topic Re: Opinions please..... in Community Chat

Opinions please.....

NjsKillingme — Tue, 24 Feb 2015 06:49:31 GMT

Hi everybody....I would like opinions on this please.

My husband passed away last week from a cancer related issue, it was very unexpected to say the least, my life and world has taken a 180 and I feel lost without him. It was always just him and I, we really weren't a big family visiting kind of couple because my husband was very much a homebody and enjoyed being home and just being peaceful in general. He never bothered with his sisters except for an occasional call from them which usually resulted in fighting and hanging up on them after the profanities flowed freely. He hasn't seen either one of them for 10 years or better. Any way, fast forward to after I made arrangements and took care of business, now my one SIL wants a death certificate...I find this intrusive on my private life with my husband. I told her ok, but now I've decided to not give her one because it's my personal business on it and all of a sudden she has an interest in "her brother", they were never lovey dovey as brother and sister, quite frankly, he hated her. I'm thinking she has a life insurance policy on him or maybe she just wants something to remember him by. I would appreciate any and all pinions on this because I find it strange for a family member to come out and ask for a death certificate unless there is an ulterior motive. TIA

Re: Opinions please.....

LurkyLoo — Tue, 24 Feb 2015 06:57:13 GMT

My deepest condolences to you on your loss of your dear husband.

I must say, that is a very odd request by his sister. Did you ask her as to why she wanted a copy of the death certificate? Maybe she keeps such things in remberence- a record of the family history perhaps?

Were it me, I would ask.

Re: Opinions please.....

NjsKillingme — Tue, 24 Feb 2015 07:04:18 GMT

LurkyLoo...thank you, it's not easy being alone after being with him for 37 years. The family history thing isn't there for sure...but I am going to ask if she ask me for it again. I'm going to ignore the request for now and hope it goes away.

Re: Opinions please.....

KarenQVC — Tue, 24 Feb 2015 08:19:30 GMT

I am so sorry. She may think she is entitled to part of his estate if he died without a will. I know in CA the siblings get 50% if he had holdings only in his name. I would watch out. On the other hand, a death certificate is public record, so she could just buy one from your county. Good luck!

Re: Opinions please.....

DeLaney — Tue, 24 Feb 2015 08:39:30 GMT

Exactly, KarenQVC. . . Odd as the request seems, in most of the United States, death certificates are considered public domain documents and can therefore be obtained for any individual over the age of 18, regardless of the requester's relationship to the deceased. Most states include the cause of death. A certified copy of a death certificate may be ordered from the town of death or the State Vital Records office via regular mail, in person or via certain online services.

Other jurisdictions take a slightly different view, and restrict the issue of certificates. For example, in the State of New York, death certificates are only obtainable by close relatives, including the spouse, parent, child or sibling of the deceased, and other persons who have a documented lawful right or claim, documented medical need, or a New York State Court Order.

I'm sorry, just thought you would like to know in order to prepare in case trouble is brewing. I'm very sorry for your loss and this possible added stress.

Re: Opinions please.....

NjsKillingme — Tue, 24 Feb 2015 08:47:08 GMT

There's a Will...I'm sole beneficiary ....as I should be.

Re: Opinions please.....

Financialgrl — Tue, 24 Feb 2015 16:15:31 GMT

On 2/24/2015 NjsKillingme said:
There's a Will...I'm sole beneficiary ....as I should be.

First off, sorry for your loss. My guess is a will won't even be needed. I just closed out my father's estate and usually, when someone loses a spouse, most people's assets are held jointly so automatically pass to the other. Its when the second one dies that things get interesting and all kinds of people come out of the woodwork - so I can't imagine she wants a death certificate for anything monetary.

Re: Opinions please.....

pistolino — Tue, 24 Feb 2015 16:20:35 GMT

I'd be inclined not to give her one and tell her if she wants it to request it through the gov't entity issuing them in your area.

My main reason for posting here is to let you know I'm sorry for the loss of your husband. It has to be so hard and I'll have you in my thoughts and prayers.

Re: Opinions please.....

circles — Tue, 24 Feb 2015 16:27:23 GMT

I am sorry for your loss....

I would not give her anything....

Re: Opinions please.....

Giordan — Tue, 24 Feb 2015 17:10:57 GMT

So sorry for your loss.

You said his death was "a cancer related issue". Is it possible that she may have seen one of those T.V. ads..."If you, or a family member, has suffered a loss due to..."and she wants to file a claim?

Re: Opinions please.....

NC Bandwagon — Tue, 24 Feb 2015 17:15:25 GMT

I'm very sorry for the loss of your husband.

Re: Opinions please.....

RetRN — Tue, 24 Feb 2015 17:27:20 GMT

I am sorry for your loss. I would not give SIL death certificate, never heard of such a request.

Re: Opinions please.....

jeanlake — Tue, 24 Feb 2015 17:41:05 GMT

I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine your grief. Take care of yourself. IMO, you're doing the right thing. If your SIL wants documents, she can request them elsewhere.

Re: Opinions please.....

NjsKillingme — Tue, 24 Feb 2015 17:55:36 GMT

On 2/24/2015 Financialgrl said:
On 2/24/2015 NjsKillingme said:
<em>There's a Will...I'm sole beneficiary ....as I should be.</em>

First off, sorry for your loss. My guess is a will won't even be needed. I just closed out my father's estate and usually, when someone loses a spouse, most people's assets are held jointly so automatically pass to the other. Its when the second one dies that things get interesting and all kinds of people come out of the woodwork - so I can't imagine she wants a death certificate for anything monetary.

Financialgrl...yes, maybe she's counting on me going soon too..not gonna happen if i can help it..But I have a will also, and all of my assets go to my daughter...100%

Re: Opinions please.....

NjsKillingme — Tue, 24 Feb 2015 17:57:05 GMT

On 2/24/2015 pistolino said:
I'd be inclined not to give her one and tell her if she wants it to request it through the gov't entity issuing them in your area.

My main reason for posting here is to let you know I'm sorry for the loss of your husband. It has to be so hard and I'll have you in my thoughts and prayers.

Thank you very much Pistolina..it's an adjustment that's proving hard to get used to...

Re: Opinions please.....

NjsKillingme — Tue, 24 Feb 2015 17:59:38 GMT

On 2/24/2015 circles said:
I am sorry for your loss....

I would not give her anything....

Thank you Circles...

Re: Opinions please.....

KYToby — Tue, 24 Feb 2015 18:02:14 GMT

I am very sorry for the loss of your husband. I have to disagree with the other posters, though.

If you have extra copies of the death certificate, what harm is there in providing a copy -- regardless of her reasons? As many have pointed out, the death certificate is a matter of public record, and as a sibling, she can obtain it from the state. To withhold a copy just to be obstinate seems to be causing trouble for nothing. If you do not have extra copies, just let her know, but if you do, what is the point?

Re: Opinions please.....

NjsKillingme — Tue, 24 Feb 2015 18:03:28 GMT

On 2/24/2015 Giordan said:
So sorry for your loss.

You said his death was "a cancer related issue". Is it possible that she may have seen one of those T.V. ads..."If you, or a family member, has suffered a loss due to..."and she wants to file a claim?

Giordan...God only knows what she's thinking...she's a bit greedy when it comes to money. I was told that she had her grandmothers body exhumed the next day to get a small diamond neckless off of her neck. It was done illegally most likely, she grew up with the cemetery manager. I was shocked to hear this to say the least.

Re: Opinions please.....

NjsKillingme — Tue, 24 Feb 2015 18:05:28 GMT

On 2/24/2015 KYToby said:
I am very sorry for the loss of your husband. I have to disagree with the other posters, though.

If you have extra copies of the death certificate, what harm is there in providing a copy -- regardless of her reasons? As many have pointed out, the death certificate is a matter of public record, and as a sibling, she can obtain it from the state. To withhold a copy just to be obstinate seems to be causing trouble for nothing. If you do not have extra copies, just let her know, but if you do, what is the point?

Thank you KYToby. it has personal info on it that I feel she doesn't need.

Re: Opinions please.....

NjsKillingme — Tue, 24 Feb 2015 18:09:25 GMT

On 2/24/2015 ury said:
I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine your grief. Take care of yourself. IMO, you're doing the right thing. If your SIL wants documents, she can request them elsewhere.

Thank you Ury.