07:01:30 GMT

The very first thing that popped into my head is that the 19-year old father could be charged with statutory rape of a minor. I can't imagine a 13-year old girl having to go through a pregnancy and giving birth. She needs her family's support right now for them all to decide what to do. Wishing them and you the best.

Re: Very Difficult Situation

Big Sister — Tue, 24 May 2016 09:27:26 GMT

@JBKO, the first thought that comes to my mind is don't offer any suggestions, opinions or guidance unless you are asked by that family.

In other words, don't get involved at this point. Also, I would hope that the child will put the baby up for adoption.

And, the 19 year old man should be arrested for statutory rape. Period!

Really, what else is there to say?

Re: Very Difficult Situation

colliegirls — Tue, 24 May 2016 10:21:52 GMT

I know what I would do immediately if my daughter was pregnant at 13, but no solution is an easy one.

Re: Very Difficult Situation

goldensrbest — Tue, 24 May 2016 10:33:19 GMT

Pray for the girl, parents and baby.

Re: Very Difficult Situation

151949 — Tue, 24 May 2016 10:36:54 GMT

Since it is not you who is pregnant it is best to MYOB , and you certainly seem to have enough issues of your own to keep you occupied.

I certainly know what I'd do if my 13 year old child was pregnant.

Re: Very Difficult Situation

KathyPet — Tue, 24 May 2016 10:45:26 GMT

Not quite sure what advice you are looking for. Do you see these relatives often? I most certainly would not be giving them any advice or thoughts unless the family specifically asked for it. Certainly not a situation that you should be inserting yourself into unless requested to do so. Obviously a charge of statutory rape could be brought against the male involved but of course the family would need to notify the authorities of the situation for them to get involved. Perhaps they do not wish to do that.

Re: Very Difficult Situation

PenneyT — Tue, 24 May 2016 10:51:17 GMT

What this family probably needs the most right now is POSITIVE support. You don't know their plans for their daughter, the baby, the father.

If I was in this position, I would NOT want to hear 'my heart is broken', 'I'm in shock', 'this is awful', etc. They know this is a difficult situation. What they need is positive thoughts and prayer. Otherwise, MYOB is in order. And please don't gossip about this, that could wreck your relationship with the family.

Re: Very Difficult Situation

ID2 — Tue, 24 May 2016 10:52:17 GMT

OP, Just a few words of wisdom....MYOB.

Re: Very Difficult Situation

Plaid Pants2 — Tue, 24 May 2016 11:14:34 GMT

O/p, you have admitted that you have enough problems of your own.

You do not need to be taking on more.

Your job is not to solve the world's problems.

I have a feeling that somewhere inside, you are dreaming of being this baby's "auntie", or maybe even adopting it yourself, so that you can have the little family that you have always wanted.

Bottom line, stay out of it.

It doesn't concern you.

Let them deal with it their own way.

Yes, they have a lot to deal with, but it isn't your job to try and "fix" it.

If anything, just listen, but say nothing.

Keep your mouth shut.

Concentrate on your own life.

Re: Very Difficult Situation

SydneyH — Tue, 24 May 2016 11:00:27 GMT

If this isn't a clear cut case of rape, I don't know what would qualify. You probably shouldn't be sharing this and telling others to 'think twice', this isn't a closed or private forum.

Re: Very Difficult Situation

Plaid Pants2 — Tue, 24 May 2016 11:08:08 GMT

@SydneyH wrote:
If this isn't a clear cut case of rape, I don't know what would qualify. You probably shouldn't be sharing this and telling others to 'think twice', this isn't a closed or private forum.

Agreed. Once a thread is posted, it is out of the author's hands as to the responses that they will get. And to try and "dictate" that people should "think twice" before responding?

Sorry, it doesn't work that way.

The author doesn't get to tell people how they should respond.

If they don't like the responses that they might get, then don't post it in the first place.

Re: Very Difficult Situation

SXMGirl — Tue, 24 May 2016 11:27:22 GMT

The best thing that you can do is be there for your friend. I am sure that every emotion is going through that family. You might just need to be a sounding board for your friend and maybe even her daughter.

As far as charging the young man, I always feel that these situatons have a lot of blame to go around. Was this a new "boyfriend"? Did the parents know about him? Did this young girl portray herself as older? I know that it is hard to imagine a young teen looking 4 or 5 years older, but sometimes that happens with makeup and outfits. It is getting harder and harder to tell ages. I personally can attest to being that age and making myself look much older and adults were fooled.

Just be a good friend. Like everything, it will work itself out.

Re: Very Difficult Situation

goldensrbest — Tue, 24 May 2016 11:26:48 GMT

I am puzzled at the remarks some of you are making,to the op.

Re: Very Difficult Situation

PamfromCT — Tue, 24 May 2016 11:30:12 GMT

I think @@Kachina said it best.

In a situation like this, the most I would say is "This has to be a difficult time for you. Is there anything I can do to help you?"

I do hope this family seeks professional counseling.