topic Re: Grumpy old men in Community Chat

Grumpy old men

petepetey — Thu, 02 Apr 2015 16:27:05 GMT

My DH was never a huge talker but he was able to be pleasant and carry on a conversation. Over the years he has seems more moody and now at dinner/meal time he just eats, rarely talks. I think he created this habit from eating his lunch at work all alone at his desk every day.

Last night my DD mentioned how it is bothering her. I've told him in the past that I really don't enjoy eating this way and he didn't take it well . It's family time and we need to have a conversation.

He will talk to my son when he's home and he can talk and talk about sports.

So, any suggestions on getting a man to talk during meal time?

Re: Grumpy old men

YorkieonmyPillow — Thu, 02 Apr 2015 16:36:58 GMT

How old is your daughter?

Well, if nothing else, you could talk about sports! Or start with that.

Re: Grumpy old men

Demitra1 — Thu, 02 Apr 2015 16:39:32 GMT

Good luck, Petey! My DH can be described as a Jeykle & Hyde. He is extremely outgoing and can & will readily strike up a conversation with strangers. He has older ladies laughing out loud. At home? Well, he can be very moody, sometimes cutting up and sometimes quiet as can be. We once drove four hours to go to a flea market, and he did not say one word the entire four hours. Well, I'm sure he has issues, but at this point, I give up. If he wants to interact, ok, if not, ok. The difference in my DH and yours is this is something new for him where mine has pretty much always been this way. I just wanted you to know that I understand your feelings. It can be VERY frustrating.

Re: Grumpy old men

Free2be — Thu, 02 Apr 2015 16:40:34 GMT

Ask him what is on his mind. If he say's "eating this meal", take that and run with it. If the topic can't hang on that for awhile, offer what is on your mind (other than him not being talkative), ask for his opinion.

Keep it light and as interesting as possible. It might take a little cajoling but as long as his opinion feels welcomed and that he won't be corrected, he might join in.

Don't give up. Maybe there's more on his mind than he's been willing to share?

Re: Grumpy old men

4Kicks — Thu, 02 Apr 2015 16:42:25 GMT

Well, I SO feel for you. My DH was always a fairly conversant person. Maybe he is about the same age as yours? Just turned 73. Anyway, I have suspected some sort of something for a while, but who knows, maybe just getting older. I am quite a bit younger, more than ten years.

Anyway, just an example for you. I will try to come up with something that we can both talk about which maybe he will be interested in (other than his BIG interest, sports) and tell him. All I will generally get back is "OK." When I feel the average response would be, "Oh, that is really nice, how did that happen?" or "Wow, what an interesting thing for her to say." or just SOMETHING.

This is generally all I get when I want to talk about anything. I have pretty much given up, and we have the news on during meal times, either local news or CNN. He even becomes totally mesmerized by the ads. I just think about other things. And start loading the dishwasher when I am through, which is usually well before he is through eating as he is a big eater.

He does go work out and do a lot of physical things during the day, but other than that, he is on his Ipad, looking at, of course, SPORTS. Sound familiar???

Re: Grumpy old men

LilacTree — Thu, 02 Apr 2015 16:46:41 GMT

I don't know how married women do it. I would just have to say something like, "Oh you wanted me to cook dinner?" I didn't know because you didn't say anything about being hungry."

Re: Grumpy old men

4Kicks — Thu, 02 Apr 2015 16:54:02 GMT

Ford, it is NOT easy.

If I am not up and cooking dinner by 5:00 or have something in the oven or crockpot, he will certainly either come in the door from somewhere or ask what we are having for dinner, or do you want me to set the table, or do you want to go out, or something. He cannot cook. He does get his own lunch and heats up soup in the microwave, sort of, so I am only responsible for making dinner, thankfully. I always cook enough for two or three meals, so only have to make a salad some days.

Of course, there are tradeoffs. and we all make choices.

BTW, how is the new place working out?? I so hope it is going well!!!!

Re: Grumpy old men

LilacTree — Thu, 02 Apr 2015 16:57:14 GMT

On 4/2/2015 4KICKS said:
Ford, it is NOT easy.

If I am not up and cooking dinner by 5:00 or have something in the oven or crockpot, he will certainly either come in the door from somewhere or ask what we are having for dinner, or do you want me to set the table, or do you want to go out, or something. He cannot cook. He does get his own lunch and heats up soup in the microwave, sort of, so I am only responsible for making dinner, thankfully. I always cook enough for two or three meals, so only have to make a salad some days.

Of course, there are tradeoffs. and we all make choices.

BTW, how is the new place working out?? I so hope it is going well!!!!

Slowly getting unpacked. We're both physically challenged, so it will take some time. But we love it here.

Re: Grumpy old men

Puzzle Piece — Thu, 02 Apr 2015 16:58:54 GMT

Maybe he needs a complete physical. Could be hormonal.

Re: Grumpy old men

petepetey — Thu, 02 Apr 2015 17:04:16 GMT

Well, it's good to hear from those that remind me I'm not alone on this subject.

Yes, a physical would be a great idea but that is another topic-how to get your man to go to the doctor.

My DD is 17 and soon heading off to college so it will be just the 2 of us. Seriously I think i will just take my plate and sit at the counter and watch TV if this is the way it's going to be. He still works and hates his job so perhaps his moods come from that. However, he's home and I'm supportive and nice to him so he shouldn't take it out on me.

Thanks for the input!

Re: Grumpy old men

Free2be — Thu, 02 Apr 2015 17:09:18 GMT

Maybe being retired from a work life that absorbed 90% of most of their thoughts, being retired leaves a void that sports floods into and they don't know how to fix it or even realize what has happened.

I guess it shows how important it is to stay up on a variety of happenings and avoid living in our own heads which is true even if living single.

Re: Grumpy old men

Free2be — Thu, 02 Apr 2015 17:12:11 GMT

Oh, Petey, I just read that your DH still works. So much for my idea. I hope he can realize that you can be good company if he can open up a little.

Re: Grumpy old men

hckynut — Thu, 02 Apr 2015 17:49:45 GMT

My wife's problem with this old man. Usually talking too much. Age has nothing to do with males talking too little or too much. "A Male"? Yes. "Males"? No. It is as individual as DNA, if "he" won't talk with a professional? The ones noticing his change might be helped by doing so. AGE per se', has nothing to do with a physically and mentally healthy male or female talking or not talking. I may fit the "old man" part, but not the "grumpy'.

Re: Grumpy old men

DoneTryin — Thu, 02 Apr 2015 18:31:19 GMT

Is this something new, or has he never wanted to converse over dinner? If it's something new, then you might try to persuade him to get a physical. You didn't mention his age, & I hate bringing this up, but is it possible that it's early onset Alzheimer's?

Re: Grumpy old men

Lucky Charm — Thu, 02 Apr 2015 18:34:56 GMT

I feel bad you say he hates his job. Do you work? A job i loved for almost 16 years turned into a nightmare and it was at the dinner table that i would fall apart. (Tears) Men don't do that. I rarely cry but this was so upsetting...it's just how it happened. I quit my job...is there any possibility he could quit?

Re: Grumpy old men

occasionalrain — Thu, 02 Apr 2015 18:48:27 GMT

Not everyone wants to talk while they eat, some want to just enjoy their food. Leave him alone to enjoy his dinner as he wishes and carry on a conversation with your daughter.

Re: Grumpy old men

YorkieonmyPillow — Thu, 02 Apr 2015 18:52:07 GMT

I agree, OC, perhaps he feels pressured to "perform" at the dinner table. When you have a lousy job, you want to come home, unwind, and do what you want to do.....

Re: Grumpy old men

4Kicks — Thu, 02 Apr 2015 19:07:02 GMT

On 4/2/2015 hckynut said:
My wife's problem with this old man. Usually talking too much. Age has nothing to do with males talking too little or too much. "A Male"? Yes. "Males"? No. It is as individual as DNA, if "he" won't talk with a professional? The ones noticing his change might be helped by doing so. AGE per se', has nothing to do with a physically and mentally healthy male or female talking or not talking. I may fit the "old man" part, but not the "grumpy'.

Hckynut, much as I like you, I do believe you are one of the exceptions that prove the rule. I have known a few (and very, very few) men like you in my long life.

By and large I have found men to be rather non-communicative when it comes to women.

Re: Grumpy old men

Azcowgirl — Thu, 02 Apr 2015 19:56:31 GMT

You are not alone. My DH is a sports nut too, and if there is a TV screen with a sports channel on, and so many restaurants have them everywhere now, I can be certain that he will be glued to it, for the duration of the meal.

Re: Grumpy old men

Kalli — Thu, 02 Apr 2015 20:01:01 GMT

I come from a large family and married into a large family. There are all types of personalities across the board. I have a very talkative brother, 2 who are medium talkers and 1 who's fairly quiet, and I have a very dramatic sis. DH's family is similar. Takes all kinds....

My DH is hyperactive. I find he's happiest when he's had the chance to run off his energy which usually involves playing some type of sport. I can get a deeper conversation from him after he's run off his extra energy and can actually sit still long enough to converse! To that end, I always get him a golf membership for Christmas. And I'm hoping his tennis friends will be playing lots of doubles this summer.