topic Re: Controlling men? in Community Chat

Controlling men?

mima — Sun, 22 Nov 2015 16:38:14 GMT

If you have ever been in a relationship with a controlling man, what do you think made them controlling?

This does not have anything to do with my relationship, however my grandson is showing signs of being this way with his young girlfriend. I hate this. I wonder what makes them this way.

Re: Controlling men?

Zhills — Sun, 22 Nov 2015 16:43:13 GMT

Can't really say what causes a young man to be controlling unless he grew up with a controlling parent?

Just getting out of a relationship where he had been the boss on his job and I think it was just stuck in his brain because he liked it. Does wonders for the ego but not the confidence! Hope your grandson changes and I wish him the best in a relationship!

Re: Controlling men?

Pearlee — Sun, 22 Nov 2015 16:45:08 GMT

Cause? IMO insecurity about himself.

Re: Controlling men?

scatcat — Sun, 22 Nov 2015 16:47:13 GMT

Insecurity and fear. If his girlfriend has half a brain, she will run

Re: Controlling men?

151949 — Sun, 22 Nov 2015 17:01:04 GMT

IMO - someone can only control someone else as far as that person allows it. When someone attempts to control you then it is up to you to say NO. I think any person( man or woman) who can get away with controlling another person will probably do so. My DH does try to be controlling but I just, for the most part, ignore him or push back and he may or may not back off. There have been times when he is worse than usual. I let him have his little insignificant victories but I have no problem standing up to him on the bigger things.Controlling people usually back down when stood up to.

Re: Controlling men?

brii — Sun, 22 Nov 2015 16:52:05 GMT

It's a personality disorder.

Men and women who are controlling have some sort of inner disharmony. they are not able to control themselves internally, so they do to control things externally (around them).

Sometimes it comes from a place of wanting to protect someone. Not always.

Re: Controlling men?

CatsyCline — Sun, 22 Nov 2015 16:52:38 GMT

part if it is learned behavior (childhood) insecurity is a big big factor - drives it. the need to be right and the need to call the shots. low self-esteem. they may bluster and boast but it is a cover for an emptiness. from my own experience, ymmv

Re: Controlling men?

sidsmom — Sun, 22 Nov 2015 16:58:55 GMT

-) Insecurity

and, ummmm

-) Insecurity

Controlling people feel they lack power. They will take their insecure emotions & place them on someone else. The recipient will most like be upset, etc. (understandably) and the controller will feed off the recipient's emotion. That's what gives the controller power. If the recipient is smart, they will remove this person from their life.

As as for the cause of the insecurity? Could be any number of things. Financial issues, image issues, social issues, abuse....anything could be a trigger.

Re: Controlling men?

Puzzle Piece — Sun, 22 Nov 2015 16:59:13 GMT

@151949 Not always. You can say NO, warn them to go away and stay away and they still don't listen. Stalkers are this way and so are obsessed individuals. I know, it's happened to me. There's those that even murder the other person for not wanting them in their lives.

Re: Controlling men?

151949 — Sun, 22 Nov 2015 17:02:13 GMT

@Puzzle Piece wrote:
@151949 Not always. You can say NO, warn them to go away and stay away and they still don't listen. Stalkers are this way and so are obsessed individuals. I know, it's happened to me. There's those that even murder the other person for not wanting them in their lives.

I think this is an extreme you are describing here.

Re: Controlling men?

151949 — Sun, 22 Nov 2015 17:05:31 GMT

You run across people like this in every aspect of life - at work, on committees , socially - everywhere.You have to be able to stand up for yourself. They aren't just spousal situations and they aren't just men.

Re: Controlling men?

raven-blackbird — Sun, 22 Nov 2015 17:11:05 GMT

@mima wrote:
If you have ever been in a relationship with a controlling man, what do you think made them controlling?

This does not have anything to do with my relationship, however my grandson is showing signs of being this way with his young girlfriend. I hate this. I wonder what makes them this way.

1. insecurity

2. low self esteem

3. immaturity

Re: Controlling men?

RetRN — Sun, 22 Nov 2015 17:13:42 GMT

When a woman says she has to ignore him or push back she is also insecure. Strong, intelligent women don't put up with that type of behavior. It is so important for women to be able to take care of themselves.

Re: Controlling men?

Moonchilde — Sun, 22 Nov 2015 17:15:49 GMT

@151949 wrote:
You run across people like this in every aspect of life - at work, on committees , socially - everywhere.You have to be able to stand up for yourself. They aren't just spousal situations and they aren't just men.

Bingo.

Re: Controlling men?

newziesuzie — Sun, 22 Nov 2015 17:56:07 GMT

@brii wrote:
It's a personality disorder.

Men and women who are controlling have some sort of inner disharmony. they are not able to control themselves internally, so they do to control things externally (around them).

Sometimes it comes from a place of wanting to protect someone. Not always.

Great post @brii.

Also they're narcissists and usually "right fighters".

is about them, boasting about what they do.

Everything is "about them."

Always needing to try to be the center of attention

to feel "important". And they feel good and

satisfied when they belittle other people.

But they don't see themselves for what they are.

😔

Re: Controlling men?

Zhills — Sun, 22 Nov 2015 17:25:01 GMT

A controlling coworker hardly compares to a controlling spouse!

Yes, they both try to control but in totally different ways!

Re: Controlling men?

Allegheny — Sun, 22 Nov 2015 17:27:33 GMT

I don't know, wish I had the answer. My husband and brother have tendencies like this at times. I can't tell you the number of occasions I've just walked away from both of them when they start their ******. It just erodes the relationship slowly. I love them both dearly but won't put up with this nonsense.

I am at an age now where I have my own ways of dealing with it, but if this was going on when I was in my twenties or thirties I wouldn't have stayed in such a relationship.

Re: Controlling men?

newziesuzie — Sun, 22 Nov 2015 17:57:24 GMT

@Zhills wrote:
A controlling coworker hardly compares to a controlling spouse!

Yes, they both try to control but in totally different ways!

I disagree @Zhills. It's the same personality disorder

whether they're in the family or at work, or even

in social settings or social media as well.

Men and women.

Overused word but a bully is a bully.

😒

Re: Controlling men?

brii — Sun, 22 Nov 2015 17:31:22 GMT

I could never handle a controlling spouse.

I walked away from a relationship in my 20s because of his controlling nature.

It makes for a very exhausting existence.

Re: Controlling men?

Zhills — Sun, 22 Nov 2015 17:34:22 GMT

True, it's the same personality disorder, but a coworker can't hurt me the way my spouse could!

Coworkers try to control your thoughts and actions; a spouse tries with emotions!