topic Re: Why Is This in Community Chat

Why Is This

Puzzle Piece — Tue, 23 Feb 2016 20:29:39 GMT

There's a young senior man who is bullying and slandering an attractive middle aged female. Why? Because he wants her and can't have her. She's married and content with her situation. He's married (second go-around) and quite a philanderer with many affairs to his name. He likes to openly admit his conquests. Why do males have to resort to slandering, maligning, and lashing out at someone they can't ever have. This guy is past his prime and knows there isn't anything he can do without a blue pill. Why should females suffer their twiisted delusions and nonsense. He says things to her and one or two others when no one is around so he would claim it's all here-say if he was called in to the bosses office. She has never given him reason to think she's available or interested. To me, it's something I've witnessed throughout the years since puberty many years ago.

Okay all you psych majors and behavioral scientists, lets have your takes.

Re: Why Is This

Still Raining — Tue, 23 Feb 2016 20:32:43 GMT

Care to share how you know he requires a blue pill?

Re: Why Is This

sunshine45 — Tue, 23 Feb 2016 20:35:07 GMT

this is at work?

how come no one has gone to human resources or to the owner to file a complaint?

Re: Why Is This

proudlyfromNJ — Tue, 23 Feb 2016 20:36:48 GMT

Is someone bothering you at work? Just ignore him. Tell him you are busy and cannot talk.

Re: Why Is This

Jacie — Tue, 23 Feb 2016 20:48:12 GMT

I've always said that the workplace environment is adult daycare combined with soap operas!

Re: Why Is This

RetRN — Tue, 23 Feb 2016 20:43:08 GMT

Ignore him. Keep your distance as much as possible. Don't initiate any conversation. I feel sorry for whomever this person is. The guy is clearly troubled as he should respect her refusals and leave her alone.

Re: Why Is This

Preds — Tue, 23 Feb 2016 20:43:23 GMT

Dementia will cause this to happen, depending on his age. Being a dominate male cad will also cause this. A little blue pill may fix one thing (pun intended), but mental issues may be a more plausible reason for why he continues to do this.

Re: Why Is This

151949 — Tue, 23 Feb 2016 20:44:07 GMT

When a man is bothering you and won't take the subtle hint then YOU need to be more clear. Tell him to _____ off. Fill in the blank with whatever word makes you comfortable. Some men require a very clear and precise refusal, though" I am a happily married woman and I'm not interested" should be enough - sometimes it takes more.

Re: Why Is This

ladyroxanne — Tue, 23 Feb 2016 20:44:13 GMT

he may be a senior, but he immature, immature, immature.

Re: Why Is This

blackhole99 — Tue, 23 Feb 2016 20:52:46 GMT

If her employer would not believe her complaint of unwanted advances, she should leave that job. If the man continues to bother her outside of the work place she should go to the police and file a complaint and get some kind of protection order against him.

Re: Why Is This

ChynnaBlue — Tue, 23 Feb 2016 21:07:17 GMT

@Puzzle Piece wrote:
There's a young senior man who is bullying and slandering an attractive middle aged female. Why? Because he wants her and can't have her. She's married and content with her situation. He's married (second go-around) and quite a philanderer with many affairs to his name. He likes to openly admit his conquests. Why do males have to resort to slandering, maligning, and lashing out at someone they can't ever have. This guy is past his prime and knows there isn't anything he can do without a blue pill. Why should females suffer their twiisted delusions and nonsense. He says things to her and one or two others when no one is around so he would claim it's all here-say if he was called in to the bosses office. She has never given him reason to think she's available or interested. To me, it's something I've witnessed throughout the years since puberty many years ago.
Okay all you psych majors and behavioral scientists, lets have your takes.

So you're witnessing this now? And what are you doing to stop it?

Bad things happen when good people do nothing. Speak up and tell him to leave her alone.

Re: Why Is This

sunshine45 — Tue, 23 Feb 2016 21:08:13 GMT

blackhole99 wrote:
If her employer would not believe her complaint of unwanted advances, she should leave that job. If the man continues to bother her outside of the work place she should go to the police and file a complaint and get some kind of protection order against him.

not to mention if he is bother more than one woman as the OP said, then it really should be reported to human resources or the manager or the owner of the company......and any witnesses, including the OP, should be willing to speak up and be witnessses.

Re: Why Is This

Trinity11 — Tue, 23 Feb 2016 21:10:39 GMT

@Puzzle Piece wrote:
There's a young senior man who is bullying and slandering an attractive middle aged female. Why? Because he wants her and can't have her. She's married and content with her situation. He's married (second go-around) and quite a philanderer with many affairs to his name. He likes to openly admit his conquests. Why do males have to resort to slandering, maligning, and lashing out at someone they can't ever have. This guy is past his prime and knows there isn't anything he can do without a blue pill. Why should females suffer their twiisted delusions and nonsense. He says things to her and one or two others when no one is around so he would claim it's all here-say if he was called in to the bosses office. She has never given him reason to think she's available or interested. To me, it's something I've witnessed throughout the years since puberty many years ago.
Okay all you psych majors and behavioral scientists, lets have your takes.

What usually works best in these situations is to immediately diffuse the conversation and make it clear there is no interest in what this man has to say.

When you say slander and bullying, why hasn't this person gone to HR? I highly doubt that they are not aware of his behavior. Be proactive and refuse to witness something without actually doing something about it. Boundaries need to be set and clearly they haven't yet, otherwise he would let up.

If this person continues to witness this kind of behavior throughout their lifetime, then a strong message needs to be sent to the perp.

Re: Why Is This

LilacTree — Tue, 23 Feb 2016 21:23:09 GMT

While I was still working and in my mid-forties, a client of the firm (a VIP one) kept asking me to go out for a drink. My boss insisted he was harmless and kept encouraging me to go out with him "just this once."

So I did. We met in an upscale local hotel/restaurant. Within 15 minutes of sitting at the bar, he asked me if I liked "OS." I said no emphatically and left. I was so glad I had insisted on separate cars.

I told my boss about it and he didn't believe me, he said I must have "misunderstood." I think he was afraid I would do something and this was one of their largest, if not the largest client. I didn't do anything about it and I should have.

Other things happened to me there also, but I always fended them off. When I think back, I think I was a fool not to follow these things up. But I had four kids to support and it was a good job otherwise.

I worked there for 24 years and retired at 66.

I have to say at each instance, including the client, once I said my piece, they never bothered me again.

Re: Why Is This

reiki604 — Tue, 23 Feb 2016 21:25:21 GMT

If I were in this situation, whenever he was near me, I'd take my phone out and press record and tell him I was recording him. This should stop him in his tracks. If not, it's evidence for HR.

Re: Why Is This

Puzzle Piece — Tue, 23 Feb 2016 21:29:09 GMT

@Preds@ChynnaBlue Preds you hit the nail on the head. He must be nutcakes in many ways. Also the HR gal was let go due to cuts and this guy has the management snowed. I relayed my complaints about this guy but had them just brushed away. Others have also let our supervisors know about this guy. It's like they don't want to rock the boat and he just gets away with this stuff. Won't be long before another female will be victimized. I know that at one point he won't get away with this stuff and feathers will fly. Trouble is, folks go after deep pockets and the whole institution is then at fault when actually it is the supervisors who do nothing.

Re: Why Is This

ChynnaBlue — Tue, 23 Feb 2016 21:43:01 GMT

@reiki604 wrote:
If I were in this situation, whenever he was near me, I'd take my phone out and press record and tell him I was recording him. This should stop him in his tracks. If not, it's evidence for HR.

Check your local laws before you do this, please! It's illegal in some places unless the person you are recording gives consent. That means that even if you record him harassing someone, you could be let go or even fined or jailed for it in some states.

If it IS illegal, then I would keep a written log of incidents to share with management or HR.

Re: Why Is This

ChynnaBlue — Tue, 23 Feb 2016 21:41:36 GMT

Years ago I was being harassed by a guy at work. I went to my manager and told him what was happening and told him that I was going to talk to the guy myself, but I wanted my manager to know in case a) the guy didn't comply with my request to stop and b) if it had been an issue with other women. I didn't want to keep it to myself if other women had also had issues. Then I scheduled a conference with the guy doing it and told him to stop. I said that if he continued, I would take the issue to management and HR. He apologized and wasn't a problem again.

Men like that are generally cowards and if people call them on their behavior, they usually stop or at least move on to someone else. If he's harassing multiple people, the women could band together and talk to him individually, then talk to HR and report it as a group. They can ignore one of you, but will have a harder time ignoring the issue if you bring it up as a group.

Re: Why Is This

ladyroxanne — Tue, 23 Feb 2016 21:49:56 GMT

if it were me and my management wouldn't do anything about it i would have my husband have a little talk with him. i don't mean a physical thing, but i agree, he is a coward, too. dh being involved would really scare the bejessus out of him.

Re: Why Is This

Tinkrbl44 — Tue, 23 Feb 2016 22:04:38 GMT

@Puzzle Piece wrote:
There's a young senior man who is bullying and slandering an attractive middle aged female. Why? Because he wants her and can't have her. She's married and content with her situation. He's married (second go-around) and quite a philanderer with many affairs to his name. He likes to openly admit his conquests. Why do males have to resort to slandering, maligning, and lashing out at someone they can't ever have. This guy is past his prime and knows there isn't anything he can do without a blue pill. Why should females suffer their twiisted delusions and nonsense. He says things to her and one or two others when no one is around so he would claim it's all here-say if he was called in to the bosses office. She has never given him reason to think she's available or interested. To me, it's something I've witnessed throughout the years since puberty many years ago.
Okay all you psych majors and behavioral scientists, lets have your takes.

I don't know what a "young senior man" is, but usually threatening to go to management is an effective deterrent.

A grown woman should be able to communicate her thoughts clearly, without having to involve a husband or boyfriend. JMO