topic Re: Personalities in Community Chat

Personalities

KarenQVC — Mon, 22 Jun 2015 16:32:21 GMT

I never saw this board as the conflict-driven place others see. I just saw differences of opinion and high spirits. I guess it depends on each poster's personality--what they see. What do you think?

Re: Personalities

croemer — Mon, 22 Jun 2015 16:40:00 GMT

Really? This should go well.

Re: Personalities

Suziepeach — Mon, 22 Jun 2015 16:43:22 GMT

@KarenQVC wrote:
I never saw this board as the conflict-driven place others see. I just saw differences of opinion and high spirits. I guess it depends on each poster's personality--what they see. What do you think?

Diffferences of opinion and high spirits doesn't include cruelty or blatantly telling posters, they don't even know how they should act and bow down to their opinion that outweighs everyone else's with the excetption of those that agree and are just as bad. I think for the most part everyone that posts are really nice and caring people but there are a few exceptions to the rule.. I am a survivor of said attacks.. but the worse one was a remark made about my only child..

Re: Personalities

151949 — Mon, 22 Jun 2015 16:49:42 GMT

I wonder about anyone who would be unable to recognize the conflict that has historically existed on this board and has been poorly monitored by QVC. I think those who complain about the increase in monitoring now are those who know they will now have to mind their manners or will be asked to leave.

Re: Personalities

nunya — Mon, 22 Jun 2015 16:51:10 GMT

@orangegarnet wrote:
@KarenQVC wrote:
I never saw this board as the conflict-driven place others see. I just saw differences of opinion and high spirits. I guess it depends on each poster's personality--what they see. What do you think?

Diffferences of opinion and high spirits doesn't include cruelty or blatantly telling posters, they don't even know how they should act and bow down to their opinion that outweighs everyone else's with the excetption of those that agree and are just as bad. I think for the most part everyone that posts are really nice and caring people but there are a few exceptions to the rule.. I am a survivor of said attacks.. but the worse one was a remark made about my only child..

That is horrible , children should be off limits, That has been the rule here among posters since I've been here. Although I'm sure those word hurts, feel sorry for the person who said it, They are not a person worth thinking about.

Re: Personalities

Suziepeach — Mon, 22 Jun 2015 16:55:09 GMT

Thank you, nunya, like I said, I've forgiven but I won't forget. I learned a lesson that day, don't come on here with a hurting heart and try to find some consolation.

Re: Personalities

KarenQVC — Mon, 22 Jun 2015 16:57:49 GMT

I have to admit, I am a fast reader and fact oriented person. I did skip over quite a bit of meaningless snark. Just me. Oh, and I rarely remembered the name of a poster. Maybe I am an odd duck.

Re: Personalities

MoJoV — Mon, 22 Jun 2015 17:10:07 GMT

I have seen and been subject to some very snarky comments here. They are usually by the same few posters. So, OP, it's not a matter of opinion it's fact. Fortunately these nasties are the minority. Most posters here are kind and smart. The IGNORE option is much needed.

Re: Personalities

kittymomNC — Mon, 22 Jun 2015 17:17:25 GMT

There have been MANY meaningless, unnecessary attacks on various posters during the almost three years I've been here. And sometimes it's because of something as simple as posting a dissenting opinion about anything from clothing to current events. I've received some of it...

There have also been threads with pages and pages AND PAGES of fights between posters that really got ugly, took the entire thread completely off track, so no one wanted to post any more about the originator's subject.

The things that I've seen, read, and interpreted here from time to time were not due to my personality. My interpretation was due to common sense and the ability to comprehend the written word.

Thankfully, and probably mainly due to stricter moderation and/or because there are posters that I don't see here anymore, I haven't seen much confrontation lately.

Re: Personalities

goodstuff — Mon, 22 Jun 2015 17:29:59 GMT

MaizeandBlue wrote:
I never saw this board as the conflict-driven place others see. I just saw differences of opinion and high spirits. I guess it depends on each poster's personality--what they see. What do you think?

What always amazed me was how many people got drawn in by negative comments and really hurt or offended by them. To me, the personalities and hi-jinks here have always been a lot of the fun. There's no question that some posters "crossed the line" at times........but I chose to take most posts as high-spirited humor and discussion. I never could understand why anyone would allow comments by anonymous posters on a public chat board to really get under your skin! Truly offensive posts (bad language, racial comments, etc.) were usually scrubbed by Webbie........and other than that, why all the fuss? I hope they didn't tear up these very enjoyable forums because a few posters were overly sensitive and thin-skinned!

When posters really misbehaved, everyone could see it and either respond or put them on ignore (where is that function now?).........and think poorly of them, which was punishment enough. I don't like intentionally mean-spirited posts, but I think over-editing and over-controlling will make these boards a less enjoyable place.

Re: Personalities

kittymomNC — Mon, 22 Jun 2015 17:35:47 GMT

Maybe everyone didn't have the "enjoyment" of reading some of what I've read here. But there have been some very cruel and hurtful things said to posters, which anyone with half an ounce of caring for another human being would have found offensive. I don't care if it's an anonymous board, or who those things are said to... many people here post from their hearts, and to have their sentiments torn apart and ridiculed in such harsh ways is not something I find in the least humorous, no matter what excuses are made for it.

Re: Personalities

Suziepeach — Mon, 22 Jun 2015 17:42:02 GMT

@kittymomNC wrote:
Maybe everyone didn't have the "enjoyment" of reading some of what I've read here. But there have been some very cruel and hurtful things said to posters, which anyone with half an ounce of caring for another human being would have found offensive. I don't care if it's an anonymous board, or who those things are said to... many people here post from their hearts, and to have their sentiments torn apart and ridiculed in such harsh ways is not something I find in the least humorous, no matter what excuses are made for it.

Re: Personalities

steiny3844 — Mon, 22 Jun 2015 17:50:19 GMT

I'm this will sound crazy to some, but I tend to agree with the OP. That's not to say that some topics didn't get mean spirited. I enjoyed the posters that were able to explain their side of a subject in well writen entries, whether I agreed with them or not. Some of those posters don't seem to be here any more, and that's a shame. Maybe I was just lucky, but when I saw people going after a poster it was because of a mean spirited post. I'm not someone who posted negative remarks. I just kind of find what's left of the forum isn't as interesting as it was before.

Re: Personalities

Suziepeach — Mon, 22 Jun 2015 17:54:55 GMT

All some people had to do was voice their opinion and got jumped on.. you mention anything personal and dear to your heart and they got down right cruel, and yes they are still posting happily away.. I didn't come on here to be shredded or told how I was or how I post.. those days are over! I'd like o think that those people don't treat other's in their real life as they have to other's on our BB...

Re: Personalities

PamfromCT — Mon, 22 Jun 2015 17:55:57 GMT

We all enjoy the stimulation of sharing views on many topics. I certainly do. However, there are a FEW posters who either can't agree to disagree or make very hurtful comments to others. I guess being being relatively anonymous serves as a vent for some unhappy people. On the other hand, there are so many posters you can count on to be kind and helpful. They are "the adults in the room."

Re: Personalities

LilacTree — Mon, 22 Jun 2015 18:33:43 GMT

I dislike condescending posts more than hateful posts. At least hateful posts are easy to see. Condescending posts are worded to look like they are just being "helpful," when actually they are talking down to an individual and belittling them. All the while they are claiming to be "friends." Worse than out and out enemies, if you ask me.

Many can't read between the lines and begin to jump on the bandwagon with posters like these. To them it looks to be all "innocent," when it isn't.

JMO, as it is said.

Re: Personalities

FLgardener — Mon, 22 Jun 2015 18:48:51 GMT

@kittymomNC wrote:
Maybe everyone didn't have the "enjoyment" of reading some of what I've read here. But there have been some very cruel and hurtful things said to posters, which anyone with half an ounce of caring for another human being would have found offensive. I don't care if it's an anonymous board, or who those things are said to... many people here post from their hearts, and to have their sentiments torn apart and ridiculed in such harsh ways is not something I find in the least humorous, no matter what excuses are made for it.

This is so well said. I am taken aback at some of the personal stories and issues people have put out on this forum, but my reaction to almost all of them is not to post. Some of these folks are troubled and fragile. I would hate to think I caused them harm at a vulnerable time.

Re: Personalities

dooBdoo — Mon, 22 Jun 2015 18:58:24 GMT

@KarenQVC, I don’t think we’ve posted together before, but you raise an interesting topic and I appreciate that. Perhaps some of the differences in perception come from the fact that we’re not here 24/7 so we don’t see all the posts.

I’ve said before, I enjoy civil discussions with people who hold a variety of views because nothing new is learned by surrounding yourself only with those who agree with you. Civil is the key, and it takes time, thought and effort to discuss topics without stooping to personal attacks (those aren’t cute, clever, or impressive… cheap shots are called that for a reason).

This is one reason I find myself posting less and less here… I’m saddened by seeing an obsession by a few to inflict pain on others on these forums (Viewpoints/Community Chat in particular).

There’s a huge difference between offering opposing views passionately (which I suppose is differences of opinions with high spirits) and making cruel, personal attacks on other human beings. Repeat: other human beings. I think it’s easy to forget, on the internet, that each of those nicknames is attached to a living, breathing person… someone’s loved one, someone who might be dealing with tragedy or painful challenges in their real life and want or need to use the internet as a distraction.

We're not robots. We're not toys to bat around on this anonymous forum.

People forget the humanity. It’s interesting, in this same vein, to read about the psychology of people who act more aggressively, angrily when driving because of the perceived shield or “bubble” of their car. Often you’ll hear folks say they’re not the same when they engage a person face-to-face, but in a car they morph into someone they don’t recognize.

Same thing with anonymous posting on the net. There’s a perceived protective shield when using anonymous nicknames, and even good people sometimes transform into hurtful posters. Sometimes they don’t realize it (self-awareness is difficult), other times they’re carrying forward old grudges, and in some instances we see those who get some sort of joy and satisfaction from hurting others. But then… oftentimes the person inflicting pain is actually someone who’s hurting. (The old adage that “hurt (adjective) people hurt (verb) people” is true.)

In addition, the written word is dreadfully inadequate. So, sometimes we make mistakes in our attempt to post something (I know I stumble all the time), others misinterpret our posts and instead of confronting us so we can clear it up turn it into a grudge, and we find all sorts of negative, unpleasant undercurrents and passive-agressive remarks.

The end result? Some posters actually do feel pain from being attacked, so the damage is done to them. Also, the attackers show the world their true character, so the damage is done to them. And in the process, some of the onlookers feel the damage, too. I’m not ashamed to say it physically hurts me to see others being shredded, torn to tiny pieces by others. To paraphrase Donne, “Any person’s pain diminishes me, because I am involved in humankind.”

My apologies for the rant. Not a good day/time for me… not feeling at all well and I’ve been thinking about this topic for the past few days.

Re: Personalities

muttmom — Mon, 22 Jun 2015 19:11:39 GMT

@LilacTree wrote:
I dislike condescending posts more than hateful posts. At least hateful posts are easy to see. Condescending posts are worded to look like they are just being "helpful," when actually they are talking down to an individual and belittling them. All the while they are claiming to be "friends." Worse than out and out enemies, if you ask me.

Many can't read between the lines and begin to jump on the bandwagon with posters like these. To them it looks to be all "innocent," when it isn't.

JMO, as it is said.

I've found that unless I respond to your post as you like, then your response is condescending.

I can say with all honesty, I posted what I did because I could see your daughter's name.

I jump on no one's bandwagon.

Re: Personalities

kittymomNC — Mon, 22 Jun 2015 19:22:31 GMT

@dooBdoo wrote:

The end result? Some posters actually do feel pain from being attacked, so the damage is done to them. Also, the attackers show the world their true character, so the damage is done to them. And in the process, some of the onlookers feel the damage, too. I’m not ashamed to say it physically hurts me to see others being shredded, torn to tiny pieces by others. To paraphrase Donne, “Any person’s pain diminishes me, because I am involved in humankind.”

My apologies for the rant. Not a good day/time for me… not feeling at all well and I’ve been thinking about this topic for the past few days.

dooBdoo, I deleted most of your post for the sake of space, but I just had to say you did an outstanding job with it. You always are a voice of reason, but you went "beyond" on this one. Thank you for posting it, and I hope you'll come back more often. I miss you! As I said somewhere else (don't remember where), I haven't seen nearly as much of the really mean posts here since the new forum started. I don't know the reason, but I'm glad of it.

I sincerely hope you will feel better very soon!