topic Re: wedding gift when not attending in Community Chat

wedding gift when not attending

esmerelda — Mon, 15 Feb 2016 16:44:33 GMT

What's the "rule of thumb" for giving a wedding gift when not attending the wedding?

A friend is asking about how much to spend, since she won't be attenting. I told her what I'd read here about cost of gift vs. cost of meal at the reception. But I don't think I've ever read here about value vs. not going.

Thoughts?

Re: wedding gift when not attending

brii — Mon, 15 Feb 2016 16:50:26 GMT

Whatever she feels comfortable giving and what she can afford is what her gift should be. Is she a relative, a friend?

Re: wedding gift when not attending

Lipstickdiva — Mon, 15 Feb 2016 16:52:08 GMT

Whatever one can afford to give and wants to give.

I've never in my life heard about the "rule" of giving enough to cover the cost of the meal, etc., until I started posting here and don't even get me started on how little sense that makes. LOL

If I'm not going to attend, if it's a relative or someone very close, I give what I would give had I attended. If it's someone not that close, I sometimes give half of what I would give if I'd attended. And if I don't feel I should have been invited at all and it's nothing but a gift grab, I send a card.

Re: wedding gift when not attending

lulu2 — Mon, 15 Feb 2016 16:52:26 GMT

The amount we spend on a wedding gifts depends on our relationship with the couple. We give the same amount whether or not we attend the wedding.

Re: wedding gift when not attending

Sooner — Mon, 15 Feb 2016 16:55:03 GMT

So many weddings now are simply a racket. People spend more money than they can afford on stuff they don't need then want to stick the quests for their over-spending through gifts and CASH. How tacky.

Re: wedding gift when not attending

KarenQVC — Mon, 15 Feb 2016 16:55:26 GMT

ALL gifts are voluntary.

Re: wedding gift when not attending

missy1 — Mon, 15 Feb 2016 16:55:32 GMT

Give what you want, and what you can afford.

Re: wedding gift when not attending

Desertdi — Mon, 15 Feb 2016 17:00:02 GMT

It was on some "news" station last week, that the "average" couple now spends $25,000 on their wedding..............

Re: wedding gift when not attending

PinkyPetunia — Mon, 15 Feb 2016 17:02:40 GMT

I don't know of any set rule. It depends on how well you know the couple getting married.

Re: wedding gift when not attending

Nancy Drew — Mon, 15 Feb 2016 17:27:05 GMT

Some people spend a lot of time and planning on a wedding. I wish they put more effort into the marriage and not the one day party. Divorce rate is high IMO. When we have the term "starter marriage" it's a problem.

Re: wedding gift when not attending

Annabellethecat66 — Mon, 15 Feb 2016 17:15:28 GMT

I can't believe some of the things (expensive) people register for these days.

My great niece is getting married in a few months. So far (last year) she sent everyone a 'save the date' card. Then we got another notice about them getting married. This wasn't an invitation, it was a huge magnet so we don't forget. I understand the invitation will come eventually!

I haven't been to a wedding in several years (everyone is either married, doesn't want to get married or too old).

My daughters (who get invited to many weddings) say they know people who register for some of this stuff so they can take it back and get the money.

Many people live together way before they get married so they have most of what they need.

I'll probably just give my great-niece some money. I doubt that I'll go since it is a long drive and would have to rely on others.

I would think those that said send what you feel comfortable with and it depends on how well you know the person, etc.

It seems like a no brainer to me. I don't understand why people fret over things like this. I'm not saying the poster is one of them, I don't know. However, I think some people worry too much about what others think and they go overboard.

Re: wedding gift when not attending

Lipstickdiva — Mon, 15 Feb 2016 17:16:52 GMT

@Desertdi wrote:
It was on some "news" station last week, that the "average" couple now spends $25,000 on their wedding..............

I would have thought it was a lot more than that.

Re: wedding gift when not attending

millieshops — Mon, 15 Feb 2016 17:19:22 GMT

Last family wedding I skipped would have required a trip from the East Coast to Hawaii. I sent a super generous gift and felt fine about not going.

For other than family I give what I would have if I had gone with the amount varying by my closeness to the couple. It's not my responsibility to cover anyone's costs. They decide that. Besides, how would I know?

Re: wedding gift when not attending

brii — Mon, 15 Feb 2016 17:19:25 GMT

It doesn't matter how much people spend on their wedding. That's their business.

My gift is the same.

Re: wedding gift when not attending

jackthebear — Mon, 15 Feb 2016 17:20:42 GMT

@esmerelda wrote:
What's the "rule of thumb" for giving a wedding gift when not attending the wedding?

A friend is asking about how much to spend, since she won't be attenting. I told her what I'd read here about cost of gift vs. cost of meal at the reception. But I don't think I've ever read here about value vs. not going.

Thoughts?

In this case depends to me on how well I know the couple. I

Re: wedding gift when not attending

Lipstickdiva — Mon, 15 Feb 2016 17:20:47 GMT

@brii wrote:
It doesn't matter how much people spend on their wedding. That's their business.

My gift is the same.

Exactly. That's why I never understood the idea of paying for your meal and drinks. First of all, how would you know what they spent per person? LOL

But like you, I don't care if they are having a hoedown or a formal, black-tie wedding at a country club. The gift I give is the same.

Re: wedding gift when not attending

lulu2 — Mon, 15 Feb 2016 17:38:14 GMT

@brii wrote:
It doesn't matter how much people spend on their wedding. That's their business.

My gift is the same.

@brii

I could not agree more. Why do posters obsess about other people's weddings?

1. If you think an invitation is nothing more than a gift grab, send your regrets and nothing more.

2. If you think the bride and groom are spending too much for THEIR wedding, be happy you are not footing the bill.

3. If you do not approve of destination weddings, refer to #1.

4. If you do not like the bride's strapless wedding gown, you can either keep your mouth shut and complain about it here or tell her when you go through the reception line. (you can also tell her the wedding isn't all about her)

Re: wedding gift when not attending

brii — Mon, 15 Feb 2016 17:35:12 GMT

@Lipstickdiva wrote:
@brii wrote:
It doesn't matter how much people spend on their wedding. That's their business.

My gift is the same.
Exactly. That's why I never understood the idea of paying for your meal and drinks. First of all, how would you know what they spent per person? LOL

But like you, I don't care if they are having a hoedown or a formal, black-tie wedding at a country club. The gift I give is the same.

You don't know how much they're paying.

There are so many add-ons now - signature drinks, dessert rooms, appetizers - I wouldn't even begin to be able to figure out how much that costs per plate.

Re: wedding gift when not attending

brii — Mon, 15 Feb 2016 17:36:28 GMT

@lulu2, so funny!

Re: wedding gift when not attending

ChynnaBlue — Mon, 15 Feb 2016 17:39:43 GMT

I've never heard about any rules of how much to spend. I think how much one spends really depends on the person's financial situation and how well the person knows the recipient and not on some weird social rules.

I visit the registry and get whatever clicks with me or whatever feel comfortable paying for if none of the items feel personal to me.