topic Re: Deserved or Earned? in Community Chat

Deserved or Earned?

Marp — Tue, 17 Nov 2015 01:46:18 GMT

A comment I read today took me back to my childhood. I was raised that everyone deserved respect until they did something to lose it.

Today, I see many state that respect needs to be earned which implies people aren't worthy of respect until they do something desirable in the eyes of the one bestowing respect.

Is needing to earn respect before getting it a generational thing or just a difference in the way people look at others today?

Re: Deserved or Earned?

Kalli — Tue, 17 Nov 2015 01:49:52 GMT

Not sure. I was raised to respect my elders. It really wasn't up for discussion.

Re: Deserved or Earned?

Maudelynn — Tue, 17 Nov 2015 01:49:55 GMT

I was taught as you were- that everyone is innately deserving of respect. I taught my children the same.

Re: Deserved or Earned?

Nancy Drew — Tue, 17 Nov 2015 01:51:17 GMT

I give respect until they show me they do not deserve it.

Re: Deserved or Earned?

JavaQueen — Tue, 17 Nov 2015 01:59:48 GMT

I was taught also to be respectful of other people and property. (Yes, I was a Girl Scout. in hte hearland of America. LOL)

I really don't know if people know what that means anymore. They trash, property and people.

When I mean "people," I mean society in general. Not everyone, but enough that you feel it.

Re: Deserved or Earned?

AliJoi5 — Tue, 17 Nov 2015 02:01:11 GMT

I think you touch on a very interesting topic here, Marp. I am of the viewpoint that everyone is deserving of respect until I'm (sadly) persuaded otherwise. For example, when I went to college in the city, every morning I would pass the same homeless gentleman sitting on the curb. I always treated this man with the utmost respect, just as I would my college professor or a fellow student. We exchanged "good mornings" and sometimes I would bring him a coffee or a little something from D&D. He had done nothing to necessarily "earn my respect," but he inspired it just the same. I think the "golden rule" also figures into this discussion. Naturally though, that's not to say you shouldn't also be vigilant.

Now, for me, trust is an entirely different thing. I absolutely believe that trust must be earned, especially in this day in age.

Re: Deserved or Earned?

occasionalrain — Tue, 17 Nov 2015 02:05:12 GMT

It depends on one's definition of respect. I was brought up to have manners, to treat others as I would expect to be treated. However, to me, respect should be earned.

Re: Deserved or Earned?

DoneTryin — Tue, 17 Nov 2015 02:17:56 GMT

I was raised to respect everyone. As an adult, I learned that sometimes people can do, or not do, things that could make me lose respect for them. I also learned that they could earn my respect back. The same has happened the other way around, when I've messed up.

Although you did not ask about trust, I will add a comment about that: for me, trust must be earned.

It's interesting to see here how differently people feel about such things.

Re: Deserved or Earned?

onewhiteSparrow — Tue, 17 Nov 2015 02:46:54 GMT

I was raised to respect everyone, until they did something to loose that respect.

As I grew older I was taught by others in forums to Trust No One.

Respect and trust work together many ways.

Re: Deserved or Earned?

foundinlv — Tue, 17 Nov 2015 02:49:53 GMT

If referring to special reverence then yes that needs to be earned otherwise, yes respect for all until one proves unworthy.

Re: Deserved or Earned?

maryebrown — Tue, 17 Nov 2015 03:02:02 GMT

@VCamp2748 wrote:
I was raised to respect everyone. As an adult, I learned that sometimes people can do, or not do, things that could make me lose respect for them. I also learned that they could earn my respect back. The same has happened the other way around, when I've messed up.

Although you did not ask about trust, I will add a comment about that: for me, trust must be earned.

It's interesting to see here how differently people feel about such things.

I grew up to Respect everyone, also. I agree about your comments about Trust. It has to be earned, and when one breaks it (intentionally) just to further their agenda and/or to Control the mind-set, while steering the Group into Like-Think (and reading PMs), it's time to leave that setting.

Re: Deserved or Earned?

Lucky Charm — Tue, 17 Nov 2015 03:14:10 GMT

I don't give out respect freely. And it can't be earned.

I show kindness to others, but respect them? 50% chance, no.

Do they respect themselves? Do they respect life?

That's the only way to get respect from me.

Everyone else will get kindness, until they show another side. Then they get what they deserve.

Re: Deserved or Earned?

ladyroxanne — Tue, 17 Nov 2015 03:16:56 GMT

i, too was brought up to show respect for my elders.

at this time of my life, having lived through many life experiences, i would say that a person needs to earn my respect.

i think that i must earn others respect as well by my actions.

Re: Deserved or Earned?

VanSleepy — Tue, 17 Nov 2015 03:39:24 GMT

The definition of respect is a deep admiration based on abilities, qualities, achievements. Do we really "respect" people the moment we meet them? It kind of does have to be earned if you take it literally.

Re: Deserved or Earned?

blackhole99 — Tue, 17 Nov 2015 03:46:46 GMT

I was brought up to be seen and not heard, meaning I was only a child and was expected to do what I was told.The word respect never entered the conversation, I remember just trying to avoid any confrontation with an adult if at all possible. When I was able to think for myself, I did treat everyone like I wanted to be treated, but I did not respect adults and never trusted them. As an adult there have been very few people I have respected and trusted.

Re: Deserved or Earned?

VanSleepy — Tue, 17 Nov 2015 03:52:56 GMT

@maryebrown wrote:
@VCamp2748 wrote:
I was raised to respect everyone. As an adult, I learned that sometimes people can do, or not do, things that could make me lose respect for them. I also learned that they could earn my respect back. The same has happened the other way around, when I've messed up.

Although you did not ask about trust, I will add a comment about that: for me, trust must be earned.

It's interesting to see here how differently people feel about such things.
I grew up to Respect everyone, also. I agree about your comments about Trust. It has to be earned, and when one breaks it (intentionally) just to further their agenda and/or to Control the mind-set, while steering the Group into Like-Think (and reading PMs), it's time to leave that setting.

Most people don't know what you're talking about, and the ones that do, know it's untrue.

Re: Deserved or Earned?

151949 — Tue, 17 Nov 2015 04:17:50 GMT

We once had a medical director who was always complaining that we did not show him enough respect. He had dated and slept with half the female staff and he was always inviting himself out with us if he overheard us talking. He was an ok but not at all astounding doctor. The fact is - he wanted to be one of the staff - everyones friend but he also wanted to flip a switch when it served him to be the boss and then we were all to be bowing to him.He just did not get that he could not have it all ways, and he never got that for the staff to show him respect he had to also show us respect. I think we were all grateful when he left and we got an older grandpa type director who was an astounding doctor and who we were comfortable in our professional - and only professional relationship with.

Re: Deserved or Earned?

shamalamadingdong4 — Tue, 17 Nov 2015 04:41:34 GMT

@maryebrown wrote:
@VCamp2748 wrote:
I was raised to respect everyone. As an adult, I learned that sometimes people can do, or not do, things that could make me lose respect for them. I also learned that they could earn my respect back. The same has happened the other way around, when I've messed up.

Although you did not ask about trust, I will add a comment about that: for me, trust must be earned.

It's interesting to see here how differently people feel about such things.
I grew up to Respect everyone, also. I agree about your comments about Trust. It has to be earned, and when one breaks it (intentionally) just to further their agenda and/or to Control the mind-set, while steering the Group into Like-Think (and reading PMs), it's time to leave that setting.

-------------------------

I also was taught by my parents to respect everyone. I also learned that sometimes respect, sadly, can be misplaced. For example, someone I respected turned out to be an anti-Semite. That caused me to lose all respect and trust for that person. I hated to learn such a hard lesson. It's so much nicer to believe that everyone is a good, decent person.

Re: Deserved or Earned?

AliJoi5 — Tue, 17 Nov 2015 04:46:07 GMT

@VanSleepy wrote:
The definition of respect is a deep admiration based on abilities, qualities, achievements. Do we really "respect" people the moment we meet them? It kind of does have to be earned if you take it literally.

Hi @VanSleepy - I do understand (and respect... lol) where you're coming from, but Merriam-Webster also defines the verb respect as "to act in a way which shows that you are aware of someone's rights, wishes, etc." I can't speak for anyone else of course, but that's the definition I had in mind when considering OP's question. But however you define the word, I'm enjoying reading everyone's responses... interesting topic.

Re: Deserved or Earned?

september — Tue, 17 Nov 2015 04:55:56 GMT

@maryebrown wrote:
@VCamp2748 wrote:
I was raised to respect everyone. As an adult, I learned that sometimes people can do, or not do, things that could make me lose respect for them. I also learned that they could earn my respect back. The same has happened the other way around, when I've messed up.

Although you did not ask about trust, I will add a comment about that: for me, trust must be earned.

It's interesting to see here how differently people feel about such things.
I grew up to Respect everyone, also. I agree about your comments about Trust. It has to be earned, and when one breaks it (intentionally) just to further their agenda and/or to Control the mind-set, while steering the Group into Like-Think (and reading PMs), it's time to leave that setting.

I have to agree that trust must be earned. But you also have to make an effort to maintain it.