topic Re: Have a gift giving question in Community Chat

Have a gift giving question

panda1234 — Sun, 29 Nov 2015 19:52:21 GMT

I have one brother who lives 2 hours away. We are close, talk a few times each week. He has 2 sons in their late twenties. I have not seen or talked to them in about 5 years for no reason......that is ok. Well, Christmas week, or the day after I get a card from them addressed to just me with $50. This is awarkward as I have no contact with these kids during the year. They could use the money more than me. I know my brother puts them up to it and told him this was not necessary. When this card comes in the mail, I send them one with $50 in it. Any suggestions on ending this?

Re: Have a gift giving question

hovis — Sun, 29 Nov 2015 19:55:17 GMT

I know you mean well but I would stop sending them the $50.00. Maybe they will get the hint.

Re: Have a gift giving question

sunshine45 — Sun, 29 Nov 2015 19:57:12 GMT

do the sons live near your brother?

if they do, why not suggest that you all go out (could be around the holidays or just after the new year) and enjoy a meal together instead of exchanging gifts? make an effort to go there and spend some time with them in a neutral setting so that you can enjoy each others company and have some good conversation.

Re: Have a gift giving question

beadaholic — Sun, 29 Nov 2015 20:13:37 GMT

I'm assuming these men are your nephews? I haven't seen my nephew in as many years because he lives in the west coast, but I still give him b-day & xmas money each year! I love this 34 yr old man like he is mine. I'm sry that you are in a quandary over this.

Re: Have a gift giving question

Mz iMac — Sun, 29 Nov 2015 20:25:29 GMT

From what you wrote, these are two GROWN men who happen to be your nephews.

You have no contact from them in 5 yrs yet, they send you $$ every xmas.

"Any suggestions on ending this?"

Keep the $$. Send a thank you card.

Re: Have a gift giving question

qualitygal — Sun, 29 Nov 2015 20:32:07 GMT

@panda1234, tell them you are on a fixed income and would prefer not to exchange gifts.

Re: Have a gift giving question

Drythe — Sun, 29 Nov 2015 21:18:00 GMT

@sunshine45 wrote:
do the sons live near your brother?
if they do, why not suggest that you all go out (could be around the holidays or just after the new year) and enjoy a meal together instead of exchanging gifts? make an effort to go there and spend some time with them in a neutral setting so that you can enjoy each others company and have some good conversation.

~~~

@panda1234Assuming you want to maintain the contact, but in a different manner, I think @sunshine45 has made a great suggestion.

Re: Have a gift giving question

panda1234 — Sun, 29 Nov 2015 22:15:52 GMT

@Drythe wrote:
@sunshine45 wrote:
do the sons live near your brother?
if they do, why not suggest that you all go out (could be around the holidays or just after the new year) and enjoy a meal together instead of exchanging gifts? make an effort to go there and spend some time with them in a neutral setting so that you can enjoy each others company and have some good conversation.
~~~

@panda1234Assuming you want to maintain the contact, but in a different manner, I think @sunshine45 has made a great suggestion.

They live with my brother. Thank you for your suggestion.

Re: Have a gift giving question

panda1234 — Sun, 29 Nov 2015 22:19:14 GMT

@qualitygal wrote:
@panda1234, tell them you are on a fixed income and would prefer not to exchange gifts.

I felt that when they turned 21 many years ago it would be a good time to stop. It did stop for a few years and for some reason my brother started it up again. I just don't feel comfortable doing this.

Re: Have a gift giving question

panda1234 — Sun, 29 Nov 2015 22:20:48 GMT

@Mz iMac wrote:
From what you wrote, these are two GROWN men who happen to be your nephews.
You have no contact from them in 5 yrs yet, they send you $$ every xmas.

"Any suggestions on ending this?"

Keep the $$. Send a thank you card.

I think that is just what I am going to do, thanks.

Re: Have a gift giving question

panda1234 — Sun, 29 Nov 2015 22:23:11 GMT

@beadaholic wrote:
I'm assuming these men are your nephews? I haven't seen my nephew in as many years because he lives in the west coast, but I still give him b-day & xmas money each year! I love this 34 yr old man like he is mine. I'm sry that you are in a quandary over this.

I have not even spoken to them in five years. If we emailed or had some contact I would feel different....just awkward.

Re: Have a gift giving question

pattypeep — Sun, 29 Nov 2015 22:40:36 GMT

Honesty is always the best policy, IMO. When it came to my children, I told them that I knew their heart was in the right place, but the best thing they could do for me and my dh is to buy themselves something with the money they spend on us. I also suggested to a friend that I exchanged with for a number of years and as we grew apart, it seemed silly. So I suggested to her that we not gift each other because she had family to buy gifts for. I believe she was somewhat relieved. We're about ready to talk to my dh's brother about this very thing. We need nothing, they need nothing, so why do we swap useless stuff every year? Believe me, I love to gift, but only need friendship and love in return.

Re: Have a gift giving question

NYC Susan — Mon, 30 Nov 2015 02:16:23 GMT

It sounds to me as though maybe they want a relationship with you. Two hours away is not far, so I'm confused as to why you have had no contact with them for five years. Especially because you said there's no real reason.

Since they've been reaching out in that way, then I think it might be nice to reach out to them also. Not by sending them $50 (which really is only returning their gift to you), but by making an effort to see or at least speak to them. Time together and getting to know each other is far more valuable than any gift.

If you really don't want any kind of relationship with them, then don't send them anything. (I'm totally biased, though, because most of my family live very far away, and I can't imagine not having a relationship with them or letting distance be an obstacle.)