topic Re: re:divorce post in Community Chat

re:divorce post

kitten809in — Sat, 26 Mar 2016 04:59:18 GMT

thanks to all the kind words and encouragement. this has been brewing for a long time. really think he wanted out of the marriage but didn't have he backbone to do it himself sooo he had been sen be me and other church members hugging a certain woman. Now I have seen this but guess I didn't want to tink anything was going on. this man has ha heart surgery and is on a lot of medications so I can't think there is anything going on in that department. Then last sunday I saw them both head back to kitchen at church s I followed sure enough they were hugging again and he looked right at me. when I asked him about it he says they have been friends for years. some more things about her I won't go into here but there have been too many coindences with her showing up where I am , and once following me when I was going shopping, how did she know where I was going to be, just strange. to all who replied I am retired and 77 years old and my last marriage as to a wonderful man who knew how to be a husband and I lot him when he was 44, was a widow for ten years. So now in about 60 days I will be single again and won't be getting married to anyon else(been there done that)

Re: re:divorce post

Tinkrbl44 — Sat, 26 Mar 2016 05:57:43 GMT

@kitten809in

I wish you the best .... take time and nurture yourself. If you have any more questions, there are plenty of knowledgeable people who can give you their feedback so you can make the right decision.

Consider yourself hugged ... twice.

Tink

Re: re:divorce post

Deb1010yetagain — Sat, 26 Mar 2016 08:51:48 GMT

@kitten809in welcome to the forums and all the best.

Re: re:divorce post

Witchy Woman — Sat, 26 Mar 2016 10:06:52 GMT

I'm no expert, but if you think something is "going on", it likely is. But, realistically, it may just be an "emotional affair" given his health. They are just as damaging as a physical affair. More so in some ways.

Even so, it is time and attention he could be giving to you and your marriage.

Nevertheless, not knowing all the particulars of your past with this man, I think you are making the right decision. You know what a good marriage is, so why tolerate another day of a bad one if you don't have to.

I wish you peace and happiness whatever your path.

Re: re:divorce post

Vivian — Sat, 26 Mar 2016 10:20:52 GMT

I am really sorry that you've been going through such a very stressful time. I wish you only the best. In time you will be OK but I know the weeks and months ahead will be rough. I've seen my daughter, my brother, and my best friend go through divorce. They're all doing well now. Be patient with yourself, allow yourself time to grieve because this is the death of a marriage. You can write to us here but you should also turn to friends and family and, if necessary, counseling. Take care of yourself and keep us posted. Good luck!

Re: re:divorce post

SouthernBee — Sat, 26 Mar 2016 12:13:00 GMT

@kitten809in: My thoughts and prayers are with you. Please document everything you do. Purchase a legal pad . Document everything. The date and times and persons talked with including any phone conversations and office visits. Please notify your bank and credit bureau and update your credit report. My story: Spouse walked out on a Saturday. He called Saturday nite demanding a divorce and refused any marriage talks or help. That Monday : I called the bank and credit union. I went to the credit bureau and filed a new report. The house was mine before we married. Before I returned home : I purchased new door locks and a device to put on car to prevent theft. I purchased a new car the month before he walked out. The credit union was slow to take action on my account. The following Friday he went to the credit union and obtain a cash advance on the Visa card ( found out later he intended to use this to pay for divorce). Saturday morning credit union called to explain problem. I gave them the problem when I advised I called earlier in week to secure account and they failed to act. I called Visa: They wanted all my documentation ( notes on phone calls etc.) Visa indicated they would have the credit union investigated and start fraud charges on spouse and I was not responsible to pay money back. He wanted the divorce and new car. He could not afford the car but wanted me to pay for it and pay him alimony. I did not go to court and requested my name back since no kids. He got the divorce and nothing else. His girlfriend left him a few months later. I focused on work, church activities and helping others. I said that I would never marry again but God had a better plan and several years later sent me a wonderful Christian man that is very loving and supportive. Next month will be our 15th anniversary!!! Right now your emotions are extreme but do what you need to do and take time to morn the loss of your marriage.

Re: re:divorce post

Deb1010yetagain — Sat, 26 Mar 2016 12:51:51 GMT

@SouthernBee wrote:
@kitten809in: My thoughts and prayers are with you. Please document everything you do. Purchase a legal pad . Document everything. The date and times and persons talked with including any phone conversations and office visits. Please notify your bank and credit bureau and update your credit report. My story: Spouse walked out on a Saturday. He called Saturday nite demanding a divorce and refused any marriage talks or help. That Monday : I called the bank and credit union. I went to the credit bureau and filed a new report. The house was mine before we married. Before I returned home : I purchased new door locks and a device to put on car to prevent theft. I purchased a new car the month before he walked out. The credit union was slow to take action on my account. The following Friday he went to the credit union and obtain a cash advance on the Visa card ( found out later he intended to use this to pay for divorce). Saturday morning credit union called to explain problem. I gave them the problem when I advised I called earlier in week to secure account and they failed to act. I called Visa: They wanted all my documentation ( notes on phone calls etc.) Visa indicated they would have the credit union investigated and start fraud charges on spouse and I was not responsible to pay money back. He wanted the divorce and new car. He could not afford the car but wanted me to pay for it and pay him alimony. I did not go to court and requested my name back since no kids. He got the divorce and nothing else. His girlfriend left him a few months later. I focused on work, church activities and helping others. I said that I would never marry again but God had a better plan and several years later sent me a wonderful Christian man that is very loving and supportive. Next month will be our 15th anniversary!!! Right now your emotions are extreme but do what you need to do and take time to morn the loss of your marriage.

@SouthernBee what a lovely ending to your story. Thanks for sharing and good advice.

Re: re:divorce post

YorkieonmyPillow — Sat, 26 Mar 2016 15:43:07 GMT

Sorry you are going through this.

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Chrystaltree2 — Sat, 26 Mar 2016 15:45:30 GMT

It's terrible to go through that, especially at your age. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Ending the marriage is the easy part. Dealing with the pain and disappointment iwill be much harder. I hope you are getting help with that. And I hope you took your finances into consideration.

Re: re:divorce post

Trinity11 — Sat, 26 Mar 2016 15:47:34 GMT

@kitten809in wrote:
thanks to all the kind words and encouragement. this has been brewing for a long time. really think he wanted out of the marriage but didn't have he backbone to do it himself sooo he had been sen be me and other church members hugging a certain woman. Now I have seen this but guess I didn't want to tink anything was going on. this man has ha heart surgery and is on a lot of medications so I can't think there is anything going on in that department. Then last sunday I saw them both head back to kitchen at church s I followed sure enough they were hugging again and he looked right at me. when I asked him about it he says they have been friends for years. some more things about her I won't go into here but there have been too many coindences with her showing up where I am , and once following me when I was going shopping, how did she know where I was going to be, just strange. to all who replied I am retired and 77 years old and my last marriage as to a wonderful man who knew how to be a husband and I lot him when he was 44, was a widow for ten years. So now in about 60 days I will be single again and won't be getting married to anyon else(been there done that)

I wish you my best. I do hope that things will work out for you. If a man is 77 and still being unfaithful, it shows I guess that being monogomous is impossible for some men no matter their age.

Re: re:divorce post

missy1 — Sat, 26 Mar 2016 15:57:02 GMT

At age 77 why be miserable? Enjoy life.

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Mmsfoxxie — Sat, 26 Mar 2016 18:40:32 GMT

Wow! At 77, I might consider a separation (if I could afford it) but I would not get a divorce. Too traumatic and will only enrich the lawyers. As missy1 said, just try to enjoy your life.

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DiAnne — Sat, 26 Mar 2016 19:36:18 GMT

I got a divorce many years ago. I had a couple of long term relationships over the years but I never wanted to remarry. My moto is "Familiarity breeds contempt" (I am only half joking). I love living alone - maybe I am just selfish. I can do whatever I want whenever I want and I am definitely not lonely. Just enjoy your life.

Re: re:divorce post

JustJazzmom — Sat, 26 Mar 2016 19:37:05 GMT

And if he has been unfaithful, I would get yourself tested for any STD's. Yes, the elderly can get those diseases as well as the younger generation.

Re: re:divorce post

Posh Poodle — Sat, 26 Mar 2016 19:50:46 GMT

Kitten,

Being a church goer myself, I would inform the Pastor and deacons/elders/leaders of their unacceptable, inappropriate behavior. If they're doing this in church in front of witnesses, what are they doing in private? See what the leadership have to say. At the very least, they need to meet with them since there is more than one witness to the behavior. That's what church leaders are for--to bring attention to sinful behavior and hopefully, to gently restore them, if possible. Then I would confront her. There needs to be some sort of accountability.

Take care.

Re: re:divorce post

ROMARY — Sat, 26 Mar 2016 19:59:51 GMT

It would bother me to have a somewhat 'stalking mistress' following me around. It's probably best, in the long run, to remove yourself from that situation. The best of luck to you.

Re: re:divorce post

Deanie — Sat, 26 Mar 2016 20:52:04 GMT

I don't know if I would advise to get a divorce in this case. The reasons being age and finances. I would go to a good lawyer to explore my options, however. Perhaps the OP could just live a separate life and definately find another Church. Funny stuff going on there.

Re: re:divorce post

kitten809in — Sat, 26 Mar 2016 20:55:54 GMT

I'm not worried about stds we haven't slept in the same bed for several years . I don't ike to sleep with arms over me or legs nad i explained this to him and he is the kind of man who is going to do what he wants reguardless, so i bought a day bed and put it in another room and sleep undisturbed. he has had bypass surgery and is on a lot of meds also so no hanky panky lol. My day has been so much better i feel peaceful inside for a change. plane on going to church tomorrow even if I have to go alone. The good Lord loves us all.

Re: re:divorce post

Drythe — Sat, 26 Mar 2016 22:13:26 GMT

@kitten809in

Very best wishes to you!

Re: re:divorce post

queendiva — Sat, 26 Mar 2016 22:19:34 GMT

You have made your decision. Life is too short. Enjoy every day ahead. Go to church proudly, dress up and celebrate the joy and beauty of Easter, as well as the beginning of your Next Act! Shine!!

Does your church have a choir? Great way for singles to participate in worship. I know.