topic Re: Touchy Subject in Community Chat

Touchy Subject

Thrive — Sun, 08 Mar 2015 16:46:22 GMT

Just about each time I go to the beauty salon the stylist brings up a subject of personal loss that is still hard for me to cope with. She even goes to great lengths to say it loudly enough for others to hear the conversation. It opens fresh wounds for me. I really have no idea why she finds the need to do this. Each time I go I hope she doesn't bring it up. She is typically the only stylist there. Therefore, I can't choose another one and I don't know whether it would make a difference anyway. I don't want to say that I don't want to talk about it because it gives too much of my business away in terms of how I feel. I need a way of conveying my feelings without being personal. What can I do?

Re: Touchy Subject

terrier3 — Sun, 08 Mar 2015 16:49:08 GMT

I would FIRMLY say "We have talked about this before, and I don't want to talk about it again. I'm moving forward...won't you too?"

Then YOU change the subject....be prepared with something to discuss - like Kim K's new blonde hairstyle...something totally off the subject.

Re: Touchy Subject

Suziepeach — Sun, 08 Mar 2015 16:56:41 GMT

Politely let her know you don't want her to mention it again. You're the customer and she should respect your personal business. It should only take once of your telling her, if not, I'd find another stylist. Or just flat out say, "I don't want to talk about it!"

Re: Touchy Subject

circles — Sun, 08 Mar 2015 17:03:14 GMT

That you let her continue to make you uncomfortable for so long amazes me....I would have nipped that in the bud right away...and if that didn't work...I would find another salon to go to.....learn to speak up for yourself....

Re: Touchy Subject

hennypenny — Sun, 08 Mar 2015 17:05:11 GMT

It may be totally innocent on her part. She may want to be friendly and chat with you and this may be the only thing she knows about you. Give her a few other topics or tidbits so she can associate another subject with you next time. A gentle steering may be all she needs.-------If she is just a nosey gossip there is no cure.

Re: Touchy Subject

Thrive — Sun, 08 Mar 2015 17:10:10 GMT

Wow, all of you gave me such great tips. I will certainly put them to use. The point of speaking up for myself is well taken. Thanks again ladies!

Re: Touchy Subject

TaxyLady — Sun, 08 Mar 2015 17:48:48 GMT

I would say ""Could we change the subject. I don't want to dwell on the negative today""

Re: Touchy Subject

croemer — Sun, 08 Mar 2015 18:07:04 GMT

I would be furious and find another salon but if that is not an option for some reason:

I would in no uncertain terms tell her it has been discussed and I will not discuss it again. I would also tell her if she mentions it again...ever...we are done.

Is there a reason you are tolerating her?

Re: Touchy Subject

croemer — Sun, 08 Mar 2015 18:10:12 GMT

On 3/8/2015 hennypenny said:
It may be totally innocent on her part. She may want to be friendly and chat with you and this may be the only thing she knows about you. Give her a few other topics or tidbits so she can associate another subject with you next time. A gentle steering may be all she needs.-------If she is just a nosey gossip there is no cure.

Well said. I too wonder if she not trying to have a subject to discuss but how clueless she must be to not realize how hurtful the subject is?

Re: Touchy Subject

TaxyLady — Sun, 08 Mar 2015 18:12:42 GMT

You don't have to be nasty to her like some may have. We are supposed to love each other regardless of our faults. When you say something in love it will come out ok and not offend her.

Re: Touchy Subject

Gooday — Sun, 08 Mar 2015 18:28:46 GMT

If she started in, I would politely say, "Not today ____________. I'm am not up to speaking about this right now. How is your day going?" DIVERT!!!! Make it about HER.

Re: Touchy Subject

YorkieonmyPillow — Sun, 08 Mar 2015 18:29:41 GMT

That is strange. I wonder why she does this...

Re: Touchy Subject

croemer — Sun, 08 Mar 2015 18:33:15 GMT

Do you think she is not aware of the pain it causes for some reason?

Re: Touchy Subject

DarkShadowsGirl — Sun, 08 Mar 2015 18:36:53 GMT

I would mention it to her when scheduling your next appointment. "Oh, by the way, I really prefer not talking about...", just to keep the topic private from all the other people in the salon.

Re: Touchy Subject

issiestorm — Sun, 08 Mar 2015 19:04:42 GMT

I find it difficult to imagine that you don't just simply put a kabosh on it, in no uncertain terms. I would have done that a long time ago. Your statement that you don't want to say you don't want to talk about it 'because it gives too much of your business away in terms of how you feel' makes no sense to me, nor does your needing to convey your feelings without being personal. I would flat out tell her that the subject is off limits, period.

Re: Touchy Subject

AnikaBrodie — Sun, 08 Mar 2015 19:16:26 GMT

She may be an empathetic person and feels the need to discuss your situation each time you visit. Just tell her you appreciate her support but want to move on. I think she'll get the message.

Re: Touchy Subject

Thrive — Sun, 08 Mar 2015 19:18:15 GMT

You are right that I need to put a stop to it. I don't understand it. I also don't understand why her voice goes up when she speaks about it. It 's as though she wants others to hear what is being said. It's all really strange.

Re: Touchy Subject

foundinlv — Sun, 08 Mar 2015 19:22:50 GMT

If she has a pair of scissors in her hand I wouldn't want to make her mad. I've had my share of bad hair cuts during the best of circumstances.

Re: Touchy Subject

irishmama5 — Sun, 08 Mar 2015 19:30:29 GMT

She is a stylist as my Mom would say she is Making Small Talk. JMO, she means no harm and is not trying to hurt you. So when you go next time You ask 1st So how are you doing? If she brings the conversation back to anything you don't want to discuss why cant you nicely say I really don't want to discuss that. And change the topic.

Re: Touchy Subject

Plaid Pants — Sun, 08 Mar 2015 19:37:52 GMT

Why women are scared of their stylists, I'll never understand.

Afraid to speak up for themselves, when it comes to a bad hair cut, or this.

You don't have to be rude or nasty, but just take her a side, and say, "That is a painful topic for me, and I'd rather not talk about it."

If she asks why, repeat the sentence. "That is a painful topic for me, and I'd rather not talk about it."

You don't have to go in to any details.

If she is a professional, she will accept that, and won't take "revenge" on your hair. After all, that would not serve her any purpose, other than to make herself look bad.

There!

Done!

Easy-peasy, lemon squeasy!