topic Re: How Do You Feel When a Friend Constantly Corrects You? in Community Chat

How Do You Feel When a Friend Constantly Corrects You?

Fashionista17 — Tue, 07 Jul 2015 17:08:31 GMT

One of my friends constantly corrects the way I and others in our circle will pronouce a word. For example, I pronounced the word "hygienist" as "hygeenist." OK, maybe that's not the right way to say it but then my friend laughed and said she couldn't believe I pronounced the word the way I did. It's happened other times with me and others in our group and just this past weekend once more. Maybe I'm being silly but I wouldn't bring up to someone that they pronounced a word the wrong way - or at least if I wanted to correct someone I wouldn't laugh and make fun of the person. Do you think she is doing this to show us up and show how intelligent she is? It is very annoying. I always get good advice and comments from this community and I'd love to know what you think. Thanks!

Re: How Do You Feel When a Friend Constantly Corrects You?

Cranberries — Tue, 07 Jul 2015 17:11:14 GMT

The next time she mopes that she "feels so tired" comment that she looks really tired too. Or agree with her that those pants make her butt look big.

Just kidding ... I don't know what to suggest, but it would be very annoying. Not sure why someone would do that, maybe a superiority complex?

Re: How Do You Feel When a Friend Constantly Corrects You?

ChynnaBlue — Tue, 07 Jul 2015 17:22:07 GMT

@Fashionista17 wrote:
One of my friends constantly corrects the way I and others in our circle will pronouce a word. For example, I pronounced the word "hygienist" as "hygeenist." OK, maybe that's not the right way to say it but then my friend laughed and said she couldn't believe I pronounced the word the way I did. It's happened other times with me and others in our group and just this past weekend once more. Maybe I'm being silly but I wouldn't bring up to someone that they pronounced a word the wrong way - or at least if I wanted to correct someone I wouldn't laugh and make fun of the person. Do you think she is doing this to show us up and show how intelligent she is? It is very annoying. I always get good advice and comments from this community and I'd love to know what you think. Thanks!

I'd tell her it's annoying and ask her to stop. Some people lack social skills and honestly have no idea they are being annoying or offensive and won't know unless they are told. I know plenty of those people and am related to some, as well. Some of them are often very intelligent and I've always seen this as a side effect. I used to say my sister was such a genius that it left no room for things like where she left her shoes or how to talk to strangers.

If you let it be known that you don't appreciate it and she continues, keep repeating that you don't like it a few times. (Even smart people don't learn something the first time.) If she keeps doing it after that, forget it. She's either wired in a way that she can't make the change (like someone with Asperger Syndrome might be) or she's doing it intentionally. Move on and decide if you want to bring her with you as she is or leave her behind.

Re: How Do You Feel When a Friend Constantly Corrects You?

YorkieonmyPillow — Tue, 07 Jul 2015 17:22:36 GMT

I would probably ask her why she "can't believe it," since she appears to be a self-appointed expert. I would find the company of such a person rather draining.....I'd rather hang out with my dogs. LOL

Re: How Do You Feel When a Friend Constantly Corrects You?

shoptilyadropagain — Tue, 07 Jul 2015 17:27:18 GMT

I had a co-worker do that several years ago One day after I gave him "the look:, he informed me that it was annoying. I told him know-it-alls are annoying too! He never did it again.

I had a friend who also did that to me so I started doing it back to her and she got offended. She started getting really snarky with me after that whenever she was correcting something I said wrong. I asked her why the attitude. She informed me that she was paying me back because I did it to her all the time. I quickly informed her that she was the first to correct me and I only started when she became obnoxious about it. We're no longer friends but this was only a minor issue I had with her. I eventually backed off the friendship.

Re: How Do You Feel When a Friend Constantly Corrects You?

moto — Tue, 07 Jul 2015 17:33:46 GMT

I have to admit, I was that person and never new it. Not so much with pronunciation of words, but with correcting a story for accuracy. My husband finally pointed it out to me and it shocked me into awareness. Now I sit back and let the the small inaccuracies go as it usually doesn't influence the heart of the message the storyteller is sharing. It also made me aware that my sister constantly does the same as I used to.

In terms of being corrected for pronunciation - I actually need it from time to time, but it doesn't bother me for someone to correct me. If it did get to the point of irritating me, I would try to find a gentle way to share this with the person, as they probably don't even realise they are doing it.

Re: How Do You Feel When a Friend Constantly Corrects You?

colliegirls — Tue, 07 Jul 2015 17:34:38 GMT

She is rude, tell her to stop it.

Re: How Do You Feel When a Friend Constantly Corrects You?

Laura14 — Tue, 07 Jul 2015 17:35:16 GMT

I think there is enough ugliness and attitude in the world. If she really is a friend or even not, taking her aside for a polite "You know it really bothers me when you...." is usually something appreciated by most people and saves her from being made to feel uncomfortable in front of the others which is what she is probably unintentionally doing to you.

Most people, including myself, don't realize how they are coming off in the moment and get caught up in trying to express themselves. A gentle correction or request will probably get you further in correcting her behavior and bonus: you'll maintain being a nice person yourself.

Re: How Do You Feel When a Friend Constantly Corrects You?

Burnsite — Tue, 07 Jul 2015 17:49:18 GMT

Is she a teacher? They are so used to correcting small mistakes that sometimes they can't switch it off. I have a distant relative like that who is otherwise basically the kindest person in the world, so I have always assumed this is an occupational hazard faced by teachers.

On the other hand, to share a correction is one thing but to say "I can't believe you didn't pronounce that right" is not friendly.

Re: How Do You Feel When a Friend Constantly Corrects You?

Yahooey — Tue, 07 Jul 2015 17:51:44 GMT

If it is an regional accent - I don't go correcting people. But if it is an incorrect pronounciation, I have corrected a friend in private. She is extremely intelligent. Thai. Let's go for thigh food. Is it better not to say anything so she can continue saying it to coworkers when choosing a cuisine?

When tanzanite first came on the scene. I pronounce Tanzania as Tan Zan ia (ala mania). Someone corrected me and I was appreciative of that fact and remembered it for the future.

I agree that laughing when correcting in front of others is rude.

Re: How Do You Feel When a Friend Constantly Corrects You?

RainCityWoman — Tue, 07 Jul 2015 18:06:24 GMT

I am an English major, so I don't get a lot of people correcting me, unless it's my pharmacy friend telling me how to pronounce certain meds. I don't correct adults usually unless they ask me because I think it's rude and sometimes there are extenuating circumstances. For instance, I have a teacher friend who mispronounces gynogologist to the point of absurdity, among other things. But she told me once that she never had any phonics in her early education and that pronunciation has always been a problem. Another one of my friends mispronounces many words, even simple ones. For instance she constantly says ablum when she means album. It drives me crazy, but I don't say anything because she has hearing aides and still can't hear things very well, She misses entire syllables. I would also venture a guess that she too didn't have phonics in early education. I can always tell the difference between the phonics and non phonics people. Give them an obscure word to pronounce, and the phonics person is aware of patterns and combinations which attlow them a better chance at correct pronunciation. A disclaimer here because I don't want to get jumped on for something I'm not trying to convey, I have in no way implied that there is a universal application. Some people are just more intuitive verbally than others with or without phonics. I just don't think that people appreciate being corrected by others they consider friends.

Re: How Do You Feel When a Friend Constantly Corrects You?

Drythe — Tue, 07 Jul 2015 19:07:58 GMT

Hummm.... If she really does it frequently it does seem pretty intentional to me. I'd give her the benefit of the doubt of perhaps having good intentions. That said, I would tell her in private something like - 'I like to know if I'm pronouncing something wrong, but I would prefer that you don't point it out in a group.' I'm sorry, it certainly sounds unpleasant for you.

If it happens again, I'd look directly at her and be absolutely silent until she had a chance to remember your request, then change the subject.

One more time and I'd remind her in the group that you'd asked her to stop, and you would appreciate her not doing it again.

Hope you figure something out.

Re: How Do You Feel When a Friend Constantly Corrects You?

151949 — Tue, 07 Jul 2015 18:19:29 GMT

My DH constantly corrects EVERYTHING I say. I find it exceedingly irritating and I am always asking him to stop doing it, but he doesn't. He is a good man in almost every way, and I do dearly love him, but this is a ****** in the armor so to speak. It wouldn't bother me as much if he was correct but frequently he is wrong. (sigh) No one is perfect, everyone who is married lives with some irritating traits in their mate.

Re: How Do You Feel When a Friend Constantly Corrects You?

chickenbutt — Tue, 07 Jul 2015 18:21:59 GMT

I don't mind being corrected as long as the person is right. If ya don't know what you're talking about, however - shut it! hehe

Don't correct or admonish me unless you are certain that you are right. I've had people on this board (years ago) call me names such as 'stupid' and 'an idiot' (yeah, I remember the words, just not who said them) BUT, in the course of doing so, they used misspelled words and poor grammar. I just let that set for what it was because I found it amusing. So, go ahead and correct me but just know what you're talking about and I will gladly accept the help.

Here's the thing - On one hand I wouldn't want to sound like a fool so I really don't mind being corrected and I learn from it because I never forget having to be corrected with a given word use, grammar, etc.

OTOH, one should probably temper that a bit. If she is constantly correcting you that just isn't going to be well accepted. Either - the person is just not paying attention to the corrections, the person doesn't want to be corrected and doesn't mind saying/doing something incorrectly, or the person is downright tired of being corrected all the time.

I've never had to be corrected constantly (I'm probably the one on the other end but I learned, years ago, to zip it) but if I were, I would probably insist that the person 'get offa me'. Seriously, enough already.

Re: How Do You Feel When a Friend Constantly Corrects You?

Bayside — Tue, 07 Jul 2015 18:29:28 GMT

It wasn't a friend who corrected me, it was my aunt. I was visiting her on Long Island when I was around twelve years old. We were talking about this and that and I pronounced a French perfume incorrectly. She corrected me. Then the next day, I pronounced yet another word not to her liking and she corrected me again.

It must have rubbed off as I got older because to this day, I am a dictionary and pronunciation fanatic. Was she right? Or wrong? I know at the I felt humiliated as a teen but maybe it was a good thing. If a friend constantly corrected me now though,, I'd say something like, "Oh, it's an optional pronunciation."

Re: How Do You Feel When a Friend Constantly Corrects You?

SuiGeneris — Tue, 07 Jul 2015 18:33:42 GMT

@chickenbutt wrote:
I don't mind being corrected as long as the person is right. If ya don't know what you're talking about, however - shut it! hehe

Don't correct or admonish me unless you are certain that you are right. I've had people on this board (years ago) call me names such as 'stupid' and 'an idiot' (yeah, I remember the words, just not who said them) BUT, in the course of doing so, they used misspelled words and poor grammar. I just let that set for what it was because I found it amusing. So, go ahead and correct me but just know what you're talking about and I will gladly accept the help.

Here's the thing - On one hand I wouldn't want to sound like a fool so I really don't mind being corrected and I learn from it because I never forget having to be corrected with a given word use, grammar, etc.

OTOH, one should probably temper that a bit. If she is constantly correcting you that just isn't going to be well accepted. Either - the person is just not paying attention to the corrections, the person doesn't want to be corrected and doesn't mind saying/doing something incorrectly, or the person is downright tired of being corrected all the time.

I've never had to be corrected constantly (I'm probably the one on the other end but I learned, years ago, to zip it) but if I were, I would probably insist that the person 'get offa me'. Seriously, enough already.

The part of your post I bolded made me think of the famous Mark Twain quote:

"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."

I need to think of and apply this quote to myself more often than I would care to admit.

Re: How Do You Feel When a Friend Constantly Corrects You?

jaxs mom — Tue, 07 Jul 2015 18:34:56 GMT

I'd rather know I'm saying it wrong tham continue to say it wrong without knowing.

Re: How Do You Feel When a Friend Constantly Corrects You?

novamc1 — Tue, 07 Jul 2015 19:04:12 GMT

I've either gotten more tolerant or more lazy when it comes to even noticing grammatical lapses, unless I see them in print.

I commonly make one particular type of error, but am too lazy to correct or edit myself much of the time. (The error is mixing a singular word with a plural one--"When someone does something nice, I want to tell them". "Them"' should be "him/her")

Once, I did refuse to stand down against bad English. One day, I was in a room with my soon-to-be-spouse and three of his buddies. One of them (who was prone to talking out of his hat, anyway) just about made me fall out of my chair by declaring that he had a "photogenic memory".

I mean, really, how would he know whether his memory was good-looking enough to qualify as photogenic????........ Tried to explain that he probably meant to say photographic memory and that professional models are photogenic, but he insisted he was right.......... and all the guys in the room agreed with him. (yikes)

Re: How Do You Feel When a Friend Constantly Corrects You?

jaxs mom — Tue, 07 Jul 2015 19:00:06 GMT

I just don't understand the concept of wanting to remain ignorant. The idea that people feel it's rude to be educated is just, I don't even know what to say. It's sad and hilarious at the same time.

Re: How Do You Feel When a Friend Constantly Corrects You?

Drythe — Wed, 08 Jul 2015 02:03:40 GMT

jaxs mom wrote:
I just don't understand the concept of wanting to remain ignorant. The idea that people feel it's rude to be educated is just, I don't even know what to say. It's sad and hilarious at the same time.

I don't understand your post. After re-reading all the other replies I don't see anyone who said they wanted to remain ignorant.

What I did notice was that most don't think it's necessary to be rude.