topic Re: Bridal Lunch Etiquette in Community Chat

Bridal Lunch Etiquette

JJsMom — Tue, 18 Aug 2015 16:39:01 GMT

My friend's daughter is getting married, and I got invited to a "bridal lunch" the day before the wedding. The invitation said it was to honor the bride and bridal party. I have never heard of this. Am I supposed to bring a gift? This is occurring in the South, if that helps. Maybe it is a Southern tradition?

I already attended an engagement party and bridal shower, so I know it's not meant to take the place of those.

Any input would be appreciated. :-)

Re: Bridal Lunch Etiquette

Goldengate8361 — Tue, 18 Aug 2015 16:42:45 GMT

I'm Southern and I've never heard of this type of event. Brides often hold a bridal luncheon for the bridesmaids, etc. but not like you've described. I would tend to think that you should NOT bring another gift.

Re: Bridal Lunch Etiquette

ChynnaBlue — Tue, 18 Aug 2015 16:44:08 GMT

I went to one of those in Georgia last year. I was born and raised in California and that was the first time I'd ever heard of a bridal luncheon and I also thought maybe it was a southern thing. They also had a brunch the morning after the wedding. I came in from out of town and didn't make the bridal shower, but I'd say there were at least 5 different events around the wedding and I don't know if that's a southern thing or a modern thing.

No one brought gifts to the luncheon, so I think those are still reserved for the shower and the wedding - thank goodness!

Re: Bridal Lunch Etiquette

missy1 — Tue, 18 Aug 2015 16:46:42 GMT

I wouldn't. The gift list is endless. Engagement announcement, bridal shower, bachelorette party, bridal lunch, and the wedding.

Thank goodness I never was invited to an engagement party and bridal lunch. Bunch of gift grabs.

Re: Bridal Lunch Etiquette

spud188 — Tue, 18 Aug 2015 16:44:58 GMT

To each her own but how much honoring does one person need? She probably had a Bachlorette Party too.

I think 2 parties plus the Wedding itself would be plenty for me to attend.

Re: Bridal Lunch Etiquette

Chrystaltree2 — Tue, 18 Aug 2015 16:49:04 GMT

Bridal luncheons aren't new, they are an old wedding tradition. No gift is required.

Bridal or bridesmaids' luncheons are intimate gatherings, generally hosted by the bride's attendants or by the bride and her mother. These all-female gatherings are held to thank the bridesmaids, and will usually be a day or two before the wedding day. In terms of formal bridal luncheon etiquette, it doesn't necessarily have to be a lunch party, it could also be afternoon tea, a cocktail party, brunch or dinner.

They haven't changed over the years but it's now become customary for the bride to also invite women she's particularly close to.

Re: Bridal Lunch Etiquette

tansy — Tue, 18 Aug 2015 16:51:03 GMT

Maybe it's a luncheon to thank the bridesmaids, JJsMom, and no gift would be expected from you.

Re: Bridal Lunch Etiquette

JeanLouiseFinch — Tue, 18 Aug 2015 16:52:15 GMT

@spud188 wrote:
To each her own but how much honoring does one person need? She probably had a Bachlorette Party too.
I think 2 parties plus the Wedding itself would be plenty for me to attend.

@spud188 You beat me to it, but I thought the same thing. Man, things have really changed in the 37 yrs. since DH and I married. It used to be about the two people joining their lives and there was a shower or two, and wedding gifts, to help them get started. Now it seems like it's more about how many parties there can be. I don't get it.

Re: Bridal Lunch Etiquette

vermint — Tue, 18 Aug 2015 16:52:48 GMT

Southerner here! This sounds like what was called a bridesmaids luncheon when I got married (1975). Usually it was given by the maid/matron of honor, and was limited to bride, attendants, MOB, MOG and, in my case, the mother of my 12 y/o jr. bridesmaid. It was when the bride presented her attendants with a gift. That was the only gift-giving.

Re: Bridal Lunch Etiquette

colliegirls — Tue, 18 Aug 2015 17:00:33 GMT

My daughter in law had a bridesmaid luncheon for her bridesmaids the day before the wedding. It was for the bridesmaids and only they, the mothers, and grandmothers were invited. There were no friends or other guests. There were no gifts for the bride given, but the bride presented her gifts for her attendants during that luncheon.

Re: Bridal Lunch Etiquette

JJsMom — Tue, 18 Aug 2015 18:00:28 GMT

The party is being thrown by the bride's aunt, and the invitation says it is to honor the bride AND bridesmaids. That is what made me think guests had to bring gifts. It sounds like it is usually meant to honor the bridesmaids only.

Re: Bridal Lunch Etiquette

151949 — Tue, 18 Aug 2015 18:03:42 GMT

I was in a formal wedding once and the afternoon before the wedding the bride had a luncheon for the attendants , her mother and grandmother were there, the mom of the flower girl and ring bearer. No gifts were given to the bride but she gave gifts to all the attendants. In this case they were a little purse that matched our dresses and inside was a pair of earrings. It was at a country club and all very formal. Then after that we met our husbands and went on to the rehearsal and that dinner.

Funny thing at that wedding - we were all given a box with earrings, bracelet and a decorated with gemstones barrette to wear for the wedding and told that we had to return them to the brides mother the day after the wedding so they could be returned to the jeweler. I thought this was pretty tacky so before we left the reception all of us walked over to her Mom and stripped ourselves of the jewelry - leaving it on a pile on the table in front of her.

Re: Bridal Lunch Etiquette

Nataliesgramma — Tue, 18 Aug 2015 18:10:09 GMT

@151949 wrote:
I was in a formal wedding once and the afternoon before the wedding the bride had a luncheon for the attendants , her mother and grandmother were there, the mom of the flower girl and ring bearer. No gifts were given to the bride but she gave gifts to all the attendants. In this case they were a little purse that matched our dresses and inside was a pair of earrings. It was at a country club and all very formal. Then after that we met our husbands and went on to the rehearsal and that dinner.
Funny thing at that wedding - we were all given a box with earrings, bracelet and a decorated with gemstones barrette to wear for the wedding and told that we had to return them to the brides mother the day after the wedding so they could be returned to the jeweler. I thought this was pretty tacky so before we left the reception all of us walked over to her Mom and stripped ourselves of the jewelry - leaving it on a pile on the table in front of her.

Boy...that was tacky in my book too...

Re: Bridal Lunch Etiquette

JJsMom — Tue, 18 Aug 2015 18:39:18 GMT

That's tacky, 151949!

Thanks for all of your responses. It sounds like no gift is necessary.

Re: Bridal Lunch Etiquette

Silver Lining — Tue, 18 Aug 2015 19:49:26 GMT

@151949 wrote:
I was in a formal wedding once and the afternoon before the wedding the bride had a luncheon for the attendants , her mother and grandmother were there, the mom of the flower girl and ring bearer. No gifts were given to the bride but she gave gifts to all the attendants. In this case they were a little purse that matched our dresses and inside was a pair of earrings. It was at a country club and all very formal. Then after that we met our husbands and went on to the rehearsal and that dinner.
Funny thing at that wedding - we were all given a box with earrings, bracelet and a decorated with gemstones barrette to wear for the wedding and told that we had to return them to the brides mother the day after the wedding so they could be returned to the jeweler. I thought this was pretty tacky so before we left the reception all of us walked over to her Mom and stripped ourselves of the jewelry - leaving it on a pile on the table in front of her.

It was to be worn for decorative purposes and was on loan from a jeweler, a fact you were told or you wouldn't have known to give them to the bride's mother to return.

Re: Bridal Lunch Etiquette

chickenbutt — Tue, 18 Aug 2015 19:56:51 GMT

I'm not from that region of the country either, so I hadn't heard of this.

It seems like the invitees would just be the bridal party, though. Otherwise, you are inviting a bunch of other people (not sure how that is determined) and they get to sit around watching the bride give gifts to her wedding party.

Who pays for this shindig? The bride/parents?

It just really sounds, to me, like something for ONLY her bridal party not all the wedding guests. But then, I'm clueless on this anyway, never having even heard of it. I'm just going on the logical thoughts that come to my mind.

Re: Bridal Lunch Etiquette

Lipstickdiva — Tue, 18 Aug 2015 20:00:19 GMT

I have never heard of such a thing. I have attended a bridal tea which was really kind of stupid if you ask me. Basically what it turned into was her personal shower so everyone brought gifts of lingerie, bath & body products, etc.

I don't know why outside guests would be invited to honor the bride and bridesmaids. Isn't the wedding to honor the bride and groom? Or her shower? How much honoring are you supposed to do? LOL

Re: Bridal Lunch Etiquette

lulu2 — Tue, 18 Aug 2015 20:07:01 GMT

There was a time these luncheons were for the bridal party and mothers. It was when the bride gave gifts to her attendants (and some gave them to the mothers)

The last few weddings we've attended because almost everyone traveled a distance, the bridal luncheon (or brunch) included female family members or close friends who were staying at the hotel. There was a golf outing for the men, while the ladies ate and drank mimosas. In all honesty, I would have preferred to sleep in.

Re: Bridal Lunch Etiquette

tansy — Tue, 18 Aug 2015 20:14:48 GMT

Your last sentence made me laugh -- me, too, regarding sleeping in.

It sounds like JJsMom has more than fulfilled her obligation regarding the wedding festivities.

******

@lulu2 wrote:
There was a time these luncheons were for the bridal party and mothers. It was when the bride gave gifts to her attendants (and some gave them to the mothers)

The last few weddings we've attended because almost everyone traveled a distance, the bridal luncheon (or brunch) included female family members or close friends who were staying at the hotel. There was a golf outing for the men, while the ladies ate and drank mimosas. In all honesty, I would have preferred to sleep in.

Re: Bridal Lunch Etiquette

151949 — Tue, 18 Aug 2015 20:26:16 GMT

@Silver Lining wrote:
@151949 wrote:
I was in a formal wedding once and the afternoon before the wedding the bride had a luncheon for the attendants , her mother and grandmother were there, the mom of the flower girl and ring bearer. No gifts were given to the bride but she gave gifts to all the attendants. In this case they were a little purse that matched our dresses and inside was a pair of earrings. It was at a country club and all very formal. Then after that we met our husbands and went on to the rehearsal and that dinner.
Funny thing at that wedding - we were all given a box with earrings, bracelet and a decorated with gemstones barrette to wear for the wedding and told that we had to return them to the brides mother the day after the wedding so they could be returned to the jeweler. I thought this was pretty tacky so before we left the reception all of us walked over to her Mom and stripped ourselves of the jewelry - leaving it on a pile on the table in front of her.

It was to be worn for decorative purposes and was on loan from a jeweler, a fact you were told or you wouldn't have known to give them to the bride's mother to return.

Or they were purchased from a jeweler and he had no idea that the week after the wedding he was going to have a dozen returned earrings, bracelets and barretts. Which I'm thinking was more likely. Why would a jeweler want to be stuck with 12 of the exact same set.