topic Re: Introverts - What They Are and Aren't in Community Chat

Introverts - What They Are and Aren't

Moonchilde — Mon, 18 Apr 2016 21:00:28 GMT

Have been thinking about this with all the 'does this/that bother you' and 'would you do this/that' threads lately (all interesting). It got me musing on what peoples' perceptions are of both introverts and extroverts, and how many of those perceptions and ideas are right, and how many are wrong. Since I'm an Introvert I can mostly speak to that, but it would be great if someone felt motivated to start an Extrovert POV thread too.

I think a very common misconception is that introverts are meek, mild, shy creatures who keep to themselves and are invariably weenies in their interactions with others and can easily be bullied and fooled. Bwahaha!

I have never been shy, just quiet - and among good friends I feel comfortable with, am very social. With strangers or acquaintances, not very social, with a limit to how much small talk I will participate in.

As for being fooled - introverts are *readers.* We tend to research things by our nature. Well before the Internet made it easier, we used the library.

What other misconceptions do you think people have about Introverts, and what do you wish people knew about them?

Re: Introverts - What They Are and Aren't

FLgardener — Mon, 18 Apr 2016 21:06:47 GMT

Being an introvert is a personality type, not a defect that needs to be fixed.

Re: Introverts - What They Are and Aren't

dex — Mon, 18 Apr 2016 21:10:41 GMT

So you are saying that introverts are just not social?I am not saying this to be mean but just asking.I always thought like you stated that they were shy or maybe had some health problems that they were overwhelmed by.I can be both introvert and extrovert depending on how I feel that day.I love to chat with anyone but if I don't feel well then I would prefer to be alone or with those I am close to.

Re: Introverts - What They Are and Aren't

Moonchilde — Mon, 18 Apr 2016 21:12:25 GMT

@FLgardener wrote:
Being an introvert is a personality type, not a defect that needs to be fixed.

LOL - who said it was? Not me, although many Extroverts look on it as such.

Re: Introverts - What They Are and Aren't

winamac1 — Mon, 18 Apr 2016 21:13:24 GMT

TOP DEFINITION
Introvert
Opposite of extrovert. A person who is energized by spending time alone. Often found in their homes, libraries, quiet parks that not many people know about, or other secluded places, introverts like to think and be alone.

Contrary to popular belief, not all introverts are shy. Some may have great social lives and love talking to their friends but just need some time to be alone to "recharge" afterwards. The word "Introvert" has negative connotations that need to be destroyed. Introverts are simply misunderstood because the majority of the population consists of extroverts.
Extrovert: Oh my god, you're so shy! You need to get out more!
Introvert: But it's so draining - I don't have a problem with going out; I just want to stay at home and read sometimes, y'know?

Jesse is an introvert. He doesn't mind staying home on a Friday night.

Re: Introverts - What They Are and Aren't

winamac1 — Mon, 18 Apr 2016 21:15:02 GMT

@dex wrote:
So you are saying that introverts are just not social?I am not saying this to be mean but just asking.I always thought like you stated that they were shy or maybe had some health problems that they were overwhelmed by.I can be both introvert and extrovert depending on how I feel that day.I love to chat with anyone but if I don't feel well then I would prefer to be alone or with those I am close to.

I"m extremely social and have many friends. That being said, I'm more of an introvert than an extrovert. I think they call it ambivert-in the middle.

I don't like being overcommitted and recharge my spirit often by being alone. I like one on conversations more than conversations involving groups of women.

Re: Introverts - What They Are and Aren't

chickenbutt — Mon, 18 Apr 2016 21:17:30 GMT

Sounds a lot like me, too, Moonchilde!

One misconception that I have experienced was that some people have told me that they thought I was stuck up BEFORE they got to know me. Once they knew me, they knew differently. But I'm not loud and obnoxious and if I'm in a room full of people I don't really know what to say. I'm not a bs-er type of person so I talk when I have something to say - not just to hear myself talking.

It was good to know that because I don't want to come up as stuck up - nobody likes that. But I would not have realized that just the fact that I'm fairly shy in the company of people I don't know and I don't open up that easily.

Plus, I'm a thinker so I guess sometimes just when somebody like me isn't actually talking (and just thinking) sometimes people think you are - I don't know - maybe looking down on them or something (?).

I used to entertain and have great fun with lots of friends. But I could never have considered myself an extrovert.

I think that, often, people think introvert means that you are fundamentally anti-social and, like you said, meek. I think that there is a very broad area between one extreme and the other. But my observation has been that there are always people who don't see all that - they just see either one extreme or the other.

Re: Introverts - What They Are and Aren't

Moonchilde — Mon, 18 Apr 2016 21:22:11 GMT

@dex wrote:
So you are saying that introverts are just not social?I am not saying this to be mean but just asking.I always thought like you stated that they were shy or maybe had some health problems that they were overwhelmed by.I can be both introvert and extrovert depending on how I feel that day.I love to chat with anyone but if I don't feel well then I would prefer to be alone or with those I am close to.

I'm not making any flat statements. Personalities are not about 100% identical traits.

It's commonly said in an extroverted society that introverts are not social and indeed are anti-social. That's not a blanket true statement AFAIC. I am quite easily social with those I know well, but much less at ease and social with those I don't know well.

Shyness is not wanting to interact with strangers, at all. Introverts are fine interacting, but they need to choose the who, the when, and the how much. Extroverts are usually fine chatting up anyone, anywhere, any time ;-)

Re: Introverts - What They Are and Aren't

DoneTryin — Mon, 18 Apr 2016 21:23:56 GMT

I like watching biographies of famous people & noticed that many performers are introverts. Apparently doing what they love brings them out, at least enough to do the performance. For actors, maybe it's easier when they're pretending to be someone else.

Re: Introverts - What They Are and Aren't

Preds — Mon, 18 Apr 2016 21:26:36 GMT

I've been told I'm an Extrovert ... I have a lot to say and will say it was always the way I was described. Truth is ... I'm not. I don't make conversation. I respond, but not start a conversation.

I would only respond when I had an opinion or question and would question the responses.

DH is and Intro ... he doesn't like dealing, talking, or being with people. It takes him a very long time to let them in. After he has ... then he never shuts up.

I think there is both in all of us. Just have to figure out the key to turn it on or off.

Re: Introverts - What They Are and Aren't

ROMARY — Mon, 18 Apr 2016 21:32:02 GMT

I love, love being with myself! I have more of a quiet disposition/demeanor. It's just natural (for me). Trying to be more extroverted just doesn't work (again, for me), looks 'phoney' to others, I'm guessing.

Re: Introverts - What They Are and Aren't

Annabellethecat66 — Mon, 18 Apr 2016 21:33:15 GMT

I guess if you had to put me in a labeled box you'd call me an extrovert.

That would probably be wrong. I don't think of myself as either. I have many times when I don't answer the phone for a few days (just let my family and friends know I'm alive). I love people and I believe each person has a 'story' and I love hearing it.

However, my friends know that I like being alone, not talking to anyone. I think an introvert enjoys their own company. That would be me sometimes. I'm not bored being alone.

I can sit and talk to people (and listen to them) for hours, and sometimes do. My brother is an extrovert.

I always say to people, "If you think I'm an extrovert, you need to meet my older brother. He's a real extrovert.

If you put two extroverts together, one will be quiet and let the other one talk. I think of extroverts as often people who think they have something more important to say than others. I'm definitely not like that.

So, I say to you, many people are neither. Under the right circumstances anyone can become either. I talk to strangers all of the time. It's interesting the things people tell me. I figured out why. Because I give some of myself to them. I'm the one that says, "I know what you mean....bla bla" and mean it.

My dear friend is what some would call an introvert. She hates small talk and I drive her crazy because I'll start talking to strangers and she wants to leave. She's beginning to enjoy talking to people more and often joins in the conversation. Maybe it's true, opposites attract. I think she likes the way I am and I know I enjoy her company. We compliment each other.

Re: Introverts - What They Are and Aren't

Moonchilde — Mon, 18 Apr 2016 21:34:25 GMT

@chickenbutt, since it's fairly common, I guess I'm lucky that I haven't experienced (that I know of, lol) the "stuck up" accusation. I've never been a willing party-goer (but love small intimate groups), but one-on-one, if someone approaches me to chat, I will chat back - some, anyway ;-) and as I've gotten older, I've gotten better at it.

Boy do I hear ya about the thinking before speaking! It was one thing that really handicapped me in my last workplace, as my boss was my polar opposite personality-wise and she never, ever "got" me, or even attempted to, in 17 years. If I didn't respond immediately, she had a tendency to believe I was fabricating an answer, i.e. lying, constantly. To her, if you had to think before speaking it could only be because you needed time to make your answer up. It was very frustrating!

Re: Introverts - What They Are and Aren't

Moonchilde — Mon, 18 Apr 2016 21:36:47 GMT

@Preds wrote:
I've been told I'm an Extrovert ... I have a lot to say and will say it was always the way I was described. Truth is ... I'm not. I don't make conversation. I respond, but not start a conversation.
I would only respond when I had an opinion or question and would question the responses.
DH is and Intro ... he doesn't like dealing, talking, or being with people. It takes him a very long time to let them in. After he has ... then he never shuts up.
I think there is both in all of us. Just have to figure out the key to turn it on or off.

Oh, I totally agree there is both in all of us. But most people are a lot more one than the other.

Re: Introverts - What They Are and Aren't

LyndaGee — Mon, 18 Apr 2016 21:40:59 GMT

Very true. Since introverts tend to be less apt to talk about themselves, people often jump to conclusions and decide you are many things you are not. Sometimes, they are disappointed when they find out we have strong opinions, are independent, and are not pushovers !!!

Re: Introverts - What They Are and Aren't

Noel7 — Mon, 18 Apr 2016 21:41:46 GMT

I'm an extrovert but I am also an only child. I enjoy being alone and I read a lot. Similar behaviors with what you describe for yourself @Moonchilde

I guess I don't think there's much difference except maybe for how outgoing people are.

Re: Introverts - What They Are and Aren't

MaggieMack — Mon, 18 Apr 2016 21:41:47 GMT

A moonchild introvert here, too! I have people practically argue with me when I say I am an introvert because I have excellent social skills. They think introverts are uncomfortable if their head isn't buried in a book. And I can assure you, I AM an introvert and always test on the far end of the continuum.

Introverts are more common in the population than once thought. It's close to 50/50 I think. It just seems like there are more extroverts because, well, they are so extroverted!

My extrovert friends hate to spend time by themselves while I relish it. For me, if you ask someone how they recharge their inner battery, you can determine what they are by their answer. Introverts recharge by being alone, extroverts by being around people. Being around people too often just drains my little being.

Re: Introverts - What They Are and Aren't

Elvita — Mon, 18 Apr 2016 21:45:03 GMT

Still waters run deep. Nuff said.

Re: Introverts - What They Are and Aren't

Moonchilde — Mon, 18 Apr 2016 21:46:01 GMT

@LyndaGee wrote:
Very true. Since introverts tend to be less apt to talk about themselves, people often jump to conclusions and decide you are many things you are not. Sometimes, they are disappointed when they find out we have strong opinions, are independent, and are not pushovers !!!

Bingo! 😉

Re: Introverts - What They Are and Aren't

AuntG — Mon, 18 Apr 2016 21:49:15 GMT

The biggest change I've seen in attitudes towards introverts is in the workplace. We had some extroverted upper management types that seemed to need attention and they tried to run the show. The other thing these people did was "attempt" to read body language and that really backfired. They told one lady in our office she had a bad attitude because she crossed her arms in front of her chest. In reality, she had breast cancer and was never comfortable with how she looked after treatment. That could have ended up before a human relations board but she wasn't going to fight with them over their inability to read body language. It seems the new team has learned not to judge so quickly, and they seem to look for the good qualites in both the introverts and extroverts.