topic Re: My DH Handed in Wedding List without My Input in Community Chat

My DH Handed in Wedding List without My Input

perryp — Sat, 14 Mar 2015 13:23:45 GMT

I need feedback. My son gave us a form for who we'd like to invite to his wedding. I have no family and DH has a big family.

We stared to talk it over & he didn't like my thought to not include some of the people we never contact except at funerals & wedding and really have no relationship with.

Yesterday I asked if we could go over the list & he told me he already did it and gave it to my son.

Now I'm upset...help me get some perspective please.

Re: My DH Handed in Wedding List without My Input

faeriemoon — Sat, 14 Mar 2015 13:27:10 GMT

I don't blame you for being upset. I would be too.

Re: My DH Handed in Wedding List without My Input

ID2 — Sat, 14 Mar 2015 13:27:39 GMT

Ask your son if you can see the list. Take off the names of those you don't want coming to the wedding. Your dh doesn't have to know now does he.

Re: My DH Handed in Wedding List without My Input

missy1 — Sat, 14 Mar 2015 13:48:45 GMT

He was rude. Ask for the list.

Re: My DH Handed in Wedding List without My Input

perryp — Sat, 14 Mar 2015 13:50:50 GMT

Thanks I was barely speaking to him yesterday and don't want to carry this negativity all week end.

Re: My DH Handed in Wedding List without My Input

Preds — Sat, 14 Mar 2015 13:54:02 GMT

The negativity will go away when you get to whittle down his list.

Re: My DH Handed in Wedding List without My Input

perryp — Sat, 14 Mar 2015 14:28:08 GMT

On 3/14/2015 Preds said:
The negativity will go away when you get to whittle down his list.

Hi Preds-great point I think that's right. Thanks!

Re: My DH Handed in Wedding List without My Input

betteb — Sat, 14 Mar 2015 14:32:07 GMT

On 3/14/2015 ID2 said:
Ask your son if you can see the list. Take off the names of those you don't want coming to the wedding. Your dh doesn't have to know now does he.

This

Disclaimer-I'm a big believer in honesty in a relationship, but in this case, I think what he doesn't know wont hurt him.

Re: My DH Handed in Wedding List without My Input

adelle38 — Sat, 14 Mar 2015 14:32:09 GMT

I agree with you that your husband was inconsiderate but it may be his family tradition to invite all relatives to weddings. Unless you son and his fiance have a problem with it, let it go.

Re: My DH Handed in Wedding List without My Input

CardinalGirl — Sat, 14 Mar 2015 14:35:54 GMT

Did your husband include everyone from YOUR side that you wanted to invite? If so, then you need to let it go. Why should you get to mark off family/friends that your husband would like to have at the wedding?

Re: My DH Handed in Wedding List without My Input

perryp — Sat, 14 Mar 2015 14:50:12 GMT

On 3/14/2015 CardinalGirl said: Did your husband include everyone from YOUR side that you wanted to invite? If so, then you need to let it go. Why should you get to mark off family/friends that your husband would like to have at the wedding?

It was the agreement we had to go over the list together and his unilateral decision to not do so & then give it to my son.

Re: My DH Handed in Wedding List without My Input

Snowpuppy — Sat, 14 Mar 2015 14:55:42 GMT

An invitation doesn't mean they're going to show. Esp if you rarely have contact with them.

I get invitations for weddings from people I haven't heard from in years. It's the "please don't come, just send a gift" invite. Most I just ignore. Some I send a gift and regrets.

Re: My DH Handed in Wedding List without My Input

Danky — Sat, 14 Mar 2015 15:07:54 GMT

I would make a list of the people that I want there and then say "Honey--- did you remember to include ____________?" If he says yes, I would say "Great" and let it go. If not, call your son ASAP......A little side note..I read the marital predicaments that are posted here and I wonder if we are talking about teenage spouses. So childish and petty much of the time.

Re: My DH Handed in Wedding List without My Input

qualitygal — Sat, 14 Mar 2015 15:16:32 GMT

Go to your sons, explain what happened, ask to see the list, put in what you need/feel you want to.

Re: My DH Handed in Wedding List without My Input

melfie — Sat, 14 Mar 2015 15:22:09 GMT

Is everyone you wanted to invite on that list? If yes then drop it. Unless your son said there's a guest limit your DH should be able to invite who he wants to. This is also his son too isn't it? For you to tell him who he shouldn't invite (from your post it sounds like some of his relatives) is just as inconsiderate as him handing your son a list of approved guests before you see it. JMO.

Re: My DH Handed in Wedding List without My Input

Marienkaefer2 — Sat, 14 Mar 2015 15:28:26 GMT

Why.not ask.him why he sent it in without reviewing it with you? Open the conversation and tell him what's on your mind about it. Eta: I do think it's odd that he took charge of sending it to your son without consulting you. I'd think.It's the type of thing he'd want to take care of together, if not let you handle it, as mine would! jmo.

Re: My DH Handed in Wedding List without My Input

Moonchilde — Sat, 14 Mar 2015 15:53:01 GMT

My thoughts on your husband's possible thoughts:

If it's an 'all family gets invited to everything' tradition with his family, he's covered. He won't have to worry about 'Why didn't *I* (or so-and-so) get an invite?' behind your backs or trouble with his family about your decision to cut people.

Wedding invitations are not just about who you feel closest to, they are about wedding gifts for the newlyweds. Maybe your husband knows that these people are unlikely to come (which will be fine with you, so no problem) but it just might get your son a couple more wedding gifts. Just because you might want to exclude this possibility doesn't mean your son would want to turn them down.

It's not like wedding invitations are warm & fuzzy and indicate how much *you* don't regard the people you want to exclude. Invitations are for the bride and bridegroom, not the parents.

Re: My DH Handed in Wedding List without My Input

KathyPet — Sat, 14 Mar 2015 15:57:41 GMT

What did you say to,him when he said he had completed the list and handed it in? That was the time to,speak up and say that you thought you were going to,decide together on the list. Going back now and bringing it up will accomplish nothing. I would ask to,see the list to ensure that any friends you wanted are on it but otherwise as long as the number of invitees did not exceed the number of guests you were allowed to invite and as long as you are not paying for these people I don't see a problem.

Re: My DH Handed in Wedding List without My Input

perryp — Sat, 14 Mar 2015 15:58:18 GMT

On 3/14/2015 melfie said:
Is everyone you wanted to invite on that list? If yes then drop it. Unless your son said there's a guest limit your DH should be able to invite who he wants to. This is also his son too isn't it? For you to tell him who he shouldn't invite (from your post it sounds like some of his relatives) is just as inconsiderate as him handing your son a list of approved guests before you see it. JMO.

It was about going over the list as my son & his fiancé are very limited in their budget and my hsb & I agreed to take a good look at the list together. I never told him who could not come.

I have no family (of origin). My hsb started this conversation originally saying he wanted us both to be part of the list making. Sorry if I wasn't clear about this.

Re: My DH Handed in Wedding List without My Input

Tinkrbl44 — Sat, 14 Mar 2015 16:30:06 GMT

On 3/14/2015 perryp said:
I need feedback. My son gave us a form for who we'd like to invite to his wedding. I have no family and DH has a big family.

We stared to talk it over & he didn't like my thought to not include some of the people we never contact except at funerals & wedding and really have no relationship with.

Yesterday I asked if we could go over the list & he told me he already did it and gave it to my son.

Now I'm upset...help me get some perspective please.

Well, you should be upset ..... why doesn't he consider your input valuable? This could be a huge red flag, after taking into consideration other behavior.

Does he do things like this from time to time? If so, you may have an even bigger problem here.