topic Re: Today My Dad and I Were Proactive in Community Chat

Today My Dad and I Were Proactive

Plaid Pants2 — Tue, 08 Mar 2016 00:43:32 GMT

Last week, my dad's 90 almost 91 year old sister passed away from uterine cancer. Everybody in the family (except me. Work wouldn't give me the time off. Bereavement is for immediate family only. Parents, children, siblings). From what my dad said, (yes he took Amtrak by himself. No, I couldn't get time off from work, even to go down as his caregiver) that the services were beautiful. My aunt had a traditional Catholic funeral, where everything was in Latin. Anyway, today Dad and I went to a family owned and operated funeral home. A direct cremation, no embalming, urn provided, taxes, etc was $975. When we had the same thing done to my mom when she died 15 years ago, we paid more than that, when we used a different company., so $975 seemed very reasonable to me. So, his medical directive has been taken care of, the house sold last year, I'm on his financial accounts, he has done his will. This was the last thing that needed to be done. I feel better knowing that this has been taken care of, and already paid for.

Re: Today My Dad and I Were Proactive

Nancy Drew — Tue, 08 Mar 2016 00:51:06 GMT

My husband and I have already done all of this. It is not fun to do as there is a lot to do. However the feeling you get when it is all taken care of is wonderful. Also there is no greater gift you can give your children to have taken care of it.

Re: Today My Dad and I Were Proactive

Mominohio — Tue, 08 Mar 2016 00:53:23 GMT

I know this makes things just one little step easier, and less worrisome. I'm glad that is one thing you won't have to deal with later.

My mom did this with my dad, back when we were kids (he had been ill for many years) and was not forced to make decisions after the fact, when often we aren't thinking clearly or feel time pressure to make decisions.

I believe everyone should get these things out of the way, or at the very least, make known exactly what you are wanting for your final wishes, so the loved ones left behind don't have to guess or torture themselves wondering if they have done right.

Re: Today My Dad and I Were Proactive

shelinmi — Tue, 08 Mar 2016 00:55:23 GMT

How sad you were denied by the workplace to go your aunt's funeral with your Dad. I had a boss attempt to deny me going to my best friend's funeral.... shaking head. Good job on getting your Dad's business completed.

Re: Today My Dad and I Were Proactive

Kachina624 — Tue, 08 Mar 2016 01:03:30 GMT

@Plaid Pants2 Everytime you mention doing things with your dad, it reminds me so much of the similar relationship I had with my dad. We did the same things you two do. Mine died in 2009 at age 93. I miss him so much.

Re: Today My Dad and I Were Proactive

GCR18 — Tue, 08 Mar 2016 01:06:17 GMT

It is great that was something he was willing to do. When my father passed, we had no idea what he would have wanted. He never spoke of it. I thought we should do similar to what he setup for his parents. My mother had different ideas. We went with her ideas, but I couldn't help thinking he would have liked the other idea better. After we finished setting things up, my mother and I had the conversation about her wishes. When it's time, I know exactly what to do.

Re: Today My Dad and I Were Proactive

blackhole99 — Tue, 08 Mar 2016 01:07:50 GMT

@Plaid Pants2 You are so lucky that your Dad would allow you to make all those arrangements ahead of time. G-d bless him. My MIL was very secretive about every thing personal and financial and at the end it was a nightmare for the family. The only saving grace was she did have a will. My husband and I are going to make it easier on our only child when our time comes too.

Re: Today My Dad and I Were Proactive

StillFuntoShop — Tue, 08 Mar 2016 02:03:13 GMT

@blackhole99 wrote:
@Plaid Pants2 You are so lucky that your Dad would allow you to make all those arrangements ahead of time. G-d bless him. My MIL was very secretive about every thing personal and financial and at the end it was a nightmare for the family. The only saving grace was she did have a will. My husband and I are going to make it easier on our only child when our time comes too.

Are we really not allowed to use the word "God" on here?!?

Re: Today My Dad and I Were Proactive

KarenQVC — Tue, 08 Mar 2016 02:17:42 GMT

I think it is a Jewish convention.

Re: Today My Dad and I Were Proactive

Kalli — Tue, 08 Mar 2016 02:20:01 GMT

My parents have their funerals prepaid. Their poa for healthcare assigns my oldest brother and me to make final decisions based on their wishes. They have poa for finances with my oldest brother and youngest brother named, due to their financial knowledge/careers. We've had so many meetings and changes in their finances due to Dad's wishes. (and Mom's wishes pre-dementia.)

It's so emotionally draining to go through these things but it's also a relief that my 5 siblings and I clearly know what they want us to do.

Re: Today My Dad and I Were Proactive

Lucky Charm — Tue, 08 Mar 2016 15:32:16 GMT

So awful you weren't granted the day. I worked part time for over 16 years and couldn't get a funeral day for immediate family! When my family members passed even my DH would get 3 paid days off.

My parents have every thing in order and even took out long term care insurance. It's prompted us to secure our own policies. I think that's just as important as pre paying for funerals and getting the health directives and will/trusts taken care of.

So sad that your aunt passed away from uterine cancer!

Re: Today My Dad and I Were Proactive

Deb1010yetagain — Tue, 08 Mar 2016 16:20:36 GMT

@StillFuntoShop wrote:
@blackhole99 wrote:
@Plaid Pants2 You are so lucky that your Dad would allow you to make all those arrangements ahead of time. G-d bless him. My MIL was very secretive about every thing personal and financial and at the end it was a nightmare for the family. The only saving grace was she did have a will. My husband and I are going to make it easier on our only child when our time comes too.
Are we really not allowed to use the word "God" on here?!?

From Chabad.org:

According to Jewish law and tradition, the various names for our Creator are all considered holy and must be treated with the utmost respect. If there is a paper with the name written out in full, then it cannot be thrown away, but actually we take all such papers and bury them properly in the ground and keep them separate from other things. Clearly many readers print out our material. We cannot have a situation where they read the article and then throw it in the garbage with the word with the "o" as that is disrespecting His holy name. It is therefore traditional to insert the dash so that there is no issue.

Re: Today My Dad and I Were Proactive

Plaid Pants2 — Tue, 08 Mar 2016 17:35:37 GMT

@Deb1010yetagain wrote:
@StillFuntoShop wrote:
@blackhole99 wrote:
@Plaid Pants2 You are so lucky that your Dad would allow you to make all those arrangements ahead of time. G-d bless him. My MIL was very secretive about every thing personal and financial and at the end it was a nightmare for the family. The only saving grace was she did have a will. My husband and I are going to make it easier on our only child when our time comes too.
Are we really not allowed to use the word "God" on here?!?

From Chabad.org:

According to Jewish law and tradition, the various names for our Creator are all considered holy and must be treated with the utmost respect. If there is a paper with the name written out in full, then it cannot be thrown away, but actually we take all such papers and bury them properly in the ground and keep them separate from other things. Clearly many readers print out our material. We cannot have a situation where they read the article and then throw it in the garbage with the word with the "o" as that is disrespecting His holy name. It is therefore traditional to insert the dash so that there is no issue.

They really bury the papers in the ground? I never knew that.

Thank-you for educating me.

Re: Today My Dad and I Were Proactive

maestra — Tue, 08 Mar 2016 23:37:52 GMT

My 94 year old mother thinks she will live forever. I dont dare ask; she thinks I'm 'trying to get rid of her'.