topic Re: Need Advice in Community Chat

Need Advice

Arianny — Mon, 18 Jan 2016 15:29:43 GMT

Hi All. Hope this is the right place to post this. My friend's daugher is 10 years old. She is a cute girl, but is spoiled and unruly, and she never listens to my friend and her husband when they try to correct her on how she is acting. They basically let her do what she wants. Well lately, the little girl has been asking me if she could sleep over my house. How do I say no to her without sounding mean? I don't think I could handle her on an overnight visit. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks!

Re: Need Advice

JustJazzmom — Mon, 18 Jan 2016 15:33:18 GMT

Lay down ground rules: regarding bedtime and the routine that goes with it. Do you have a daughter the same age as your friend's daughter? Would this be a during the week or a weekend type sleep over?

Re: Need Advice

just bee — Mon, 18 Jan 2016 15:43:51 GMT

I hesitate to open a can of worms here, but I'm always curious when a child wants to avoid being home. Is there something going on at home that requires escaping to a friend's house?

Re: Need Advice

Mrsq2022 — Mon, 18 Jan 2016 15:45:05 GMT

Unless you have a child, it would be odd for her to sleep over at your house. JMO. So I'd just say "sorry, no sleepovers!" if she asks again. Nicely, and don't over-explain to kids is my recommendation. Kids ask for a lot - especially spoiled kids. She probably doesn't even want to spend the night with you but thinks you have something (snacks, movies) that she wants.

Re: Need Advice

milkbone — Mon, 18 Jan 2016 15:51:19 GMT

"How do I say no to her without sounding mean? I don't think I could handle her on an overnight visit"

You answered it yourself :-)

old saying

"Yes and no, are answers"

Re: Need Advice

Maudelynn — Mon, 18 Jan 2016 15:52:54 GMT

Take it as a compliment! This little girl looks up to you and thinks you're fun. My niece and nephew sleep over a few times a year. They are very different with me than they are with their parents. I agree- set the ground rules ahead of time...."If I have to tell you more than once XXXXX, you will need to go home." and be prepared to stick to it.

Enjoy!

Re: Need Advice

Jacie — Mon, 18 Jan 2016 15:57:38 GMT

How about "no", as in "No Sweetie, I don't think that will work out."

Re: Need Advice

Another new name Sue — Mon, 18 Jan 2016 16:01:33 GMT

I would just say that "overnight" would not work, but we could do something else fun (go somewhere she likes--movie, zoo, whatever, then do lunch). In other words, say no nicely and move on right away with a different subject. If she presses (why?), say that you would enjoy doing something with her in the daytime more than an overnight. Tell the truth as much as possible without being hurtful.

If you don't think you could "handle her," if you don't want her overnight, you should not have her! Don't do it! The visit could be something that isn't good for either of you. It could spoil your relationship with her and her parents.

Re: Need Advice

Deb1010yetagain — Mon, 18 Jan 2016 16:03:29 GMT

@Mrsq2022 wrote:
Unless you have a child, it would be odd for her to sleep over at your house. JMO. So I'd just say "sorry, no sleepovers!" if she asks again. Nicely, and don't over-explain to kids is my recommendation. Kids ask for a lot - especially spoiled kids. She probably doesn't even want to spend the night with you but thinks you have something (snacks, movies) that she wants.

I totslly agree with you Very odd for the 10 year old to sleep over at your house if you don't have a child her age.

Re: Need Advice

cotton4me — Mon, 18 Jan 2016 16:26:23 GMT

How about - I appreciate that you would like to stay at my house but that wouldn't work for me right now. If she asks why I wouldn't go into detail, but just repeat that it wouldn't work for you right now.

Re: Need Advice

Maudelynn — Mon, 18 Jan 2016 16:12:39 GMT

I'm not understanding what is odd about having a sleepover with children who are not your own? I enjoy having children in my life. I love that my niece and nephew look forward to coming to my house.

If the OP doesn't want to be involved with the child, that's fine. But to call it odd or think there's something wrong in the child's life is really stretching. The little girl probably thinks the OP is cool.

Re: Need Advice

missy1 — Mon, 18 Jan 2016 16:15:18 GMT

@Deb1010yetagain wrote:
@Mrsq2022 wrote:
Unless you have a child, it would be odd for her to sleep over at your house. JMO. So I'd just say "sorry, no sleepovers!" if she asks again. Nicely, and don't over-explain to kids is my recommendation. Kids ask for a lot - especially spoiled kids. She probably doesn't even want to spend the night with you but thinks you have something (snacks, movies) that she wants.

I totslly agree with you Very odd for the 10 year old to sleep over at your house if you don't have a child her age.

Agreed.

Re: Need Advice

stevieb — Mon, 18 Jan 2016 16:18:01 GMT

Personally, I can't fathom ever willingly having a child sleep over, but that's me. Perhaps the child just thinks it would be fun, or who knows, maybe she's actually looking for someone to set limits... My suggestion would be to simply tell her she wouldn't like it at your house because you have too many rules...

Re: Need Advice

missy1 — Mon, 18 Jan 2016 16:19:23 GMT

OT: I hated sleepovers as a kid. I would come home, after awhile.

Re: Need Advice

Pook — Mon, 18 Jan 2016 16:22:06 GMT

I would just tell her no or tell her you have set rules at your house that she will have to obey and maybe she will get some idea of proper behavior. She may be wanting to get away because her parent's don't seem to care what she does.

Re: Need Advice

Mrsq2022 — Mon, 18 Jan 2016 16:27:14 GMT

If it wasn't odd, if it was natural and she was like an aunt to this girl, she wouldn't be on here asking how to say "no" to a child. They don't have the kind of relationship that would warrant an overnight if she can't set boundaries with the girl. They clearly aren't that close.

I do have kids, and over the years have had many nieces and nephews spend the night. I can say no to them and set boundaries for them when they are under my care. This is not the same situation.

Re: Need Advice

Nancy Drew — Mon, 18 Jan 2016 16:30:43 GMT

10 year olds do not need an explanation. If you say " oh I don't think so" and she keeps pestering you her parents should speak up. If they don't that is their bad parenting and that is not your problem.

Re: Need Advice

brii — Mon, 18 Jan 2016 16:35:11 GMT

Who is the adult?

Tell her no and move on. LOL

Re: Need Advice

Maudelynn — Mon, 18 Jan 2016 16:36:52 GMT

@Mrsq2022 wrote:
If it wasn't odd, if it was natural and she was like an aunt to this girl, she wouldn't be on here asking how to say "no" to a child. They don't have the kind of relationship that would warrant an overnight if she can't set boundaries with the girl. They clearly aren't that close.

I do have kids, and over the years have had many nieces and nephews spend the night. I can say no to them and set boundaries for them when they are under my care. This is not the same situation.

I respectfully disagree. I don't know what kind of relationship the OP has with this child. I don't think it's odd to become involved in the life of a child, regardless of familial relationship. Kids can teach us a lot and I find they do keep me young.

The OP hesitates to take the child because she thinks the girl will misbehave. She doesn't indicate that the request is odd.

Re: Need Advice

ChynnaBlue — Mon, 18 Jan 2016 16:44:49 GMT

@missy1 wrote:
@Deb1010yetagain wrote:
@Mrsq2022 wrote:
Unless you have a child, it would be odd for her to sleep over at your house. JMO. So I'd just say "sorry, no sleepovers!" if she asks again. Nicely, and don't over-explain to kids is my recommendation. Kids ask for a lot - especially spoiled kids. She probably doesn't even want to spend the night with you but thinks you have something (snacks, movies) that she wants.

I totslly agree with you Very odd for the 10 year old to sleep over at your house if you don't have a child her age.

Agreed.

I don't think it's odd at all. I spent years working with children and questions like this aren't uncommon at all. Kids wanted to come home with me or have me come over to their houses. They find people they like and admire and want to emulate them. That's standard kid stuff.

Certainly, it can indicate something is going on at home that they are trying to avoid, but that's not always, or even often, the case.