topic Re: I have a question and need advice please! in Community Chat

I have a question and need advice please!

Vickiv — Tue, 28 Jul 2015 20:28:29 GMT

i have a lady that I know and run into quite often. When I see her she will say how are you? That's it then it starts. After 30 minutes or more without a break she tells me all her problems. Her son,boyfriend,sister and anyone else that has done her wrong. Always something broke down, identify theft but her boyfriend used her credit cards. I don't know what to say or do. I barely can get away from her. What would you do?

Re: I have a question and need advice please!

muttmom — Tue, 28 Jul 2015 20:31:44 GMT

Walk the other way when I see her coming!

If that's impossible I'd act like I was in a hurry and say you'd love to talk but you have to run.

Re: I have a question and need advice please!

IamMrsG — Tue, 28 Jul 2015 20:33:53 GMT

Q: "How are you?"

A: "Busy, no time, must run. Take care!"

Re: I have a question and need advice please!

HonnyBrown — Tue, 28 Jul 2015 20:39:21 GMT

I know someone like that. She drains the energy from me. I saw her a few months ago in BJ's. We said then she started. I let her get a few words in, wished her luck and left.

Re: I have a question and need advice please!

NycVixen — Tue, 28 Jul 2015 20:41:12 GMT

I would tell her that I've been suffering from chronic migraines or headaches for the last few days and that you have to lie down. Each time I saw her I would stick to the story that I was not feeling well and be on my way. No need to make her feel bad.

People that do this are suffering from chronic loneliness. I have seen it first hand. Say a prayer for her and be sorry for your white lie but I would rather lie than kick someone when they are down. It's actually very sad that she cannot contain herself and just has to let it spill out to anyone even strangers before she bursts. She has no one else to talk to. Very sad indeed.

Re: I have a question and need advice please!

Nataliesgramma — Tue, 28 Jul 2015 20:45:37 GMT

When you see her...wave and keep walking....

Re: I have a question and need advice please!

IamMrsG — Tue, 28 Jul 2015 20:46:27 GMT

NycVixen wrote, in part: "I would tell her that I've been suffering from chronic migraines or headaches for the last few days and that you have to lie down. Each time I saw her I would stick to the story that I was not feeling well and be on my way...."

She might indeed be lonely or unhappy. Either way, I'd never advise someone to lie.

Re: I have a question and need advice please!

GingerPeach — Tue, 28 Jul 2015 20:51:35 GMT

Depending on how you feel next time you see her, look at your watch and say you've only got a few minutes and after five or so minutes, say you have to be on your way. I used to have a neighbor like that. I'd listen a bit and then go, even if it was just to go back into my own house.

I think the headache idea is going to be hard to keep up, especially if you see her when you're with other people or if you might be on your way to somewhere she might also end up seeing you.

Re: I have a question and need advice please!

jackthebear — Tue, 28 Jul 2015 20:54:55 GMT

@Vickiv wrote:
i have a lady that I know and run into quite often. When I see her she will say how are you? That's it then it starts. After 30 minutes or more without a break she tells me all her problems. Her son,boyfriend,sister and anyone else that has done her wrong. Always something broke down, identify theft but her boyfriend used her credit cards. I don't know what to say or do. I barely can get away from her. What would you do?

you have to be a bit tougher

she says hi.....

you: Hi are you, can't stop to chat have to get to ______

then move on.

I think some readers will think I am being not nice, but holding someone hostage to 30 minutes+ of unwanted chatter is not being considerate of the other person either.

Re: I have a question and need advice please!

surfk — Tue, 28 Jul 2015 21:12:02 GMT

I had a neighbor like that once. He seemed to have me on some sort of tracking device since every time (and I mean EVERY time) I would step outside to where he could see me, his garage doors would go up or his gate would open..and he'd be there. Or I'd go out to get the mail and he'd be suddenly standing there as I turned around to go back up to the house.

Every time I went out to the front of the house, he'd show up out of nowhere...like a miraculous vision.

I got to feeling like I had to look both ways before exiting the house and then do a military zig-zag pattern back to the house in order to avoid him.

He was an older man and just seemed to llooooooove to talk to me. He obviously needed to talk to someone...and for some reason I was selected to be that someone.

I tell ya, it never pays to be nice. I think I opened Pandora's Box with him when I first moved in and said "hello". After that, I was his "best friend".

It put me in a horrible position because I didnt want to be rude and I could see he obviously needed the human contact.

But it got to be utterly annoying. I had to do the beeline to and beeline back from the mail box. I dreaded watering the front yard.

I thought I sent enough signals that I didn't have the time to talk every time I walked outside. I mean, can no one read tone of voice or body language anymore??

So I admit I had to turn to the cheap but effective ploy of always having my cell phone on me. I'd just fake a call if he made one of his sudden appearances. I'd be deeeeep in conversation. Or I'd be talking and just get away with smiling & waving at him.

It was all an act. But an act which needed to be staged. After a few encounters, he stopped popping up like at a mole at every turn.

Hey, you have to do what you have to do sometimes.

I could have told him the truth and said he bugged me and I wasn't interested in talking to him every time I was outside. But I didn't think that would be neighborly at all. I didn't want to hurt or embarrass the poor man. And one does have to live next door to some people.

So my attitude is that as they create the situation, one has to do what one has to do to get out of that situation (not of one's own creation).

Re: I have a question and need advice please!

NYC Susan — Tue, 28 Jul 2015 21:16:30 GMT

@IamMrsG wrote:
Q: "How are you?"
A: "Busy, no time, must run. Take care!"

I agree!

I have a neighbor who always wants to chat for a long time whenever I see her. She's a nice lady, but it's often hard to get away from her. So I say some variation of, "Busy, no time, must run. Take care!"

I usually say something like, "Hi - I'm already late! Love your hair!", always said with a smile as I quickly rush past her. I do variations of this pretty often if I run into anyone anywhere at a time when I'm in a hurry or just not in the mood to get into a long conversation.

No one should be allowed to monopolize your time like that, so you have to set boundaries in your own mind and simply not allow it. While always being nice of course!

Re: I have a question and need advice please!

hckynutjohn — Tue, 28 Jul 2015 21:18:57 GMT

@Vickiv wrote:
i have a lady that I know and run into quite often. When I see her she will say how are you? That's it then it starts. After 30 minutes or more without a break she tells me all her problems. Her son,boyfriend,sister and anyone else that has done her wrong. Always something broke down, identify theft but her boyfriend used her credit cards. I don't know what to say or do. I barely can get away from her. What would you do?

I would say "sounds like you have a lot of problems", is what I would say.

What I would tell you to do? Say, "hope things get better in case we should ever meet again". Now, let me tell you my problems(this is an option), but if you do it make sure you can talk for 30 minutes non-stop without letting her butt in.

Now this is what I would do. I would say "sorry you have so many problems, but I have things to do. Until next time, see ya"!

Re: I have a question and need advice please!

CatsyCline — Tue, 28 Jul 2015 21:14:27 GMT

Wear a Watch

Allow 4 minutes

Look at Watch

Oh so sorry: You have to : pick up your cleaning; pick up your car; pick up your Mom; fill in the blank

Re: I have a question and need advice please!

sallybusky — Tue, 28 Jul 2015 21:15:09 GMT

I had a neighbor who did the same thing everytime I walked in front of her house. With - or sometimes without - a pause in her speech I'd say, "Well, I have to run!" and then walk off. At first it felt rude, but she eventually stopped monopolizing the entire conversation. I felt a little bad that we were never able to get back to an actual short and friendly conversation as I took my walks. It just gets exhausting having those one-sided relationships.

Re: I have a question and need advice please!

Vickiv — Tue, 28 Jul 2015 21:15:42 GMT

This woman works in a hospital and I work there also. Thank you some good ideas you gave me. It's horrible she tells everyone her troubles. There are times where we all have problems. I never tell my business . The things she tells is her own fault and she does nothing to help herself. I learned a few good excuses. Thank you.

Re: I have a question and need advice please!

hckynutjohn — Tue, 28 Jul 2015 21:23:02 GMT

@IamMrsG wrote:

She might indeed be lonely or unhappy. Either way, I'd never advise someone to lie.

I didn't hear or read anyone say they were lying. Myself? I just say what I mean and it is the truth.

Re: I have a question and need advice please!

ROMARY — Tue, 28 Jul 2015 21:34:57 GMT

Two examples: 1. A lady in our neighborhood (moved away) would do the exact same, and I would nicely say that I had a chicken in the oven, etc. and had to walk back home. So, one day, I crossed the street when I saw her walking down the block. Well, she was so mad at me that day that she actually crossed the street to my side and started yelling at me, telling me that I was rude and how I always had a 'chicken baking in my oven', etc., etc. She turned bright red. I did feel bad, but didn't say much to her, just that I was sorry and I walked off. ..... #2. At the time, many years ago, I was very allergic to strong odors, strong smoke, etc. For whatever reason (luck), as I backed my car out of my garage some mornings, a neighbor from down the street would manage to be there, stand along side of my car window, motioning me to roll my window down, to talk. Blowing his pipe or cigar smoke into my car while talking. Wouldn't leave, just talked away. Needless to say, my day at work wasn't the best. Luckily I always left my house at least a half hour early, just in case. Being late was not an option (for me).

Re: I have a question and need advice please!

AuntG — Tue, 28 Jul 2015 21:39:49 GMT

I know you don't want to appear rude, but the words "gotta run" come to mind.

Re: I have a question and need advice please!

IamMrsG — Tue, 28 Jul 2015 21:40:30 GMT

hckynutjohn wrote:
I didn't hear or read anyone say they were lying. Myself? I just say what I mean and it is the truth.

Page 1, post 5, John.

Re: I have a question and need advice please!

colliegirls — Tue, 28 Jul 2015 21:43:39 GMT

Years ago I decided to eliminate or avoid anyone in my life who doesn't bring joy or who brings me down. I would avoid anyone who is like the person you described.