topic Re: Friends getting old at heart! in Community Chat

Friends getting old at heart!

HULAGIRL — Sun, 14 Feb 2016 13:11:41 GMT

Do you find that some of the friends you used to have such a good time with have turned into a bunch of gossipy, complaining, nit-picking old ladies?? I guess I'll always be 30 in my heart......it's kind of sad that I don't enjoy being around these people anymore. I still love to dance, love fashion, love to laugh a lot. Some of my friends have turned into the little old ladies that sit in the same pew every Sunday and make snarky remarkes about everyone who enters church.......who moan and complain about everything and seem miserable in their lives.

Re: Friends getting old at heart!

AngelPuppy1 — Sun, 14 Feb 2016 13:24:02 GMT

@HULAGIRL

I am not really close to some of the people that I once was. I think some of it is me and some of it is them! This is kind of a timely post for me. I seem to have parted ways with a friend recently. Now that I have gotten older my priorities have shifted and things that I used to accept, I now longer do. Behavior that I used to put up with I no longer do. My eyes are opened to a lot of things and I find that some people are really not who I thought they were. Some people were really bringing me down and I just went along with their negativity and bad behavior and recently I decided that I am better off without them. If a friend is not being supportive of you and is in fact, causing you more unhappiness than happiness, than I don't think its a healthy relationship. This might not be exactly what you are going through, but it's sort of similar.

I guess what I find that I am willing to put up with and accept is different from when I was younger. And what makes me happy now is different. I don't like sniping, backbiting, meanness, two-faced people, devious people, etc. I'd rather not have these people in my lives if I can help it.

What I value is a kind heart. I don't need razz-a-ma-tazz. I like real, true, open -- what you see is what you get. You support me in good and bad, and I support you the same way.

Re: Friends getting old at heart!

Chrystaltree2 — Sun, 14 Feb 2016 13:36:36 GMT

I do believe that we sometimes outgrow our friends; people age differently; we take different paths in life. So, even the best of friends might come to the point at which they have very little in common and worse, they don't enjoy each other's company anymore. I experienced that when I was younger. I was a sahm for almost 10 years and I enjoyed being part of a group of fellow sahms. We were the best of friends. We supported each other through a lot "stuff" in our lives. I thought we would be friends for life but it just didn't work out that way. I changed; I grew; I developed other interests. It's been 20 years and now I can see it clearly but I didn't see it that way at the time. If I had, I might have worked to establish common ties.

Re: Friends getting old at heart!

Desertdi — Sun, 14 Feb 2016 14:00:32 GMT

Someone I have known for 60 years has dementia now

Re: Friends getting old at heart!

CelticCrafter — Sun, 14 Feb 2016 14:02:45 GMT

@HULAGIRL wrote:
Do you find that some of the friends you used to have such a good time with have turned into a bunch of gossipy, complaining, nit-picking old ladies?? I guess I'll always be 30 in my heart......it's kind of sad that I don't enjoy being around these people anymore. I still love to dance, love fashion, love to laugh a lot. Some of my friends have turned into the little old ladies that sit in the same pew every Sunday and make snarky remarkes about everyone who enters church.......who moan and complain about everything and seem miserable in their lives.

I hope I never turn into one of them.

It's the main reason I will not live in a 55+ community.

Re: Friends getting old at heart!

drizzellla — Sun, 14 Feb 2016 14:48:45 GMT

Hulagirl - I know what you mean. I sit next to a woman at work. And all day long there is something she is compalining about. AND many times she yells at me because she doesn't like something my husband or son does. I am not the least bit mad at my husband and son but she goes on and on - if I retire it is because I am sick of listeing to her.

My husband gets home more than an hour before I do. So he either picks up dinner or makes it. And if he picks up dinner - he will try to keep warm but many times it has cooled down before I get home. Especially if I run errands after work. My co-worker gets so upset, she thinks my husband should wait until I get home before he picks up the meal. Well, many times my son is going out and he is gone before I get home. It is no big deal, I can put it in the microware and reheat it.

No matter what I talk about, she finds fault. And I get lectured on what I am doing wrong and how can I handle everthing better if she was running my life. I must admit, I feel sorry for her. Her only child moved 3,000+ mile away and her husband is never home, when she is. He is very active in youth sports. So she is alone 98% of the time outside of work. She has no firends and I can understand why.

It is sad to see her be so miserable but it is also sad to sit next to her day in and day out and have to listen to her find fault with just about everything and everyone.

Re: Friends getting old at heart!

Kardi — Sun, 14 Feb 2016 15:01:56 GMT

It happens to most of us. I try to remember that NOTHING stays the same in life. Those who view the present and future with disapproval and fear are doomed to live in the past, so shrink their world to feel safe and content. To stay young at heart we must embrace change with a confidence in our children and grandchildren. It won't be like our world was but who's to say it won't be better. That being said, all friends are precious in their own way. Remember the old song: Make new friends but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold.

Re: Friends getting old at heart!

151949 — Sun, 14 Feb 2016 15:13:55 GMT

My oldest and dearest friends are still that - oldest and dearest "sisters" that I could never live without. Others have come and gone in my life and that is fine but my gang and I are forever. Our husbands put up with each other as they have little in common but we are all still as tight as we have alway been and I can't imagine that will ever change. I retired and moved to Fl and they are all still working, but we love to text and keep in touch through FB and texting short notes almost every day. One of us never married, one is a widow, I was widowed young and remarried, some have kids and some not but we seem to have a bond despite all the differences. I don't know what I would do without them.

Re: Friends getting old at heart!

colliegirls — Sun, 14 Feb 2016 15:16:30 GMT

I have separated myself from the friends who complain about everything. Laughing is the most important part of staying young.

Re: Friends getting old at heart!

151949 — Sun, 14 Feb 2016 15:20:40 GMT

My DH never got the mail yesterday so he just ran up to the mailbox and sure as day turns to night - 5 valentines from the gang.I was all happy to get them and DH laughs and says I don't know why your surprised - it's not like it wasn't a guarantee you would be getting those. I love love love my dear old friends that I can always depend on for small things and large.

Re: Friends getting old at heart!

Suziepeach — Sun, 14 Feb 2016 15:36:56 GMT

I honestly don't have but a very few friends in real life- when tragedy hits or you need them, that's when you find out who your friends are. Same as on this BB, I am not close to anyone plus some are really good at showing their friendship to me, which is none and ignoring, same as in real life. (my remarks are in reference to how friends or so called friends can be and act)

My sweet husband is the truest friend I've ever had.. he's stood by my side through thick and thin..

Re: Friends getting old at heart!

GCR18 — Sun, 14 Feb 2016 15:38:29 GMT

That's only happened with one friend. She was a co-worker. So happened to be the age of my mother. We kept in touch for close to twenty years. We had a lot of hobbies in common. When I moved out of state, I'd meet up with her when I was in town to see family. I ended up dreading those meetings. She was so negative. I finally stopped calling and that was it.

Re: Friends getting old at heart!

Mominohio — Sun, 14 Feb 2016 15:42:46 GMT

@chrystaltree wrote:
I do believe that we sometimes outgrow our friends; people age differently; we take different paths in life. So, even the best of friends might come to the point at which they have very little in common and worse, they don't enjoy each other's company anymore. I experienced that when I was younger. I was a sahm for almost 10 years and I enjoyed being part of a group of fellow sahms. We were the best of friends. We supported each other through a lot "stuff" in our lives. I thought we would be friends for life but it just didn't work out that way. I changed; I grew; I developed other interests. It's been 20 years and now I can see it clearly but I didn't see it that way at the time. If I had, I might have worked to establish common ties.

@Chrystaltree2

This is the exact same thing I would have posted.

People move in and out of our lives as our position in life changes. If we are lucky, we have a few really good lifelong friends that come along for the entire ride.

It can be a little sad, as we or others move on in life, but it is what it is. They were in our lives for a reason (or we in their's) and we are meant to touch others lives for some reason (or they are meant to touch ours).

And the older I get, I try to at least understand when someone I was so in sync with, becomes so different from me (or me different from them?). I try to remember that we all experience different things, and they effect us in different ways. My reality is not theirs, and there may be a multitude of reasons why they do what they do, or think like they think, or behave like they behave.

A little less judgment, and more focus on being who I should be.

Re: Friends getting old at heart!

susan kay — Sun, 14 Feb 2016 15:59:14 GMT

151949, what a heart warming story for Valentine's Day!!!

Re: Friends getting old at heart!

Burnsite — Sun, 14 Feb 2016 16:02:22 GMT

I would say the period when I lost touch with the most friends was in our 30s, when they had small children and dropped most of their social activities--rightfully, of course, to honor such an important commitment. Some, with their children grown up and settled, are now getting back in touch, which is a delight.

Only two of my close friends have retired, and they haven't changed a bit over the years. They are cheerful people, though both face difficult illnesses.

My other three or four age-peers and close friends that I have known most of my life are still working, as I am, and it's invaluable to compare notes with them, as the workplace is a bit less friendly to older workers. A chill in the air so to speak. It's nice to trade experiences with them.

No one I know is any crabbier than they used to be. My sweet older brothers have very much mellowed and become happier in their retirements.

Re: Friends getting old at heart!

LonestarBabs — Sun, 14 Feb 2016 16:30:24 GMT

That's why I stopped going to high school reunions. Went to the 10th and 20th and that was enough. Couldn't relate anymore, because I was leading a different life. Most of them had stayed within 100 miles, married, had kids, same job or women stopped working to stay at home. I remained single, had moved around, career progressed, was enthusiastic and fun-loving. Couldn't get anyone to go out after the reunion's activities and all anyone wanted to do was show pictures of their kids and talk about them. At lot of them were old at heart at a young age.

The judgements made verbally or with their eyes were quite unpleasant.

The 40th is coming up and now everyone is focused on grandkids and I can't recognize pictures of any of my former classmates. No, I won't be attending.

One woman whom I ran around with years ago recently got back in touch with me, and we are having a great time reconnecting!

Re: Friends getting old at heart!

Moonchilde — Sun, 14 Feb 2016 16:32:38 GMT

I agree with much that has been said here about "growing out" of friendships, interests changing, etc. it happens. And I even had a co-worker *exactly* like the one described.

But I'd like to comment on one aspect of these changes -

As people age, not everyone's body ages the same. Some have more physical issues than others, some are naturally more physically fit and healthy than others.

I have experienced, and I can't be the only one, people I thought were friends who poo-pooed aches and pains, physical degeneration and legitimate reasons why I could no longer be as physically active as I was.

I was pretty much called a liar if I said I couldn't do something or go somewhere - it was just an excuse. I must not really want to go, etc. and my saying no meant I was brushing off and insulting people simply by my saying "I can't" physically.

As far as crabby - is everyone positive they know the difference between a person who is crabby about everything and everyone all the time, and a person whom chronic pain and disability has made crabby, especially if they are reminded of and/or pushed to do things they can't any more?

Food for thought, I hope.

Re: Friends getting old at heart!

jaxs mom — Sun, 14 Feb 2016 16:37:03 GMT

@HULAGIRL wrote:
Do you find that some of the friends you used to have such a good time with have turned into a bunch of gossipy, complaining, nit-picking old ladies?? I guess I'll always be 30 in my heart......it's kind of sad that I don't enjoy being around these people anymore. I still love to dance, love fashion, love to laugh a lot. Some of my friends have turned into the little old ladies that sit in the same pew every Sunday and make snarky remarkes about everyone who enters church.......who moan and complain about everything and seem miserable in their lives.

My personal friends, no. But I sure can tell a lot of people are like that, from reading the forums.

Re: Friends getting old at heart!

Still Raining — Sun, 14 Feb 2016 16:37:07 GMT

If friendships have evolved in a negative way, I ease out of them. Life is too short.

Re: Friends getting old at heart!

hckynutjohn — Sun, 14 Feb 2016 16:44:42 GMT

@HULAGIRL

I don't find that in my friends. Some I "knew" were like that when they were younger, but I spent little time around those type of acquaintances. Only around them when it was by chance or unavoidable.

Men that have been my friends for decades I see little to no change in them in that regard.

hckynut(john)