topic Re: Cash Wedding Gift in Community Chat

Cash Wedding Gift

Tabbycat — Thu, 05 Mar 2015 18:57:32 GMT

We received a wedding invitation from someone we hardly know.

DH works with her father. I met her once, briefly. Most likely our paths will never cross again.

But my point is, she did send us an invitation and I would like to send them a card with something. I don't want to be cheap, but at the same time, not go overboard. We will not be attending the wedding.

I would appreciate any thoughts on how much for a cash wedding gift these days.

TIA -- Tabby

Re: Cash Wedding Gift

VioletEyes — Thu, 05 Mar 2015 19:00:43 GMT

If your husband works with her father and I was not attending the wedding, I would send a minimum of $100.00.

Re: Cash Wedding Gift

BellaPaprika — Thu, 05 Mar 2015 19:23:22 GMT

If you're not attending and you and DH are not close with the family, $50 is appropriate.

Re: Cash Wedding Gift

RedHeadedWench — Thu, 05 Mar 2015 19:29:37 GMT

I wouldn't send them more than $50 in either cash or a gift card. Find out where she is registered.

Frankly, sounds like a gift invite to me.

Re: Cash Wedding Gift

BellaPaprika — Thu, 05 Mar 2015 19:31:10 GMT

On 3/5/2015 RedHeadedWench said:
I wouldn't send them more than $50 in either cash or a gift card. Find out where she is registered.

Frankly, sounds like a gift invite to me.

ITA.

Re: Cash Wedding Gift

KathyPet — Thu, 05 Mar 2015 19:31:54 GMT

$50.00 is sufficient IMHO.

Re: Cash Wedding Gift

Cranberries — Thu, 05 Mar 2015 19:33:15 GMT

I'd probably give $25. Seems sufficient for 'knowing' the couple.

Re: Cash Wedding Gift

ivanatrump — Thu, 05 Mar 2015 19:35:13 GMT

Whether or not you attend the wedding should not affect the amount you spend or give as a wedding gift.

Give or spend what you can afford.

In our area $50 would be a frugal amount.

Re: Cash Wedding Gift

BellaPaprika — Thu, 05 Mar 2015 19:37:21 GMT

On 3/5/2015 ivanatrump said:
Whether or not you attend the wedding should not affect the amount you spend or give as a wedding gift.

Give or spend what you can afford.

In our area $50 would be a frugal amount.

Really? Here in the Northeast it would be quite acceptable for someone you don't socialize with. But, of course, perhaps not if you're one of the Trumps.

Re: Cash Wedding Gift

faeriemoon — Thu, 05 Mar 2015 19:40:18 GMT

I think wedding gift dollar amounts vary around the country. Here in CT, I don't think you could get away with less than $100 as a non-attendee.

(I disagree with the poster who said it doesn't matter if you are going or not. You can difinitely give less if you aren't attending.)

BTW, it does sound like a "gift invitation." However, there is no graceful (or cheap) way out of that.

Re: Cash Wedding Gift

ivanatrump — Thu, 05 Mar 2015 19:43:00 GMT

On 3/5/2015 BlueCollarBabe said:
On 3/5/2015 ivanatrump said:
Whether or not you attend the wedding should not affect the amount you spend or give as a wedding gift.

Give or spend what you can afford.

In our area $50 would be a frugal amount.

Really? Here in the Northeast it would be quite acceptable for someone you don't socialize with. But, of course, perhaps not if you're one of the Trumps.

Our names not withstanding, I too live in the Northeast and it's tough to get away with $50 for a shower gift.

Whether you socialize with the couple or not, they thought enough of you to invite you to their special day. The bride's father must feel your husband is a close friend.

I did say give or spend what you can afford.

Re: Cash Wedding Gift

BellaPaprika — Thu, 05 Mar 2015 19:45:24 GMT

On 3/5/2015 faeriemoon said:
I think wedding gift dollar amounts vary around the country. Here in CT, I don't think you could get away with less than $100 as a non-attendee.

(I disagree with the poster who said it doesn't matter if you are going or not. You can difinitely give less if you aren't attending.)

BTW, it does sound like a "gift invitation." However, there is no graceful (or cheap) way out of that.

By rights, it is not considered necessary or appropriate to expect guests to "cover the meal" as they say. That was never proper etiquette. Sounds as if it started with a really cheap father of the bride! Whether we attend or not, it's $50 for a stranger as in this case (and we would not attend), $100 for casual friends, $200 for close friends and family. And we're in NYC.

Re: Cash Wedding Gift

hennypenny — Thu, 05 Mar 2015 19:45:26 GMT

A lovely small gift for the home. Maybe something from Gumps. Or Williams Sonoma.

Re: Cash Wedding Gift

BellaPaprika — Thu, 05 Mar 2015 19:52:56 GMT

On 3/5/2015 ivanatrump said:
On 3/5/2015 BlueCollarBabe said:
On 3/5/2015 ivanatrump said:
Whether or not you attend the wedding should not affect the amount you spend or give as a wedding gift.

Give or spend what you can afford.

In our area $50 would be a frugal amount.

Really? Here in the Northeast it would be quite acceptable for someone you don't socialize with. But, of course, perhaps not if you're one of the Trumps.

Our names not withstanding, I too live in the Northeast and it's tough to get away with $50 for a shower gift.

Whether you socialize with the couple or not, they thought enough of you to invite you to their special day. The bride's father must feel your husband is a close friend.

I did say give or spend what you can afford.

We do consider ourselves frugal. I am proud of that. I must say that being invited to a wedding in no way indicates what the family thinks of you. The OP indicates she barely knows them. Inviting people your Dad works with is definitely a gift grab.

Re: Cash Wedding Gift

bluejeansluvr — Thu, 05 Mar 2015 19:56:48 GMT

This reminds me of a wedding invitation DH and I received years ago. It was from a cousin of his, the daughter of one of his aunts that lived in another state. When this aunt and uncle divorced (when my Dh was a child), a few of the children stayed to live with his aunt, but this daughter (DH's cousin) went to live with her father. Well Dh did not see this cousin for many years after that, perhaps once, he said. I have been married to him for decades and I have never even met her and didn't know who it was when we got the invitation. So we got this wedding invitation from her when she was getting married. I asked DH if he'd like to go and he said no, I barely remember her and we were never close, and he said he only remembered actually seeing her a few times as a kid. He didn't even know where she was living or anything about her. I asked him if he felt like $50 was ok to send and a card he said yes that's fine. I sent the money and a card but I felt resentful about it-- like she was just wanting a gift.

I would think however since your husband worked with this womans' father, I'd probably send what you can, at the very least $50 and probably $100 if you can do it.

As someone else said, I don't know how you get out of things like this without looking cheap or really frugal. I hate being in situations like this and typically give a gift not really wanting to and give the minimum I can get away with. I feel like these type of people just take advantage of others.

Re: Cash Wedding Gift

Tabbycat — Thu, 05 Mar 2015 20:05:54 GMT

We live in North Carolina. I, too, felt it was a gift invitation.

DH and the father of the bride are only casual friends at work. But this is her "big day".

It's interesting to find out what's appropriate for different areas of the country.

YIKES -- $100 minimum --- sorry, that won't happen. No offense intended.

Glad I don't live in the Northeast.

You guys always have great ideas!

Re: Cash Wedding Gift

vermint — Thu, 05 Mar 2015 20:16:58 GMT

I'm gonna get slammed for this...but I'd send regrets and nothing more. The men are casual work friends only, there doesn't appear to be any outside socializing--and I'll bet that the father of the bride will have no idea who sends what!

I've started tossing "gift grab" invitations in the trash...cousin's kids who wouldn't know me if we were face to face (haven't seen the cousins in forever, either) are a good example. I get at least one or two of these a year. If there's an RSVP, I do attend to that.

OP, if you feel you must send something...I live in South Carolina, and feel $25-$50 would be more than enough, since you don't really know these people (and I would lean towards the $25!)

Re: Cash Wedding Gift

muttmom — Thu, 05 Mar 2015 20:17:05 GMT

I just saw the OP's comment that her husband and the FOB are only casual friends.

In this case, I'd send something off her gift registry.

We were married in 1973 and $50 was a standard gift.

Re: Cash Wedding Gift

VanSleepy — Thu, 05 Mar 2015 20:23:28 GMT

I really don't think of wedding invitations as a gift grab. With the cost of weddings, I don't think couples are inviting people that they really don't want there. Or, in this case, the father of the bride wanted to include you.

Re: Cash Wedding Gift

occasionalrain — Thu, 05 Mar 2015 20:26:07 GMT

An invitation is not a bill, you don't owe them a gift unless you accept the invitation. Unless the father of the bride is your husband's boss or could be in the future, I would send regrets and nothing more.