topic Re: Feeling used in Community Chat

Feeling used

reiki604 — Tue, 17 Feb 2015 15:46:47 GMT

Sometimes I feel like I have the words use me tattooed on my forehead. I have a neighbor who I am friendly with and is older than I am. We sometimes call each other to make sure the other is ok if we haven't seen each other for a while. So last night I called her to check on her and see if she needed anything because of the snow expected today. She told me her car wasn't working and she needed to get to party city for Mardi Gras beads and hats for a party she's having today. I wasn't invited to this party. When I got up this morning, there was a lot more snow than I thought there would be and it means shoveling my walk and cleaning the car. I feel like a jerk but I am debating on calling her to cancel. Part of me feels like I'm being used but the other part says I should live up to my word regardless.

Re: Feeling used

circles — Tue, 17 Feb 2015 16:46:00 GMT

doesn't she have any kind of road service who can get her car started...I don't go out in snow...and certainly not for a trip to party city...

Re: Feeling used

Still Raining — Tue, 17 Feb 2015 16:51:18 GMT

If you have to ask, then you know the answer.

Re: Feeling used

151949 — Tue, 17 Feb 2015 17:07:56 GMT

I would not go out in dangerous snow and ice for party hats and mardi gras beads for sure. She could have one of her guests bring them since they will be out anyway - driving to her house for the party.

Since her car isn't running that should be more of a concern for her than hats and beads.

Re: Feeling used

qualitygal — Tue, 17 Feb 2015 17:45:16 GMT

Plus, how many of them will probably call and cancel and no party in the end??

Re: Feeling used

circles — Tue, 17 Feb 2015 18:31:16 GMT

may I share a saying a friend of mine use to say to me....

""we teach people how to treat us"".....

if you are feeling used...then you must be...put a stop to it....you will feel much better...

good suggestion from happy housewife....tell her to ask one of the party guests to get the beads....

Re: Feeling used

goodstuff — Tue, 17 Feb 2015 19:05:29 GMT

If you're not comfortable driving in the snow, then don't! This is hardly a life-and-death errand of mercy. If your friend feels she must have her party supplies, she can find another way to get them, either by calling AAA to get her car started or by asking someone else to drive her. Maybe she can invite someone she is inviting to the party.

Re: Feeling used

ROMARY — Tue, 17 Feb 2015 19:13:16 GMT

Yes! Call her and say that you are 'snowed in' and ask her to ask one of her party guests to stop by party city and pick up the items. Good idea.

Re: Feeling used

reiki604 — Tue, 17 Feb 2015 21:09:52 GMT

Thank you for your replies....end result is she called and said she had enough cancellations so she had enough trinkets. I told her I was going to back out of driving her anyway. I need to learn to follow my own advice (and yours too!).

Re: Feeling used

hckynut — Tue, 17 Feb 2015 23:53:25 GMT

Same thing I always quote: ""A person can only take advantage of you if you allow it""!

Re: Feeling used

ROMARY — Wed, 18 Feb 2015 00:10:45 GMT

Next time (if someone calls you (also me) with a slightly troublesome (for you, me) request, just say: "I'll have to call you back, I'm just stepping out of the tub" (or I have another call waiting, etc.). Then, take a few minutes to think about the situation/request. That way, you (and I) will have an answer prepared. Now, I'll have to follow my own advice!!

Re: Feeling used

colliemom4 — Wed, 18 Feb 2015 00:44:32 GMT

On 2/17/2015 GoodStuff said:
If you're not comfortable driving in the snow, then don't! This is hardly a life-and-death errand of mercy. If your friend feels she must have her party supplies, she can find another way to get them, either by calling AAA to get her car started or by asking someone else to drive her. Maybe she can invite someone she is inviting to the party.

I agree!

Re: Feeling used

feline groovy — Wed, 18 Feb 2015 05:08:43 GMT

Re: Feeling used

SusyQ222a — Wed, 18 Feb 2015 05:23:03 GMT

Learn one two letter word ""no"" it's liberating. What nerve she has to ask you to drive her somewhere and not inviting you even if you wouldn't attend. It's good manners. I like what someone said in a post above ""you teach people how to treat you"". Very true.

Re: Feeling used

luvdoodles — Wed, 18 Feb 2015 13:26:38 GMT

Just tell her the truth, more snow than you expected and you are not comfortable driving in this weather for the safety of yourself and her. Don't feel guilty at all. You weren't even invited to the party. That should tell you something. She will find someone else to use. We have neighbors like this also but they have backed off a little after getting the hint.

Re: Feeling used

missy1 — Wed, 18 Feb 2015 13:51:57 GMT

Tell her the truth. You are not obligated. As far as the party it may be a co-worker, relative or social club party. Don't feel like you were left out.

Re: Feeling used

Financialgrl — Wed, 18 Feb 2015 15:12:00 GMT

I see the situation took care of itself - however; there's an easier way out next time (if there is a next time). When you called, you could have said, "hey, I'm planning to go to the grocery store tomorrow if the weather's not too bad and wondering if you need something". Then, the next day if the weather is such that you do not feel comfortable, call back and tell her you will not be going.

Also, I'd pick up a few things at a grocery store for someone but I'd not pick up party supplies for someone and I'd tell them that.

Re: Feeling used

reiki604 — Wed, 18 Feb 2015 15:57:39 GMT

Again I want to thank everyone for their responses. When I called this woman it was to ask her if she was ok and if she needed end anything. In my mind I meant food or medicine that I would go out to get for her. Never did I imagine that she would ask me to take her shopping for trivial things. I don't care that I wasn't invited to her party as it was with a different group of friends but I was really taken aback that she would do this. Thankfully it all worked out and I've learned that if I offer to help someone, I'll have to be specific in what I offer. Edited for spelling