topic Re: Am I being too sensitive? in Community Chat

Am I being too sensitive?

Ditzydori — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 06:06:00 GMT

We own a condo in Florida, which we just bought about 6 months ago. I am retiring in 3 months and then I'm free to go down. In the meantime, my husband, who is already retired, just left today to go down and enjoy. I, however, had to stay home to go to work. I will meet him down there the Easter week. I would not have told him not to go. the fact that he wanted to go and did not care that I had to stay behind to work didn't bother him in the least, and that fact was enough to hurt me deeply. So I would have not "forced" him to stay until I could go. Hubby always was a "me me" person and I have gone along with that for 40 years. Now in my 60s it bothers me. What do you think? Am I being too sensitive or should I just s**k it up? (we will come back together after Easter.)

Re: Am I being too sensitive?

traveler — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 06:31:40 GMT

Sorry, I can't relate. DH was in military for 24years and often lived someplace else. Then the last 6 years he lived alone in Alaska for 6 months while I returned to Michigan every summer. And you just have to wait 3 months?

Re: Am I being too sensitive?

redhead handbag queen — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 06:34:12 GMT

On 3/12/2015 traveler said:
Sorry, I can't relate. DH was in military for 24years and often lived someplace else. Then the last 6 years he lived alone in Alaska for 6 months while I returned to Michigan every summer. And you just have to wait 3 months?

I might be wrong but I don't think it has to do with how long, it has more to do with his attitude about it.

Re: Am I being too sensitive?

NoelSeven — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 06:38:53 GMT

Did you tell him how you felt about his decision to leave you behind for three months?

Re: Am I being too sensitive?

LucyGoose — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 06:48:49 GMT

No, OP. I don't think you're being too sensitive. It sounds like he doesn't even miss you, or want you, where's the passion? That's how I would feel if my husband went on down to the condo and couldn't even wait a month so I could go with him. That would hurt my feelings, too. I'd ask him if he had a problem with me.

Re: Am I being too sensitive?

SleeplessinSD — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 07:03:32 GMT

I only think you are because as you say, you've been married 40 years and he's always been this way...a "me" person, He hasn't changed, you have. Easter is just a couple weeks away. It's too bad he couldn't wait for you to go together, but try and s**k it up. A condo in Florida sounds wonderful. In three months, this won't be an issue!

Re: Am I being too sensitive?

Shorty2U — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 07:06:49 GMT

No you're not being too sensitive.

Re: Am I being too sensitive?

Ditzydori — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 07:10:53 GMT

Thanks ladies. As you can see, it's 2:11 am and I'm still awake. I have to get up in 5 hours but I'm upset. Oh well, tomorrow is a new day. I better close my eyes now. Good nite.

Re: Am I being too sensitive?

NoelSeven — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 07:15:35 GMT

Dori, often we want men to be mind readers, to understand how we feel about things. But they don't know unless we tell them. You say he's always been about himself. It might be a good idea if you open up to him and tell him how you feel and what's going on with you and what your needs and wants are.

Re: Am I being too sensitive?

Lakk — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 08:18:29 GMT

If he's been "me me" for 40 years and your still there, I'd let it slide.

Re: Am I being too sensitive?

hckynut — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 08:45:51 GMT

You have gone along with it for 40 years and you think this is going to change now? well, unless your husband is different than most of the man I have met over many years and decades the chances of something changing after 40 years is slim to none.

Re: Am I being too sensitive?

esmeraldagooch — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 09:07:46 GMT

Sorry, I think you're making too much over this. I am left behind states away often for long periods of time. Right now I am in GA and DH is living in CA. If you're moving soon it will be over soon and you do have a choice when to go also.

Re: Am I being too sensitive?

ID2 — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 10:47:57 GMT

I'm in my 60's, been married for 38 years, I tend to let things slide now. Years ago I would get all upset over silly things, but now? Not so much anymore. Why on earth can't he go down to your condo to enjoy it too? You must have known this probably would happen when you bought it 6 months ago. Let it go, let him enjoy his time alone, and don't ruin your time in your wonderful new place. Enjoy!

Re: Am I being too sensitive?

AngelPuppy1 — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 11:08:10 GMT

I think you have a right to feel bad about this. If this were a new type of behavior for him, then I would be really upset and concerned. But, since you say he's always been pretty much this way, and from the sounds of it, very much self-centered and a kind of "me first" person, then I would not read anything more into it. However, I don't blame you for being hurt.

The fact that you are retiring and getting to move into a new place in Florida is exciting and you should be getting to feel happy. He is stealing your happiness --- don't let him do that! Focus on you!!! He seems to focus on himself, so you need to focus more on YOU!!!

The next time something comes up, you must make sure you state how you feel and what you would like him to do. If you do not say how you are feeling, you cannot expect him to just know. It doesn't mean that after you do say how you feel that he will just all of a sudden jump on board. But at least you will have your say and I think even that will make you feel a little better.

As others here have said, he has been this way throughout your married life, so it is very doubtful that he is going to have a serious personality change at this point.

I hope you really enjoy your new life in Florida!

Re: Am I being too sensitive?

JuJu Squeezie — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 11:16:24 GMT

The ""Bunny"" may bring him a rotten Easter egg.

Re: Am I being too sensitive?

Penellope — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 11:49:22 GMT

On 3/12/2015 LucyGoose said:
No, OP. I don't think you're being too sensitive. It sounds like he doesn't even miss you, or want you, where's the passion? That's how I would feel if my husband went on down to the condo and couldn't even wait a month so I could go with him. That would hurt my feelings, too. I'd ask him if he had a problem with me.

I think she should TELL him she has a problem with HIM.

Re: Am I being too sensitive?

Pook — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 11:50:09 GMT

I don't think you are being overly sensitive. I do admire you for not making a big deal out of it because even if you had told him, he most likely would have resented you if he felt he had to stay to appease you. It would be interesting to know how he would react if you were the one not having to work and went down without him! I would just let it go and enjoy my time alone. It's good to get some alone time in any relationship.

Re: Am I being too sensitive?

evelomaddict — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 12:10:11 GMT

did he at least leave a not? nope, not being overly sensitive at all.

Re: Am I being too sensitive?

Penellope — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 12:12:47 GMT

Sounds like you've had to appease him for 40 years. It should be his turn. That's the give and take of a marriage. You should say, "I know you have run the show and have done things your way for 40 years, but this time it's not ok. We are married and we live together, not apart."

Re: Am I being too sensitive?

Krimpette — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 12:16:37 GMT

What did he say when you told him how upset his decision made you?