topic Re: Buying and saving for 'good'...why? in Community Chat

Buying and saving for 'good'...why?

Susan Louise — Sun, 15 May 2016 00:12:47 GMT

I just don't 'get it'. I know family members that do this and it drives me crazy! Why? Well, it has reached a point that DH and I have to find other ways to give B-Day gifts, holiday gifts, etc...like taking them out for dinner instead. It makes no sense for us to buy stuff only for them to sit in the boxes and never get used.

It's not as if we get things they don't want or need...they are things they wanted and asked for...

An example about a family member we got a gift for a few yrs ago and it still has yet to be worn once.

I will get replies like 'I'm saving it for good'...(in this instance, it was a lovely Irish sweater) which has yet to be taken out of the drawer since it was 1st put away.

We are only on this earth for so long...and the coffin is only so big and she can only wear one set of clothes...

Oh, and yes, I know, folks can do whatever they wish with 'their stuff'...however, some things just make my head hurt

Re: Buying and saving for 'good'...why?

hckynut — Sun, 15 May 2016 00:14:29 GMT

i don't get the point of this thread.

hnj

Re: Buying and saving for 'good'...why?

Julie928 — Sun, 15 May 2016 00:19:44 GMT

Hi Susan Louise! Yes, that seems a little silly. The whole gift-giving thing (I feel) has gotten out of hand. I just donated two car trips' worth of things to a wonderful wildlife rehabilitation place about an hour away from me. It felt so good to clear some things out of the house while donating them to a wonderful organization that I just don't want to accumulate any more "stuff." The reason I bring this up is many of the things I donated where things I just had to have (or yes, were gifts) only to end up in the donate pile. I love your idea of taking someone to dinner! The memory of a wonderful friend taking you out for a nice dinner is priceless to me. But saving a beautiful Irish sweater for "good'? That's crazy! I love my Irish sweaters, lol!!! Have a great rest of your weekend! :-)

Re: Buying and saving for 'good'...why?

september — Sun, 15 May 2016 00:21:50 GMT

I get the point, because my mom is that way. At her age, there isn't much I can buy her in the way of gifts anymore. I saw a dish towel at Anthropologie that had a Parisian scene on it, with a pretty crocheted edge. I bought it for her, thinking I might send it for Mothers Day. Then I realized she would probably decide it was too nice to actually use, and would stash it somewhere instead. I sent flowers.

Re: Buying and saving for 'good'...why?

Mz iMac — Sun, 15 May 2016 00:21:53 GMT

'I'm saving it for good'

Re: Buying and saving for 'good'...why?

Carmie — Sun, 15 May 2016 00:22:21 GMT

My MIL used to save clothing items "For good." When she passed, we found beautiful lingerie still wrapped in tissue paper in her dresser in many sizes. Some was from when she first got married. There were also other pieces of clothing that she always took when She "went back home" to Europe. She took the same clothing every time she went and some of it must have been 20 years old and in new condition because it was worn very little.

She also had unworn jewelry that she was saving. Too bad she never got to enjoy her items.

I remember when I first started to date her son. She took me on a tour of her finest things she was saving. She was very proud of her nice quality beautiful items in new condition.

I very seldom buy gifts anymore unless the recipient is a child. I give money or sometimes gift certificates to a nice restaurant.

I don't get it either.

Re: Buying and saving for 'good'...why?

mstyrion 1 — Sun, 15 May 2016 00:23:04 GMT

I get the point of the thread.

I know people who do what the OP is talking about. I used to be that way to a certain extent. I would "save" perfume or lotions or even candles for an occasion. At some point I realized that saving things gave me no pleasure. Using them did.

I realized that putting things away waiting for the perfect occasion was nothing short of wasteful. I also realized that every day can be an occasion.

Re: Buying and saving for 'good'...why?

Perkup — Sun, 15 May 2016 00:26:37 GMT

Apparently the OP isn't as old as me, or she might well understand. When I was young, money was very tight, gifts were very small, and you were very fortunate if you had two pairs of shoes - one for every day and one for 'good". If you were lucky enough to receive a nice gift - especially clothing - you would save it for "good". You might save it to wear to church, or for some special occassion. Sometimes I think you just saved it so that you would have something new. My former husband received a suede jacket when he was about 27 and had never worn it when he passed away at 78. He was saving it for a time when he wanted something special to use as outerwear. I know he felt almost guilty because his Dad had spent so much on his gift. I guess that special time never came. But it's how we older folks were brought up and still applies sometimes.

Re: Buying and saving for 'good'...why?

DiAnne — Sun, 15 May 2016 00:27:01 GMT

That is what my mother used to say when she did not like something to be polite.

Re: Buying and saving for 'good'...why?

september — Sun, 15 May 2016 00:29:27 GMT

I don't understand how never using something makes sense. Whoever purchased it..whether it was you, or a family member who was thinking of you...wasted their money.

But like I mentioned, my mom will do this.

When I get nice gifts, I use them! It seems more wasteful to me to let them sit, unused.

Re: Buying and saving for 'good'...why?

jlkz — Sun, 15 May 2016 00:31:36 GMT

When I was getting my mom's things together for her memory care life chapter, I found exactly what other posters have said: Beautiful gifts still in tissue paper. I was sad to see the things I had bought for her being "saved"... I had picked out colors she loved and looked wonderful in. She thought they were too nice and maybe weren't deserved.

I gave up trying to understand some of the crazy habits of family members. I learned early to do what pleases me as long as no one else suffers and my responsibilities were satisfied. Amen.

Re: Buying and saving for 'good'...why?

Sooner — Sun, 15 May 2016 00:33:07 GMT

There are a number of issues involved here:

A) When you give someone a gift, it is a gift. It is theirs to do with as they wish. The moment you give it, it has nothing more to do with you. It is the gifting part that was important. At that moment, it is theirs, so it shouldn't make you angry or hurt no matter what they do with it. THe classic example we've talked about many times is food. People make food, give it to someone, then are furious to think that they threw it away or didn't eat it. So they didn't "gift" it to someone in that case.

B) People try to give others something they wouldn't have thought of giving themselves. This sentence is self-explanatory. . . LOL!!

C) People "surprise" other with something. "Surprise" is not always a good thing.

ASK someone exactly what they want and give it to them or give them a gift card. PERIOD. We all have a lot of stuff (most of us more stuff than room) and in today's world, it's the only way to gift.

I am not intending any of this at the OP in particular. I'm recounting information from a lot of threads over the years I've been here. Collective wisdom from our posters says a gift is to make the person receiving it happy. If it comes with strings, demands or expectations from the giver it is FOR the giver's happiness, not the happiness of the gifted person.

Re: Buying and saving for 'good'...why?

catwhisperer — Sun, 15 May 2016 00:33:13 GMT

Okay, now I get it. I figure why not use something and enjoy it while you can. It's of no use when you are gone. A poster on a thread a few weeks ago was talking about buying yourself flowers and enjoying them while you are alive. That has really stuck with me and I have been enjoying flowers in my home ever since.

Re: Buying and saving for 'good'...why?

mstyrion 1 — Sun, 15 May 2016 00:37:07 GMT

@Sooner wrote:
There are a number of issues involved here:

A) When you give someone a gift, it is a gift. It is theirs to do with as they wish. The moment you give it, it has nothing more to do with you. It is the gifting part that was important. At that moment, it is theirs, so it shouldn't make you angry or hurt no matter what they do with it. THe classic example we've talked about many times is food. People make food, give it to someone, then are furious to think that they threw it away or didn't eat it. So they didn't "gift" it to someone in that case.

B) People try to give others something they wouldn't have thought of giving themselves. This sentence is self-explanatory. . . LOL!!

C) People "surprise" other with something. "Surprise" is not always a good thing.

ASK someone exactly what they want and give it to them or give them a gift card. PERIOD. We all have a lot of stuff (most of us more stuff than room) and in today's world, it's the only way to gift.

I am not intending any of this at the OP in particular. I'm recounting information from a lot of threads over the years I've been here. Collective wisdom from our posters says a gift is to make the person receiving it happy. If it comes with strings, demands or expectations from the giver it is FOR the giver's happiness, not the happiness of the gifted person.

______________________________________________________

This is not really the point of the thread. We're not talking about unwanted or disliked gifts.

We are talking about the behavior of "saving for good". The gift is probably cherished to the point the receiver feels it should be saved for a special occasion. Sometimes the occasion never comes. It seems to be a behavior most prominent in older folks.

Two totally different issues.

Re: Buying and saving for 'good'...why?

nana59 — Sun, 15 May 2016 00:37:43 GMT

Maybe it's time for "The Talk!" Time to end gift giving--and send a card to recognize their birthday.......

Re: Buying and saving for 'good'...why?

SeaMaiden — Sun, 15 May 2016 00:37:59 GMT

I grew up in a family with a history of never enjoying things.....my Father's Mother covered all the furniture in plastic. My a Father did the same in our house. He always bought only the best and finest of everything.....I could never sit on our furniture. We had to sit on the floor in the front room as children. We could not touch anything.

I vividly remember one day touching a lamp and out of the blue my Father hitting me on the side of my head like out of no where. At the time I did not know why he hit me. As an adult I figured it out.

I sort of became the same way....I can not now as an adult sit on or enjoy my own furniture....and I save things rather than enjoying them now. I buy new clothes and have a hard time feeling good wearing them. History repeats it's self

Re: Buying and saving for 'good'...why?

GCR18 — Sun, 15 May 2016 00:37:59 GMT

I've done it in the past. I don't do it anymore.

Re: Buying and saving for 'good'...why?

september — Sun, 15 May 2016 00:39:25 GMT

I'm a practical person and give a lot of gift cards too. But statistics show that many of these never get used.

So our choices seem to be: buy an older family member a nice gift that won't get used, send a gift card that won't get used, or send flowers. I usually send flowers. Maybe the best choice.

Re: Buying and saving for 'good'...why?

shaggygirl — Sun, 15 May 2016 00:39:59 GMT

I'm guilty of that in a different way. I have a few beautiful tea cups and saucers that belonged to my grandmother. I save them "for good", like if company is here and someone wants a cup of tea. Why I deny myself the pleasure of using them when I'm drinking tea by myself I have no clue. I keep using the same three old ones that have chips on the saucer edges and one of the tea cups has a chip on the lip.

Re: Buying and saving for 'good'...why?

catwhisperer — Sun, 15 May 2016 00:47:11 GMT

@september wrote:
I'm a practical person and give a lot of gift cards too. But statistics show that many of these never get used.

So our choices seem to be: buy an older family member a nice gift that won't get used, send a gift card that won't get used, or send flowers. I usually send flowers. Maybe the best choice.

@september...I'll never forget the time many years ago when DH and I stopped at a flower shop and bought a beautiful bouquet for his mother. Took them to her and she told me she didn't like flowers and to take them home with me. Wow. Okay. Needless to say, she never got another gift from me.