topic rock bottom in Community Chat

rock bottom

hsawaknow — Tue, 14 Jul 2015 02:19:58 GMT

I went thru a terrible messy divorce. I lost everything, my home my kids and my self. I was a homemaker for 16 years married for 20. I have an 8 year old son and my ex has full custody. I have not seen him since may. I have been renting a room for the last 2 years. I don't work my skills are obsolete. I'm not a self starter type and have always had someone take care of me. I.E. ex husband. The last month I feel more desperate scared afraid you name it. I'm in therepy which helps but I can't shake this. I know what I should do like go back to school but its like I'm terrified of that. I don't have a good support system from my family. My other two children refuse to talk to me still even tho its been 2 years. I regret everything I did-- wanting the divorce. Its worse now not having my family then when I had them. Anyone go thru this

Re: rock bottom

hsawaknow — Tue, 14 Jul 2015 02:45:44 GMT

Re: rock bottom

MyGirlsMom — Tue, 14 Jul 2015 02:56:16 GMT

Hi,

I'm not a doctor but you appear to be depressed. Have you told your therapist what you've shared here? If not, print it out and show it to him/her.

You may need to see a Doctor/Psychiatrist in addition to seeing your therapist.

I wish you the best!

Re: rock bottom

Bird mama — Tue, 14 Jul 2015 02:52:05 GMT

hsawaknow, I have never been in your shoes. I can relate to isolation from family, but I've worked since I was 18. I'm very sorry for your current situation.

For any posters after me, please be kind. She's hurting right now and vulnerable.

Re: rock bottom

Lila Belle — Tue, 14 Jul 2015 02:52:37 GMT

No but I am so sorry you're going through this.

Try looking for a Women's Center or group that offers skills and help for others in your situation.

I wish you the very best of luck.

Re: rock bottom

INDIANA BONES — Tue, 14 Jul 2015 02:52:40 GMT

I think it would be in your best interest to talk to your therapist about this entire topic. It is not that no one cares, but I doubt anyone here can help you in any manner without spending time with you to hear the entire story.

With that said, I am sure most here are willing to support you in your new journey and look forward to some posts of progress made.

You do have the correct attitude to succeed! Good Luck and don't give up.

Re: rock bottom

dooBdoo — Tue, 14 Jul 2015 03:05:35 GMT

(((@hsawaknow))) I haven't experienced this, but I do know what it's like to have clinical depression and anxiety. There are support groups in most locales for a variety of things -- have you looked for those? Have you considered volunteering somewhere? Giving to others is such a good way to remind ourselves that we're not alone in this world. Isolation isn't a good thing over an extended period of time and it can even make things seem worse than they are. It's wonderful you have a therapist. What has sh/e suggested you do?

Re: rock bottom

nunya — Tue, 14 Jul 2015 02:58:10 GMT

I remember reading your post before about this situation. I don't have any profound wise words, but hang in there. If this is the worst, it can only get better right?

Re: rock bottom

betteb — Tue, 14 Jul 2015 03:05:19 GMT

@hsawaknow wrote:
I wentthru a terrible messy divorce. I lost everything, my home my kids and my self. I was a homemaker for 16 years married for 20. I have an 8 year old son and my ex has full custody. I have not seen him since may. I have been renting a room for the last 2 years. I don't work my skills are obsolete. I'm not a self starter type and have always had someone take care of me. I.E. ex husband. The last month I feel more desperate scared afraid you name it. I'm intherepy which helps but I can't shake this. I know what I should do like go back to school but its like I'm terrified of that. I don't have a good support system from my family. My other two children refuse to talk to me still even tho its been 2 years. I regret everything I did-- wanting the divorce. Its worse now not having my family then when I had them. Anyone gothru this

********************************************************

I'm so sorry you are going through this. It's good that you are reaching out.

Can you reach out to your Dr or perhaps a counselor? Sometimes people need both medication and counseling.

Everyone needs a support system. Sometimes we have to be more proactive in creating one.

God speed and good wishes to you.

"Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness". (Isaiah 41:10)

Re: rock bottom

tansy — Tue, 14 Jul 2015 03:05:32 GMT

(((hsawaknow))) I am sorry you are in so much pain.

Are there any divorce support groups in your town?

Re: rock bottom

Lucky Charm — Tue, 14 Jul 2015 03:12:55 GMT

I feel so bad, but don't know if I could offer any good advice.

You are in a dark place and maybe you were already there and that's why you wanted out of your marriage?

I am sure there are a million women out there going through what you are. There's got to be a support group, maybe if you google it? Talking to others face to face who are in the same situation would probably help.

I don't know what your finances are, but you say you're renting a room. Do you feel safe there? Is it an alright place? Maybe it's gloomy or just weird and you can look for another place to live? Or brighten up your room?

Is your ex holding back you visiting your son or are you the one backing out? It's understandable if you feel like you can't have a good visit with him if you are in a bad place mentally and/or physically.

You've got to put one foot in front of the other and at least go to do some volunteer work.

But being around other people will help.

I've done all kinds of volunteer work over the years and I have to tell you some instances are downright depressing. In some cases I had to take the office job and not do the actual volunteer work. But it was a good way to meet new people I never would have crossed paths with.

Plus you can network and get a full time or part time job in some instances.

Any thing is possible, but it's not going to happen until you do something.

Google support groups for divorcees. Google volunteer help needed in your area.

That's a start.

Re: rock bottom

Snowpuppy — Tue, 14 Jul 2015 03:18:16 GMT

On 2-2-2015 she posted this:

Re: what would you do?

‎02-05-2015 09:44 PM

Thank you for your tips. I live in the Bay Area ( Silicon Valley) its a 3 stone white gold platinim diamond ring and it cost 6,000.00 I know I won't get that price but was hoping for 1/2 at least. As for the house my ex wanted to give me 25,000.00 now and wait 5 years to pay me the rest based on an old appraisel. I know the house is worth 700,000.00 at least. It was court ordered for independent appraisal and then it will be decided in regards to sale. 48 more days of waiting and stressing this messy divorce.

Re: rock bottom

Say Nay — Tue, 14 Jul 2015 03:23:14 GMT

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Are there any support groups in your area? It may be nice to go out and speak with people who are going through similar circumstances. I wish you lived near me. I would take you a warm piece of pie with ice cream on top. Hang in there.

Re: rock bottom

blackhole99 — Tue, 14 Jul 2015 03:27:21 GMT

Evidently your marriage was not good or you would not have made the break. I'm not a therapist, but I know living in a room for 2 years and not moving forward is not good. I would find another therapist. If you don't work who is supporting you financially and how long will they continue. I would think it's in your best interest to move forward with some type of schooling or job search. You sound very depressed, I would ask the doctor for something chemical to help you out of this funk. I know people don't like to take drugs, but some time you just need a boost to get you over the hump. Maybe if your kids see you are trying to help your self they will come around.

Re: rock bottom

betteb — Tue, 14 Jul 2015 04:41:47 GMT

Re: rock bottom

MyGirlsMom — Tue, 14 Jul 2015 03:34:31 GMT

@betteb wrote:
@Snowpuppy wrote:
On 2-2-2015 she posted this:

Re: what would you do?

‎02-05-2015 09:44 PM
Thank you for your tips. I live in the Bay Area ( Silicon Valley) its a 3 stone white gold platinim diamond ring and it cost 6,000.00 I know I won't get that price but was hoping for 1/2 at least. As for the house my ex wanted to give me 25,000.00 now and wait 5 years to pay me the rest based on an old appraisel. I know the house is worth 700,000.00 at least. It was court ordered for independent appraisal and then it will be decided in regards to sale. 48 more days of waiting and stressing this messy divorce.
***********************************************************8
Thanks Snowpuppy. SMH

***

..me too.

Re: rock bottom

garmer — Tue, 14 Jul 2015 03:42:43 GMT

@betteb wrote:
@Snowpuppy wrote:
On 2-2-2015 she posted this:

Re: what would you do?

‎02-05-2015 09:44 PM
Thank you for your tips. I live in the Bay Area ( Silicon Valley) its a 3 stone white gold platinim diamond ring and it cost 6,000.00 I know I won't get that price but was hoping for 1/2 at least. As for the house my ex wanted to give me 25,000.00 now and wait 5 years to pay me the rest based on an old appraisel. I know the house is worth 700,000.00 at least. It was court ordered for independent appraisal and then it will be decided in regards to sale. 48 more days of waiting and stressing this messy divorce.
***********************************************************8
Thanks Snowpuppy. SMH

What is your point, SP and B? Please be kind. She's been having a hard time for a while now. There but for the G of G...

Re: rock bottom

NC Bandwagon — Tue, 14 Jul 2015 03:50:19 GMT

Hello, hsawaknow.

I am very, very sorry for what you went through and what you're going through. I hope this gets better for you in time. Dont' be scared. Just try your best and gentle on yourself.

Re: rock bottom

Snowpuppy — Tue, 14 Jul 2015 03:57:40 GMT

My point was on 2-2-2015 she asked about how to pawn her rings because she had no money. She got more than 50 responses for assistance. She took no one's advice tho several had said they had to make that same tough decision at one point in their own lives.

They have a house worth at least $700k and she's renting a room?

She said she "doesn't qualify" for SSI (or perhaps SSD if she filed on her spouse).

It all doesn't add up.

Re: rock bottom

HappyDaze — Tue, 14 Jul 2015 03:58:41 GMT

@MyGirlsMom wrote:
@betteb wrote:
@Snowpuppy wrote:
On 2-2-2015 she posted this:

Re: what would you do?

‎02-05-2015 09:44 PM
Thank you for your tips. I live in the Bay Area ( Silicon Valley) its a 3 stone white gold platinim diamond ring and it cost 6,000.00 I know I won't get that price but was hoping for 1/2 at least. As for the house my ex wanted to give me 25,000.00 now and wait 5 years to pay me the rest based on an old appraisel. I know the house is worth 700,000.00 at least. It was court ordered for independent appraisal and then it will be decided in regards to sale. 48 more days of waiting and stressing this messy divorce.
***********************************************************8
Thanks Snowpuppy. SMH
***

..me too.

Why do people do this?