topic Re: POST-NUPTIAL AGREEMENTS in Community Chat

POST-NUPTIAL AGREEMENTS

Spinach — Wed, 13 Apr 2016 15:55:54 GMT

My husband and I, married now for six months, are working on our trusts. We are in our late fifties. We both came into the marriage with previous assets. I don't believe in pre-nups or post-nups and to me it means you are already planning for a divorce. While preparing his trust his attorney suggested that a post-nuptial agreement be done. While I was preparing my trust with my attorney she suggested the same. I'm against it! Didn't do a pre-nuptial and won't do a post-nuptial. He and I do not have any children.

Would you sign either a pre-nup or post-nup agreement if you were presented with it?

Whatever happened to marriage until death do us part?

Re: POST-NUPTIAL AGREEMENTS

Tinkrbl44 — Wed, 13 Apr 2016 16:05:23 GMT

@Spinach wrote:
My husband and I, married now for six months, are working on our trusts. We are in our late fifties. We both came into the marriage with previous assets. I don't believe in pre-nups or post-nups and to me it means you are already planning for a divorce. While preparing his trust his attorney suggested that a post-nuptial agreement be done. While I was preparing my trust with my attorney she suggested the same. I'm against it! Didn't do a pre-nuptial and won't do a post-nuptial. He and I do not have any children.

Would you sign either a pre-nup or post-nup agreement if you were presented with it?

Whatever happened to marriage until death do us part?

@Spinach

Yikes!! So you are not taking the advice of TWO attornies because you're hoping this will be a "till death do us part" marriage? What if it isn't? Were either of you previously married?

Personally, I think you are WAY off base with your comment that "pre-nups and post-nups mean you are already planning for a divorce". No, it doesn't.

Since the divorce rate in this country hovers around 50% for first marriages, and around 60% for subsequent marriages, I think you should reconsider. If your marriage ends in one of you dying, good for you. However, none of us has a crystal ball.

Re: POST-NUPTIAL AGREEMENTS

bri20 — Wed, 13 Apr 2016 16:07:26 GMT

How does your husband feel about it?

Attorneys make their money by drawing up these documents. Of course they're going to suggest them.

Re: POST-NUPTIAL AGREEMENTS

ChynnaBlue — Wed, 13 Apr 2016 16:09:07 GMT

@Spinach wrote:
My husband and I, married now for six months, are working on our trusts. We are in our late fifties. We both came into the marriage with previous assets. I don't believe in pre-nups or post-nups and to me it means you are already planning for a divorce. While preparing his trust his attorney suggested that a post-nuptial agreement be done. While I was preparing my trust with my attorney she suggested the same. I'm against it! Didn't do a pre-nuptial and won't do a post-nuptial. He and I do not have any children.

Would you sign either a pre-nup or post-nup agreement if you were presented with it?

Whatever happened to marriage until death do us part?

People and circumstances change over time. No one should divorce over a trivial matter and couples need to do some work to get along, but if that work outweighs happiness more often than not, I see no need for both people to be unhappy until one of them is dead. That's punishment, not marriage.

My father has never been one to believe in divorce. He's always sad when couples split up. Many years ago, my aunt, my mother's sister, told my parents about how her husband treated her. I'd never liked the guy, but it turned out he'd been having an affair, treating the kids very badly, and was emotionally abusive. My dad responded by telling her he would get her the best divorce lawyer in town.

I truly hope you and your husband are happy for the rest of your lives, but I also recognize that not everyone will be.

Re: POST-NUPTIAL AGREEMENTS

Spinach — Wed, 13 Apr 2016 16:09:23 GMT

@Tinkrbl44 wrote:
@Spinach wrote:
My husband and I, married now for six months, are working on our trusts. We are in our late fifties. We both came into the marriage with previous assets. I don't believe in pre-nups or post-nups and to me it means you are already planning for a divorce. While preparing his trust his attorney suggested that a post-nuptial agreement be done. While I was preparing my trust with my attorney she suggested the same. I'm against it! Didn't do a pre-nuptial and won't do a post-nuptial. He and I do not have any children.

Would you sign either a pre-nup or post-nup agreement if you were presented with it?

Whatever happened to marriage until death do us part?
@Spinach

Yikes!! So you are not taking the advice of TWO attornies because you're hoping this will be a "till death do us part" marriage? What if it isn't? Were either of you previously married?

Personally, I think you are WAY off base with your comment that "pre-nups and post-nups mean you are already planning for a divorce". No, it doesn't.

Since the divorce rate in this country hovers around 50% for first marriages, and around 60% for subsequent marriages, I think you should reconsider. If your marriage ends in one of you dying, good for you. However, none of us has a crystal ball.

Second marriage for me and the first for him. My first husband died. I take my vows very seriously. Marriage takes work and commitmet! Divorce is not an option.

Re: POST-NUPTIAL AGREEMENTS

RainyDayGal — Wed, 13 Apr 2016 16:14:02 GMT

People can change. One may take the vows seriously, and the other may not. You start out that way, hope for the best and plan to stay together. Stuff happens.

If you both have a lot of assets, I think it's both your interests to do the post-nup. Yes, I would if it was me.

Re: POST-NUPTIAL AGREEMENTS

Caaareful Shopper — Wed, 13 Apr 2016 16:17:52 GMT

There's absolutely nothing wrong with being a romantic -- and congratulations on your recent marriage! -- but try to see it as "love is love," and "finances are finances." If neither of you had any assets to speak of, you wouldn't have needed the attornyes to set up trusts in the first place. Do whatever feels right to you, but since you asked --- take the attorneys advice! It's totally separate from loving each other and staying together or not. This way, the finances are taken care of intelligently, and you have nothing to worry about. I totally disagree that it means you are planning to divorce by signing it.

But what do I know. I divorced my husband years ago and he had absolutely nothing. I even gave him money for a used car with his promise to roll straight out of town and not look back. Never a better dollar spent. I digress. So I was never faced with your dilemma.

Re: POST-NUPTIAL AGREEMENTS

Spinach — Wed, 13 Apr 2016 16:18:53 GMT

My husband is not asking for one. He didn't ask for a pre-nup either. He has a lot more wealth than I do!

Re: POST-NUPTIAL AGREEMENTS

MacDUFF — Wed, 13 Apr 2016 16:23:32 GMT

Would I sign one? Not in a million dollars...I mean years! A million years!

Re: POST-NUPTIAL AGREEMENTS

Fressa — Wed, 13 Apr 2016 16:26:48 GMT

Life has taught me that things change and nothing is for certain. I didn't believe in prenups or post nups for the majority of my life. Now I have learned after two costly divorces that these are necessary. I do hope that you never have to experience what I did and these papers become worthless documents but as we get older in life we need to take a few minutes to think about our own well being and the what-it's of the futrue. I would have one now at this age.

Re: POST-NUPTIAL AGREEMENTS

spent2much — Wed, 13 Apr 2016 16:31:01 GMT

@Spinach wrote:

Would you sign either a pre-nup or post-nup agreement if you were presented with it?

@Spinach No, I would not. If the man insisted on it, I wouldn't marry him.

Re: POST-NUPTIAL AGREEMENTS

Spinach — Wed, 13 Apr 2016 16:35:18 GMT

@spent2much wrote:
@Spinach wrote:

Would you sign either a pre-nup or post-nup agreement if you were presented with it?

@Spinach No, I would not. If the man insisted on it, I wouldn't marry him.

If he had asked for one before we got married I would probably would not have married him either.

Re: POST-NUPTIAL AGREEMENTS

freakygirl — Wed, 13 Apr 2016 16:41:13 GMT

'til death do us part? hmmm, the way the world is today, I sadly think that's no longer realistic. besides, what's the harm in covering all bases and being prepared? just because you draw up one doesn't mean you're not going to try your best to make the marriage work. circumstances and feelings may change, but an agreement isn't going to spell doom.

Re: POST-NUPTIAL AGREEMENTS

Tinkrbl44 — Wed, 13 Apr 2016 16:43:29 GMT

@Caaareful Shopper wrote:
There's absolutely nothing wrong with being a romantic -- and congratulations on your recent marriage! -- but try to see it as "love is love," and "finances are finances." If neither of you had any assets to speak of, you wouldn't have needed the attornyes to set up trusts in the first place. Do whatever feels right to you, but since you asked --- take the attorneys advice! It's totally separate from loving each other and staying together or not. This way, the finances are taken care of intelligently, and you have nothing to worry about. I totally disagree that it means you are planning to divorce by signing it.

But what do I know. I divorced my husband years ago and he had absolutely nothing. I even gave him money for a used car with his promise to roll straight out of town and not look back. Never a better dollar spent. I digress. So I was never faced with your dilemma.

@Caaareful Shopper

Excellent post ... some people just don't "get" why these can be necessary ..... or they have little in the way of assets. It's almost like refusing to buy life insurance because they think they will never die!

Re: POST-NUPTIAL AGREEMENTS

RetRN — Wed, 13 Apr 2016 16:43:46 GMT

OP, only you can answer this. None of the people responding know your situation. I believe you will make the right decision.

Re: POST-NUPTIAL AGREEMENTS

Tinkrbl44 — Wed, 13 Apr 2016 16:44:45 GMT

@Spinach wrote:
My husband is not asking for one. He didn't ask for a pre-nup either. He has a lot more wealth than I do!

@Spinach

That doesn't surprise me.

Re: POST-NUPTIAL AGREEMENTS

Plaid Pants2 — Wed, 13 Apr 2016 16:48:52 GMT

There is nothing wrong in covering your assets.

Afterall, you want to protect what you came in to the marriage with.

As someone else said, just because a post-nup is drawn up and signed, doesn't mean that one isn't going to give their marriage their all.

It just means that in case there is a divorce, the ex-spouse won't take all.

It's like saying, "I don't need car insurance, because I'm certain that I won't get in to an accident".

Re: POST-NUPTIAL AGREEMENTS

Spinach — Wed, 13 Apr 2016 16:49:02 GMT

@Tinkrbl44 wrote:
@Spinach wrote:
My husband is not asking for one. He didn't ask for a pre-nup either. He has a lot more wealth than I do!
@Spinach

That doesn't surprise me.

If the " doesn't surprise me" comment is supposed to be a jab at me, that's not a kind think to say. I am wealthy in my own right and when I married my first husband, who had nothing, I did not ask for a prenup. So hope that clears it up for you!

Re: POST-NUPTIAL AGREEMENTS

HappilyEverAfter — Wed, 13 Apr 2016 16:54:58 GMT

Congratulations on your wedding! What you decide to do legally should be between you and your husband. I am a newlywed too! I was married this past December (2nd marriage for both of us) and I wouldn't dare discuss with some of these posters what we decided upon in terms of a pre-nup.

Re: POST-NUPTIAL AGREEMENTS

Spinach — Wed, 13 Apr 2016 16:59:13 GMT

@HappilyEverAfter wrote:
Congratulations on your wedding! What you decide to do legally should be between you and your husband. I am a newlywed too! I was married this past December (2nd marriage for both of us) and I wouldn't dare discuss with some of these posters what we decided upon in terms of a pre-nup.

Congratulations to you too. You are right, every relationship is different and people tend to respond based on their experiences. Good luck to you! Hope you have a very happy and healthy long life together!