topic Re: Teenagers getting Started Early in Community Chat

Teenagers getting Started Early

JBKO — Mon, 11 Jan 2016 02:09:58 GMT

Are there really parents who are ok with their 13, 14, 15 year old engaging in relations so long as they use protection? Call me old-fashioned but even if I consider myself a realistic person and one who believes people(especially women) should get the most out of life, children should be children. You have your whole life ahead of you. I remember listening to a mom talk about how her 15 year-old was active and she seemed so powerless to me. Like she didn't have influence in her child's life. If you are doing well in school, playing sports, performing inplays, have both parents in your life, you are not going to have it on your mind. What do you think of "they're going to do it anyway" mentality? I am not saying to wait until marriage since people get married later and later, but 14?? What do you think?

Re: Teenagers getting Started Early

MomCat — Mon, 11 Jan 2016 02:14:16 GMT

Don't you realize there is very little parenting? Been going on for some time now. Even grandparents are running from the problem. Extremely sad.

Re: Teenagers getting Started Early

brii — Mon, 11 Jan 2016 02:16:28 GMT

I don't think parents are okay with it at that age.

By the time your kid reaches 13, 14, 15, a lot of their friends or people they know are having relations.

No, I wouldn't be happy if my young teen was having relations. I would have to sit down and have an honest talk about emotional and physical consequences of their actions.

Too many parents buy their head in the sand about these sorts of things.

Re: Teenagers getting Started Early

Snowpuppy — Mon, 11 Jan 2016 02:23:41 GMT

I recall a really good friend who had a 17 yr old high school senior.

Her DD had an unemployed, goaless, 19 yr old BF and she was helping them get their first apt. While her 17 yr old was in her sr yr and working at a local retail store after school.

I guess you have to start them off right these days. I mean geez, if you don't have a man by 18....you'll find all the good ones are taken?

Re: Teenagers getting Started Early

nunya — Mon, 11 Jan 2016 02:25:12 GMT

@brii wrote:
I don't think parents are okay with it at that age.

By the time your kid reaches 13, 14, 15, a lot of their friends or people they know are having relations.

No, I wouldn't be happy if my young teen was having relations. I would have to sit down and have an honest talk about emotional and physical consequences of their actions.

Too many parents buy their head in the sand about these sorts of things.

I agree. And many kids get involved in relations because it's the only attention they get. And usually these relationships are full of drama.

Re: Teenagers getting Started Early

colliegirls — Mon, 11 Jan 2016 02:26:05 GMT

This Mom was not OK with it.

Re: Teenagers getting Started Early

Annabellethecat66 — Mon, 11 Jan 2016 02:39:13 GMT

It takes a lot of time and energy to be a GOOD parent. Even then you do the best you can, stand back and keep your fingers crossed.

I think children learn more from what they see the parents doing than from what the parents say. In other words you can't be "do as I say, not as I do". Kids are smart, they know the difference.

I can't imagine trying to raise a child these days. My oldest daughter has 4 children in 4 different schools. She is extremely organized and does an amazing job with them. She and her husband are constantly parenting.

I watched the youngest today (3 year old boy). He was so much fun. When I got there he was playing a Wii game (driving or something). Right after they walked out the door, the thing ended. I thought he'd throw a fit. Instead he let me push button after button trying to make the thing work. I never did figure it out. But thank goodness I am good at "Oh! Look! Let's play this or that"! (I distracted him). He dressed like the Hulk and chased grandma around, got into his big brother's Lego's, had plain ordinary fun (not electronic).

I accept them just the way they are (very different). I spend time with each of them individually, so I kinda know them. If you want to raise reasonably adjusted children you must 'stay the course'. Make rules (before the child is born), do not let them divide or they will conquer (play one against the other). Kids are extremely smart, just keeping up with them is full time. Know when to 'preach' and when not to (don't preach to them when they've done something wrong), wait....you'll know the right time.

I think most parents want their children to be happy well-adjusted adults, they just don't know how. Who does? Think about it, you have to take a test to drive a car but just about any woman can pop out a kid. I think many people today should probably not have children, but it's expected and many don't even try to prevent a pregnancy.

I waited 7 years to have my first child. We were just 19, had nothing. The time wasn't right. But let me tell you first everyone thought I WAS pregnant because we got married in less than 3 months (just in love) and then I'd get asked over and over when we were going to have a baby. I doubt that things have changed.

It is the most difficult thing a person can do (be a parent, a good parent). Most people have no idea at all what they're in for.

We won't even go into how selfish this generation is. I guess as a baby boomer myself, I'm expected to take the blame for them.

However, I refuse to take the blame just as I refuse to take the credit for how amazing I think my family is. Ha!

Whatever you saw was made to look that way because if they'd interviewed parents who said what many here said, the article or TV show wouldn't be discussed or watched. Plain and simple.

Unless of course all of us here are just amazing people and they totally forgot to interview all of us. Hummmm????

Re: Teenagers getting Started Early

hckynutjohn — Mon, 11 Jan 2016 02:57:56 GMT

@DiscountDiva wrote:
Are there really parents who are ok with their 13, 14, 15 year old engaging in relations so long as they use protection? Call me old-fashioned but even if I consider myself a realistic person and one who believes people(especially women) should get the most out of life, children should be children. You have your whole life ahead of you. I remember listening to a mom talk about how her 15 year-old was active and she seemed so powerless to me. Like she didn't have influence in her child's life. If you are doing well in school, playing sports, performing inplays, have both parents in your life, you are not going to have it on your mind. What do you think of "they're going to do it anyway" mentality? I am not saying to wait until marriage since people get married later and later, but 14?? What do you think?

Not real sure of the "especially women" comment", so I will go from there.

At 12 I was too busy working to 1am 5 nights a week, along with being a fat kid? I had no interest/no time and was too heavy to think about girls. That didn't change until I was 16/had 60# less fat, and a drivers license.

Keeping busy all the time certainly helps, and in my case so did being fat. Now I worked mostly with older men that were in the US Air Force, from a base nearby? Learned things early from these fly boys and it had nothing to do with their careers or how to handle money.

We have no human kids and I certainly am in no position to have any suggestions on how to parent, but I do have opinions, which I will leave out of this post.

Wanted to share a story from the early 1950's about young boys and where their minds my go when they have "too much time on their hands(also a song by STYX).I certainly learned about " having relations" from my co-workers, but was much older than 12 when I went there.

hckynut(john)

Re: Teenagers getting Started Early

Bhvbum — Mon, 11 Jan 2016 02:59:51 GMT

no way, no way. Kids have no understanding of the results of poor decisions. Most Adults do. That's the job of being a parent. It'll be soon enough when they will have to make those decions, give them the time to learn how.

Re: Teenagers getting Started Early

151949 — Mon, 11 Jan 2016 03:14:40 GMT

I can only speak from my own personal experience but it seems to me that when a woman engages in a sexual relationshoip with a man they bond with that person emotionally and it is not the same with most men. These young ladies are going to have their hearts broken for sure. The emotional bond that forms when a woman has a sexual relationship is very strong and for an immature young teen it would be especially devistating. If i had a daughter I would certainly sit down and discuss this with her making certain she understands the boy would not necessarily feel the same way and it could be emotionally very painful for her. Not to even mention the possibilities of pregnancy and disease.

What a sad and dangerous world we live in now. I am sometimes glad I'm old and don't have children or grandchildren to worry about their future.

Re: Teenagers getting Started Early

Tinkrbl44 — Mon, 11 Jan 2016 04:28:58 GMT

@DiscountDiva wrote:
Are there really parents who are ok with their 13, 14, 15 year old engaging in relations so long as they use protection? Call me old-fashioned but even if I consider myself a realistic person and one who believes people(especially women) should get the most out of life, children should be children. You have your whole life ahead of you. I remember listening to a mom talk about how her 15 year-old was active and she seemed so powerless to me. Like she didn't have influence in her child's life. If you are doing well in school, playing sports, performing in plays, have both parents in your life, you are not going to have it on your mind. What do you think of "they're going to do it anyway" mentality? I am not saying to wait until marriage since people get married later and later, but 14?? What do you think?

They won't have it on their mind? Where did you get that idea from?

Whether they are waiting a few more years, or actively engaging, it's on teenagers' minds!

Re: Teenagers getting Started Early

KarenQVC — Mon, 11 Jan 2016 05:23:08 GMT

I think 16 is as old as we can hope for. These days 18 would be a miracle.

Re: Teenagers getting Started Early

Mz iMac — Mon, 11 Jan 2016 05:44:14 GMT

In this day & age, the problem stems from babies having babies. Which results in grandparents who are in their 30's & great grands who are in their late 40's to early 50's.

That being said......

@JBKO

Your statement in part, "If you are doing well in school, playing sports, performing inplays, have both parents in your life, you are not going to have it on your mind."

I would appreciate if you can explain how if having a single parent, teenagers will always have relations on their minds.

Re: Teenagers getting Started Early

Kachina624 — Mon, 11 Jan 2016 08:00:36 GMT

Such parents are ignorant and too lazy to properly supervise and direct their children. I can't think of enough words that are acceptable here to describe my contempt.

Re: Teenagers getting Started Early

Pook — Mon, 11 Jan 2016 10:20:36 GMT

Many of today's parents are so concerned about their own lives to be real parents to their children. If it's assumed that all teens are going to do it then they probaably will. I know many of my friends' teens who are not wanting to do it until they are more mature. I think the problem is parents allowing their kids to enter into relationships where they are always with thier boyfriends and girlfriends. If they are not permitted to hang out with each other alone so much it won't be just assumed that they will be having se$.

Re: Teenagers getting Started Early

Nataliesgramma — Mon, 11 Jan 2016 12:10:37 GMT

Parents want to be "friends" with their kids instead of parents......

Re: Teenagers getting Started Early

Hayfield — Mon, 11 Jan 2016 12:35:42 GMT

I think that being a parent and raising a child to be a productive, contributing member of society is the most difficult thing a person can do and unfortunately there are too many people today who are just "not up to the task" and have children "without thinking". When you have a child it changes your whole life and when you do it "without thinking", not only does that child suffer but so does society. By the time I raised my two children got them educated and "launched" them I was exhausted and I had a husband who earned a good living and was a great dad. I was lucky that I didn't have to work full time and was able to totally concentrate on raising them. I don't know how single parents do it today but I have seen many single parents do a great job and I've seen two working parents do a great job also.

Re: Teenagers getting Started Early

bonnielu — Mon, 11 Jan 2016 12:46:30 GMT

First of all I am not okay with this. You mention PROTECTION. I broaden that word.. not just to avoid pregnancy and disease but to avoid self degregation, heart break, lack of common decency and what ever stretches that word.

I raised four daughters, amazing young women, striving in life to be helpmates and be a light in the darkness inspiring others to succeed.

And personally I can't even tell you how many OPPORTUNITIES I turned down because I value ME. And so far I have lived to celebrate it and feel important about my decisions.

Re: Teenagers getting Started Early

Mominohio — Mon, 11 Jan 2016 13:48:49 GMT

Having a 19 year old son, I can tell you that even the best parenting (supervision, values imparted, wisdom imparted, keeping them involved in jobs, sports, academics, good communication, etc.) the world out there is telling kids that it is ok to be active, even at very young ages.

Combine the hormones that rage at this age, with the music and entertainment industry and what they market to teens (think the Twilight saga), social media and who 'we' as a society make important and relevant (think the Kardashians) and it makes it very hard for kids to see it as anything but 'normal'. As a parent today, you feel like you are battling the entire world to get your kid raised, safe and effectively, sometimes.

To answer the OP, yes, there are those parents out there who are essentially OK with it. I saw the parents of many girls in our rural area that spent most of high school pushing their daughters to hook up with the 'right' young man, hoping they would be married shortly after high school, and starting on those grandbabies. I always felt that I had to protect my son in the same way we traditionally have felt girls needed to be 'protected' from boys.

Re: Teenagers getting Started Early

Carmie — Mon, 11 Jan 2016 13:52:46 GMT

I will probably get be bashed for this, but I am gonna say it anyway.

As with any and all animals, most humans are wired to procreate. We develop feelings and strong urges for this. We don't have a choice in how we feel or in our attractions.

Throughout history, society/religion has tried to curb these feelings telling us that it is wrong, or a sin, only for marriage, should only be done in the dark, etc.

After thousands of years, it's still not working. Hormones are still winning. I think we should teach responsibility to our children. We as humans can control our actions but not our feelings.

For most young people, once you are active, it is vey difficult to stop. It is responsible to educate our younger members to take precautions.

As much as we try, we are never gonna win this battle. Our children are maturing at very early ages. It is not all that unusual for 10 year old girls to have their period.