topic Re: Sentimental Attachment in Community Chat

Sentimental Attachment

Plaid Pants2 — Thu, 29 Oct 2015 15:42:47 GMT

It's weird. My parents bought a house in 1990, and this past April, my dad sold it, because he couldn't keep up with the all of the work that needed to be done to it.

The house was built in the mid 1950's, and is small. It has a teeny-tiny bathroom, a small kitchen, and the layout isn't the best.

I have never lived there. But it was my parent's home.

The people who bought it were flippers, which is fine, because the house did need work.

So it's on the market again, and someone has put in an offer.

Even though I never really cared for the house itself, because it was so small, and the floor plan, it's still hard to know that someone else will be living there.

It's not a bad house, it's just not what I would choose for myself.

It's a good little house, but I couldn't live there, especially now. Too many memories of my parents having been there.

So, even though it's not my taste, not my style, and I never lived there, I still find myself oddly attached to the last house that my parents bought.

I'm finding that it's hard for me to let go emotionally of a house that I thought that I didn't like.

Have you ever found yourself in a similar way?

...

debic — Thu, 29 Oct 2015 15:47:17 GMT

I hear you, after my parents passed away I sold their house that they'd lived in for 40 years. It was horrible for my sisters as well.

Luckily I don't even live in the same state, but when I go visit some friends they live just down the street.

Re: Sentimental Attachment

MaggieMack — Thu, 29 Oct 2015 15:48:07 GMT

Just about every time I've sold a house, I have wept for the memories made in that house and the life being left behind. I don't think it's odd at all.

Re: Sentimental Attachment

Perkup — Thu, 29 Oct 2015 15:49:56 GMT

Yes I have. The home I grew up in during my teen age years is very special to me for so many reasons. It's in another state. My high school boyfriend gave me my first kiss at that front door. He died very young. Later that's where I received my engagement ring from my first husband (also now deceased).The last time I was there it looked exactly the same outside as when I lived there. I've never seen the inside. But I would so love to go back and ask for a tour - but what a nusiance that would be to the present owners.

And the apartments I lived in right after I got married was recently torn down. There's a high rise there now. Yuck! More memories in the dust.

Re: Sentimental Attachment

OnlyShopsOnline — Thu, 29 Oct 2015 15:55:05 GMT

I have learned that when you are faced with emotional life changes, you can never predict how you will react. I have frequently been taken off guard.

Re: Sentimental Attachment

qualitygal — Thu, 29 Oct 2015 16:16:37 GMT

@Plaid Pants2 wrote:
It's weird. My parents bought a house in 1990, and this past April, my dad sold it, because he couldn't keep up with the all of the work that needed to be done to it.

The house was built in the mid 1950's, and is small. It has a teeny-tiny bathroom, a small kitchen, and the layout isn't the best.

I have never lived there. But it was my parent's home.

The people who bought it were flippers, which is fine, because the house did need work.

So it's on the market again, and someone has put in an offer.

Even though I never really cared for the house itself, because it was so small, and the floor plan, it's still hard to know that someone else will be living there.

It's not a bad house, it's just not what I would choose for myself.

It's a good little house, but I couldn't live there, especially now. Too many memories of my parents having been there.

So, even though it's not my taste, not my style, and I never lived there, I still find myself oddly attached to the last house that my parents bought.

I'm finding that it's hard for me to let go emotionally of a house that I thought that I didn't like.

Have you ever found yourself in a similar way?

yes. We sold my folk's home this past spring, I totally understand your emotions on this. We 3 siblings all lived there for awhile too.

Re: Sentimental Attachment

Allegheny — Thu, 29 Oct 2015 16:24:00 GMT

Your post tugs at my heart strings. I felt the same way when my Dad decided to sell the farm. My siblings and I grew up there and all had built homes within sight of it. He loved his farm. But after Mom passed and his health started to fail, he knew he could no longer maintain it and reluctantly decided to sell it.

His achieved his goal by selling it to someone who wished to keep it as a farm, and we were thrilled when he sold it to a young woman and her parents who wanted relocated to the country to raise horses.

He was having cardiac issues and entered the hospital on March 1st., the new owners of the farm were taking possession on April 1st. He had already rented an apartment, so while he was hospitalized, we prepared the apartment, painting, putting in carpeting, getting utilities established, moving in furniture, etc.

He never left the hospital. My Dad passed away on March 31st. Even though its been over twenty years, it still brings tears to my eyes, that he died and still owned his beloved homestead.

Re: Sentimental Attachment

Tinkrbl44 — Thu, 29 Oct 2015 16:23:03 GMT

Last year my parents' former home was completely renovated, and my sister got a chance to walk through it when the painters were finishing up. She emailed me in great detail what they did to "our" house.

Time goes on .... I feel a bit like that when driving through old neighborhoods.

Re: Sentimental Attachment

fourpaws56 — Thu, 29 Oct 2015 16:23:07 GMT

My Mother passed away in 1992, I had to sell her home to pay off her debt....sad.

Re: Sentimental Attachment

gidgetgh — Thu, 29 Oct 2015 16:47:17 GMT

I'm kind of going through that now. My parents have lived in their condo since the early 80's. My mom passed away 4 1/2 years ago.

My my dad had a stroke and while he's doing well, for now at least, he's in assisted living which is the right decision for right now. If he continues to improve, I think he'll be bored at assisted living. But.....while we've talked about him moving home again one day, the condo is on the 2nd floor and there are no elevators. So, that's a problem. 14 steep steps.

Anyway, we've started to clean out the stuff that makes sense to clean out, regardless of the future. I'm only attached to a few family pieces in there. I've been ruthless going through the rest.

But, while their condo was never my home, almost 40 years is a really long time. It kind of bothers me to be in there with my parents not in there and I get a little nostalgic when I think that we're probably going to sell it after the first of the year. But it's the absolute right decision. But it's hard. It signals yet more change and I'm not the best with change.

Re: Sentimental Attachment

Plaid Pants2 — Thu, 29 Oct 2015 17:07:52 GMT

It's weird that I have this dichotomy inside of me.

A part of me doesn't want anybody else to live there, and the other part of me doesn't want to see the house go un-loved.

I know.

I'm weird.

Re: Sentimental Attachment

Tinkrbl44 — Thu, 29 Oct 2015 17:13:31 GMT

@Plaid Pants2 wrote:
It's weird that I have this dichotomy inside of me.

A part of me doesn't want anybody else to live there, and the other part of me doesn't want to see the house go un-loved.

I know.

I'm weird.

Nah .... feelings don't always make sense.

Re: Sentimental Attachment

Mominohio — Thu, 29 Oct 2015 17:20:06 GMT

I totally understand. My great aunt and uncle passed a couple of years ago. They were living in a condo at the time, and had been there perhaps a decade or so.

Prior to that, they owned only two homes. One, was a beautiful brick built in the 1920's or before and I so loved that home. They sold it and bought right on the shore of Lake Erie, another fantasy type home. When they neared 80, they knew it was too much as well, then sold it and moved to the condo.

The first two homes being gone make me sad, and I understand why. The architecture, the locations, the beauty, and the memories made in those homes, and them now being out of our lives makes me sad.

What I didn't expect was to mourn the loss of the condo. It wasn't in an area that I like, it wasn't anything special in design. Before they passed, it was just a place they lived (to me), but when they were gone, I felt like it was the last place we built memories, the last place we went knowing they were still in our lives.

I kind of stalked it online when it was listed, and wished. For what I'm not sure. That I could buy it? Not really. That someone in the family would so we could still go there? Maybe. It did just make me sad, in a way I hadn't expected.

Re: Sentimental Attachment

spix — Thu, 29 Oct 2015 17:20:33 GMT

Just another observation, have lived in my house for 50 yrs, all 4 children born here, they tell me I'll only move out feet first, ( lol) but interestingly, one of my sons has decided to buy it at that time, all the others are in agreement, they want it to stay in the family, so to speak, & I am happy with their decision, does make me feel good to think they have happy memories of growing up.

Re: Sentimental Attachment

qualitygal — Thu, 29 Oct 2015 17:23:27 GMT

@Plaid Pants2 wrote:
It's weird that I have this dichotomy inside of me.

A part of me doesn't want anybody else to live there, and the other part of me doesn't want to see the house go un-loved.

I know.

I'm weird.

No, it's not that...can't explain it. Part of the reason I kept wanting to drive by (even though we'd sold it), for my parents sake, even tho not needed, I kind of wanted to be sure it (the house) was being taken care of. We took care of the folks and the house for many years. It was all part of the caregiving. Remember the house is a thing. No emotions, time to let someone else, who needs it, get it. Slowly but surely, you'll see.

Re: Sentimental Attachment

Plaid Pants2 — Thu, 29 Oct 2015 17:24:00 GMT

@Mominohio wrote:
I totally understand. My great aunt and uncle passed a couple of years ago. They were living in a condo at the time, and had been there perhaps a decade or so.

Prior to that, they owned only two homes. One, was a beautiful brick built in the 1920's or before and I so loved that home. They sold it and bought right on the shore of Lake Erie, another fantasy type home. When they neared 80, they knew it was too much as well, then sold it and moved to the condo.

The first two homes being gone make me sad, and I understand why. The architecture, the locations, the beauty, and the memories made in those homes, and them now being out of our lives makes me sad.

What I didn't expect was to mourn the loss of the condo. It wasn't in an area that I like, it wasn't anything special in design. Before they passed, it was just a place they lived (to me), but when they were gone, I felt like it was the last place we built memories, the last place we went knowing they were still in our lives.

I kind of stalked it online when it was listed, and wished. For what I'm not sure. That I could buy it? Not really. That someone in the family would so we could still go there? Maybe. It did just make me sad, in a way I hadn't expected.

That's how I'm feeling.

I just hope that whoever buys it, gives it the love that it deserves, and are good to it.

Re: Sentimental Attachment

Puppy Lips — Thu, 29 Oct 2015 17:26:48 GMT

Your feelings are quite normal. When we moved from Ohio to Florida in 2007, I had a really tough time leaving our home. I know this is different, because this was my home that I raised my boys in, but the feelings of attachment were very strong. We built the home, which makes it even stronger. Someone to whom I was "whining" to about it said simply, "You take the memories with you." I did just that, and after moving, had many dreams about the house for quite awhile. For years when visiting family in Ohio, I did not drive by the house because I wanted to remember it as I left it and not see someone else in it. About a year after we moved, it was up for sale again as the couple was going through a divorce. I wanted to buy it back! I think I am over that now.

I will be facing your senario soon as my elder parents still live in my childhood home. Years ago they thought about moving and I wish they had. Having to deal with their passings and selling the house will be a double whammy. But I will have plenty of photos and take some video of the house, maybe with my narrating some memories of each room. Hopefully with that, it will be easier to let it go and just move on. The memories are what is important, not the sticks and stones.

Re: Sentimental Attachment

sabatini — Thu, 29 Oct 2015 17:33:11 GMT

When I sold my home last year (built in the 1800s - a beauty), it was hard to let go, but then something occurred to me.

It really wasn't "our house". We had only passed through, and taken our turn within its walls..

Now, it was someone else's turn.

Re: Sentimental Attachment

chickenbutt — Thu, 29 Oct 2015 17:33:51 GMT

I don't tend to be very sentimental at all. My husband, OTOH, is the sentimental one.

Maybe, for me, it was more about growing up without nurturing or bonding with humans that made me more clinical and logical minded. Not saying that's a good thing, for sure, but it probably explains a lot about me.

I hope you can work through your attachment to the house and maybe be able to concentrate on the good times for exactly what they were - not the house or any other tangible, but the people and the bonds. The house was just there. (FWIW)

Re: Sentimental Attachment

ChynnaBlue — Thu, 29 Oct 2015 17:34:39 GMT

No. My parents live in the same house they bought when I was in third grade, so I don't have any experience of them living in a house I didn't live in. I may after my dad finally sells his company and retires.