topic Re: re: divorce post update in Community Chat

re: divorce post update

kitten809in — Sun, 24 Apr 2016 04:07:12 GMT

i posted some time ago that I had filed for divorce. My att put me in touch with appraiser for all the properties( 2 houses,2 trucks,a boat and householdfurnishing. My appraiser came and took pictures and wrote down each room in the house where I lie. It was well worth the cost. His appraiser has yet to come ( he did hire a lawyer). when we had the taxes done. he asked how we would the split. I told him since he had my name taken off joint accounts the checks would have to be mailed to the residence. so far only the state tax check has arived. I have appointment with my lawyer monday the 25th. I have asked husband about a mediator. He won't answer that question. When all of this started we were going to church together. I have been going alone since 3/23/2016. This man is giving me the silent tretment. But that is nothing new, he has never been a talker,and his attitude has always been this way. Am looking forward to the move to be with family and friends. Grandson has bought a house for us to share and has sent me pictures of the progress of new roof (it"s looking good) now to just get this divorce over with. Oh had my lawyer request a new judge as his daughter-in- law work for the judge who was to hear the divorce. no telling what she has told her boss. Thanks to all you ladies who gave me great advice. About 30 more days and we should be going t court.

Re: re: divorce post update

adoreqvc — Sun, 24 Apr 2016 07:18:28 GMT

Hi kitten809in,

So far it sounds like you are well prepared, and ready to proceed.

I hope it all goes very smoothly, and you are treated extremely fairly.

Your future place sounds really nice, and I pray you will find happiness there with your family.

Divorce is never easy, but being unhappily married to someone who gives you the silent treatment, or chooses to hear only what he wants to hear is far worse.

Better to have no husband, than have a cold uncaring husband who refuses to communicate in an honest, respectful, caring, adult manner.

Good luck, sending prayers and blessings to you and your family, and please do keep us updated with all your progress, as you do have friends here who have offered good advice.

They all will be so happy to read your update, and glad you will soon be in a better environment to make choices which are wonderful for you, and your family.

"Take heart my dear because.....God willing....The Best Is Yet To Come".

Re: re: divorce post update

Ms X — Sun, 24 Apr 2016 13:29:07 GMT

I'm glad you're doing well with your plans and what sounds like good guidance from your attorney. I find your husband's behavior curious, bizarre even. It sounds as if he's said little to nothing about this. How is it possible for him to live with someone who is in the process of divorcing him and say nothing? Soon that won't be your problem, though. It sounds to me as if you have had enough and are ready to move on. Best of luck to you!

P.S.: Has he already been served the papers? If not, I'd ask the lawyer about the best way to go about serving someone who might try to avoid being served. I don't want to bring up problems that don't exist, but he might be trying to pretend this isn't happening on some level. Certainly, not telling him what's coming when might be something to consider. I knew someone whose husband avoided being served for quite some time. They weren't living together at the time, though, so it was easier for him to play this game. I hope it's not counterproductive for me to raise this issue.

Re: re: divorce post update

Witchy Woman — Sun, 24 Apr 2016 13:33:14 GMT

I admire your strength and resolve to get this behind you.

Your progress in doing so is amazing and I hope you find the peace and happiness you deserve.

You have shown you mean business and it's obvious your soon-to-be exhusband does not have half the courage you do.

Congratuations on being a woman with a plan!

Re: re: divorce post update

masque — Sun, 24 Apr 2016 13:44:58 GMT

Freudian slip?

Re: re: divorce post update

MaggieMack — Sun, 24 Apr 2016 14:06:35 GMT

One of the greatest freedoms we women can discover is that of finding our voices. You found yours! Joy will follow.

Re: re: divorce post update

ROMARY — Sun, 24 Apr 2016 14:41:55 GMT

What a nice Grandson!

Re: re: divorce post update

RetRN — Sun, 24 Apr 2016 14:45:40 GMT

Glad to hear you are moving on with your life. I wish you all the best.

Re: re: divorce post update

KarenQVC — Sun, 24 Apr 2016 15:29:55 GMT

I am so happy for you.

Re: re: divorce post update

missy1 — Sun, 24 Apr 2016 15:50:07 GMT

@Ms X wrote:
I'm glad you're doing well with your plans and what sounds like good guidance from your attorney. I find your husband's behavior curious, bizarre even. It sounds as if he's said little to nothing about this. How is it possible for him to live with someone who is in the process of divorcing him and say nothing? Soon that won't be your problem, though. It sounds to me as if you have had enough and are ready to move on. Best of luck to you!

P.S.: Has he already been served the papers? If not, I'd ask the lawyer about the best way to go about serving someone who might try to avoid being served. I don't want to bring up problems that don't exist, but he might be trying to pretend this isn't happening on some level. Certainly, not telling him what's coming when might be something to consider. I knew someone whose husband avoided being served for quite some time. They weren't living together at the time, though, so it was easier for him to play this game. I hope it's not counterproductive for me to raise this issue.

Since her soon to be ex lives there, he will be served. The very last resort is a sheriff serving him (costs a lot).

Re: re: divorce post update

KathyPet — Sun, 24 Apr 2016 20:23:30 GMT

Am I getting this correctly? You are in the middle of divorcing your husband but you are still living in the same house together? That is certainly a unusual and rather bizarre arrangement.

Re: re: divorce post update

MaggieMack — Sun, 24 Apr 2016 20:26:40 GMT

@KathyPet, it's not all that unusual, especially if it was a recent decision and both parties are in accord. I've had friends who followed this path.

Re: re: divorce post update

Mmsfoxxie — Sun, 24 Apr 2016 20:27:51 GMT

Stay strong, @kitten809in. It's very difficult to live in the same house with the person you are divorcing. I did it for a year before I found something that I could afford on my own.

When my ex was served, he was shocked. Didn't think I had it in me, lol.

Re: re: divorce post update

Still Raining — Sun, 24 Apr 2016 20:37:05 GMT

I hope you are filing to be legally separated while you are awaiting the divorce proceedings. You do not want to be liable for his actions during that time. I would also ask your lawyer about the benefits of not filing a joint tax return. You do have the ability do a Married Filing Separately.

Re: re: divorce post update

missy1 — Sun, 24 Apr 2016 21:28:59 GMT

@KathyPet wrote:
Am I getting this correctly? You are in the middle of divorcing your husband but you are still living in the same house together? That is certainly a unusual and rather bizarre arrangement.

This is pretty common, unless there is domestic violence. Some reasons it's expensive to run 2 households until the decree. they maybe selling the house. etc.

Re: re: divorce post update

Ms X — Sun, 24 Apr 2016 23:00:46 GMT

@missy1 wrote:
@Ms X wrote:
I'm glad you're doing well with your plans and what sounds like good guidance from your attorney. I find your husband's behavior curious, bizarre even. It sounds as if he's said little to nothing about this. How is it possible for him to live with someone who is in the process of divorcing him and say nothing? Soon that won't be your problem, though. It sounds to me as if you have had enough and are ready to move on. Best of luck to you!

P.S.: Has he already been served the papers? If not, I'd ask the lawyer about the best way to go about serving someone who might try to avoid being served. I don't want to bring up problems that don't exist, but he might be trying to pretend this isn't happening on some level. Certainly, not telling him what's coming when might be something to consider. I knew someone whose husband avoided being served for quite some time. They weren't living together at the time, though, so it was easier for him to play this game. I hope it's not counterproductive for me to raise this issue.

Since her soon to be ex lives there, he will be served. The very last resort is a sheriff serving him (costs a lot).

I only ask not only because of my acquaintance whose husband evaded service for a long time (I believe he wanted to avoid a child-support order) but also because I was once served in a lawsuit that my neighbor was involved in. We both lived on the second floor, L and R, and our apartments weren't marked. The server asked me if I was her and I said NO. He threw the documents at me and ran away. I went down to the courthouse in my neighborhood and told them that I was incorrectly served papers when I told the server that I was not the person he was looking for, but they had nothing to say about it.

If he truly does have a lawyer, maybe her lawyer will contact his lawyer. However, if that is not the case it's certainly easier if she doesn't let on what's about to go down and just has the server come to the house while he's there. I'm no expert, but I have seen the pitfalls of service. There was another situation I was involved in that I don't want to get into in which the intended servee did not get the documents because of an error on the part of my lawyer. I'm sure her lawyer would know what to do.

Re: re: divorce post update

KathyPet — Mon, 25 Apr 2016 01:36:17 GMT

sorry but I am not buying it. The first step in a divorce is physical separation between the divorcing parties. Without physical separation there is no real sense of emotional separation. One or the other parties need to go no matter what the temporary cost is. Once the divorce is final one of the parties will be leaving it needs to happen sooner than later.

Re: re: divorce post update

MaggieMack — Mon, 25 Apr 2016 01:53:40 GMT

@KathyPet, I would argue that I have known many couples who had extreme emotional separation even though they shared the same address. That was all they shared. The address.

Re: re: divorce post update

GCR18 — Mon, 25 Apr 2016 01:56:57 GMT

My sister lived in the marital home until the a couple weeks after the divorce. She was not on speaking terms with her husband. It took almost six months from the time she was served, until she moved out. It wasn't a pleasant environment to be in. When he did talk, he was verbally abusive. It wasn't healthy for my sister or their two children. He also emptied their checking and savings account the day the papers were served. He refused to see a mediator and everything was settled at the court date.

My sister is much happier now and can look back and see how bad it was. We tried telling her over the years, but she defended him.

OP, good luck on your new life. It will be fabulous.

Re: re: divorce post update

SurferWife — Mon, 25 Apr 2016 02:13:46 GMT

What compels people to want to air their most private adversities in public? I read it on Facebook and QVC forums and I wonder why. I've had girlfriends go thorough a divorce and provide play-by-play action on Facebook. I have actually temporarily unfollowed a girlfriend while she was going through a divorce. I would call her from time to time to lend an ear, but I would refrain from opining much, and just let her know I was praying for her.