topic Re: The Fine Line btwn Charisma and Fake in Community Chat

The Fine Line btwn Charisma and Fake

JBKO — Wed, 13 Jan 2016 02:22:16 GMT

How do you distinguish between someone having natural charisma and being fake? I HATE HATE HATE when people try use you by acting all nice and interested in what you have to say. There is this one particular person at my job who is so friendly to absolutely everyone that to me she is an ***kisser if you know what I mean.

Re: The Fine Line btwn Charisma and Fake

HappyDaze — Wed, 13 Jan 2016 02:30:23 GMT

I don't know, I am friendly with everyone I work with. I just figure I'd rather be friendly and make work much more pleasant than be mean to someone I don't particularly care for. Sure, I limit my interactions as much as possible with a few people but when I do need to work with them, I am pleasant. My husband is the same way and yes, there does seem to be a few people who seem to resent you for this. But I guess what is the alternative- be rude, short or stand-offish with those you don't particularly care for? To me, that would only make for a more miserable work environment. I guess it is one of those situations where you just can't win!

Re: The Fine Line btwn Charisma and Fake

Citrine1 — Wed, 13 Jan 2016 02:35:27 GMT

@DiscountDiva wrote:
How do you distinguish between someone having natural charisma and being fake? I HATE HATE HATE when people try use you by acting all nice and interested in what you have to say. There is this one particular person at my job who is so friendly to absolutely everyone that to me she is an ***kisser if you know what I mean.

I have a very hard time distinguishing between the two. In fact, I don't think I can. When people are nice and friendly I believe they are genuine. My DH and DD say I'm naive and that's probably true. Excuse me for trying to believe the best in people.

Being "fake" is so foreign to me that I just don't expect it in others.

Re: The Fine Line btwn Charisma and Fake

Plaid Pants2 — Wed, 13 Jan 2016 02:50:09 GMT

I have one co-worker who is a big time brown-noser. Whenever the big-wigs come to visit, she worships the ground that they walk on. She never questions why they do what they do, and truly thinks that they have our best interest at heart.

I often tell my other co-workers that she has her nose so far up their backside, that she's able to tell them if they have polyps or not.

Re: The Fine Line btwn Charisma and Fake

RoughDraft — Thu, 21 Jan 2016 01:25:04 GMT

@DiscountDiva wrote:
How do you distinguish between someone having natural charisma and being fake? I HATE HATE HATE when people try use you by acting all nice and interested in what you have to say. There is this one particular person at my job who is so friendly to absolutely everyone that to me she is an ***kisser if you know what I mean.

I'm not sure if we're discussing apples or oranges here.

I define charisma as a certain something that emanates from a person who is almost a force of nature, who is charming, interesting and to whom people are drawn.

A person who is polite to his/her co-workers may simply be just that...considerate and polite.

You'll know the difference when you feel a knife in your back.

Re: The Fine Line btwn Charisma and Fake

gailcoco — Wed, 13 Jan 2016 03:04:20 GMT

I recently met someone who on the outside was very friendly and seemed concerned for whomever she was with but something seemed off. I couldn't and still can't put my finger on why I took an instant dislike for her. I believe she is a total big time phony which was proven to me a few weeks after I met her.

She used her "friendliness" to try and manipulate/influence people around her. When that didn't work she staged emotional meltdowns and then became belligerent when the meltdowns didn't work to her advantage. I ended up dismissing her after only 5 weeks on the job.

Other people told me that she seemed "off" to them also, so I know it just wasn't my feeling. I don't know how to explain it but I know what you mean.

Re: The Fine Line btwn Charisma and Fake

ChynnaBlue — Wed, 13 Jan 2016 03:15:27 GMT

@DiscountDiva wrote:
How do you distinguish between someone having natural charisma and being fake? I HATE HATE HATE when people try use you by acting all nice and interested in what you have to say. There is this one particular person at my job who is so friendly to absolutely everyone that to me she is an ***kisser if you know what I mean.

People with charisma are nice to everyone, from the CEO to the person who empties the trash each day, everyone gets the same warm hello or a question about family. An ***kisser only bothers being kind to the people he thinks can do something for him. Those people are nice to people in positions of power, but treat a janitor or a server poorly because they aren't in positions to advance said kisser.

Re: The Fine Line btwn Charisma and Fake

Lucky Charm — Wed, 13 Jan 2016 03:35:28 GMT

There is no fine line!

Re: The Fine Line btwn Charisma and Fake

RainCityWoman — Wed, 13 Jan 2016 03:48:05 GMT

Charisma in an intangible quality that only a few have. It can't really be pinpointed as to specific characteristics. It's kind of like pheromones which attract people to certain individuals. People are drawn to those who have Charisma, but there is no concrete definition that truly explains the phenomenon. Some have it; some never will. Possibly even the person who has it doesn't know why or how. In some ways Charisma is the most desirable power to have because it inspires such devotion, but it is also the most dangerous and carries a lot of responsibility.

Charisma is not preplanned; it just IS. Therefore there is no element of phoniness about it. Fakery is contrived all on its own, and there are those who are gullible and believe false personalities, but they are not automatically drawn to that person because of some ethereal aura. That is reserved for the charismatic individual.

Re: The Fine Line btwn Charisma and Fake

italia8140 — Wed, 13 Jan 2016 03:51:17 GMT

@DiscountDiva wrote:
How do you distinguish between someone having natural charisma and being fake? I HATE HATE HATE when people try use you by acting all nice and interested in what you have to say. There is this one particular person at my job who is so friendly to absolutely everyone that to me she is an ***kisser if you know what I mean.

By having some smarts and being perceptive.

Re: The Fine Line btwn Charisma and Fake

Noel7 — Wed, 13 Jan 2016 03:56:13 GMT

@Lucky Charm wrote:
There is no fine line!

*********************************************

@Lucky Charm

You are so right, there's a chasm.

Re: The Fine Line btwn Charisma and Fake

tedEbear — Wed, 13 Jan 2016 04:01:31 GMT

@Lucky Charm-----You hit the nail on head! A lot of fake is wrapped in charisma.. A lot of charisma is to cover a fake.

A brown noser should not be included, except they are fakes. I had a supervisor that wasn't nice, had no charisma. She wasn't a brownie, she was a boobie, inflated from about a D to about a DGF!! I got into all kinds of trouble going to the Pres and VP without her ok to ask questions re: their expense accounts. Not all the time, but a few times. They both oozed charisma, weren't fake and they definitely weren't brown nosing.

@OP--You will know if a person is being fake with you, sometimes it takes a bit. You stay friendly with everyone and you will always come out ahead.!!!!!!----------tedEbear

Re: The Fine Line btwn Charisma and Fake

IamMrsG — Wed, 13 Jan 2016 04:42:44 GMT

Pay attention. People show their true colors unintentionally.

Re: The Fine Line btwn Charisma and Fake

skuggles — Wed, 13 Jan 2016 04:58:07 GMT

In the end, we're all trying to get what we want. Some are just better at minimizing or completely hiding their self centered motives. And that's probably because they are aware of this fact on many levels.

Re: The Fine Line btwn Charisma and Fake

Karnerblue — Wed, 13 Jan 2016 05:01:00 GMT

Fake is obvious. I can spot it a mile away.

Re: The Fine Line btwn Charisma and Fake

colliegirls — Wed, 13 Jan 2016 12:00:40 GMT

Charisma is a natural attraction, when people are drawn to someone. Fake is obvious and annoying.

Re: The Fine Line btwn Charisma and Fake

ladyroxanne — Wed, 13 Jan 2016 13:25:39 GMT

i agree that charisma is natural charm and people are naturally attracted to them. most people can spot a fake person a mile away. they are only nice when they want or need something.

Re: The Fine Line btwn Charisma and Fake

MaggieMack — Wed, 13 Jan 2016 13:29:54 GMT

There are a lot of people with the natural charisma and power of personality to draw you in, but once in, it doesn't take long to see that they are just another empty suit.

Re: The Fine Line btwn Charisma and Fake

cotton4me — Wed, 13 Jan 2016 14:42:21 GMT

I’ve seen people with natural charisma who use it in a bad way. I think any natural gifts we’re given in life can be used for good or bad. Look at all the women taken in by charmers who take their life savings, etc.

I usually keep my distance from people who are overly friendly until I get a feel for their motivation. I find that my initial gut instinct is usually right. For example, we hired someone that I felt was overly friendly (not genuine) but everyone else thought she was nice. In time, my feelings about her turned out to be correct.

Re: The Fine Line btwn Charisma and Fake

FLgardener — Wed, 13 Jan 2016 14:43:00 GMT

@italia8140--SURPRISE, SURPRISE! I wholeheartedly agree with your point.