topic Re: Feeling overwhelmed in Community Chat

Feeling overwhelmed

NativeJax — Thu, 12 May 2016 03:04:37 GMT

The past few months have extremely stressful for me, I have a great job but a lot of pressure. I am an assistant director and I have a small team I manage. Anyway, we found out in February they are going to be moving my department to Phoenix and will be letting 3 people go on our staff and they still haven't told us who they are keeping. I do not think they will keep me even though I am a top producer because they don't need two directors. The last three weeks the executive team who is normally warm and friendly with me has been distant and unapproachable. The CEO is making an unexpected visit next week and I think they will let us go. On top of that, my father is terminal and I was told today that my adult son needs psychiatric evaluation as the doctor feels as though there is something wrong with his stability. My blood pressure is through the roof and I feel so out of control. I took some vacation days and registered for an insurance class starting on Friday as I am trying to prepare for a backup plan but I think I should have started sooner. I have no control over these things and it brought me to tears today. I am so worried about my son and now the possability of no insurance on top of that....very overwhelmed at the moment. I just really need some help with my feelings at the moment. Such an incredibly sad day for me....

Re: Feeling overwhelmed

Lila Belle — Thu, 12 May 2016 03:07:30 GMT

Re: Feeling overwhelmed

Julie928 — Thu, 12 May 2016 03:09:03 GMT

I'm so sorry you are going through all of this. My words may be of little comfort, but I've learned that every difficult experience opens up the door for a wonderful opportunity that brings us to where we need to be in life. Take care of yourself and try not to worry ~ we are never given more than we can handle... :-)

Re: Feeling overwhelmed

beach-mom — Thu, 12 May 2016 03:16:49 GMT

@NativeJax - What @Julie928 said is so perfect. I am a person of faith, so I will say a prayer for you. I too believe the sadness and challenges we have in life make us stronger and change our lives in ways we would never have imagined. It doesn't look like it at the time we're going through it, but if we don't have hope things will improve it can impact our health. Take care of you. I will also pray for your father and for your son.

Re: Feeling overwhelmed

Noel7 — Thu, 12 May 2016 03:22:12 GMT

@NativeJax

I'm so sorry you have so much on your plate. Do you have a support group you can fall back on? Friends, extended family? A church group?

I'm wondering if your son lives with you or has his own place. You must be so worried about him.I hope you visit you doctor as soon as possible to check on your blood pressure and get medication if you need help with it.

I wish you all the best.

Re: Feeling overwhelmed

ILTH — Thu, 12 May 2016 03:30:27 GMT

I know it's very raw for you right now and you feel as if you've been punched in the gut and had the wind taken out of you, but, you will be okay.

You will have severance and/or unemployment for awhile.

Also, this may afford you needed time to deal with your family problems.

You WILL find work. You WILL get health insurance.

Try to stop playing the doom over and over in your head. Stop panicking. Breathe.

Stop worrying about what you can't control. I know is easy to say, but, I've been there. ..many times. It WILL work out. Keep up with your backup plan. It's not too late.

"I contend that we are both atheists . I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours." Stephen Henry Roberts

Re: Feeling overwhelmed

Mustang Shar — Thu, 12 May 2016 03:23:54 GMT

I'm so sorry you are going through this crisis. It feels better to get it out here and just breathe. I will also pray for you.

Re: Feeling overwhelmed

Princesswife — Thu, 12 May 2016 03:24:00 GMT

I am so sorry for you situation. But if you are one of the lay offs go and get your son state insurance they might give it to you Saab because of is condition. Although if you been at your job for awhile they might offer a severance package which might include your health insurance for awhile. At this trying time in your life you have to try and relax please take care of you first so you can take care of son and dad best of luck

Re: Feeling overwhelmed

NativeJax — Thu, 12 May 2016 03:25:35 GMT

I have been trying to cope with my son for a long time and really thought he would out grow some behaviors but the reality is that it is getting worse and I realize that he needs help so badly. He has not been capable of holding a job or doing simple tasks, I was hopeful but he definitely needs help. I pray God helps us find a doctor to help him, I just can't stop crying. I have been a single mother since he was 9 months old and he is about to be 22. I know that mental illness has to be treated but it's just so sad to watch someone who looks healthy on the outside but on the inside he is suffering. It's heartbreaking....thank you for your prayers.

Re: Feeling overwhelmed

Sooner — Thu, 12 May 2016 03:28:00 GMT

This may sound stupid and simple minded, but keep in contact with your fellow workers because the grapevine is a great resource for finding another job. Put the word out with friends and relatives that you may be looking for a job.

Love your father and soak up the time you have with him. At the same time, release the outcome, which you cannot change.

Do some small thing every day if you can that will help you keep up with the things you need to do. After you do it, sit, have some tea or read a book or do something you enjoy for at least 15 minutes, and count your blessings even though they may seem few sometimes when you are going through this.

Prayers and best wishes to you--I wish I had better advice for you!

Re: Feeling overwhelmed

JBKO — Thu, 12 May 2016 03:28:06 GMT

NativeJax your post brought me to tears. God it is so hard going through life sometimes. I haven't had it easy having problems in every area of my life it seems--finances,family, health etc. I wasn't dealing with it well but lately I have been telling myself that I can do this because I am strong. I am stronger than those girls I went to high school with. I am stronger than my neighbor. I am one of the few people that can deal with all of this. The same is true for you.

In life you have to take the good with the bad. Have faith there is good to come. "Difficulties strengthen the mind as labor does the body". That was my senior quote.

Good luck my friend.

Re: Feeling overwhelmed

SurferWife — Thu, 12 May 2016 03:42:19 GMT

Bless your heart. I don't know whether or not you are a Christian, but if you are, hold fast to the promise of:

1 Peter 5:7- Casting all your cares on Him, for He cares for you.

and

Philippians 4:6,7

Stop worrying about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication, let your requests be made known unto God, and the peace of God which passes understanding, shall garrison your right lobes and your thinking by Christ Jesus.

I hope you may find comfort in these verses.

Re: Feeling overwhelmed

IamMrsG — Thu, 12 May 2016 03:41:15 GMT

@NativeJax I am sorry for your troubles, worries and fears. Each concern is big enough by itself to cause stress, and of course you feel overwhelmed by the combined weight of them.

Whenever I go through similar feelings, I use a mental image that helps (a little). I envision a Potter at the wheel, working then re-working His clay until He gets the perfect result He has in mind. While it might not help feeling like smooshed clay right now, NativeJax, I hope you can believe that God is indeed at work in your life. I will pray for peace for you and your family.

Re: Feeling overwhelmed

NativeJax — Thu, 12 May 2016 03:46:52 GMT

Three months ago I told him he couldn't stay here anymore, I thought I was helping him by forcing him to experience responsibility. He smokes marijuana and has severe anger issues. He is living with a friend near me and I see him but tell him he can't come home. The doctor feels as though my son is self medicating but he is sometimes delusional. I think I have been in denial as mental illness runs in my family, I was hoping to escape this heavy load but I am thankful this doctor is going to make some calls and try to find him some help. He can be very manic....and he has severe OCD, very obsessive. I have tried just about everything but when he hit 18 he wouldn't go to the doctor anymore. I could give lots of examples but trust me it's been tough since he was 14. The reason we were to see this doctor was a second opinion from a hand surgery and that was the result from fighting and punching things all the time. It's really upsetting when he gets like that and sometimes I get really scared. This is why he can't stay here and why he must get help.

Re: Feeling overwhelmed

Goldengate8361 — Thu, 12 May 2016 03:55:05 GMT

@NativeJax My heart goes out to you. Really. I don't really have any advice. I know you'll figure out what to do. In case it's interesting to know this.....your post helped me to gain a little perspective this evening----as I've been feeling very stressed and down about my own problems---which, honestly, are very small and insignificant compared to the situation you described. I'm wishing you the best and, like others, I will pray for you. I recommend prioritizing your time with your Dad.

Re: Feeling overwhelmed

ILTH — Thu, 12 May 2016 03:57:12 GMT

@NativeJax wrote:
Three months ago I told him he couldn't stay here anymore, I thought I was helping him by forcing him to experience responsibility. He smokes marijuana and has severe anger issues. He is living with a friend near me and I see him but tell him he can't come home. The doctor feels as though my son is self medicating but he is sometimes delusional. I think I have been in denial as mental illness runs in my family, I was hoping to escape this heavy load but I am thankful this doctor is going to make some calls and try to find him some help. He can be very manic....and he has severe OCD, very obsessive. I have tried just about everything but when he hit 18 he wouldn't go to the doctor anymore. I could give lots of examples but trust me it's been tough since he was 14. The reason we were to see this doctor was a second opinion from a hand surgery and that was the result from fighting and punching things all the time. It's really upsetting when he gets like that and sometimes I get really scared. This is why he can't stay here and why he must get help.

I hope the doctors can help. Yeah, mental illness doesn't go away on its own.

I hope your son gets the help he needs and that your dad isn't in too much pain.

Don't worry about your job. That will resolve itself in your favor one way or another.

Re: Feeling overwhelmed

sandraskates — Thu, 12 May 2016 03:57:43 GMT

So sorry about all that you're going through.

I suspect your gut feeling is probably correct - that you will be laid-off. Having been through this myself I can only suggest that you prepare for it. Going to that insurance class is a great start. Looking over your finances should be on the top of your list too.

If you are getting laid-off I'd think you get some severance pay and maybe payment for any unused vacation time (perhaps sick time too).

When I was laid-off I was on my own. I paid off as much debt as I could and refinanced my house so even if I could only secure a minimun wage job I would not lose my house. I found some affordable health insurance.

For 4 years I survived on 3 part-time jobs - and it wasn't that bad. When the economy picked up again, I found full-time work.

You sound like you have a high-level position and can show results, which is really important when you go for a new opportunity.

Hugs to you and let us know the outcome of the CEO visit.

Lastly, might you entertain the thought of going to Phoenix?

Re: Feeling overwhelmed

Noel7 — Thu, 12 May 2016 04:05:54 GMT

@NativeJax wrote:
Three months ago I told him he couldn't stay here anymore, I thought I was helping him by forcing him to experience responsibility. He smokes marijuana and has severe anger issues. He is living with a friend near me and I see him but tell him he can't come home. The doctor feels as though my son is self medicating but he is sometimes delusional. I think I have been in denial as mental illness runs in my family, I was hoping to escape this heavy load but I am thankful this doctor is going to make some calls and try to find him some help. He can be very manic....and he has severe OCD, very obsessive. I have tried just about everything but when he hit 18 he wouldn't go to the doctor anymore. I could give lots of examples but trust me it's been tough since he was 14. The reason we were to see this doctor was a second opinion from a hand surgery and that was the result from fighting and punching things all the time. It's really upsetting when he gets like that and sometimes I get really scared. This is why he can't stay here and why he must get help.

********************************

You mention your son has previously been under a doctor's care. Do you know what his diagnosis was? Many people who are mentally ill self-medicate with marijuana.

Do you have friends who can help?

Re: Feeling overwhelmed

Mrsq2022 — Thu, 12 May 2016 04:27:15 GMT

@NativeJax I know that this doesn't really help your current situation, but I do want to share that everyone has these times in their lives that feel unbearable. I've had times when I felt very helpless and wanted to run away from everything, so I know how you feel. Concern for a loved one has topped the chart for me as the most stressful thing because unlike a job, there is love mixed in with the worry. Between your father and son, I know how hard it is.

I am guessing that the #1 concerning issue for you is your son, with the work (and potential lack of insurance) a close second. I am a planner. When I feel like I have no control, I try to plan contingency scenarios the best that I can. I may not like them, but at least I have played out in my brain what will happen when the "worst" occurs and how I will cope with it. I actually find that to be the only way I can cope. Then when the expected doom does occur, I know that I'm going to follow my plan B that I've already thought out. The emotions have already taken place during the planning phase, so although still highly emotional, you can get to acceptance a little faster (in my experience).

This doesn't work for everyone I know, but I feel comfort in having a plan.

Edited to add, are you sleeping? Please make sure to get sleep even if you need to get an rx. Lack of sleep compounds these feelings.

Do you and your son have a decent relationship? Even if he is smoking marijuana he may be able to get a prescription for something that won't interfere. If he is using harder drugs that is not likely but I believe people who choose marihuana over something like cocaine...they are looking for something to calm their mind and anger. That is good. And there are new and evolving prescriptions that can help with this too. If you try to attack the marijuana use it might not go over well but if you can convince them to talk to a doctor and try to find something that he can take that won't be impacted by marijuana (ie, a prescription that he can take and continue to smoke marijuana) he might be open to the conversation. Just a thought...

Re: Feeling overwhelmed

mzlg — Thu, 12 May 2016 04:27:31 GMT

@NativeJax, I really feel for you and do have an understanding of what you are going through - your father is terminally ill, son needing help, your job is possibly in jeopardy and all of this is affecting your health. No matter what: YOU MUST keep yourself balanced and maintain your health since they are depending on you. Like in an airplane - parent/adult puts on the oxygen mask first, then the child's. This/these situation(s) can be & seem over-whelming. There is help out there ... it just needs to be found. I do not know what state you live in, however if your Dad is on Soc. Sec. and/or a Vet. he may qualify for extra assistance and/or you can get paid for the time & assistance you provide. As for your son, he might be able to qualify for Social Sec., as a (Mentally) Disabled person and may also be eligible for State assistance (SSI) and MediCaid - You can be assigned as the Payee, so you will control the money. If/when he gets the help he needs he could possibly live in a Board & Care licensed for individuals with these situations & may have to attend a weekly program. I don't know if this will be of any help for you ... I'm sorry if it isn't.

My family/extended family situations are always morphing, not usually in a positive way and I am always balancing myself on the head of a pin.